accidental 09.5 - interview with an accidental

by Dakota Cassidy

  Published 2015

  978-1-62517-895-4

  Published by Book Boutiques. Copyright © 2015, Dakota Cassidy

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of Book Boutiques.

  This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents and dialogues in this book are of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is completely coincidental.

  Manufactured in the USA by Book Boutiques

  support@bookboutiques.com

  Author Note

  It’s been seven (seven!) years since the release of book one in my Accidentals series, dear readers, and now, on the cusp of releasing book ten (hold me!), I figured it was high time I put together something that would not only help new readers jump into the fray several books in, but also help me remember what I wrote way back when. (Hey, I ain’t gettin’ any younger, and my brain is stuffed full of makeup tips and reality TV trivia.)

  So I called up my pals Nina, Marty and Wanda, who schlepped all the way out to my home in Oregon—with a few other fan-fave characters in tow, for an Interview With an Accidental. During an intimate interview by moi, you can meet the ladies who have been mainstays in all of my Accidental books—if Nina lets anyone get a word in between all her, um…colorful commentary.

  Grab a cocktail and enjoy a gabfest with the girls, as well as a bonus chapter from my next book, Accidentally Aphrodite—for the low, low price of free! That’s right. FREE! Consider it my way of saying thanks for keeping me company on these crazy Accidental adventures. May you join me for many more!

  Blurb

  “Sweet Baby Jesus in booty shorts! Marty, Wanda, and Nina are back!” New York Times bestselling author, Robyn Peterman.

  National bestselling author of The Accidental Dragon, Dakota Cassidy is puttin’ on her tiara, sharpening her fav hot pink pen, and kicking her feet up on the desk to ask the hard questions. Get the inside scoop on all the hot, sexy cast members in this free, uproariously funny interview with the girls of her Accidental series. Find out who’s doing what to whom and more, as Dakota hosts the interview of the decade!

  Acknowledgements

  Editor: Kelli Collins

  Cover Art: Katie Wood

  Interview With an Accidental

  First, hello! I’m Dakota Cassidy, and since my first traditionally published book in 2008, I’ve written a series for a New York publisher titled The Accidentals. Think heroine or hero in every kind of accidental situation you could possibly find to turn a poor soul into one type of paranormal species or another (werewolf, vampire, demon, etc). In fact, I’ve written so many accidents, I was this close to writing the Accidental Iguana—no, I’m joking…

  Mostly.

  Then think The Accidental Fill in the Blank—or Accidentally Fill in the Blank—as the standard prefix for each title in the series. Next, add a hero and heroine thrust into a very, very (very!) dangerous situation while trying to adjust to swapping their mortal lives for immortality and fangs or fur or, yes, even scales. But in the midst of all that chaos and insanity, each hero or heroine somehow manages to find love while surviving some seemingly insurmountable hurdles.

  Thus, every Accidental up to this point has the same type of formula, in that the lead protagonist becomes a paranormal due to accidental circumstances. However, they all go on very different journeys.

  The series is set in New York (with one or two exceptions, like The Accidental Dragon, set in Vermont) because that’s my home state, and I missed it terribly, but I actually wrote the better part of the series when I lived in Texas (where I swear I lived two feet from the sun).

  Writing a series set in New York made me feel closer to the things I loved and longed for the most (think amazing Chinese food, pizza, Broadway!).

  Anyway, I’m out here in the publishing world as an Indie now, and with the series nine books deep, as I considered publishing these on my own, I thought, how in the ever-lovin’ hell would you awesome, new-to-the-series readers be able to pick up this next batch of books and understand who three of the main series characters were without having to invest your trust funds to do it?

  Because again, the series is nine books deep. Ninenineniiinnnne!

  Now, while each book in the series has a stand-alone HEA (happily ever after), the three characters who began this crazy, amazing ride for me, and some of their closest friends they’ve adopted into the Accidental family along the way, are the heart and soul of the series. They’ve been in every book since the start and are also who this new string of self-published books will continue to be driven by.

  My girls from the first three books, Marty, Nina, and Wanda, own a company called OOPS—which I’ll explain later—and it’s how they keep finding others like them and what really allows the series to grow.

  Anyway, as I considered writing more of this world, I pondered how to publish these from a traditional standpoint…

  And then I thought, “Hey, Dakota! You can do whateverthefluff you want now that you’re self-publishing. Why not just introduce the important players from the series interview-style? Let new readers get to know them, and then jump right into book number ten?”

  But then I thought, “Jesus and a Powerpuff Girl, there’s a lot of back story in nine books and many, many relationships have developed and grown deeper as a result.”

  You know, like when you have a group of friends and you have jokes only the group of you understand and laugh about? Or you have a favorite experience you’ve all shared and you recall it with a catchphrase, or sometimes even just a facial expression? There are some nuances that just can’t be explained unless you’ve been along for the ride.

  But I’ll do my best to give you a brief overview of how each of the three original characters became paranormal without any spoilers about their actual stories, and you can decide whether you want to jump on into the Accidental pool with the rest of us or not—but I so hope you will!

  Also to note, I’ve included a bonus chapter of the next Accidental I’m writing, titled Accidentally Aphrodite, at the end of this introduction and it’s a completely risk-free endeavor because it’s TOTALLY FREE!

  Did I mention the sample chapter is FREE? YAY!

  So here we go—and please keep in mind, the three women who began this journey way back in 2008 can be…well, never mind. You’ll see (insert evil music).

  Let me set the scene for you. In the infamous words of Prince, dig if you will the picture of me with my messy ponytail and chip-clip on top of my head (hate when my hair is in my eyes), wearing ratty sweats (comfortable and they hide stains and crumbs well, just in case the UPS man drops by), no makeup (because it smears when I cry as I’m trying to find my way out of one crazy plot or another), and probably a glazed-over, almost shell-shocked expression.

  That’s my “writing wear”. Don’t let it scare you. I’m actually quite tame when let out of my writing cage, if not a little mussed and squinty-eyed during daylight hours.

  Now add in the three paranormal women, Nina, Marty, and Wanda, who are the lifeblood of The Accidentals (and also BFFs), all sitting around in my office with my puppies and my cat, just chatting. Okay, one of them is complaining.

  Let me explain. Since the hubby and I empty-nested, we moved from Texas to Oregon, and I will warn you, Nina the vampire (the one complaining) is a little cranky about having to drive here for this interview instead of flying (not on a plane. Yep. She flies) because Wanda and Mar
ty wanted to sightsee, visit the mountains, and sample some of the awesome food trucks we specialize in here in Portland, all without getting windburn.

  Also, Nina flat-out refused to carry their eleventy-billion suitcases.

  But here’s the real source of Nina’s upset today. Nina, being a vampire, can’t eat the way the girls can. It’s been seven years since she was turned, and still it’s a bone of serious contention for her. No one loved chicken wings and beer more than Nina. She also complains a lot about girl time—even though she secretly loves it much the way she loved chicken wings, so don’t let her fool you. But do brace yourself.

  So grab a cup of coffee, or beverage of your choice (straight up, I’m gonna suggest booze, because when I say the girls all in one room are a lot? I’m not kidding), get comfortable in your favorite chair, put your feet up and meet The Accidentals.

  Onward ho!

  Dakota: “First up, let me introduce you to Marty Andrews-Flaherty from book one, The Accidental Werewolf. Once a door-to-door cosmetics saleswoman for Bobbie-Sue Cosmetics (totally made up and yes, a bit of a play on Mary-Kay), she’s a cute, curvy blonde who loves clothes, shoes, and makeup and thinks everyone else should, too.”

  She waves and smiles as if you can all see her.

  Marty: “Helllooo, lovely readers, new and returning! Welcome to the madness.”

  Dakota: “So tell everyone how you ended up with teeth and fur?”

  Marty sighs long, loud, and put-upon.

  That’s her way of letting me know, for the umpteenth time, it was a very trying time for her (#writereyeroll).

  Marty: “Okay, here we go. So like Dakota said, I was a door-to-door cosmetics saleswoman, working my way up the slippery, sometimes dirty ladder of lip gloss and cold cream to cosmetic success, when—”

  Nina snorts out loud. Like really loud, and of course, sarcastically.

  Nina: “And dragging our sorry asses with you to places like the damn IHOP, where people couldn’t even eat a GD Rooty Tooty Fresh ’N Fruity in flippin’ peace without you offering up your unwanted assessments about what’s in their color wheels.”

  Marty and I both narrow our eyes at Nina in warning.

  Then Wanda leans over and swats her with one of her gloves.

  Dakota: “Nina, I’m begging you. Just this once, wait your turn. It’s not nice to interrupt. Marty, please continue.”

  Marty: “As I was saying before Elvira threw her two cents in, one night, after a particularly trying Bobbie-Sue convention gathering, I was out walking my toy poodle Muffin next to an alleyway in New York with my fellow, very reluctant cosmetics saleswomen, Nina and Wanda. Nina was, as always, complaining about how much she hated doing door-to-door sales, and I was distracted because I was just trying to keep Nina motivated to sell, sell, sell. Though, if you knew Nina, you’d know she always carries a pin with her. The one she uses to burst your bubble at regular intervals.”

  Nina: “Oh, bubble-schmubble, Miss Clairol number two-twenty-six. I just like to keep shit real. The reality was, I sucked at selling goop to chicks. You, on the other hand, woulda sold that crap to a dead broad in the morgue if you could sneak past the coroner.”

  Marty visibly grinds her teeth then puckers her lips while she attempts to keep from rising to Nina’s bait and I attempt to soothe her.

  Dakota: “Inhale, exhale, Marty. We can do this, just like we talked about. Go Team Accidental!”

  Marty takes a deep breath while Wanda uses her glove as a pom-pom to silently cheer on her bestie.

  Marty: “Anyway, there was the typical chaos, like always when the three of us are together, and while I was trying to inspire my reps, Muffin spotted another dog. Muff can be really territorial, and in one of her finer displays of fur and teeth, she attacked what we all thought was a very large dog.”

  Dakota: “Who wasn’t really a dog.”

  Marty laughs out loud. Of course, at the time there was a whole lot less laughter.

  Marty: “Exactly! We just thought he was another dog. Turns out, he wasn’t the biggest German shepherd we’d ever seen but an actual werewolf named Keegan. When I tried to detach Muffin from the alleged canine, because I really began to fear for the other dog’s life (Muffin can be such a beast. She’s sometimes referred to as Killer), I was accidentally nicked on the hand, and voila! Insta-werewolf. Jesus’s underpants, that was a batch of crazy, wasn’t it, Dakota? But long story short, I’m now happily married to that dog…er, werewolf. Who knew the beast in that alleyway would turn out to be the love of my life?”

  Marty giggles in her light, girlie way and smiles at the recollection, the highlights of her blonde hair shimmering under the dim lighting in my writing cave…Er, office.

  Dakota: “Well, I did, Marty. Because, you know, I wrote you?”

  Marty: “Right. Anyway, I’m Marty Flaherty, now very happily married to Keegan for seven years and we have a precocious daughter named Hollis. I now own Bobbie-Sue Cosmetics, thanks to my nutbag—”

  I press two fingers together in Marty’s direction, using the universal sign to zip it.

  Dakota: “Marty! Shhh! No spoilers. You promised to let me do most of the talking just in case people want to read your story. Less is more, Queen of the Color Wheel.”

  Marty rolls her big baby blues at me and pouts her perfectly glossed lips.

  Marty: “But you always do all the talking. We never get a say in what you’re going to do to us. I mean, how much do you think I loved that trip to Hell in…what was it, book four? Um, not. But I went because, for the love of all that’s hot and sweaty, you made me go, with all your late-night pecking on that stupid keyboard! It’s unfair! I say we all—”

  I give Marty the look. You know the one.

  Dakota: “Marty! Hush.”

  Marty hangs her head in shame and sighs, folding her hands in her lap after smoothing them over her trendy skirt.

  Marty: “Right. I keep forgetting. Less is more. So how’s you? The boys? How’s Oregon and that adorable DH of yours?”

  Dakota: “We’re all good, and enjoying empty-nesting.”

  Nina: “Yeah, that empty nest gives a hack like you way too much time to concoct more crazy.”

  Marty reaches across Wanda and yanks the string on Nina’s hoodie. I’d put Wanda in the middle of them for a reason. You’ll see why in three, two, one…

  Marty: “Knock it off, Mouthy McMouth, and let Dakota do what she invited us here to do.”

  Wanda: “Nina! I’m almost at my wits end with you. Now, keep your mean, insensitive thoughts to yourself or I’m going to put my foot square up your derriere!”

  Dakota: “Girls…”

  But Nina instantly pipes down and returns to glowering at me.

  Marty repositions herself in her seat and gives me the Thumper look.

  Marty: “Sorry, Dakota.”

  I smile my acceptance of her apology and cross my fingers that Nina will keep her introduction and complaining short and sweet. But I’ll warn you in advance, it likely won’t matter if a million people cross their fingers because as you’ve already witnessed, my next character is un-shushable.

  But wish me luck, okay?

  Dakota: “Okay, so next up is Nina Blackman-Statleon from book two, titled Accidentally Dead. A gorgeous brunette who shuns all things girlie and wears hoodies and work boots, much to her BFFs’s dismay. Once a court stenographer, she took a job as one of Marty’s Bobbie-Sue reps out of sheer desperation when she was laid-off, which is originally how the girls all met. So, Nina, tell everyone how you became one with the darkness.”

  I sit back and hold my breath—because here it comes, people.

  Nina cracks her knuckles and grins.

  Nina: “Where to start? Oh, wait, I know. One day, probably while you were filing your nails or some such shallow, ex-beauty-queen shiz, you thought, wouldn’t it be funny if I turned Marty’s unsuspecting friend Nina from book one into a vampire? And then you thought, let’s really do this up right. Let’s finally have
some damn mercy and give her a real job that doesn’t involve selling stupid lip gloss with names like Slaughterhouse Sienna—”

  Marty: “That’s Sunset Sienna, Nina, and you know it!”

  Nina: “Whatthehellever. Anyway, in all your wisdom, Author, you decided to give me a job as a dental hygienist because you thought, wouldn’t it be rolling-on-the-floor, laughing-your-ass-off funny if, after all that time I was out of work, hawking greasy moisturizer, you finally give me a decent job with bennies only to snatch that shit right out from under me and turn me into a vampire?”

  Now I hang my head in shame. Okay, so I did laugh. But I never rolled on the floor. Swear it on my Sunset Sienna lip gloss.

  Dakota: “We’ve discussed the grudging, haven’t we, Nina? C’mon, pal. Don’t be like that. And we promised we’d just stick to the facts. So continue, please. Minus the pokes at Marty.”

  Nina: “Fine. Anyway, book two opens with me at a new job as a dental hygienist, one I really liked except for that dink of a receptionist. I was accidentally bitten when my now husband/life mate, Greg Statleon, came in to have a tooth fixed. He had an allergic reaction to the anesthesia, clamped his mouth shut, and took a chunk out of my hand. Also, because Miss Rhodes Scholar here made a mistake, there was speculation by one or two readers about my position, and whether I should have been the one putting that sucky thing into my man’s mouth as an assistant/hygienist. Which technically means none of this ever had to happen and I could still be eating chicken wings from the Cluck-Cluck Palace by the bucket, but whatever.”

  I roll my eyes at Nina and how quickly she forgets all the awesome things she has in her life now because it did happen. But whatever.

  Dakota: “That’s true. I chalked it up to literary license and fiction. So roll with me, if you will. But forget that; let’s talk about why you hated Bobbie-Sue so much. You know, so people get a really in-depth feel for your brand of cranky.”

  And we’re off!