FLAWLESS
Page 12
“You should have gone to the police that day,” said Max, still unable to forget the bewildered hurt and pain on her bruised face.
Giana remembered how hard it had been to not register a case. She had felt blind rage for days afterwards. But the thought of her mother’s suffering had stopped her. “We had a terrible time with the police enquiry after Michael died. The insinuations, suspecting his character and the reasons for his death were unbearable. I didn’t want my mother to go through that kind of traumatic experience again.” She fiddled with the napkin on her lap. “We had already spent a large amount of our savings on Michael’s case. Another one like that would have broken Mamma!”
“How did all that happen?”
She looked away, her eyes sad. “It’s a long story! Not worth repeating.”
“Where was your husband? Why wasn’t he there to help?”
“We got divorced around the same time. I guess, I wasn’t good enough for him and he changed his mind.”
Max curbed an angry retort. Her husband must have been a complete idiot to let a woman like her out of his sight. “Does he not want to meet Toby?”
“He wasn’t interested.” She blinked away the wetness on her lashes and waved at Toby who came running to her.
Max empathised with her reluctance to speak and didn’t pursue the subject. He didn’t want them to talk about death or sadness today. He would set that aside for another day.
She excused herself when Toby did a little jig, indicating his urgency to go to the washroom.
The food had arrived when they returned. The mood was effervescent once more. They ate, sharing the delicious meal, starting with the rich, thyme-flavoured dumpling soup, a Creole speciality of red beans and vegetables, followed by prawn, fried rice. They savoured the peerkangai eraal puttu, another Creole dish of bay-fresh shrimps cooked with ridge gourd in coconut. Gratin provencal was light on the palate, with rosemary-flavoured eggplant and zucchini. Giana was sure she would burst at the seams if they ordered any more food.
Toby insisted on tasting all the spicy sauces lining the table for added zest, and whistled and screwed up his chubby face in pleasure. Giana reminded him sternly of table manners as she set a little bowl of soup in front of him. Max curbed a smile when Toby handed him a napkin and obediently tucked another one into his own collar and waited for more instructions.
In between mouthfuls, Toby would thrust his spoonful of rice into Max’s face, ordering him to eat. Giana admonished Toby but her concern was promptly brushed aside by the men who didn’t seem to mind the messy food sharing business. If she hadn’t been enjoying the meal herself, she would have dissolved into tears of happiness seeing Toby feeding Max, grains of rice dribbling down his stubbled chin. Instantly contrite at having spilled a bit of rice, Toby dabbed his dinner partner’s face with a napkin just as his mother had taught him. Her vision did blur with hot tears when Max explained things to Toby patiently. They seemed to be enjoying each other’s company and she couldn’t swallow the hard lump that refused to budge from her throat.
“Mamma eat,” announced Toby grandly, indicating that Max should now feed Giana.
Max was offered a spoon for the purpose. Toby didn’t appreciate the humour when both the adults began to laugh heartily at his suggestion. To Giana’s discomposure, Max raised a spoonful of rice for her with his eyes steady on hers. She had nowhere to hide but to accept the gentle thrust of the spoon into her mouth.
Toby broke the spell by flapping a paper napkin at Max judiciously, to dab at his mother’s mouth. They broke into another bout of chuckles.
Dessert was made sweeter by the presence of the man sitting beside her. It arrived in quaint, hand painted, ceramic dishes, brimming with pancakes filled with fresh fruit. It was served with flambéed orange liqueur and melting baguette in chilled coconut milk, topped with dry fruits. Max called for warm banana tostones for Toby, shallow fried and caramelized in its own natural sweetness.
“I think I have already eaten too much,” protested Giana when Max asked her if she wanted anything more.
“You are surrounded by food all day.”
“If I eat all that I cook I would be as large as a house!” laughed Giana, rolling her eyes as Max grinned wickedly at the thought.
Toby clambered on his chair, manners forgotten, collecting all the paper napkins in a fist.
“Oh dear! He is very fond of paper folding. Toby, sit down!” admonished Giana, her face, alight with happiness, contradicting her tone. She loved to hear Max’s unbridled laughter, rich and vibrant, washing over her.
Giana sat back enjoying the dessert as Max talked about his work.
“So what kind of buildings do you design?” asked Giana, restraining Toby from grabbing more paper napkins.
“Green buildings for the future.” His eyes lit up warmly. “I specialize in designing structures which are in harmony with the land and natural habitat around it. Everything from electricity and water supply to landscaping is done with the aim of conservation of the environment, using renewable resources of energy and bio-degradable materials. Solar panels, recycled water for gardening, high efficiency windows etc.”
Strangely, they had never talked about his work before. They had both been flung into direct and personal interaction on various occasions but never talked about professional life. Discussing work gave another dimension to his personality. Giana’s effort to know more about his family was kept aside, knowing that Max hid painful memories very cleverly. But he was in a better emotional condition than he had been when she had first met him. Giana was happy to see him look healthier and more at peace.
Toby was getting restless after having botched up several origami attempts with the paper napkins he had collected. Now that everyone at the table had been fed adequately, he refused to sit or stop chattering, almost toppling the things on the table as he hung on to the tablecloth merrily. Giana caught his hand when he nearly licked the spoon dipped in mango pickle, urging him to go and see the birds. He scrambled away happily to the terrace.
The meal had been wonderful, thought Giana. A fresh wave of longing lashed at her. They rose to leave as Max received his credit card back from the waiter.
“Where’s Toby?” asked Giana, looking worriedly to where the bird cages and aquariums were placed.
“He was near the aquarium a few minutes ago when I was making the payment,” said Max, laying a hand on her waist. “Let’s fetch him.”
Giana walked ahead faster, her thoughts hinged on the instinctive feeling that something was wrong. They reached the end of the terrace among the potted plants and found that Toby had disappeared!
The next half an hour were the most harrowing for Giana. The hotel staff and a few concerned guests had joined the search as Max raced down the stairs to check on every floor. He rushed back to Giana who sat on a chair near the fish tank as though her world had fallen apart.
“No one saw him go down. He couldn’t have gone far! He was right in front of us!” Max felt his heart squeeze at the familiar feeling of fear. “Don’t worry, darling, we will find him!”
Instinctively, he leaned over the terrace parapet and looked down at the ground beneath. His breath hissed through his throat in relief to find only the lit up grassy lawn. For a moment there, he had been horrified by the deadly possibility and his private hell flashed before his eyes in all its brutal reality.
He turned to Giana who had been watching him, her countenance white with shock. The manager came in and shook his head at Max’s query.
“Oh God! Where is my baby?” she wept in agony. She followed Max and the manager who was assisting them to look for Toby.
They raced out again to the staircase, searching every nook and cranny. Some of the staff was looking around the shrubbery and the perimeter of the hotel surroundings. Max was engulfed in desperation, losing hope, and Giana looked deathly pale. He grabbed her close and rocked her like a child as she stood like a stone statue with her hands fisting into his shirt.
“Please...f-find my baby, Max!” A deep, rough sob racked her chest, her eyes huge with bewilderment and fear.
“We will find him!”
Giana could only nod her head dumbly as though she was going to suffocate if she spoke again.
One of the waiters came rushing in as they stood among a crowd of hotel staff.
“Saar! Kozhandai storeroom ulle irrukke!”
They barged into the small storeroom just under the service staircase, littered with broken furniture and stacks of cartons. In the corner among a pile of raggedy velvet cushions, lay Toby with his tiny arms wrapped around a huge stuffed dog.
With a keening cry, Giana pushed through the crowd of men and flung herself on the floor to gather her baby and the dusty toy all at once. She broke into deep anguished sobs, clutching Toby close to her chest.
Max was beside her, desperately checking Toby for injuries.
“Giana! It’s all right. He is sleeping,” cried Max hoarsely, trying to pacify her. “He is warm, see?” he said, spreading his palms on Toby’s back under his shirt. I can feel his pulse!” he blurted to himself.
Her heart was tearing to pieces as she held her child tighter, unaware of the sigh of relief and loud discussion that went through the people behind her. She turned to Max who knelt beside her and fell into his arms like a homing pigeon, with heart-wrenching sobs. Max could do nothing but wrap them in his arms, nearly squeezing her to pulp as his own anguish at the thought of loss washed over him.
Squashed between them, Toby stirred and uttered a sleepy word, “Muth.” His hands were still clutching the stuffed dog.
“He probably climbed down the service staircase without anyone seeing him,” admonished the Manager. “He is too young to be left unattended. You should take better care of him!”
“Thank you very much for your help!” said Max with a stiff nod.
He helped Giana to stand as the staff filed out discussing the chaos. Gently taking the stuffed toy out of Toby’s little fists, he threw it into a carton. He led the way out with an arm around them. As they reached the car park, he reached for Toby but Giana refused to release him.
“Let me hold him for a while.”
“No!” She buried her tear-drenched face into Toby’s fragile neck.
“Sit down for a minute, Giana. You are in shock. Just relax a bit.”
“I was relaxing when he disappeared. I was supposed to take care of him. Instead I was enjoying too much,” she bit out in self-disgust.
“It was not your fault. He disappeared in seconds!”
“I am a bad mother!”
“No, you are not! Will you just stop berating yourself? There are so many others to do that job!”
She flinched, scalded by the cynicism in his tone.
“You have been taking care of him since he was born. You are good enough for him.” His voice softened when he saw the pouring tears. “It can happen to anyone.”
“I turn my eyes from him a minute and he disappears. I can’t afford to forget all the lessons I have learnt in my life. I can’t bear to think about something happening to him!” she cried out.
“Nothing will happen to him, sweetheart! He is safe now and that is all that matters!”
Max ran his hands through his hair suddenly worn out by the tension. The experience had brought back dark memories for him too. He was shaken to the roots at the thought of losing Toby. He touched the boy’s head as though making sure that he was fine. Toby had slept through the upheaval without stirring.
“He was very tired after all the excitement of the day,” said Max, with a rueful shake of his head. He opened the door of the car and helped Giana in.
It was nine in the evening by the time they reached Max’s house. Mutt began to bark in the backyard and Max commanded him to be quiet.
“I will take Toby home,” Giana said stiffly. “I can’t carry my things right now.”
“Let me help you!” He reached for the shopping bags but she stopped him.
“I don’t want my mother to find out that Toby was lost because I spent the evening with you.”
“Giana...”
“Will it be all right if I leave my things here? I’ll come in the morning and pick them up.”
“No problem! Come inside. Let me get you something to drink.”
When she began to protest, he placed a finger on her lips and just like that her eyes filled with tears. He took her shopping bags into the drawing room. Giana followed him with Toby and sat down on the couch, still unwilling to let go of the child.
Max opened the fridge, filled two glasses with juice, and set them on the table. He crouched in front of Giana and said, “Let me take him.”
She looked at Max as though she was going to break into pieces. Wordlessly, she finally let him lift Toby and take him to the cushioned couch. He laid Toby down with infinite care, touching him all over caressingly, his face twisted with pain. Giana knew what he was thinking.
Suddenly, the astounding truth fell open in front of her. Sitting on the sofa with a glass of juice in her hand, the silent epiphany swept over her in a heated wave.
She loved Max. It had been inevitable.
It was nothing flimsy like the phrase, ‘falling in love’. She just loved him. As deeply and intensely as any woman could love a man. This man who had been her rock on this terrible day and all the bad days in the past few months. He had been fighting for her, sometimes openly and most of the time silently supportive. This man who had been just as hurt and terrified today as she had been. He was trying hard to hold back his feelings but she could see that he was reliving an old memory, a festering wound that had been spliced open.
She picked up the glass of juice in trembling hands and sipped from it to quell the raging feelings that rose like a tornado within her. The realisation that she loved Max was too much to bear. How was she going to live with it?
Max drained his glass quickly and went into the kitchen. Giana followed him and paused when she saw him standing with his back to her, his spine stiff.
“Max, I should go now.”
He whirled around and in two strides stood in front of her. She fell into his arms that dragged her into a fierce embrace. It should have crushed her as she bumped into him. But she welcomed the bone-crunching hold, revelling in its power to heal her.
“I took my eyes off him. I should never have...” choked out Max, crushing her to him, his face in the crook of her shoulder. His mouth pressed to her, the hiss of breath heating her tender skin. “He looked so happy. So were you!”
Giana felt a sizzle go through every fibre of her being as he curved an impatient hand on her hip and brought her close. They were clamped together as one body for long moments. It felt completely right.
Max felt as though he had been wandering in a daze in cold wilderness and someone had opened the door and pulled him inside into the warmth.
In that moment of togetherness, Giana wanted to give him all that she had. She yearned for it more than anything.
“It wasn’t your responsibility! Not your fault either, Max.”
“You two were under my care!”
“I saw you look down from the terrace,” she whispered, raising her head to look at his anguished face.
“I thought that Toby...” he bit on the words, going rigid at that horrifying thought again.
“What happened to your family, Max?” she probed, gently.
“Don’t!” He stopped her and buried his face in her throat. “Not today! I don’t want to talk about it.”
She didn’t venture further, but stood with her hands running on his stiffened back tracing the taut muscles.
“I had a great day,” said Max, finally when he could find the words. “I am not going to apologize for that. But I am sorry! I was responsible for taking you out to dinner. It was supposed to be a lovely evening. But it turned out...”
She looked up at him with her heart in her eyes. “It was lovely! I haven’t felt so happy
in years.”
“Neither have I,” admitted Max. “God alone knows how much I wished to feel normal! A few moments of respite!”
“Then let’s forget the unpleasantness. You were right. Toby is safe and that is all that matters.”
“Nothing happened to him! Thank God!” uttered Max fervently, cupping her face.
To find Toby safe had been such a relief that he was still reeling from reaction. She had not blamed him as the others had. Lord! He was losing perspective here. He dropped hungry eyes to her lips. He wanted to do so much more than hold her. It was killing him not to kiss her.
“Max! Thank you,” she whispered, riding on the tide of pure love and fresh realization that swamped her.
Driven by an insane, unfettered impulse that Giana couldn’t ignore any longer, she raised herself on tip toe and kissed him gently on the corner of his mouth. He was beautiful, this man who carried a bit of herself in him, reflecting the same things she felt. The wonderful scent of his skin permeated her being. The day old stubble brushed against her delicate lips as she moved her mouth a fraction and planted another kiss on his cheek. Tears sprang from her closed eyes.
Max stood stunned by the first tentative touch of her lips on his skin, his breath jammed somewhere in his heaving chest. His hands moved down to her hips and locked her tight against him.
Just as suddenly as the fierce desire had risen, panic set in for Giana. She tried to pull back, afraid that she had taken liberties she shouldn’t have. But Max wouldn’t let her. He lowered his head with every intention of kissing her. She stepped away abruptly with a gasp locking in her throat.
He understood. She wasn’t ready yet. But was he ready for it? To let go of Eva and have another woman in her place? He loosened his hold and set his forehead against hers. They stood in that gentle clasp, seething with suppressed emotions, overwhelmed by too many burdens.
“I must go,” she whispered.
It took all her will power to not reach out and kiss him just the way she wanted to. She could see the pain in his eyes. She wished she could erase that. It would be so easy to fall into his arms and give in to temptation. She loved him. But did Max love her? She doubted that. He was in pain. He needed someone to ease that pain. Not necessarily her, she thought, in heart-breaking acceptance. She couldn’t walk down that path again, especially when her past was a shadow that would always hound her.