Shameless

by Joan Johnston

  It wasn’t just the news that Pippa was pregnant that had him so upset, it was the suggestion his father had made that Pippa still loved the bastard who’d gotten her pregnant and then abandoned her. What if he was right? Pippa had admitted to him that she wasn’t in any hurry to fall in love because she didn’t want to get hurt again. But he’d never imagined she could still be holding a candle for a married man who was beyond her reach.

  Devon took an extra second outside his front door to calm down, to remind himself to listen to what she had to say before he said anything to her that he might regret.

  When he opened the door at last, he found Wulf standing there waiting for him. The wolf shoved his nose against Devon’s hand, and Devon gave him a scratch behind the ear. “Where is she?” he asked, knowing Pippa must have heard his truck door slam, and at the same time feeling the emptiness of the house.

  “Pippa?” When she didn’t answer, he figured she must be in the barn. He turned around and went back out again, making sure Wulf stayed inside, reassuring him, “I’ll be right back.”

  A quick search of the barn revealed that Pippa wasn’t there, either, although Sultan stuck his head out—that was a first—to greet him. “Hello, big guy,” he said, keeping his distance because he wasn’t sure the stallion wouldn’t bite his arm off if he got too close. “Where is she?”

  Sultan turned to look toward the door.

  “She’s not with me. I thought she would be here with you.”

  He risked reaching a hand out to the horse, but Sultan backed away. “Yeah, I know. You want her, not me. Where the hell is she?”

  The mount Pippa usually rode was still in its stall, so she hadn’t taken off on horseback. Maybe she’d decided to take a walk. If so, he figured she wouldn’t have gone far. He’d be better off waiting for her at the house than trying to find her.

  He headed back to the house feeling even more disgruntled. The worst part of this whole mess was that he had no idea what she might do when he confronted her and demanded the truth.

  Hell, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do himself.

  When he got back inside the house, he stood there for a moment feeling antsy and anxious. Pippa would probably be hungry for lunch when she got back, so he might as well fix something. He headed to the kitchen, which was when he spied the blue note in the center of the breakfast bar.

  Gone to the hospital.

  His blood ran cold. The baby. Something had gone wrong with the baby. Why hadn’t she called him? He smacked his head. Because he supposedly didn’t know there was a baby.

  Then it dawned on him that he’d left Pippa here without any way to get to the hospital. Oh, my God, he thought. If anything has happened to her or the baby because she had to wait for paramedics to get way out here, I’ll never forgive myself.

  He was out the door again a moment later, gunning the engine and racing for the hospital in Jackson. “Please be all right. Please be all right.”

  He grabbed his phone from his pocket and called Pippa’s cell. The call went to voice mail. He debated whether to leave a message, but she didn’t know that he knew about the baby, and he didn’t want to start that conversation on the phone. So he simply said, “I’m on my way. Call me when you get this message.”

  Chapter 26

  PIPPA WAS APPALLED when her father entered her hospital room only minutes after she’d gotten there herself. “How did you know I was here? And how did you get here so fast?”

  “King is president of the hospital board. The hospital administrator called to let him know his granddaughter was on the way, and King told me so I could come and make sure you’re okay. Are you?”

  His face looked too worried for Pippa to send him away. “The spotting has stopped,” she said, “and they gave me something to make sure it doesn’t start again. Honestly, there’s no reason for me to be in this bed.” She pursed her lips. “They must be worried that Grandpa King will sack everyone in the place if something happens to me.”

  “Maybe so,” her father said, his tight jaw relaxing at her effort to make light of the situation. “How do you feel?”

  “I’m fine, Daddy. You shouldn’t have come.”

  He’d been standing by the door, but he closed the distance between them and reached out to take her hand, his thumb caressing the back of it. “Now you see why I didn’t want you staying at that cabin in the middle of nowhere.”

  Pippa pulled her hand free, irritated that he was back on his high horse. “Devon would have been home soon. And anyway, Mum showed up and gave me a ride to the hospital.”

  “Your mother’s here? In Jackson?” He looked like he’d been poleaxed.

  Pippa nodded. “She just showed up at Devon’s house. She’s parking her car. She should be here in a minute, if you want to talk to her.”

  Beads of sweat popped out above her father’s upper lip, and he thrust a nervous hand through his hair. “I didn’t think she would come,” he muttered.

  “She told me she talked to you yesterday.” Pippa wished she’d been a fly on the wall. That must have been an absolutely fascinating conversation.

  “Did your mother say anything about what her plans are now that she’s here?”

  Pippa hesitated, then admitted, “She asked me if I’d like to come stay with her in Texas.” It dawned on her that if she went, she would end up separated not only from Devon but from her father, since he had to remain at Kingdom Come in order to fulfill his bargain with King.

  “What did you decide to do?”

  “I haven’t given her an answer yet. We left for the hospital right after that, and we didn’t talk much in the car.”

  They were interrupted by a commotion in the hall. Her father crossed to the door to see what was going on.

  “What’s happening?” Pippa asked.

  A moment later Devon appeared in the doorway, a stout female nurse dogging his heels.

  “I tried to tell him that only family is allowed in here,” the nurse said to her father. “He wouldn’t listen.”

  “I need to see Pippa,” Devon said.

  “Let him in, Daddy.”

  Her father turned to the nurse and said, “Thank you. I’ll take it from here.” The woman made a hummph sound and walked away.

  Devon only had eyes for Pippa as he entered the room.

  “You’ve seen her. Now leave,” her father said.

  “I’m not going anywhere until I talk to her. Pippa?”

  Seeing the muscles in her father’s shoulders and arms bunch for combat, she quickly shoved the sheets away and shifted her bare feet over the edge of the bed. “Please leave, Daddy. I need to speak privately with Devon.”

  She saw a pained expression cross his face before he said, “Fine.” On his way out he stopped in front of Devon and said, “If you do anything to hurt her—in any way—I’ll make you regret it the rest of your life.”

  He stalked out the open doorway, and Devon shoved the door closed behind him.

  “Get back in bed,” Devon snarled as he turned toward Pippa. “Or do you want to lose that bastard’s baby.”

  Pippa’s face flamed. “How dare you say such a thing to me!”

  “When were you planning to tell me you were having some other man’s kid?”

  Pippa’s mouth dropped open. She’d left a message that she was going to the hospital, but she hadn’t said why. “How did you find out?”

  “Matt told my father, and he told me. Believe me, it was a helluva way to get the news. You had plenty of chances, Pippa. Why didn’t you tell me yourself?”

  “It was none of your business.”

  “Are you kidding me? You’ve lived with me for a month. We’ve spent every minute together. We made love.”

  “That was a mistake.”

  His eyes narrowed. “If you say so. But I thought at least we were friends!”

  “You’re not bloody acting like it! All you’ve done since you walked in here is snarl at my father and yell at me.”

&nb
sp; “You should have told me the truth.”

  “I told you I couldn’t get involved. I told you I wasn’t free to fall in love.”

  “Because you’re still in love with that jerk in Australia?”

  “Tim? I loathe Tim.”

  She saw a flicker of something—maybe relief—in his eyes before he said, “So why couldn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”

  “I’m about to have a child whose father I hate. I’ve been terrified that I won’t be able to love my baby—a baby my father has urged me to give away because keeping it might ruin the rest of my life. I have feelings for you that I don’t want to have, considering the turmoil my life is in, and I didn’t—and still don’t—have a clue how you might feel about raising another man’s child. I told you I only wanted a friend,” she cried. “I didn’t want to hurt you, and I didn’t want to get hurt.”

  “Then you shouldn’t have lied to me.”

  “Getting dumped by the man you love when he finds out you’re carrying his child isn’t something you want to go around blabbing to the neighborhood.”

  “I’m not just some guy in the neighborhood,” he said angrily. “I thought I was more to you than that.”

  “You are. You’ve been exactly what I needed. You’ve been a good—a great—friend.”

  The light went out of his eyes when she refused to acknowledge that far more than friendship had existed between them. Pippa’s heart was beating hard in her chest, and she threaded her fingers together so tightly her knuckles showed white. She’d been so glad to see him when he’d shown up at the door. She’d wanted his arms around her. She’d wanted his reassurance that everything would be all right.

  But nothing was going the way she’d hoped. What did he want from her? Why was he so angry to be labeled her friend? Even when they’d joined their bodies, no words of love had been spoken. They’d returned to the house and spent the evening in front of the fire talking. She’d loved the closeness she’d felt toward him when they made love in the barn, even though there’d been nothing loverlike about their behavior the rest of the evening.

  One mistake—one lie of omission—and he was acting as if the world had come to an end.

  Devon’s eyes roamed her face as though he were taking one long, last look before saying goodbye forever. Pippa shivered. She didn’t know how to ask him for the comfort she needed when he was standing so stiffly on the other side of the room.

  When he spoke again, his voice sounded calm and detached, as though he’d taken an emotional step back. As though he were something less than a friend. “I don’t see you wearing an oxygen mask or connected to a bunch of machines. Should I assume you and the baby are out of danger?”

  “We’re both fine, thank you for asking.” She heard the sarcasm in her voice, but she was confused by his behavior. If he didn’t want anything more to do with her, he should just say so and leave.

  “I’m glad you got here in time to avoid any more serious consequences.”

  “My mother showed up at your cabin,” Pippa said. “She gave me a ride to the hospital.”

  He looked adorably startled. “Your mother?”

  Pippa bit the inside of her cheek. This was no time to be thinking how adorable Devon looked. “My father finally told her I hadn’t died at birth. He also told her that I was pregnant, and she came to offer me a place to stay.”

  “With her?”

  Pippa nodded. “On her family’s ranch in Texas.”

  “Are you going to take her up on it?”

  “I haven’t decided.” Pippa wanted Devon to ask her to stay now that he knew she was pregnant. But the offer didn’t come.

  Instead he said, “I suppose you want to spend time with her, now that you’ve met her at last.”

  “Yes, I do.” But I’d rather stay with you. It dawned on her that Devon hadn’t touched her since he’d entered the room. That he was still standing where he’d been when he shut the door on her father. I don’t have the plague, I’m just pregnant.

  “I guess that’s it, then.” He stuck his hands in his back pockets. “When are you leaving?”

  “Is that all you’re going to say?”

  “What do you want me to say?”

  If you don’t know, I’m not going to put words in your mouth. She’d imagined many times what Devon might do when he found out she was pregnant. This was not the outcome she’d been hoping for. He hadn’t crossed the room to take her in his arms and comfort her. He hadn’t asked her to stay with him until the baby was born, to see how their relationship might develop. He hadn’t declared his love and offered to take her home with him when she left the hospital. It seemed he was going to let her head to Texas without saying a word to stop her.

  Pippa was fighting tears, and she needed Devon gone before she broke down completely. “Go. Get out!”

  Devon turned and left without another word.

  Pippa sat frozen in place. Devon had walked out of her life as though she meant nothing to him. Which was when she realized how much he meant to her. “Oh, my God,” she whispered. “I love him.”

  Chapter 27

  JENNIE HAD MISSED seeing her daughter grow up, and it was terrifying to think that now that they’d been reunited, Pippa might be taken away again. She’d called ahead to the hospital and been instructed to bring Pippa to the emergency room entrance, where an orderly was waiting to rush her daughter inside. The fear in Pippa’s eyes as she was wheeled away reminded Jennie of herself as a pregnant teenager.

  She’d wanted to stay with her daughter, but the orderly had made it clear she couldn’t leave her car where it was. She drove around to valet parking, but the valet wasn’t there, and she fought tears as she looked in vain for a parking spot. In desperation, she parked the car on the street a block from the hospital and started running back. Her daughter needed her.

  Every step of the way, Jennie was overwhelmed by memories—good and bad—of that terrible fall day when she’d discovered she was pregnant and the eight insane months that had followed. She remembered the early days, when she and Matt had found such joy in the child growing inside her…the later lonely months, when her parents had separated them…and finally, the jubilant moment when her daughter had been born—and the dreadful tragedy of her supposed death.

  Jennie had never forgiven her parents for keeping Matt from her side while she was grieving the death of their daughter. Her feelings for him had gone through many permutations that sad summer, as she both questioned why he hadn’t found some way to get in touch with her and missed him with every fiber of her being.

  Since Jennie was only fifteen, her parents had been able to control every aspect of her life. After her baby was born, they’d kept her isolated from everyone she knew in Jackson, especially Matt, by living on a ranch in a remote part of Wyoming and schooling her at home. She’d run away several times, but since she didn’t know how to drive, and didn’t have the money for a bus ticket and had to resort to hitchhiking, she’d always been caught before she got very far.

  A year had passed before her parents relaxed their vigilance enough for her to contact Matt. She discovered that he’d disappeared without a word to her or, apparently, anyone else. It wasn’t until she’d spoken with Matt’s cousin Aiden that she discovered that Matt had searched for her like a crazy man for months without success. He’d only stopped when he was told that she’d died along with their daughter.

  Jennie had been furious when she’d learned how her parents had continued to manipulate their lives. It had taken a long time before she was herself again. Once she was old enough to leave home, she’d moved to Texas to live on her grandmother’s ranch, and to this day, she was estranged from her parents. All her life she’d wondered what had happened to Matt and grieved for the loss of the boy she’d loved, along with the daughter who’d died.

  And then, yesterday, after twenty long years without a word, he’d called.

  Jennie was still reeling from Matt’s admission that when he’d discov
ered their daughter was still alive, instead of doing everything in his power to contact her and share that wonderful, amazing news, he’d taken their baby and run.

  He’d stolen her chance to be a mother. He’d deprived them of a life together. He’d made all the choices and given her none.

  How many times had she dreamed of what it might be like to see Matt again someday, to laugh with him and make love with him? The doctors had told her there was nothing physically wrong with her to keep her from having another child. The reproductive problem, when she’d married at last, had been her husband’s. He’d refused to adopt—he’d wanted his wife free to act as a political hostess—so they’d never had children.

  Meanwhile, all those years she’d despaired of having a child to hold to her breast, Matt had been raising their daughter without her. It was a bitter pill to swallow. Her heart ached in a way it hadn’t in twenty long years.

  She entered the emergency room breathing hard, sweat streaming down her back under her jacket. She did a quick search of people in the room and didn’t see Pippa. She approached the nurse’s desk and said, “I’m looking for Pippa—Philippa—Grayhawk. Do you know where she is?”

  “She’s been taken to a private room.”

  “Already? Is there some paperwork I need to fill out?” Jennie hesitated, then added, “I’m her mother.”

  “The hospital administrator was here and took care of everything.”

  “What? Why would he do that?”

  “King Grayhawk is the president of the hospital board. When I saw the Grayhawk name and realized that she was Mr. Grayhawk’s granddaughter, I called him immediately.”

  “I see.” What Jennie hadn’t counted on, what she’d forgotten in all the years she’d been gone, was how much influence King Grayhawk wielded in Jackson Hole.

  As Jennie raced down several corridors, trying to remember the confusing directions to Pippa’s room she’d been given, she suddenly found herself face-to-face with Matt.

  He stepped into her path, forcing her to stop.