I Have Lived And I Have Loved: A Charity Romance Collection

by Willow Winters

  “That’ll definitely happen,” Kolton says, scooping up my hand and lacing our fingers together. “But first, I have a little surprise for you that I think you’ll enjoy.” He gnaws on the corner of his bottom lip, suddenly looking nervous. “At least I hope so.”

  A little while later, we arrive at the Gaylord Palms, a fancy resort in the heart of Orlando. I’ve been here before with Blakely and Zane to see their annual Christmas exhibit, but we’ve never spent the night.

  After we get checked in, Kolton asks the woman where the conference is being held. She hands him a sheet of paper and draws some directions for him before giving him our keys.

  “We have a few minutes to freshen up, but then we have to head out,” he says. “We have somewhere we need to be. Wear something nice.” He told me to make sure I included a few nice outfits, but I had assumed it was to go out to dinner—yet it’s only ten in the morning.

  We step into the room, and it’s gorgeous, but what’s really cool about it is that the balcony leads to an atrium that makes it feel as though you’re outdoors.

  I grab a pair of dress pants, a flowy top, and my heels and get dressed in the beautiful bathroom. When I come out, Kolton is wearing a pair of charcoal gray dress slacks that hug his ass, a black long-sleeve button-up, and dress shoes.

  With his hand in mine, we walk to the elevator and take it to the first floor. Then we head to the left and walk for a while. The signs point to the convention center, and I remember Kolton asked the woman at the front desk about the conference.

  And then I see a sign: The International Restaurant and Foodservice Show.

  “Kolt…”

  “Surprise.”

  “What are we doing here?” I pull him to the side. “I’m not a restaurant owner.”

  “No, but one day you will be. I read about this show. It’s where all the top restaurateurs come to discuss the business. Independently owned, franchises… You name it. A guy I know from school who teaches business had some extra tickets. I figured it would be fun. Remind you of what you want, what you can one day have.”

  Oh, my heart… Tears prick my eyes, making him misunderstand.

  “We don’t have to—”

  “No,” I choke out, wiping away a tear. “I want to. This is so thoughtful of you.” Even if the chance of me ever buying or starting my own restaurant is equivalent to one winning the lottery. It feels good to have someone think about me… to put me first.

  We spend the day meeting a plethora of people in the hospitality industry—from liquor vendors to interior decorators. When the conference ends for the day, I walk away with enough contacts and information to have a great start to opening my own restaurant if I had the money. It also made me see and understand all the ways Sonora is messing up with The Orange Sunrise. It’s too bad she didn’t attend this conference.

  “All right, I think I’m switching from psychology to opening a bar,” Kolton says as we walk out of the conference and back to our room.

  “It’s kind of the same thing,” I joke. “All those people drinking at the bar tend to tell their life stories once they’re drunk.”

  Kolton chuckles. “Some even end up falling in love with their bartender.” He throws his arm around my shoulders and kisses my temple.

  When we get inside our room, he says, “We have reservations for dinner at—”

  But before he can finish, my mouth closes over his, desperate to show him how much I appreciate his thoughtfulness this weekend. “We can eat dinner later. Right now, the only thing I’m hungry for is you.”

  Chapter 10

  Kolton

  * * *

  “Jesus, these kids can’t write for shit.” On another paper, I note that the student needs to take time to visit the writing center and then move it to the graded pile. As I’m grabbing the next paper from the pile, my phone rings out in the quiet room. Since Sierra is babysitting Zane today, I’m not expecting it to be her—our nephew is great at keeping whoever he’s with busy—so I’m not surprised when Keegan’s name appears on my caller ID.

  “What’s up?” I ask, standing to pour myself another cup of coffee so I can get through the rest of the papers.

  “It’s over. We found him, and he’s behind bars.”

  “Him, as in…”

  “Miguel. Turns out he was connected to Brenton. He’s been here, right under our nose, the entire time.”

  I exhale a breath of relief. I’ve been waiting to hear those words from Keegan for too damn long.

  “There was one minor snag,” Keegan adds, his tone weary. “Blakely was there when it all went down. She knows I’m an undercover narcotics officer.”

  Oh, shit… That is not how he wanted to tell her. “How is she?”

  “Pissed as fuck. And I don’t blame her.” He sighs. “I just dropped her off at home. She wants nothing to do with me.”

  “Just give her time. You were in a shitty position and did the best you could. She’ll come around.”

  “Yeah, I hope so. I need to go back to the station. There’s a shit ton of paperwork that needs to get done.”

  “Does this mean you’re moving home now?” Keegan was only living here to play the part of a college student. He actually owns a nice-ass house elsewhere.

  “Yeah, I’ll be back tonight to pack my shit.”

  “Hey, Keegan…”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” We’re both silent for a beat before he adds, “Blakely doesn’t know the whole story… or really any of it. Can you let me tell her, please? I would rather it come from me. I had to keep it all a secret so I didn’t compromise the investigation.”

  “Of course.”

  We hang up, and I call Sierra, knowing she’s going to pissed. She and Blakely are two sides of a coin. And even though I technically never lied to her—and I made sure I didn’t—omitting the truth is still lying. When she doesn’t answer, I send her a text that I need to talk to her. She doesn’t reply.

  I consider going to her place, but I don’t want to push too hard, so instead, I try to finish grading the papers, which ends up taking twice as long as it normally would since I can’t focus for shit. The longer my phone call and text goes unanswered, the deeper the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach goes.

  Just when I’m about to say fuck it and go to Sierra’s place to explain my side, my phone rings.

  “Please, let me explain,” I beg when I answer her call.

  “Explain that your brother is an undercover cop who was investigating Brenton, and instead of telling my sister, he let her continue to hang out with him and put her and Zane in harm’s way? I already know.”

  “There’s more to it than that.”

  “You and Keegan lied and kept important shit from us,” she says, her voice resigned. “That’s exactly what my dad did, and it’s exactly what I was afraid of happening to me.” No. No. No, No, No…

  “It is not the same thing.”

  “My sister could’ve had Zane taken away!” she yells, her voice filled with heartache. Heartache I inadvertently caused. “And for what? So your brother could catch a drug dealer? He put his job above his family, just like our dad did, and you sat back and watched it all happen!”

  “No. Keegan was watching them. He was following them everywhere. He never would’ve let anything happen to them. Please, you have to trust me.”

  “It doesn’t change the fact that you lied and kept things from me, and now, I can’t trust you,” she says, her voice cracking with emotion. “I don’t know what’ll happen between Keegan and my sister, but as for us… we’re over.”

  She hangs up on me, and I want to call her back, beg her to listen, to see reason. I want to go over there and make her understand why he did what he did. But I can’t do any of that until Keegan talks to Blakely.

  Shit! I slam my phone on the table. Will the domino effect of my choices back then ever come to a stop?

  “How are things wi
th you and Sierra?” Keegan asks at breakfast three days later.

  “Not good. I can’t really do much when I can’t tell her the entire story.”

  Keegan flinches. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t even consider that. Look,” he says, taking a sip of his coffee. “If you want to tell Sierra, you can, but if you can ask her to please let me tell Blakely, I would appreciate it.”

  “Thanks,” I say, standing and patting him on the shoulder. “I’m not sure if she’ll even hear me out, but I appreciate it.”

  “Brenton got out on bail. I’m going to head over to campus to make sure he doesn’t fuck with Blakely.”

  “He shouldn’t even be on campus.”

  “Doesn’t mean he won’t be.”

  Ten minutes later, my brother and I arrive on campus and walk toward the psychology building when I spot none other than Brenton and Blakely in a heated argument in the quad.

  “Fuck!” Keegan yells, ready to charge over and lay Brenton out.

  “Stop! Let me handle it. You don’t want to take a chance of getting into it with Brenton and fucking up the case. Call for backup.”

  “They’re already on campus.” He yanks out his phone, no doubt to give them the location of where we are while he steps into the shadows so nobody sees him.

  I stalk over to Brenton and Blakely. “You need to get the hell away from her right fucking now,” I yell at Brenton, who’s now in Blakely’s face.

  “I was just talking to her,” Brenton says.

  “And now you’re not.” I step between them. “Walk away.”

  “The only place I’m walking to is class,” Brenton points out.

  “Actually, you’re not. You obviously haven’t checked your email. You’ve been withdrawn from your classes and expelled from this university.”

  “You can’t fucking do that!” Brenton roars, making Blakely jump in fear.

  “It’s already been done. If you want to argue about it, speak to the dean.” I take Blakely’s hand, needing to get her away from Brenton before Keegan flips his shit. “Let’s go,” I murmur as we round the corner to where Keegan and two other officers are standing.

  “You were here the whole time?” she asks Keegan.

  “Of course,” Keegan says. “But I know you want your space.” He shrugs. “I told you you’d be safe no matter what and that someone would be on you.”

  “Thank you.”

  I’m distracted the entire time in class, but I still somehow manage to get through the lecture. Once class is dismissed, I head out to The Orange Sunrise, needing to speak to Sierra since Keegan is okay with me telling her everything.

  Chapter 11

  Sierra

  * * *

  I feel him before I see him. Kolton. The man I’ve fallen in love with. I’ve been thinking about him every second of every minute since I hung up on him. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck rise, and my belly tightens in anticipation as I watch him walk over to where I’m standing at the hostess stand.

  “I can’t wait any longer,” he says. “I’ve tried to give you your space. I get it. The entire situation sucks, but I can’t just let you walk away. Not like this… hell, not ever.”

  Kolton’s jaw tightens, and his eyes shine with unshed tears, and it’s then I see how badly he looks. Dark circles under his eyes, his normally tan complexion pasty. He’s been suffering right along with me.

  “Paula, please make sure you keep all takeout receipts tonight. I’m heading out. If you need anything, Sonora will be in soon.”

  Like everyone else does when I mention Sonora, she rolls her eyes. “See you tomorrow.”

  I grab my purse from behind the hostess stand and walk outside with Kolton following. Not wanting to have this conversation on the streets, I walk over to his bike. “Want to go to your place and talk?”

  “Yeah,” he says, his voice cracking.

  The ride to his apartment is quick, but as I sit behind him with my arms wrapped around his torso and my face nestled against his back, I wish we could ride for longer.

  We walk inside his place, and it looks different… I can’t quite place it.

  “Keegan moved out, so his messy ass shit isn’t all over the place,” Kolton says, answering my unspoken thoughts. “He’s planning to ask Blakely to move in with him.” He sits on the couch and scrubs his palms over his face.

  “I doubt she’ll be on board with that.” I sit across from him on the loveseat.

  “With Brenton out on bail, he’s hoping she’ll put aside her hurt and do what’s best for her and Zane’s safety. Brenton’s already approached her once, and I had to intervene.”

  “What?” I shriek. “When? She didn’t tell me.”

  He sighs, exhaustion evident in his features. “This morning… But I don’t want to talk about them. I want to talk about us.”

  “I don’t know what there’s to talk about. You lied and hid shit, and I can’t be with someone like that. You knew about what my father did, yet—”

  His eyes lock with mine. “That’s such bullshit!” he barks, making me jump. He cuts across the area to where I am, kneels in front of me, and frames my face with his palms. “It’s not fair for you to compare what happened to what your dad did. You said it yourself when the fire caught, he threw you guys into it. Keegan, on the other hand, was in that fucking fire doing everything he could to fight it so Blakely and Zane wouldn’t be touched. He’s been fighting that fire for fucking years.”

  “Years?” I knew Brenton sold drugs in high school, but why would it have taken Keegan that long to put him away?

  Kolton sighed. “There’s something you need to know, but I need you to keep it between us until Keegan speaks with Blakely. He wants to be the one to explain it to her.”

  “Great. More secrets. If you’re not supposed to tell me, then don’t.” I stand, and Kolton stands with me. “I don’t know why I even came here.” Liar! You came here because you love him and miss him and need him to make it right because even though what he did was wrong, you can’t imagine your life without him.

  “Sierra.” He grabs my hips and tugs me toward him. “You came here because you love me, and despite how hurt you are, you know that whatever happened was done to protect you and your sister and Zane. You can try to push me away to protect your heart, but you know I would never do anything to hurt you.”

  Jesus, it’s like he has insight into my head and heart…

  One of his hands glides up my side and cups my cheek. “I love you so goddamn much, and even though I hate how you and Blakely found out, I wouldn’t change a single thing because what Keegan did was to protect the three of you.” He swallows thickly. “And…” Tears well up in his eyes and then tip over, racing down his face. “He did it for me too.”

  My heart tightens in my chest. I don’t understand what he means, but I can feel it in his words and in the way he’s touching me. In the way he’s looking at me. How upset he is over all of this. He means what he’s saying, and he’s right. He’s not my father. He’s nothing like him, and it’s not fair to compare Kolton to him.

  “I’ll tell you everything…”

  “No,” I breathe. “I… I trust you,” I choke out. “I was shocked and scared, and I felt so damn stupid. But you’re right, you aren’t my father. Neither you nor Keegan are. And yes, I do love you. So, even though I’m upset, I’m not going anywhere. I want to be with you. Whatever the reason Keegan did what he did, and your family supported him, I believe you. That it was done, not to throw us into the fire, but to save us from it.”

  Kolton sighs a breath of relief, and then shocks the hell out of me with his next words. “Move in with me. I don’t want to be without you. I don’t want to wake up or go to bed without you. I want to spend my life with you. I wanted to ask you weeks ago, but with Keegan here and everything going on, I didn’t want to ask you while hiding shit from you.”

  “Technically, you’re still hiding things from me,” I sass.

  He nods. “Only becau
se you don’t want to lie to your sister. Otherwise, I would tell you everything now.”

  “I want to move in with you.” Kolton’s eyes go wide in surprise. “But I need to speak to Blakely first and see how she feels. If she doesn’t forgive Keegan—”

  “She will,” Kolton says. “I know she will. They love each other, and when you love someone like that, you don’t throw in the towel that easily.”

  I nod in agreement. “I can’t move out if she isn’t taken care of. I pay the bills, so she needs me.”

  “You can keep paying them.” Kolton presses his lips to mine. “I’ll take care of everything. In May, I’m graduating, and if all goes as planned, I’ll be working at the college full-time. I can afford to pay our bills. I just want you in my bed with me every night.”

  “I want that too,” I murmur against his mouth. “I just need a little time.”

  “Off work today?” Blakely asks when she and Zane walk through the door. I was technically off, but like always, I had to go in and take care of shit. I considered going back after Kolton and I talked, but instead, I came home so I could wait for Blakely.

  “Yeah, I spoke to Kolton. He said Brenton approached you. How are you doing?”

  “I’m okay.” She pauses and glances at Zane. “Hey, sweetie, go potty and get ready for your nap, please.”

  “Okay, Mommy!” he says like the good boy he is, before running down the hallway.

  “I can’t believe he actually thought he’d apologize, and I’d forgive him,” Blakely says once Zane is out of earshot, referring to Brenton.