I Have Lived And I Have Loved: A Charity Romance Collection

by Willow Winters

  Arabella laughed. "Um, the bloke from last summer. The one we spent half the time staring at and the other half wishing he would just take his shirt off already? That one?"

  When in doubt, lie. "No, I didn't see him. It must have been your imagination."

  Arabella lifted a brow. "Come off it. Are you guys fighting?"

  "For your information, I am not fighting with him. I wouldn't give Bridge Edgerton the time of the day." Lies. "He's a colossal pain in the arse."

  Okay, that was true.

  "I swear I saw him. Besides, he's perfect. What’s wrong with you? Are you still going to pretend you don't like him?"

  "I'm not pretending. He's a wanker." And I knew this to be a fact. Last summer, a few of the girls and I had perhaps gotten into Mum’s scotch. The stuff she saved just for visitors, which was pointless really because she rarely ever had anyone come over.

  We got into it with Bridge when he caught us having fun in the pool in Spain. He'd just been so disapproving. Threatened to grass on us if we didn’t stop immediately.

  Although there was something just a little bit hot about his disapproving glare. The one that said he wanted to give me a spanking or something.

  "No love, I swear it's him. Maybe he's just here to enjoy the concert."

  "Do you think he would be at any concert, let alone one of what the media is calling, the next Amy Whinehouse? He's not that cool. He's just not."

  Arabella laughed. "He could be. He just needs someone to loosen him up a bit."

  "There is no amount of loosening up that makes some ego mildly tolerable. You know this."

  She laughed. "If you say so. I don't know why you can't just admit that you like him."

  "Because I don't like him. See, earlier about him being a complete and total wanker."

  "Yes, yes, I know. He came down on us pretty hard for the drinking last summer, but we were drinking underage. And if your mum had found out, she would have been ticked. So he was, in a weird way he was looking out for us."

  As it turned out we didn't have to wait long for confirmation. The crowd was like the Red Sea parting for him. His tall, lean frame pushing through. He had that long, large stride and his face was set in a grim mask. When he reached us, my friends, traitors that they were, especially Arabella, smiled and preened.

  "Hey, you're that bloke from Spain last year?"

  Arabella fluttered her lashes at him and I just rolled my eyes. "What are you doing here, Edgerton? I didn't think you were a fan of Estella."

  "Well, there would be a lot you didn't know about me, Varma."

  "If you say so. How much did my brother pay you to come and spoil my fun?"

  "Toby didn't have to pay me. I'd ruin your day for free."

  I scowled at him. "You know, you're such a pain in the arse. What is it you want exactly?"

  He tilted his head back and muttered something to himself, and then sighed before leveling his gaze on me again. "Toby wanted to make sure you kept out of trouble. It seems like Estella can wind up a crowd."

  "Oh my God, I don't need a governess. Is that what you are today, you're my nanny?"

  He leaned in close, making sure that only I could hear his words. "It depends, do you need a spanking?"

  Okay look, I'm as feminist as the next girl. I wasn't down for being told what to do, what I could and couldn't do with my body, who I could be with, who I could see, none of that interested me. But something about the way Bridge Edgerton said spanking made my lady parts tingle.

  "No thanks. I'm not into it. Honestly, you can't be here just to babysit me."

  He grinned then. "No. I'm also babysitting this group of infants you call your mates."

  Arabella frowned. "Oh, I don't need an older brother. You don’t have to babysit me."

  "If you're with Emma, you're my responsibility tonight. I'll secure the drinks, all non-alcoholic, of course."

  Everyone groaned. "Jesus Christ, Bridge, you're ruining the mood," I muttered.

  "You're all underage. You think I'm going to let this group of pervs buy underage girls drinks in hopes of getting somewhere with them?"

  I grabbed his elbow and tugged him aside. "Oh my God, please stop. Whatever Toby is paying you, I will double it."

  He chuckled. "Double it, huh?"

  "Yes. Anything just to make you go away."

  "Oh, I'm not going away, Emma. I'm here to make good on my word. So you and I, we're going to enjoy this concert, together."

  "And if I'm here meeting someone?"

  "Well, I guess, he'll have to get used to me too. But just who the fuck are you meeting?"

  My brow snapped down. "None of your business."

  "Tonight, it is my business."

  "You wish it was your business," I spat back. I knew what we looked like. A squabbling couple.

  The muscle on his jaw ticked. "Look, I don't want to be here just as bad as you don't want me here. But I gave Toby my word. So, how about you and your mates enjoy the concert, don't get up to anything wild. I'll make sure you lot get home. That's it. I'll just be right here, acting as your silent bodyguard. Does that work?"

  I scowled at him. "You know I hate you."

  "You know what, you are not the first person to tell me that."

  "I don't believe that I would be. Seriously, just please don't say anything. Don't ruin anything for me."

  The corner of his lips tipped up and smirked. "I wouldn't dream of ruining your special date. Nope, might as well settle in. It's going to be a rough ride tonight."

  "I hate you."

  "The feeling is mutual. Believe me, Emma, if I could be anywhere else tonight, I would be. But your brother asked. So, let's try not to kill each other, shall we?"

  I knew that was going to be easier said than done.

  Chapter 4

  Bridge

  Emma was trying to kill me.

  It was the only explanation. Every time I turned around, she was dancing far too close to some bloke. I kept telling myself it was none of my bloody business. All I cared about, was fulfilling a promise. I’d come here to watch out for her. She was mostly dancing and having fun with her mates. But the sharks were circling, I could see them.

  One in particular, had joined the group of girls in the middle of the concert. They'd all hugged him like they knew him so I hadn't complained too much, just sat at the bar, sipping my pint. It wasn't until Emma started dancing with him, all the while over his shoulders, eye-fucking me.

  The fuck was she playing at? I didn't have time for games. And the kind of games I want to play with her, were probably not on the brother approved list.

  I gritted my teeth, and just sipped my drink, staring right back at her.

  I said nothing, when he put his hands on her arms. I just let the irritation boil. I said nothing, when he started dry humping her on the floor. In full view of everyone. I just kept sipping my damn pint. But when he dragged her into the back towards the bathrooms, there was no way I could sit and do nothing. I slammed my glass down and stood.

  One of her friends came over to me. "I wouldn't go back there if I were you."

  "Excuse me?"

  "Back there with Emma and Anders."

  "Oh Christ, his name is bloody Anders?"

  "Yes. He's a mate from school. But she likes him. So don't go interrupt."

  I lifted a brow. All the more reason I should interrupt. Her brother would want me to interrupt.

  Her friend, Arabella was it? Just rolled her eyes. "You're not her brother."

  "Damn straight I'm not."

  And then her sharp gaze narrowed on mine. "Oh, so it's like that?"

  I crossed my arms. "Like what?"

  I scanned the crowd hoping to see them. When I couldn’t find them, I started to move.

  But Arabella was hot on my heels. "You like her."

  "Nope. She's my mate's little sister. I can't like her."

  "When has that ever stopped anyone?"

  "It stops the good ones. I'm looking out for h
er that's all."

  I beat my way through the crowd. If Arabella thought she could follow, she was welcome to try.

  Surprisingly she stayed hot on my tail like glue. "Then why are you just creepily stalking her, why don't you just ask her out?"

  "Because you don't ask out your best mate's sister. It's a recipe for disaster."

  "Oh this is rich. I get it now. Why Emma was so intent on bringing Anders tonight. Normally, she loathes him."

  I frowned. I turned around and frowned. "What are you on about?"

  The music thumped. I leaned close to hear her better. "Anders. She doesn't like him. At all. She said he's a creepy handsy arsehole. But he was the ticket hookup. So he was coming with us. Normally she ignores him. But it's you, isn't it? She wants to make you crazy."

  "She knows better. She's not that dumb."

  Arabella's grin was sweet. Sweeter than her dark makeup and barely there outfit suggested. "Then you don't know women very well. If you're not into her. I promise you Emma can take care of herself. She'll get Anders off her ass. But if you are into her, I think they went into the unisex bathroom back there."

  The fury pumped through my blood. And I wasn't even sure why. She should honestly know better. Blokes were a handful at the best of times. What was she thinking?

  I told myself it wasn't my business. Who the fuck Emma decided she wanted to get off with. Not my business at all.

  Except Toby made it your business.

  Why had he made it my business? This was just torture.

  I couldn't have her. Because Toby was a mate. And she knew that. So she was deliberately torturing me.

  Now I was going to teach her a very important lesson about how not to tease caged animals.

  I fought my way through the crowd of people waiting for the loo.

  When I came up to the unisex one, I shoved aside a bloke with two girls waiting with him.

  "I'm going in. Try not to make a nuisance of yourself, when I do."

  He grumbled but he backed off and the other girls sized me up. I knew what they saw when they looked at me. I had the clothes, the look. A bit of posh. Except I wasn't. I'd worked hard to lose that Eastern accent. Worked hard so that none of my former self showed.

  And Emma was about to bring all of that to the floor.

  I banged on the door, no answer.

  The bloke behind me shrugged. "Tough call mate. Who's in there?"

  "Someone who shouldn't be."

  He chuffed. "Sorry mate. Your girlfriend?"

  "No. Dammit. She's not my girlfriend."

  "Right. So you're just trying to break into a locked bathroom for no good reason?"

  When I heard a thud in the room, I immediately stopped giving a shit. I reached in my back pocket for the lock pick set I always carried with me. Especially when I was home. It was a dumb habit. I didn't need it anymore. I didn't do that sort of thing anymore.

  Yeah you do. Only when it’s important.

  Sure. If you have to tell yourself that.

  It was quick work to open the door. And then I found him. Anders, fucking all over Emma. He had her lifted up onto the bathroom sink. And he was busy trying to shove her skirt up. And she was fighting. Pushing him away. Our gazes met over his shoulder. And her eyes were wide with panic. That was fear in her eyes.

  I was going to fucking kill him.

  I wish I could say I had thought through my next steps very carefully, thought through my deeds. Weighed them against what it could cost me. But I didn't. Me, the always carefully crafted one, who thought through everything. I didn't think. I didn't blink, I didn't breathe. I just moved.

  I closed the door behind me, and then I grabbed him by the neck. He choked and fought me, "Oy mate. What the fuck?"

  But I was unwilling to listen to any of that bullshit.

  "The girl's not interested."

  "What the fuck do you mean?"

  He tried to square off against me, but I was bigger, and meaner. He just didn't know it yet.

  "This girl, she's not yours to touch."

  "The fuck. She's-" My hand moved balled into a fist and sailing right for his mouth before he could even get the words out. I hit him once. Good ol' biology rewarded me with blood spurting everywhere.

  Emma gasped from the sink.

  I glanced back at her. "Are you okay?"

  I didn't get an immediate response so I glanced back. Still with a hand on poor Anders.

  "I can't hear you. I need to keep an eye on him so I need you to use your words. Are you okay?"

  Her words were stilted. But she muttered, "Yes. Y- Yes, I'm fine."

  "Good. Now go back outside with your friends. Close the door behind you."

  "Bridge it's okay. I'm okay."

  "You are not okay. And I'm going to impart on Anders here, how that's a fucking problem for me. Now be a good girl. Off you get."

  I could tell she hesitated because the door didn't open. The music remained muffled and silent. Finally, finally I heard it open. And I could breathe free knowing that she wasn't going to see me do everything I was capable of doing. When once again the banging noise of Lil’ Wayne was drummed out. I turned to the bloke that had had his hands up Emma's skirt. "Now, you and I are going to have a little talk, about just what the word no means. And it's going to be a long talk so you probably want to buckle in for it."

  Chapter 5

  Bridge

  I was about to break our deal.

  My father and I, we'd come to a truce.

  I would leave behind the life that I led. No more running around with the lads, nearly getting myself killed more than once. I would walk away from all of that, and he would put me into Eaton, as befitting of a son he didn't want. But I would get the opportunity and access to the kinds of people I would never have known.

  I would be educated, and while I wouldn't get my due, I would get an opportunity to stick it to him. An opportunity to show that I wasn't a waste of time. An opportunity to be better. To be different.

  Fuck me. I wanted to break our deal right now. I wanted to take every single skill that I had learnt fighting on the streets, and use them right now.

  Once the doors closed, I was willing to put my future in danger, because of her. Fucking Emma Varma.

  But this asshole, he was going to hurt her. He had been trying to hurt her.

  "Mate, didn't anyone ever tell you not to touch what wasn't yours?"

  His eyes went round. "Mate, it's not what it looked like. She asked me in here. She was putting it all out there. And then we got started. She likes it a bit of rough, you see."

  "You are a vile piece of gobshite. Now, I need you not to scream because this is going to hurt. And I'd rather not get interrupted once I begin, you see.

  I'd like you to think thoroughly. Directly. Without dispatch. So, you're going to take it, and you're going to deal with it do you understand?"

  He shook his head back and forth. As he backed up smashing into the wall, he put his hands out as if that was going to ward me off.

  Pure rage flowed through my system, it was unlike anything I'd ever felt before in my life. Every single dodgy back alley encounter I'd ever had, had been for this.

  Before I’d fought to survive. But this, this would be for fun. He’d put his hands on Emma, so that meant he was going to die. And I was going to be the one to deliver the justice.

  Quietly, I unsnapped my shirt sleeves, the button down being something that I'd seen one of the lads wearing. Some designer type. I found a knockoff in Camden Market. It was close enough to the real thing that unless you looked, you wouldn't notice.

  I rolled up the sleeves, and then with ease, I made the familiar fist. The one that I'd been taught in the martial arts classes that were meant to soothe the rage inside me and not make me more violent. And then I fisted my left hand in his t-shirt. "That's not pretty for me. It's a pain in the arse if I have to go through your lips to get to your teeth. But if you just present them it's easier to knock them the fuck out."<
br />
  "No. No no no. God please God no."

  I caged the rage inside. Because I knew, I knew that if I didn't, the job wouldn’t be efficient. I'm going to be sloppy. And I didn't like sloppy or messy. And so I released my fist.

  And then he howled. His head snapping back, blood gushing out of his nose. Something cracked in the wall behind him.

  With a strong hand, I waited. It was better when they begged first.

  "Fuck. No no no. God no. I'll never do it again. I'll leave her alone. I didn't know she was yours."

  Snap. Another pop. I was finding that the more I hit him, the more dispassionate I could become. I never had a father around to teach me not to put your hands on women, it's something I just knew. It was wrong.

  Pop.

  "Fuck." He started to weep then, sobbing and sputtering.

  It was the sobbing and sputtering that really got me. And then that carefully leashed control on my rage, slipped just a little. I released his shirt, with my left hand, delivered a left hook swinging my arm wide and connecting, with his cheekbone his head smacked to the side with a crack. More crying.

  And more hitting. More fists. More blood. And it was as if I was watching myself calmly deliver the blows that would undo him. Like he had planned to undo Emma.

  And then suddenly, there was a voice. Calling my name, and it sounded like the sweetest lullaby. "Bridge. Bridge I'm okay. Bridge."

  It was only after another three or four blows that I realized that it wasn't a lullaby but a voice.

  Emma's voice.

  I turned around, and there she was in the doorway staring at me, mouth open and staring at the arsehole who tried to hurt her.

  "I told you to get out Emma."

  "Let's go. Someone called the Bill. You're going to be arrested."

  With those words, she was the cold slap I needed. "Fuck.”

  "Let's go."

  She grabbed my hand and tugged me outside, leaving the old boy wherever he was to slide down the wall.

  "Jesus fucking Christ."

  The crowd was packed in. In the hallway it was wild. I kept my head down and tucked so no one could get a clear look at me. All they'd be able to say is some tall prick but lucky for me I knew the bouncers. Tommy O'Rourke, he once lived in my neighborhood. Good and tight once. When I brushed through the door, he gave me a nod. The corner of his lips sort of turned up into a smile. "I see you're still up to the same old tricks."