Everything I Want

by Natalie Barnes

  After taking a really quick cold shower, I dress myself in ripped jeans and burgundy long sleeved thermal. The hot water must be out again on the bus, but I can’t complain. At least I’m not washing myself in the sink of a rest area like I used to have to when we used to caravan to festivals to play.

  I blow-dry my hair, leaving it feeling soft and wavy. The hair dryer feels so good right now since I caught a chill from the shower. I put on a little mascara and eye liner and go in search for my boots. I love how the nineties are coming back strong. These Timberlands I have are comfortable and waterproof, so they’re nice to wear on fall days like today. The bus parked around noon at the location in Minneapolis. I walk out of the bathroom and see Jared eating a bowl of cereal at the table. Just in his boxers. His frame is smaller than the rest of the guys around. He’s tall but lean, very lean. His hair is all matted and pushed into his face. I go over to sit across from him.

  “Hey, Jared.”

  “Hey,” he says back to me, before shoving more cereal in his face.

  “You want to come out with me when you’re done? We don’t have to play until tomorrow, so I want to go exploring.”

  “Sounds good. Just let me get ready first.”

  Oh boy. Jared takes forever. He even irons his hair to make it spike up a certain way. He takes longer than I do to get ready.

  “Well, make it quick, okay? I’m bored in here.”

  “How about I meet you somewhere for lunch, Sophia?”

  Assessing him over, I think that would probably be the better idea.

  “Yeah, that’s cool. There’s this one place I heard of on that TV show, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. I always wanted to check out. Let’s meet up there.”

  “Sounds good. Just text me where and when you’re ready.”

  “Cool,” I say to him before grabbing my I.D. and money out of my bag. I push it into my front pocket and take out my phone.

  As I’m leaving the bus, I turn back to Jared. “Don’t forget or I’ll kill you.” I wink at him and step out of the bus.

  Walking through the parking lot, I notice a black SUV there. It must be for one of the guys from Undead Society. They have way more perks than us. I pull out my phone, getting ready to call a cab, when I hear that deep familiar rumble again.

  “Where you off to?”

  I turn on my heels quickly, finding Tristan standing there behind me. He’s wearing jeans, of course, and a black zip up hoodie. His hair is falling into his face a little, and he must’ve trimmed his facial hair a bit because it’s not as thick as it had been the past couple days. Staring down at my phone, I look back up to him.

  “Uh . . . I was just going to check out Minneapolis.”

  He stares at me then smiles.

  “Can I join you?”

  His request throws me off guard. He’s either being nice or fucking with me. Nothing really in between. I tilt my head to the side and check him out. He crosses his arms, tilts his head back, and waits for me to answer. Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt. And I would feel a little more comfortable with someone with me than without so . . .

  “I guess you can.”

  His deep voice starts chuckling, almost like he’s up to something.

  “All right.” He rubs his hands through his hair and shrugs. “Did you want to walk or have Phil over there drive us?” He gestures behind him at the SUV.

  It’s kind of cloudy and cold out, so having a ride would be nice. And besides, all I need is some crazed fan to spot him.

  “We can go with Phil,” I say to him, not waiting for his response as I start heading toward the SUV.

  I get to the SUV before Tristan does and climb in. Tristan walks around to the other side. When he enters the SUV, I instantly start getting the chills all over my body again. How awkward is this? We are actually hanging out. His body is huge next to mine. I stare down at his muscular thighs. The weathered old jeans he’s wearing makes me want to feel him. He blows out a breath and turns toward me.

  “Where did you have in mind?”

  I look up quickly from his leg that I was staring at and look toward the driver.

  “I don’t really know. I just wanted to check out the city. I heard of this place I wanted to try here. I think it’s on 14th Avenue?”

  He nods at me then tells Phil to go to this place. How does he know what it’s called? It’s probably because he’s been here many times before.

  We drive to the restaurant in silence. I’m staring out the tinted window of the SUV, and Tristan says nothing either. He stretches out his long body, resting his left arm on top of the seats, behind me. Feeling the warmth of his body this close makes me squirm in my seat. Damn it, body! Get it under control!

  We pull up outside the restaurant, and Phil gets out to open the door for me. I thank him as I start making my way around. Tristan is at the door, holding it open for me. Entering the establishment, I notice it’s dark with the one wall showing off its bricks. It’s smaller too, but I like the vibe I’m feeling in here. Customers seat themselves here, so Tristan touches the small of my back and leads us over to a table. The simple touch ignites my body. I feel myself starting to weaken under his touch. Just that gesture already sends electric waves to my core. Get it together, Sophia!

  He lets go of my back, and I suddenly feel cold. I hurry and sit down. Tristan takes a seat across from me. Normally, I would prefer a booth; but with Tristan being as big as he is, this is probably more comfortable for him.

  The waitress brings us our menus. She looks like she’s in her midforties, with short, blonde hair and a thicker frame. The tag on her uniform says her name is Molly.

  I grab my menu and start looking it over. Being around Tristan, I don’t really feel as hungry as I did this morning when I woke up. But I know I need to eat something. I peek over the menu to see him. He catches my eyes and does this closed-mouth smile. I glance back down at my menu then back at him.

  “Aren’t you going to look at your menu?”

  I glance over with my eyes at his menu, still folded up on the table. He shakes his head at me.

  “I don’t need to. I already know what I want.”

  Somehow, I feel like he is talking about more than food.

  Looking back down at the menu, I say, “Oh.”

  Molly comes back ready for our order. Tristan laces his fingers on the table and looks at me. Okay, Sophia, just pick something.

  “I’ll have the Eggs Benedict with an orange juice please.”

  Handing the waitress my menu, I grab my water to take a sip. Tristan looks up at Molly and proceeds with his order.

  “Steak and eggs. I would like my steak rare and my eggs over easy. And I’ll just have a black coffee.”

  Molly scribbles his order down and reaches for his menu. When Molly leaves, Tristan clears his throat and leans back in his chair. He just stares at me and then, once in a while, looks down at his hands that are resting on the table. I bite the bottom corner of my lip and look out the window.

  “This is kind of weird, isn’t it?”

  I really shouldn’t have said that, but it’s the truth; and I have to try to do something to break the ice. Tristan slowly looks back up to me with his eyes looking confused.

  Shaking his head, he asks, “What’s weird?”

  “Ah . . . You know? This.”

  I gesture between our bodies with my hands, but Tristan still looks so deadpan. He leans on his arms, resting on the table so he’s even closer to me. I suddenly squirm in my chair. With the look that he’s giving me, he instantly makes me feel a hundred different emotions. With the prominent ones being nervousness, fear, arousal and excitement.

  Molly arrives with our drinks and places them on the table. “Just a few more minutes on the food.” With that, she walked away, greeting new customers that arrived.

  Tristan’s just sitting there in the exact same way he was before the waitress came over. But now, instead of looking confused, he has this cocky half smile on him now.

/>   “Sophia, I’m not quite sure I know what you mean. Eating breakfast?”

  He damn well knows. He starts laughing a little and goes to lean back again. His quiet laugh is a turn-on, too; low and deep like that makes my stomach flip. Shit!

  Rolling my eyes, I grab my orange juice to take a drink. After I place my glass down, I square my shoulders and look him dead in the eyes. Wow.

  “No, Tristan, not eating breakfast. Well, maybe a little . . . It’s just that, I don’t know. You don’t really like me, and now we’re here trying to have breakfast like—”

  “Like what, Sophia?”

  I lower my head. I can’t really seem to stare him in the eyes anymore.

  “Like were friends or something? I don’t know. You hate me remember.”

  I look back up to him when I said the last part.

  Tristan is just blank for a moment, but then he shakes his head no.

  “I don’t hate you.” He leans over again, whispering in my ear. “I thought I made it pretty obvious that I like you.”

  My mouth drops for a second when images of him fucking me, taking me in the dressing room, in the elevator, and in his suite come to mind.

  “Here you go, kids.”

  Molly is back, placing our plates in front of us. How am I suppose to eat now? I stare down at my food. It looks delicious, but I just can’t seem to dig into it. I look back up to Tristan, and he’s cutting up his steak. Calm and cool.

  Picking up my fork, I begin cutting into my eggs. I take a bite, and it tastes just as good as it looks. The hollandaise sauce is creamy and rich.

  “Mmm . . . ”

  I close my eyes and take the flavor in, not realizing that I just moaned out loud. When I opened my eyes, Tristan is staring at me with his fork midair. “It’s, ah, really good.” He just looks at me for a minute then goes back to eating his breakfast.

  We eat most of our meal in silence. When I was almost done eating, I started up conversation again.

  “So you’ve been here before, huh?”

  Tristan stops eating and takes a drink of his coffee, nodding.

  “Yeah, about five or six times.”

  He goes back to finishing the last pieces of his steak. Seeing him cut up the meat like that with the tendons in his forearms flexing makes my mind start to wander again. Damn it! I have to yell at myself. Is everything about sex now? Well, when it’s as good as it is with Tristan, then yeah. I shake the thoughts from my head, sipping on my orange juice. Molly brings us the bill and smiles before walking away. I reach in to grab it, but Tristan’s hand grabs my wrist.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Uh, I think I’m taking the bill. What the fuck does it look like?”

  He shakes his head at me and, with his other hand, pulls the bill from my hand.

  “It’s on me.”

  He lets go of my wrist and lifts up a bit to reach for his wallet in his back pocket.

  “Tristan, I can at least get my share of the meal. After all, it was my idea to come here.”

  But he ignores me. He pulls out some bills and throws them onto the table. He takes one more drink of his coffee and stands, reaching out his hand to me. I’m just sitting here wondering what just happened. And that Tristan’s hand is reaching for me. I don’t want to keep thinking, so I did what felt right. I place my small hand into his. His hand feels firm and rough. He clamps his hand down around mine and pulls me up.

  “Come on.”

  He then tugs me behind him, still holding my hand as we walk out the restaurant. He’s moving so fast now that I have a hard time keeping up with him. Once we’re outside, I abruptly stop in my tracks. Tristan realizes it and turns around to face me.

  “What are you doing?” he asks me.

  I let go of his hand and cross my arms. Okay, I still have more to get off my chest before any sort of friendship can occur. Blowing out a breath, I just went for it.

  “Tristan, what is it that you want?”

  He stands there again, looking confused. Damn. Even his confused look is sexy as hell. I must learn to control my emotions—or I should say body—better around him.

  “Sophia what the fuck are you talking about? Let’s go. It looks like it’s going to start raining.”

  He reaches for my arm, but I pull my body away.

  “No! I need to know some things first. You just can’t be a total dick to me one minute then fuck me the next then expect a friendship from me. I don’t switch gears that fast.”

  He steps in closer to me, looking down to where I have to bend my head back just to look at him. His body is so close to mine and smells so good that I instantly become lightheaded. Breathing heavier now, I stare up at Tristan. He takes his one hand and gently caresses my cheek.

  “I’m sorry,” he says.

  Sorry for being a dick, fucking me? What? What exactly is he sorry for?

  “Tristan, I just need to know what I did that pissed you off. It’s not like I did any shit on purpose?”

  He stops caressing my cheek and places his hand at the small of my back again and leads me over to the SUV. Tristan holds the door open for me and helps me inside. The gesture is so not like his usual asshole style. He climbs in after and shuts the door.

  “Phil, take us back. Lux is setting us up with our rooms.”

  I’m just staring at him, waiting for him to elaborate more on our conversation. Phil takes off into traffic, and Tristan is just staring ahead, ignoring me almost.

  “I never hated you, Sophia. I was annoyed.”

  What? What did I do to annoy him?

  He goes on. “I was annoyed that the last band before you guys, the ones that were supposed to come on tour with us, fucked up. I was annoyed that Lux signed a new group and brought them on tour without discussing or even letting me know. And I was annoyed on how beautiful I thought you were when I first laid eyes on you, knowing damn well that I couldn’t have you.”

  Sitting there stunned at his confession, I just look out the window at busy Minneapolis driving by. I’m flattered but I’m also pissed. That doesn’t give someone the right to be a douchebag. First of all, it’s not my fault about what happened with the last band. Second, it’s not my fault that Lux didn’t let him know. And third, well, I guess it’s not my fault that he thinks I’m beautiful. But I cannot lie. It did send butterflies through me when he said that. Looking back at him, I didn’t want to keep going on with this conversation. I have bigger fish to fry, so to speak. He’s just sitting there with his arms rested on the top of the seats. He’s so huge that it pretty much takes up the whole backseat.

  “Tristan,” I say to him all quietly. I’m kind of embarrassed on where my next question is going.

  “I have to ask you something.”

  He tilts his head to the side, waiting for me to ask away. Licking my lips, I look down at my fingers, which I now notice that I’m twiddling in my lap.

  “We didn’t use condoms . . . at all. So I w— was—”

  Tristan places his hand on my fidgeting leg to keep still and answers my unfinished question.

  “I’m clean, Sophia. I get checked regularly, and besides” He shrugs and goes back into the seat. “you’re only the second person I have ever been with without a condom.”

  What? No way! Well, for my vagina’s sake, that’s good. But how can I believe him? He’s a musician for god’s sake! He knows I have doubt and smiles at me. Not in his usual teasing way either, but in a more genuine way.

  “I know, right? But I’ve been with a lot of women. I knew some were probably rats, so I always used a condom. I do have some morals for myself, Sophia.”

  With him saying that, I felt a little guilty but I had to ask for my own well-being.

  Peering over to him I smile and say, “I know you do, Tristan. I just had to ask though. For my own safety. I’ve never done anything like that before.” Gesturing my hand between us, I continue. “You know. Sleeping with someone that wasn’t. Well, wasn’t—”

  �
��Your boyfriend?” he finished for me, and I’m so embarrassed again. Biting my lip, I nod my head. I can’t keep my eyes on him right now, so I turn over to gaze back out the window.

  I can tell we’re getting closer to where the buses are parked, and I still have one more question for Tristan then everything is lifted from my chest. Tristan is resting his chin on his knuckles as he gazes out his window Clearing my throat as lightly as I can manage, I turn over to him again.

  “Tristan?”

  He looks up at me. His face has no emotion on it, but his eyes seem like he’s been deep in thought about something.

  “What’s going to happen now? I don’t mean boyfriend or girlfriend shit but . . . I just don’t want your attitude all the time. It would be nice if we can have some kind of friendship on this tour.”

  I give him my most innocent smile that I possibly can, batting my eyelashes at him, trying to pull the sweet card because there has only been two sides that Tristan has seen of me; and I wasn’t going to pull one out unless I had to and the other, well . . . If I say I hope it would never happen again, I would be lying.

  Tristan studies my face for a moment but doesn’t smile back. Oh shit. This probably wouldn’t be good, but he shrugs his shoulders at me and says, “Whatever you want, Sophia.”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Walking back to the bus, I’m confused at Tristan’s last words. Whatever I want? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I just don’t want him being a dick to me anymore, which I’m pretty sure that really won’t be the problem. And I don’’t want him thinking that I want to be his girlfriend or some groupie either.

  I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this; but if he by any chance wanted to be—oh, I don’t know—“friends with benefits,” then I’m definitely down. I’m only a woman—a woman with long pent-up desires, as a matter of fact—so maybe screwing around with him and having a little fun on the side of the tour wouldn’t be that bad, right? Oh god! I can’t believe I’m even thinking like this, but my body is overruling my mind on this one. After the tour, I will go back busying myself with the album; and Tristan will be touring in Europe. It will be like this thing has never even happened. I’m grinning on the inside right now at my devilish little plan. Right when I approach the door, it swings open. Roger is standing there, looking down at me.