Everything I Want

by Natalie Barnes

  Stepping back into the room, I notice all my boys were in there waiting for me. They all have pity in their eyes too. “What the fuck, Frankie?” I glare at him.

  I can’t believe he told them. Shit. Frankie shrugs his shoulders and looks down. “I’m sorry, hun. But they thought something happened to you. Normally, you’re never late.”

  Cory walks over and takes my bag from my hands and heads out of the room. Matt steps in front of Frankie and says, “Don’t worry about it, Sophia . . . We don’t care . . . I mean about him. You’re better than that shit anyways.” He follows Cory out and all that’s left is Jared and a very hungover-looking Roger. Jared says nothing, which I like right now, but walks over and squeezes me instead. Oh my god I want to die. It’s really not a big deal now that I think about it. I got screwed over. So what! I’ll get over it. But come on. I don’t need any pity.

  When Jared leaves Roger walks right in my face and says, “You want me to kick his ass?” I laugh at him. That’s sweet and all, but Roger. So much like the protective big brother I never had.

  Thank god he brought a genuine smile to my face. It actually feels good right now.

  “No, Roger, I don’t. I’m fine really.”

  “Well, if you want me to, I will. How can anybody hurt a sweet girl like you. If I didn’t love you like a sis, you would be a great catch. Any guy can see that.”

  Roger words touch me and I pat him on the shoulder. “I’m okay. Now let’s go. Only eight more shows left and we got to kill ’em all.”

  “Fucking right! That’s my girl.” And Roger throws his arm around me and leads me out of the room. Frankie yells behind us. “See you there, girl.” Looking over my shoulder I nod.

  Sitting off the stage, I watch the crew work around. Thank god Undead is bigger and doesn’t have to do this shit with us. I really don’t know how I’m going to feel when I see Tristan later. I keep telling myself that this was just a few fucks fling and what should’ve I expected. And surprisingly, that seems to take the edge off. Yeah fuck him. I will not yell or even exchanged glares at him anymore. I will pretend that nothing ever happened between us. I know it’s easier said than done, but hey I have to try. It was my own stupid fault for getting such strong feelings right away.

  “Sophia, you ready?” One of the crew members yell for me to sound check the mics and to see if I like the set up. I do a quick scan of the set up then I grab the mic. Doing some vocal warm ups to see how the mics sound with my voice. When I’m satisfied I walk off the stage.

  Frankie is waiting for me like he promised.

  He wraps me up in a hug. I wish everyone would stop treating me like I just lost a relative or something, but I know the more I act like nothing bothers me, then they will stop. Few long days max.

  “Girl, I have such a great costume for you tonight. I kind of got the inspiration when Holly Madison wore that peacock costume on that old show. Gawd, that was a good show! They were all so funny.” He giggles.

  “Wait a minute . . . You’re going to make me wear feathers and shit?” I quirk my eyebrow up at him.

  Shaking his head laughing he goes, “No, silly. But the colors. Oh the colors of deep blues and purples and green. The strapless corset with the sexy little short bottoms . . . You’re gonna look smoking. And wait ’til you see what I have planned for your hair and makeup. We actually have to get started so come on.” He takes my hand and leads me to the back where they have a designated area blocked off for me. Frankie pulls up a chair and begins rolling curlers into my hair. “After all, it is almost Halloween. I figure we can dress you up tonight. I even got you a masquerade mask that looks so fucking hot!” He shrieks with excitement.

  Frankie continues with my hair when I feel my phone go off again. Pulling it out, I see that I have four missed calls. All from my guys earlier and two missed texts. Both from Tristan.

  First one was sent at 2:45 a.m.

  There are no words I can say

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Rolling my eyes at such a shitty text, I scroll down to the next one he just sent me.

  Please Sophia we need to talk! Need to talk? Please! I set my phone down on the makeshift vanity Frankie has set up and lean back in my chair.

  “Are any of the other guys partaking in this Halloween-style show.” Just then, Frankie has this splitting grin going across his face.

  “Maybe” is all he says. What? He’s up to something. I just know it.

  “What do you mean ‘maybe?’” I raise my left eyebrow up at him, looking directly at him through the mirror.

  “I just gave them a shout out this morning and told them that they had to wear masks too. They we’re all for it. Well, not Roger, of course. But when I explained to him that their masquerade mask were more like ‘Slipknot’ style. He was all for it. Yours my dear, yours is different. Edgy and completely sexy.”

  When Frankie was done with me, he spins me around in my chair to face the mirror. He turned me away from it half way through. When I see myself, I go into shock. I look like I just stepped out of some mystical sensual ball. My hair is full with these huge waves and my eyes are smoky with dark purple and blues and silver lining around. And teeny little gems glued around the corners going down to my check bones. My lips are painted with this deep shiny plum lipstick. The outfit is hugging every signal curve of my body, with my breasts-like the costumes that he picked out before, bulging out. Really bulging

  201 actually. I’m afraid that one small move, nipples will be showing. My ass cheeks are peeking out of the thin black shorts he has me wearing. Their more like panties than anything else. He hands me these fingerless black elbow length gloves to put on. Some parts of them have fabric missing and replaced with sheer black nylon. After I pull up the gloves, he turns around a opens a black, expensive looking box. And inside is the most beautiful mask that I have ever seen! Made up of velvet. It has the same deep, rich colors of my costume and makeup. With crystals lining around the edges.

  “One last touch,” he says, then helps me get the mask on. I feel incredibly sensual wearing this. I also feel very powerful. For some reason, even with my entire body being so exposed, I feel protected and shielded when the mask is on me.

  “Now one more thing. To help loosen up your nerves.” Nerves? What nerves? Right when he said that, Tristan comes to mind. Damn. I guess now I do feel some nerves. Tonight I will actually have to see him again. Shit! Thank god that we head straight for the bus after the show and hit the road to LA.

  Frankie walks over two shot glasses filled with clear liquor. “I don’t want you ruining that beautiful lip job yet. So open your mouth and pour in.”

  “What?” I laugh. “You heard me girl. You need to look perfect. I mean you already are. But still, I just spent the last three hours on you so . . . ”

  Taking the glass from his hand, I cheers him without thinking of it and pour the liquid in my mouth. Wincing at the instant burn it has given me, I glare up at Frankie, who is laughing hard.

  “What in the hell was that?” I stick out my tongue, trying to cool it off. “It tastes like rubbing alcohol.” Frankie is now laughing so hard that he’s holding his gut. “It’s homemade moonshine! You love it?”

  “How in the fuck did you come across this?”

  “I have my ways. But give it time. You should be feeling pretty relaxed momentarily.”

  The sick thing was. He was right. When the burn finally subsidies, My muscles felt much looser. Damn.

  Blowing out a breath, I turn and walk my way out of the area. By myself now, walking with a good pace down the hall. I hear my heels clicking against the tile. I finally notice my boys walking around the corner ahead of me and I smile in relief. They all stop and suddenly stare. I stop too and look behind me.

  “What?” I say back to them when I see nothing behind me.

  “Fucking eh, girl!” Roger exclaims and this slow smile creeps its way across my face. Oh I take it that I look damn fine. Good. This might sound petty, but if I
can get a reaction out of my own boys like this, then maybe someone else will too. And right now nothing will give me more pleasure then to watch Tristan wriggle before me like a fucking worm on a hook. That also puts another devilish plan in my head. Okay fucker, let’s see how you can handle this extra little curve ball I’m going to throw at you tonight.

  Walking up to them, I raise my hand.

  “Hey, guys. Can we make a quick change to the ending tonight?”

  Walking up to the stage, I still haven’t run into Tristan yet. Which is kind of off because I always usually run into him before every performance. I hear the audience actually chanting our name “Dol-lar Set-tle-ment, Dol-lar Set-tle-ment!” I can’t believe this. We’re actually starting to get recognized. I hope it’s not from the video of me being gut punched. But it’s still amazing hearing it come from thousands of people.

  Right before I step onstage, I see Tristan standing off in the corner. His eyes drop down and slowly rake up and down me. It’s too dark over there where he’s standing to get a good look at his face. Chills spread all over my skin.

  I don’t stand long, I quickly pick up my pace and make my way to the stage. The lights are out right now. So no one in the audience can get a real good look at me. Walking out there though, I feel the intense heat building up on my neck from Tristan’s stare. I start to tremble.

  Grabbing the mic, I get the whistle from Matt letting me know everything is all good. They start to play “Everything Forgotten.” How ironically perfect of a song to start with. The lights start to beam softly onto the stage.

  The entire performance goes by in a complete blur. I would say a few things to the audience after every couple of songs but nothing I really remembering doing. I don’t think it’s from the shot Frankie gave me but that Tristan staring at me the entire time that has me thrown off.

  Finally I sang our last song of our set and the audience is clapping and whistling. I pick up the mic from the stand, raising my other arm up. “You guys were awesome tonight. Thank you!” They start roaring even more. “I was wondering? Would you guys mind if we do just one more for you?” The audience grows louder, cheering and screaming. My stomach starts to flip with thousands of butterflies. I look over off the stage and Tristan takes a few steps in closer. Oh my god! What is he doing?

  Hurrying up I face the crowd again. “Well you see, it’s not ours.” I shrug my shoulders and smile. “But I fucking love this band so it would be an honor to play one of their songs.” With that being said I continued on, “I was called many things in my life, but never before was I called this. Well until recently, being on this tour. Hell, a couple of times this person dedicated one of their songs to me.” The arena goes still, and I finish up with what I need to say. “I was called harlot!” My face breaks out into a splitting grin, the audience starts cheering and whistling again. “Well, this last song I would like to dedicate to that motherfucker! We’re going to do ‘Whore’ by In This Moment.” Claps and cheers, screams and more whistles erupt from them.

  I peek over my shoulder at Matt and nod to him, giving him his cue. The lights fall again and Matt starts to play with Cory.

  Placing the mic back on the stand, I take hold of it with one hand while using the other to slowly caress the side of my upper body. Swaying my hips slowly as I start to sing. The stand is right in between my legs positioned on a lazy angle.

  Roger and Jared join in now, and we really begin to jam. I place both hands on the mic now. I close my eyes tight and grip the stand firmly. Pulling the stand down as I’m bending on top of it. I start to scream into the mic when the chorus comes.

  The song is almost over with only a minute or so left. I’m at the front of the stage, squatting down while singing one of the lyrics and slowly stand back up with my knees spread out to the sides as I stand. Kind of looks like some stripper move you’d see at a club, but hey. This song is called whore and that’s pretty much how Tristan made me feel.

  Fuck him. After the last couple of screams the song is done and I take a bow for the audience. The lights go and it’s black everywhere again. All my guys walk up to me and we start to descend our way off stage.

  My nerves are back in full force again. I’m about to run into Tristan, and I have no clue what will happen. Pulling me out of thoughts, a couple of the Undead Society guys whistle. Looking over, I see Caleb and Ryan standing next to Tristan.

  “Fucking badass woman!” Caleb says to me with his chin raised. I give him a quick smile and turn to face Lux. I made sure to not make any eye contact with Tristan. I feel safer right now too because he won’t just come up and try to explain his sorry self to me either. I have all my guys around me, like I’m in my own little fortress.

  Lux’s face has this surprised look on it now. As if he’s seen me for the first time or some shit. Maybe I should tell Frankie tone it down on the sex appeal for the next show. Pulling the mask freely from my face, I blink up at him.

  “Wow” is all that Lux says. “Great job tonight, guys.” I hear the guys chuckle behind me.

  “Anyways, after Undead is done, you guys are getting right on the bus. We have a show in LA tomorrow night. Then right after that in Denver. Sophia . . . ” Lux smiles at me and nods in approval. “Excellent.” With that he turns and walks over to take a call. I started laughing. Just him saying excellent reminded me of Bill and Ted. But then my heart hurt at the same time remembering how just almost a week ago, Tristan and I were laughing at that movie.

  Roger and Matt step away to grab a beer so now I’m just standing there with Jared and Cory.

  Cory asks me, “Do you wanna drink? They got Coors light.” He’s smiling and with his teasing tone he knows that I can’t resists a nice cold Coors light. My throat is so dry from just singing. “Yeah, please. That would be cool.” Cory walks over to where the drinks our set up and now it’s just me and Jared. Jared is playing with his phone beside me when all of a sudden I feel intense heat and strength right behind me, pressing up on my back. Tristan!

  Turning around I look up at him. Just the way I told myself earlier I would act. Nothing ever happened. He’s nothing to me. His jaw is clenched, but his eyes look pained. Turning back around I grab Jared’s elbow. “Come on, let’s get a drink.” I have nothing to say to Tristan anymore.

  “Sure.” Jared tucks his phone away and as we start to go over to the table where Cory is standing. Tristan reaches out and grips my elbow. Making me come to a sudden stop, which then made Jared come to a stop too.

  Letting go of him, I point to him to indicate I would be right over. He looks at me then to Tristan and back at me. He doesn’t want to leave my side. My sweet Jared. “Are you sure?” he whispers and I nod at him again. “Well, okay then.” And he takes off. Whipping around to face Tristan now, I’m sure my expression says “don’t fuck with me.”

  “What!” I firmly say to him. But he just stares down at me with his lips slightly parted. Breathing heavily.

  “What?” I ask again. Getting annoyed now, I take a couple steps back, crossing my arms.

  “Tristan! Ready?” I hear his band call after him as they start to make their way on stage now.

  Tristan doesn’t move. Instead he takes a step closer to me. I don’t move back either. Him being so close sends a whirl of emotions through me, and I can’t grasp just one to feel exactly at this moment. Breathing in his scent is starting to make my lungs feel full and my chest ache.

  “Go, Tristan,” I softly say to him and I walk over to Jared and Cory for my drink. Tristan doesn’t stop me this time and instead, just goes on stage.

  Tristan is so calm right now that it’s kind of eerie. He would usually just grab me or yell something. But now he just stands there. Well he really doesn’t have any room to yell. The motherfucker was the one fucking someone else when just a few hours before, he wanted something more with me. So yeah, he has no room to talk.

  Grabbing my beer I take a long drink. I hear that the band starting up, and I certainly don’t wan
t to stand around this time. “Wanna go down to the back and start our own little party?” I ask Cory and Jared. “Fuck yeah!” Roger comes crashing into the center of us. I laugh a little. Roger so bold and blunt. I just love it.

  We all grab a few beers each and make our way to the back room. I kick off my shoes when we walk in, so now I’m barefoot. Matt pulls out his phone and connects it to a dock. We can hear Undead Society faintly in the background, echoing down the hall.

  Matt puts on some older Hollywood Undead, and we cheer our beers.

  “To a great fucking show tonight!” Roger says.

  We sit around the table, laughing and drinking.

  “Remember that time when Cory brought home those two Asian women?” Roger starts laughing.

  “I asked him to share and he wouldn’t.”

  “Fuck that, man! You’d get them dirty.” Cory laughs back.

  “Oh my god, you guys were so bad. I’m surprised that your dicks haven’t fallen off yet.” I tease as I bring my drink up to my mouth. I’m feeling buzzed and it’s so what I need right now.

  “Hey, we use condoms! Shit.” Cory says back.

  Going back and forth on old stories I soon realize that Undead is probably almost done now. Rising to my feet, I pick up my beer.

  “Wanna head for the bus now?”

  They all start to stand too. “Sure.” They all say, and we walk out and start making our way down the hall. Off to the left I start to see one by one the other guys walking out too. Then I notice Tristan. His eyes have once again have this dangerous shimmer in them. He doesn’t look around at anyone else but starts to make his way toward me. I pick up my pace, sandwiching myself between Jared and Matt. Cory and Roger a few feet ahead of us talking to Gunner and Caleb as they walk down the hall.

  I can feel Tristan coming up quickly and before I can sprint he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me back, crashing my backside into his hard chest.