The Carnal Prayer Mat (Rou Putuan)

by Li Yu

  "Whatever is this position? Why would anyone go in for such disgusting behavior instead of doing it the wholesome way?"

  "Which one is that?" asked Flora. "Let me see."

  Cloud handed it to her. "This method is taken from literature," Flora announced after a glance. "Surely you know that?"

  "Where is it from? We're not at all clear," said Cloud.

  "From a work called I Want to Get Married. Have you read it?"

  "No. Please tell us about it."

  "There was once a beautiful girl who lived next door to a handsome student. The student fell sick because of his love for the girl and asked someone to go to her and give her the following message: 'If I could meet you just once, I'd die content. I wouldn't dream of doing anything improper.'

  "The girl was so affected by his pathetic plea that she felt obliged to consent. When they met, she sat on his lap and let him hug, fondle, and kiss her to his heart's content; but she would not let him have sex. When he asked, she told him, 'I want to get married, so it's out of the question.' The student, who was by now in a state of intolerable frustration, knelt down and begged her, but she still refused, repeating the words, 'I want to get married,' and adding, 'The reason you wished to meet me was that I'm pretty and you wanted to fulfill your deepest desire by being close to me and touching me. Now that I'm sitting on your lap letting you fondle me all over, you can fulfill your desire. Why do you have to ruin me? I want to keep my maidenhead and become a bride one day. It may not matter now if I lose it, but when I get married, should my husband notice, I'll never be able to hold up my head again as long as I live. It's out of the question.'

  "'But when a man has intercourse with a woman,' said the student, 'this three-inch thing has to go in there for it to count as love. Otherwise they're nothing more than strangers. No matter how close our bodies are, no matter how we touch, my heart's desire will never be fulfilled.' This time he knelt down and refused to get up.

  "Unable to withstand his pleas, the girl hung her head in thought and came up with a stopgap solution. 'I want to get married,' she said, 'and so I definitely cannot let you do this. But what would you say if I found something else for you?' 'What else is there, apart from this?' 'You'll have to try the back instead of the front and satisfy your heart's desire by putting your three-inch thing in there. That's my last word on the subject!'

  "Daunted by her firm tone, the student could protest no more, but accepted the stopgap solution and began to copulate with her by treating the rear courtyard as if it were the front. This method is taken from that story. How can you be so ignorant, not to have read such a good book?"

  Her nieces were upset by her supercilious tone and apprehensive lest she put on airs during the sex itself, so they dropped the cards and withdrew for consultation, united in their desire to take her down a peg.

  The three days Flora had been parted from Vesperus seemed like nine years to her, and she could hardly wait for the others to withdraw before beginning to pet. They had embraced and exchanged kisses and endearments before the other women returned and told the maids to set out the wine.

  Vesperus sat at the head of the table, with Flora opposite him and the young women on either side. After several rounds of drinks, Flora had the cards brought in so that each of them could pick one and serve the wine accordingly. Her nieces objected: "After looking at the cards, we'll be so distracted by thoughts of sex that we won't be able to touch the wine. Let's play some other game now, drink until the wine takes effect, and then bring out the cards. There'll be nothing to stop us from both serving wine and having sex as shown on the cards."

  "You're right," said Vesperus. Lucky Pearl passed over the dice box and called on Vesperus to start.

  "It's too much effort playing dice," he said. "Why don't we play Prima guess-fingers, [84] to settle the order for the wine now and the sex later. What do you say, ladies?"

  Flora, who knew her Classic of Guess-fingers by heart, beamed at this suggestion; she could hardly wait to be declared Prima in order to put them all in their places. The only thing that bothered her was the thought that if she won, she would have to have sex first, even though she was the one who needed to hear other people's cries. How could she bear to be in the vanguard? She was in a quandary.

  "The order we do it in," she said to Vesperus at last, "need not be the order we finish in. Let it be up to the Prima to decide whether she goes first or last."

  "Very well," said Vesperus.

  That settled, they extended five snow-white fists and began to play, beginning with Vesperus and ending with Lucky Jade. Flora was indeed an expert and quickly won first place. As Prima, she did not wait to see who would become Secunda and Tertia, but immediately issued an order: "Since I am Prima, I will be Magister Ludi. Not only must the Old Scholar pass my test, even Secunda and Tertia must accept my rulings. Anyone who disobeys will have to drink a large cup as forfeit."

  "In that case," said Vesperus, "may I ask that you post your rules well in advance, so that they are laid down once and for all and there is no room for any doubt or suspicion."

  "With regard to the number of cups," said Flora, "we'll start with Prima and go as far as Tertia, increasing the amounts as we go. The Old Scholar will stand to one side and hold the winepot. [85] She is entitled to pour but not to drink. The order for sex will be exactly the opposite, running from Tertia to Prima, again increasing the amounts as we go. The Old Scholar will stand to one side and remain strictly neutral, permitted to wipe up but not take part."

  "Those rules are all very fine," said Vesperus, "but you haven't thought them through. If by some chance your humble servant becomes the Old Scholar and cannot take part, none of you will be able to do a thing. What then? Won't you be falling foul of your own laws?"

  "Of course, but I've already thought of that. You'll be exempt from the examination. I'm appointing you Overseer, for assignment later."

  "But then I'll be able to take part in the sex and not in the drinking!"

  "You will get more wine than ever," said Flora. "When Prima drinks, you'll drink with her, and when Secunda and Tertia drink, you'll drink with them. But you're not to put yourself out for the Old Scholar, who will be serving us, or it will mean a large forfeit."

  "I'll have to push myself to the limit to keep up with all three of you! It doesn't bother me at all that the Old Scholar isn't competing. Let her suffer!" said Vesperus.

  Although the sisters had given their aunt a wry look or two, they had allowed her to go on issuing orders without raising any objections. Fortunately they had foreseen the problem and held their conclave, at which they had come up with a brilliant plan. But they kept it to themselves, uncertain whether they would have a chance to apply it.

  "You are the Overseer," they said to Vesperus. "You ought to make your presence felt when the Magister Ludi is being unfair and impeach her instead of toadying to the old tyrant. If she goes on like this, we shall make a big fuss and reject her authority altogether."

  "If I'm acting unfairly," said Flora, "there's no need for the Overseer to impeach me. Just make the charges openly and, if they are sustained, I'll drink a forfeit."

  Having set the rules, Flora exempted Vesperus and told the three girls to compete again, which they did, finishing, as if by supernatural means, in precisely the order of their seniority: Cloud as Secunda, Lucky Pearl as Tertia, and Lucky Jade, who was too delicate for vigorous sex anyway, as the Old Scholar. (She was the only candidate who hadn't passed, so it was appropriate that she humble herself and, as the youngest, take on the burden when there was work to be done.) [86]

  When the game was over, Flora called upon Lucky Jade to serve the wine, one cup for her, two cups for Cloud, and three for Lucky Pearl, all of whom were accompanied in their drinking by Vesperus. Then, when they had drunk the wine, she ordered Lucky Jade to shuffle the cards and place them on the table, after which she was to stand to one side in a neutral position, ready to wipe up while the others had sex. Jade did not d
are disobey, but did as she was told.

  "With the first of us," Flora said to Vesperus, issuing her orders again, "you'll be restricted to one hundred strokes and with the second to two hundred. If you are one stroke over or under the count, you'll drink a forfeit accordingly. It's entirely their luck if they spend; you are not responsible for seeing to it. After that it will be my turn. The Magister Ludi is in a different position from the other players. No matter how many strokes it takes, you must go on until I spend. In the first two cases the score will be kept by the Old Scholar, and any discrepancy will be punished."

  She turned to her nieces. "Pick up the top card and follow the method shown on it. Whether it's to your liking or not is all a matter of luck; you can't change cards. To pass, you need to imitate the model exactly. The slightest discrepancy will be punished with a wine forfeit as well as a reduction in the number of strokes."

  "If we don't imitate the model, of course we'll drink a forfeit," said Lucky Pearl. "But what happens if the Magister Ludi fails?"

  "If she fails, she will have to drink three forfeit cups and repeat the test until she passes."

  "In that case the top card is mine," said Lucky Pearl.

  "Correct," said Flora.

  The card Lucky Pearl picked up showed a woman lying on a bed with her legs apart but not raised in the air and a man's body some three feet away. He was supporting himself with his arms and facing her as he thrust-a position known as The Dragonfly Skims the Surface. Having offered the card in evidence, Lucky Pearl set to work to imitate it. Stripping off her trousers, she lay on the bed while Vesperus mounted her and played the dragonfly, skimming madly without pause. Lucky Pearl was intent on pleasing the Magister Ludi and getting her excited, so she did not wait to feel pleasure before crying out. For every skim she gave a cry, and then, after sixty or seventy, she began giving several cries to each skim, until Vesperus reached his quota and stopped.

  "Now it's my turn," said Cloud, picking up the next card. It showed a woman lying on a lounge chair and a man standing in front of it with her feet over his shoulders. He was support ing himself with his arms on the chair and pushing vigorously-a position known as Pushing the Boat Downstream.

  Placing the card in evidence, she lay on the lounge chair and imitated the position with Vesperus. Her cries were quite different from Pearl's, however. Since a boat is easy to push downstream, the water rushing past tends to produce sounds from under the bows that, swelling together with those from beneath the hull, are delightful to listen to, are they not? [87] And if they were delightful to listen to, you may be sure that Cloud's expression was something to behold.

  When Flora had eavesdropped on lewd cries before, the girl had been hidden from sight; she had never actually seen anyone's expression in the moment of rapture. Now she not only heard something she had never heard before, she also saw something she had never seen, and her sexual excitement was far more intense than on those occasions when she had signaled her readiness with a cough. She could wait not a moment longer.

  As soon as Cloud had received her complement, Flora stood up. "Now it's the Magister Ludi's turn. Move aside and let me on stage."

  As she picked up a card with one hand, her other hand was already at her trousers, undoing her belt. But when she looked at the card, her face blanched in fear and the hand with the card in it sagged limply to her side. "We can't use this one," she declared. "I'll have to change it."

  Her nieces were up in arms. First they hid the rest of the cards, then they came and looked at the one she had chosen. What position did it show, do you suppose? None other than that of the story I Want to Get Married, the technique in which the woman raises her buttocks in the air and engages in anal sex with her partner.

  How can such a coincidence be accounted for? Of all the cards, how was it that she picked this particular one? In fact the coincidence was the result of the young women's plan. They had assumed it would fall to one of them to shuffle the cards and had marked this one so that it could be dealt to their aunt. When Flora ruled that the Magister Ludi would go last, Lucky Jade, in shuffling the cards, had put this one third from the top, and Flora had duly picked it up. However, the coincidence may not have been entirely the result of human ingenuity. Excess of any kind is anathema to the Creator, and Flora's overweening arrogance may also have played a part in her downfall.

  After inspecting the card, the three urged her to take off her trousers, but she adamantly refused. "I appeal to you to consider whether it is even feasible-especially with that object of his. Just think a moment."

  "Out of the question!" they replied. "We're all in the same boat. If we'd picked up that card, would you have let us off? Moreover, you were the one who ruled that we were not to change cards. The methods on the cards were familiar to you and you alone; we were totally ignorant, remember? If you thought this method so impossible, why didn't you remove the card? Now that you've taken it, there's nothing more to be said. Come on, off with your trousers, or we'll shame you by pulling them off."

  "A fine Overseer you are!" they said, turning to Vesperus. "Why don't you say or do something? Do we have to strip her and hand her over to you?"

  "It's not that I'm playing favorites," said Vesperus. "The trouble is that her behind cannot take this thing of mine. We ought to allow her another means of reparation and let her drink a few extra cups of wine instead."

  "Utter rot!" they retorted. "If wine can substitute for sex, we would have opted for it, too. None of us is so shameless as to want to undress and make a spectacle of herself."

  Vesperus saw that the three sisters were adamant. Even Flora hung her head in despair, at a loss for words.

  "There's nothing else for it," said Vesperus. "But let me ask you ladies to allow her a way out and not be too strict. Let her take down her trousers and give a token demonstration only."

  But Cloud and Lucky Jade would allow no substitutions. They accepted no leniency and were still insisting on actual sex when Lucky Pearl gave them a broad wink. "All we need is a token demonstration," said Pearl. "We certainly won't insist on a strict application of the law."

  "That's easily settled, then," said Vesperus, seizing Flora and trying to pull down her trousers. At first she stubbornly refused, but she could not hold out against his entreaties and at length grudgingly consented, removing her trousers and lying facedown on the lounge chair. He took out his penis, wiped a good deal of spit on it, and tapped it once on the outside of her anus. Flora began to squeal and tried to get up, refusing to let him proceed.

  All this while the three wicked young women had been waiting there with their murderous hands at the ready. The words Lucky Pearl had accompanied with a wink had been designed to trick Flora into taking off her trousers, and now that she had done so and was lying on the chair, they came forward. One held her head down, while a second held her hands fast, preventing her not only from getting up and escaping but even from changing her position or twisting her buttocks to one side. And the third, the wickedest of all, hid behind Vesperus and chose the very moment when he was tapping at her anus to give him a mighty shove, driving his penis in to fully half its length, whereupon she wrapped her arms around his waist and pushed and pulled while Flora squealed like a slaughtered pig and cried over and over, "Spare me! Spare me!"

  "It's no laughing matter when someone's life is at stake!" said Vesperus. "Have mercy!"

  She ruled that the Magister Ludi was in a different position from the rest of us. No matter how many strokes it took, you were to go on until she spent. Ask her if she's spent or not."

  "I've spent! I've spent!" said Flora. Because she was so obviously in distress, and because Vesperus kept imploring them, her nieces had to let her go.

  When she got up, she looked like a corpse. Unable to speak and unsteady on her feet, she had to call a maid to come and help her home.

  Later her anus swelled up, she had bouts of fever and shivering, and had to keep to her bed for three or four days, just as if she had
suffered a major illness.

  Afterward, although bitterly resentful, she was so eager to join in their activities that she could not afford to remain hostile. As the old saying goes, "If you want to be friends with someone, first take him to court." The aunt and her nieces had been at loggerheads, but following this quarrel they patched up their friendship and the one man and four women shared the same bed and enjoyed pleasures too numerous to recount.

  Vesperus had arranged with Fragrance to stay away no more than three months so as to be back in time for the baby's birth. But he had been so preoccupied with sex that he had quite forgotten his promise, and by the time he recalled it, the three months had elapsed. He sent Satchel off to inquire and found that Fragrance had given birth to twin girls. Flora and the sisters contributed to a party in Vesperus's honor and celebrated with him for several days before sending him on his way.

  Fragrance was afraid the babies would be a burden to her and prevent her from enjoying herself, so the moment they were born, she hired two wet nurses to look after them at home. As a result she was leading as carefree a life as if she had never given birth and, when Vesperus walked in one month later, she promptly called on him to draw up his forces and engage her in battle again. She was intent on collecting all of the accumulated debts she was owed. How could she have foreseen that "the people were exhausted and the treasury was bare," and that he could not even raise an army?

  What was the reason? For four or five months now Vesperus, a lone male, had been pitted against four women. What's more, he had indulged his debaucheries by day as well as by night. Even an iron penis would have been worn down by such an ordeal, even a river of semen would have been sucked dry. How could he be anything else but debilitated in body and mind? A few months away from her, and she was forced to look at him with an entirely different eye! From that moment forward Fragrance deeply regretted what she had done.