A Cheating Man's Heart

by Derrick Jaxn

  Reaching for dear life.

  Then I did it again.

  And again.

  She was only breathing in between the strokes. Short, quick, and controlled breaths.

  Another 10 minutes went by and I could feel the sweat beading up on the end of my nose, but I had found a steady rhythm. The V cut of my stomach was meeting the V-shaped opening of her legs at a place called Ecstasy downtown.

  The headboard was slamming the wall with the weight of my body thrusting into her.

  We didn't care.

  I gave myself permission to pick her up.

  I rarely did this since football practice kicked my ass. Besides, Danielle wasn't exactly skin and bones. A solid 170 pounds curved to perfection under a smooth, mahogany lamina . But I was built to handle every bit of it.

  I slowed down to a grind and let her legs fall into my biceps so she could reach my neck. I felt her fingers lock into place like the seatbelt of a roller coaster does before it takes you on a ride.

  I stood up again, both of my hands clenching her ass, swinging her into my body like a pendulum.

  Her moans turned into screams so loud it drowned out the music. I could tell I was going deeper. That stop sign at the end of her vagina was starting to hurt, but dammit I was late for work. There was no stopping me.

  I kept going, faster, deeper. No signs of fatigue. The sweat between our bodies made the smacking noises louder.

  About five minutes in, she sang, "I'm 'bout to come, Superman." It sent my adrenaline through the roof and I grabbed her ass tighter, speeding up, maneuvering with more aggression.

  I felt her legs locking up around me and she screamed like I was giving her the winning lottery ticket. Her orgasm was consuming her, and exciting me.

  Her screams gradually went back to moans and then subsided to her trying to catch her breath again. I laid her down on the edge of the bed and pulled out. I felt her trying to roll over like we always did when we were done.

  I said, "Where are you going? No. Where do you think you are going?" still standing over her, as profoundly erect as when I started.

  "I'm...but...wait...what's going on? We just did all that, and you want even more pussy?"

  "Little boys get pussy. I get stomach. And yeah, I want more."

  By the time she tried to open her mouth to form a word, it was too late. I was already on one knee, tongue deep between her thighs.

  What was supposed to be her sentence turned into a mumble. A pleasant one.

  Her back arched and I felt her hands on the top of my head.

  Kelly Rowland's Motivation was playing now. I even bobbed my head and flicked my tongue inside her to the rhythm of the beat. Kelly Rowland had a beautiful voice, but it was nothing compared to the notes my baby was hitting for me.

  I felt myself getting my second wind. I still had yet to come, but that wasn't my priority. She was.

  I kept licking in and around her vagina, down to her ass, and back up again.

  I saw her hands clench the sheets and her toes popped from curling so hard.

  "Shit," she groaned, as her body jerked.

  I growled on her clit, reaching down with one hand to make sure I was still at attention.

  I stood up again, my face glossy.

  "Turn over,"

  She obeyed. Eyes closed, she rolled over and asked, "What you tryna do to me..."

  "And stop talking." I said.

  "Mmhmm," she moaned, smiling with her eyes closed.

  I got on the bed and closed her legs so I could straddle her. One hand reaching to grab the headboard and the other guiding myself into her.

  Home training went clean out the door and locked it behind itself. My alter ego was making an appearance. He was fresh out of prison and a menace to society.

  Once I had my balance, I took my hand off the headboard and put it on her neck and put my other hand on her lower back.

  The length of me reintroduced us, and the slapping of her ass against my waist was applauding our return.

  "Shit..... Shit... Shit.. Shit," she yelled getting louder every time. "I'm about to come again."

  I went harder and faster and faster. Driving reckless. No license.

  No time to waste.

  Damn near airborne.

  I felt my body tensing up.

  Caught a glimpse of us in the mirror that was on the dresser. I could see the streetlights peeking through the blinds, hitting the highlights of my back muscles and the curve of her ass. It turned me on even more.

  I was getting ready to come, and I tried to hold it in. She screamed.

  I went harder. She lost all regard for our neighbors and screamed some more.

  My abs tightened and I couldn't hold it.

  I took the lead, she sang along, and there we were. Harmonizing and enjoying the pinnacle of physical chemistry we'd only heard legends about.

  I pulled out. I said something, not sure if it was actual words, but it was vulgar. And honest.

  A few moments later, I relaxed back onto my knees, panting.

  I stepped back onto the floor, knees damn near buckling, and went and grabbed us a few towels. She still hadn't moved from the position I left her in.

  That night was a soliloquy. I knew I had put it down by the first two words she said when we were done.

  "You okay?"

  "Yeah, are you okay?"

  "I can't feel my legs. But fuck ém. I'm better than okay. I'm magnificent. You was in me like you had something on your chest though. Damn boy."

  "I mean, I did. I needed you to know that you still turn me on. And that one time of me bailing out wasn't a reflection of whether or not you have my attention. Baby, you have my full attention. Besides, I had to make it mine if it didn't already have my name on it."

  "Well, your name is all over it. Cursive writing. Size 14 font. Double spaced and everything, your name is on this. Felt like you was tryna put your name on my stomach too. Did you grow?"

  I couldn't keep back the grin. "Pretty sure I have."

  "Is that right?" She said laughing. "Well, don't grow no more or I'm cutting you off. You're not about to tilt my uterus."

  I didn't even know you could do that. Instead of trying to figure it out, I just left the compliment be and pulled her closer.

  I didn't have enough energy to finish the conversation anyway. I was spent. My sex game was usually pretty exceptional. I was young, healthy, athletic, not overly endowed but enough so that I wasn't ashamed to go free-balling in some sweat pants on occasion. But this time, I outdid myself. It felt like I had a crowd cheering and Rocky Balboa himself in my corner, telling me I could do it.

  It was electric yet exhausting. People who claimed to do that day in and day out were either liars or didn't have a day job.

  ***

  I woke up the next morning. My phone's alarm was unwelcomingly reliable once again, but I couldn't stop it because I couldn't find it. I forgot I had kicked my phone under the bed the night before and was still half sleep, not to mention pissed that I had to get out the bed without a few minutes to adjust.

  Reaching under the bed and feeling around, I finally found my phone. Pressed the dismiss icon to make it shut up. I wasn't prepared for what I saw next.

  87 missed calls. All of them from Jazmin.

  But there was only one voicemail. I knew something had to be wrong. I called my voicemail to listen to the message.

  I could hear her crying uncontrollably with words in between the sobbing. "Shawn.....oh my God, please just pick up.... I don't know what I'm going to do..... I can only see red right now...and I think something's wrong with my shoulder.....Lewis....he came back.....I ran and I fought, but he was just too strong...Shawn....please.....please Shawn pick up....Oh my God...What am I doing...I'm so sorry....I shouldn't be doing this....." End of message.

  My heart sank and what felt like the Georgia peach formed a lump in my throat.

  I started panicking. Jazmin was in trouble.

  I had no idea
that's what she was calling for the night before. I needed to go over there and check on her.

  It was still early and Danielle was sleeping. I didn't want her to wake up just so she could start asking me questions I'd have to try and dodge. But I had to move quickly because she'd be waking up for class any minute so I grabbed my shoes and tip toed out the front door.

  Hopping down the steps one leg at a time, trying to get my shoes on, I tried to call her. No ring, just voicemail.

  Not a good sign.

  I got in the car and sped out onto the highway. That was the longest drive to her house I'd ever taken. I did my best to block out my imagination, but it got the best of me. I was scared for her.

  I pulled in and ran up to the door. Knocked a few times. No answer. I walked back outside and looked in the parking lot and didn't see her car.

  The voicemail she left was apparently after Lewis had gone, but I was wondering, did he come back?

  I went and got back into my car and turned my phone on loud in case she called. Turned the music up full blast, and still it wasn't enough to distract me from her cries for my help in my voicemail inbox. Cries that I had kicked under the bed. Damn.

  I felt like a complete jerk and my timing couldn't have been worse.

  I got home and opened the door to the smell of breakfast cooking. I walked in the kitchen and saw Danielle still in her underwear but with heels on and her hair slightly teased.

  She turned around when she heard me come, then walked up to me; teeth showing, spatula still in hand.

  "Hey, baby. A little early for you to be checking the mail, isn't it? You expecting something?" she said as she reached up and kissed me.

  "Uh, what do you mean mail?"

  "Well, didn't you just go check the mail? I assumed you went down to the mailbox because you left your wallet." She looked on the table where my wallet sat.

  "Oh, right. The mail. Yeah I checked it. Nothing important though," I said, lying through my teeth. This was becoming more and more of a habit.

  "Yeah, I figured. Anyway, I'm making your favorite; waffles, eggs, and sausage with some orange juice. Just how you like."

  "Thanks, babe, you're the best. But, ain't it 'bout time you get to class? You gon' be late."

  "Oh no, I'm not gonna make it to class today. Not after what you did to me last night." She closed her eyes for a second in reflection. "I don't know what got into you. It's like you were an animal. I like it. I say the animal stays."

  She looked at me again with a little less glow. "Superman, what's wrong? You're acting strange."

  "Wrong? Nothing's wrong, I'm just a little sleepy, that's all. You're right, last night was pretty wild. I guess it just took a lot out of me." I couldn't fake very well, but I think she bought it.

  "Okay, well, breakfast is just about done so you can go get back in the bed and I'll bring it to you. Tiger. Rawwr," she said, making tiger claws.

  I was glad one of us was in a good mood. I expected to be right in the clouds with her but just my luck, life had different plans.

  It always seemed to happen that way. You plan a pretty picnic, fresh fruit, sandwich essentials, wine, a nice freshly cut lawn in the middle of a huge park that not many people know about, then sure enough, you realize the weather man didn't deserve his job and the rain clouds come running in despite all your preparation.

  Life had handed me lemon after lemon, and the best lemonade I could make was spilling down my shirt.

  I was getting stressed again.

  I checked my phone. Still no call from Jazmin. Whether I checked my phone or didn't, it seemed like everything just made me more curious as to what was going on with her.

  I could hardly enjoy the moment I was supposed to be having with Danielle. She was showing her appreciation for my hard work the night before and doing a damn good job. Breakfast, in what would have been the bed, all while wearing heels and sexy underwear.

  I couldn't catch a break, but I didn't need this to trickle over into my relationship any more than it already had. I sucked it up, found a smile to wear, and continued on with my morning-after treat. But my mind was everywhere except the same room I was sitting in.

  I came out of practice later that day to see a missed call from Jazmin. I had been wondering all day when or if she would finally get back in touch with me. Surely she saw my missed calls and unless she was pissed off about me not answering, I at minimum expected an update on her condition.

  I was about to leave my locker, and then I caught the tail end of a conversation going on beside me from some of my teammates.

  "Man, that boy Lewis done messed around and caught a charge," one of them said.

  "Shit, how that happen?" the other replied.

  "You know that crazy ass braud he be with? Jazmin?"

  "Jazmin with the fat ass?"

  "Hell, yeah, her. They got into it. She tryna say he put hands on her. Had the police out there ‘n’ shit late as hell."

  "That's why you can't fuck with these females out here bruh. They gon' stay gettin' ya caught up."

  "Shit, yeen gotta tell me. If anything we doing, it's smashin'. That's it. Niggas be tryna wife ém up and shit like this happen. Won't get me."

  They split ways and headed to the showers.

  I didn't want to return the call in the locker room with everyone around. Clearly she was the front page news on campus, so I hopped in the shower and came back to grab my things. With my scalp still soaked, I made it outside and called her back.

  "Hello," she said calmly. That put my mind at ease.

  "Hey, Jaz, I'm sorry I couldn't get to my phone last night. I didn't hear it ringing...are you all right? What happened?"

  "Yeah, I'm better now anyway. I apologize for that message, I shouldn't have left it. And...honestly I don't even want to talk about it. I just need to take a break to think things through for a while. Everything's happening a little too fast."

  "Jaz, it's me. You can talk to me about anything. Look, I'm on my way, just let me in when I get there, okay?"

  "Okay cool."

  I usually had a grace period of about 15 or so minutes before Danielle's mind would start inquiring on my whereabouts after practice. She knew my work schedule like clockwork, even helped me remember when I needed to be at work sometimes, so I knew I had to be sharp.

  The sex we just had gave me a bit of a leg to stand on but even that wouldn't be enough if I got another strike. I pulled into Jazmin's complex and saw her car parked and the lights on through her window.

  I knocked a few times.

  "Hey, it's me."

  She opened the door, and it took every bit of self-control to keep my cool. Her eye was swollen shut on the left and bloodshot red on the right side. Her face was discolored from the bruises, and her lip had a gash on it.

  I lit up with anger for the bastard who was responsible and filled with sympathy for her at the same time. Despite all of that, I calmly walked in and took a seat.

  "So...you're not going to say anything?"

  "What you mean?" I said. I wasn't sure exactly how to lead with the conversation. Everything was moving so fast in my mind and there was no particular place I could start that would make any sense.

  "About me being all beat up. I know you see it."

  "I mean, yeah, I see it. It looks like it hurts. Does it?" I had a knack for asking dumb questions.

  "Yeah, but it's not that bad. The doctor said they'll all heal up in a month or so. Gave me some meds to take in the meantime. I should be fine."

  "When did you go to the doctor? You drove?"

  "Yeah, I drove. Who else was going to drive?" As soon as she said that, there was this awkward silence that pointed at me.

  "Jazmin, I'm sorry. I didn't know what was going on last night or I swear to you I would've picked up. I put that on everything. I had no idea."

  "It's okay Shawn, it's not your fault. I had it coming anyway. I should've known better than to pick a fight with him. He's fucking crazy and I knew i
t."

  "No. That's not your fault. It doesn't matter what you did, he should've never put his hands near you. He's a coward. Man, I wish I coulda been here. These dudes stay tryna put their hands on females, but when another guy the same size approaches them, they won't even speak out of turn."

  "Calm down. Really, it's fine. I survived and I reported it to the police. There's a restraining order and a warrant out for his arrest. He'll get his eventually."

  "So what exactly happened? Did he randomly come and bust down the door or what?"

  "No, he didn't. He asked could he come over, so I said sure. We started talking and it started out as an apology on his part. But it was half-hearted, like he wanted me to apologize too. But come on, that ain't no real apology if you're only doing it to get one out of the other person. So I told him that, and I guess it offended him. He got in my face about it, and this time I didn't back down. I always back down, but not this time. I stood up to him. Finally."

  "So then what?"

  "What do you mean, so then what? What do you think? He beat my ass."

  "No, I mean like what happened afterwards? Did the neighbors call the police or something?"

  "Actually, no they didn't. I guess they were all sleeping or maybe doing what you were doing."

  "Look, Jaz, I said I was sorry. You know I would've been here had I known."

  "Calm down, I'm just messin' with you. But he missed on one of his punches so I slipped out and ran into the bathroom and locked it. Eventually he gave up on yelling and waiting on me to come out. So he left."

  "Well, you wouldn't have had to run had you had the gun."

  "I would have to run...from the law. My ass would be on First 48 right now asking for a bottled water and my lawyer."

  "Your ass would also be seeing out of both eyes without the red tint too. Jaz, just take the damn gun. If not for you, then for me."

  "I told you before, I'm no killer, and that's exactly what I'll be if I had a gun. It's some bitches I already can't stand, I wouldn't even make it to Lewis before I used up that one bullet you gave me. And God forbid I really need it and drop it. I'd be out of luck for real then."

  I couldn't believe that she was still refusing to have protection on her as she talked through a sore jaw and blinked through bloodshot red eyes.