by Derrick Jaxn
"Yeah, she has," I said, wondering where she was going with this questionnaire.
"Then yup."
"Yup what?"
"Another fish is already swimming in her sea," she said.
I stood up. "Jaz, that's not funny and I'm not laughing."
"You need to wake up, Shawn. What, you think you're the only one unhappy wondering if this is for you while she's at home twiddling her thumbs? More than likely she's feeling the same way, and from what you told me, she's already taking action."
"Nah, not Danielle. She wouldn't do that. I know she wouldn't."
"How come? Because she said so? Yeah, that's pretty solid evidence."
I got up and headed to the door. She rushed over and put herself between the door and me.
"Shawn, I know you're frustrated right now. I've known you for years and I can tell when something's bothering you. But you have to do what's best for you and that's find out where you stand with this before it goes on any longer. You could be trying to force this while someone else out there is a better fit for you," she said, looking at me, getting close enough that our noses could almost touch.
It was then that I realized what was going on. She was coming on to me. Her whole demeanor had changed.
I had never known her to be the one to throw hints; actually she had always done the exact opposite; very direct, blunt, and without tact. But there was that undeniable look in her eye she had a few years ago when I first met her.
It was mature now, more womanly, but still the same lustful gaze as before. She put one hand on my chest, gently clenching my shirt and focused on my lips as she cocked her head slightly to the side and came closer.
She got on her tippy toes and closed her eyes as she came all the way in for the kiss, and then my reflexes unfroze me long enough to side-step away.
"Jazmin...what are you doing?!" I said, whispering and yelling at the same time.
She opened her eyes again then looked at me embarrassed. "I...I don't know. Something just came over me."
"No-hell it didn't. Nothing ever just 'comes over you'."
"Okay, so maybe I meant to do it, but it felt natural like you wanted it too."
"Wanted what?"
"To kiss me."
"No, I didn't. I thought we were just friends. What's gotten into you?"
"Nothing's gotten into me. You were sending me vibes like that's what you wanted. Why else would you be over here when you and ya girl beefing?"
I stopped a minute to think. She flipped everything around on me in just that short amount of time. "I'm over here 'cause I needed somebody to talk to. Look, maybe it's best if I just leave," I said, going back to the door again. This time she didn't try to stop me.
I got in my car and started it up. The music was still blasting as loud as I had it before, scaring the hell out of me so I turned it off. I sat there, staring back at the door, trying to figure out if what I thought just happened really just happened. It would've been awkward if for whatever reason, she came back to the window to see that I was still there so I pulled out of the parking lot and started back home.
I wasn't expecting that at all. Over the last few years, I had actually started seeing Jazmin as just a friend, nothing more. I even stopped looking at her ass when she walked by which was a huge achievement for me.
Even though I put on a good face while I was there, something about the whole situation didn't exactly offend me. Actually, it turned me on. I loved being dominant in the bedroom, but confidence is always sexy and you need a lot of it to make as bold a move as she did.
In my mind, I was ashamed I even put myself in that situation, but I felt my hormones wishfully-thinking about what I could've done with her. How I had changed in the bedroom so much since we were just 18-year-olds, and I how I could make her recant that statement about me not being too creative with just 15 minutes alone and a flat surface...to stand on.
I shook it off, tried to focus. My penis was rising in my football shorts the longer I replayed those last few minutes so I punched the gas to hurry up and get home. Danielle and I had some work to do.
I finally got home and saw Danielle's car not in the driveway. It was getting pretty close to midnight, and usually she was home by then if she wasn't at work, but with all the studying she had been doing lately, I figured she was at the library.
I couldn't do too much thinking since all of my blood was in the wrong head. By this time, my penis was at full attention, so hard you could use it to chop down lumber.
I went inside and cut on the shower, leaving it ice cold. I stripped down, took off my jewelry and jumped in. I felt the goose bumps emerging and my pores tightening as the water ran down my body.
The shock of the low temperature made me shiver but not enough to deter the ambition of my hormones. After two long weeks of not having sex with Danielle, they were being as resistant to going to sleep as is a five-year-old on Christmas eve.
I waited a couple minutes, trying my best not to think of Jazmin. I sang Barney songs, the alphabet backwards, every trick in the book, and when I looked down, nothing had changed. Defeated, I turned the shower off and grabbed a towel. I heard the keys jingling outside the door. Danielle was home.
I rushed out of the bathroom and met her at the door as she walked in.
"Hey, Superman. How ar-" she tried to finish her sentence, but I had my tongue halfway down her throat as I pulled her inside and kicked the door close behind her.
I could tell she was surprised by the look on her face and the awkwardness in the way she kissed me back, but I kept going, expecting her to eventually get the message and just roll with it.
We kept kissing, me passionately taking the lead. Me, still fully erect, making it difficult to walk, so I scooped one hand behind her knees, picked her up, and carried her into the bedroom. I felt her stop kissing me back so I paused a brief moment to let her speak.
"Superman, what is going on? Why are you doing all this?"
"Baby, don't ask questions. Just kiss me." I locked into her lips again entering the bedroom and she continued to resist, reaching for the light switch and turning it on. I laid her on the bed and she looked down at my erection. The look on her face told me that she finally got the message.
"No...not tonight. I just got back home, I need to take a shower. I’ve been running around all day."
"I don't care about all that. I want you, and I want you now."
"No, maybe tomorrow night, okay? I just don't feel like it. I gotta be up early anyway. It's best if I just try to hurry up and get some rest."
I ignored her and reached for her pants. She knocked my hand away and got off the bed.
"I said no. Not tonight." She had a frustrated look on her face. Something had to have been bothering her for her to turn me down like this.
She pushed through my shoulder and walked back out of the room and into the bathroom.
"You could have at least wiped the floor up. There's water everywhere." I heard her say down the hallway.
I was livid and my pride was hurt, partly because this always looked really easy in the movies, but it had just backfired on me. I wasn't the smoothest guy on the planet, but me being fresh out of the shower usually did the trick in putting her in the mood.
I heard her cut on the shower and considered joining her to give it another try, but cutting my losses was in the best interest of my bubble which had already been busted enough for one night. My flag was no longer at full staff anyway. I guess it felt my pain.
I normally would just whip out the laptop, some lotion, and relieve whatever stress I had that way, but this time there was too much on my mind. I thought back to my talk with Jazmin again, the part where she implied that Danielle was already testing the waters.
Why else would she be acting this way, and coming home late? No sooner had the thought crossed my mind than I heard her phone ringing. It was now one o'clock in the morning; nobody ever called her this late unless it was an emergency.
&
nbsp; My heartbeat sped up and I was overwhelmed with curiosity to at least go over and see who it was. Maybe I could even answer and hear the voice.
I started over to the phone and heard the shower water cutting off. I jumped back into the bed and got under the covers. She came in and checked her phone, then looked over at me.
"Why didn't you tell me somebody was calling me?"
"Oh somebody called? I didn't even hear it ring. It must be on vibrate."
"Yeah, but no biggie."
"Well, who was it? It's pretty late for someone to be calling. I hope everything is okay," I said, holding my breath for her answer.
"Just one of my students I'm tutoring, probably begging for my text book still. Some people just refuse to help themselves ya know?" she said, still drying off. She kept towel blotting her hair as she rummaged around the drawers for clothes to sleep in.
I felt relieved. I really had started letting my insecurities get to me. Even though I was still horny and unsatisfied, I was happy. Jazmin didn't know what she was talking about.
I had enough drama for one night. Sleep was calling my name and I refused to ignore it.
Chapter 14
Furthest Thing From Worth It
"Good morning, baby," I said, bending down and kissing Danielle on the forehead.
"Oh my God, what time is it?!" She popped up out of bed. She was always the one to wake us up in the morning unless she was morbidly late for something.
"Relax, relax." I said handing her a cup of orange juice. I was still focused on having some sex pretty soon, and was willing to do any sucking up necessary to get it. "I woke up a little earlier today and decided I'd make you some juice before you headed out."
"Oh...thanks," she said, grabbing the cup from me. "What time is it?"
"It's 5:45. You got plenty of time to get ready, baby. Don't worry. You not late."
"So you mean you woke me up? That's 15 more minutes I could've been asleep, Superman." She set the cup back on the night-stand and threw the covers over her head again.
I could understand. When Momma used to wake me up too early for school, every side of the bed was the wrong side.
I walked back to the dining room. I never woke up this early before and my first class wasn't for another two hours, but I still wasn't sleepy.
I got on Facebook and looked to see if there was any catching up I needed to do. The first thing I saw on my newsfeed was Jazmin going on a rant.
She posted Facebook statuses shortly after I left last night, all of them with just a few minutes in between them that read:
I hate when a friend is so blind to the bullshit, that telling them only makes things worse.
Never put yourself out there with someone who isn't willing to meet you halfway.
The worst thing about making a first move is when that person's next move is in the other direction.
Best friends make the best lovers.
Apparently, she hadn't stopped thinking about the night before either. I heard Danielle bumping around and closed the laptop shut.
She came out of the room scrambling with one shoe on and the other in progress all while she brushed her teeth and carried her books.
"Why are you rushing?"
She kept walking, trying to step into her other shoe. "I got an early meeting with my student this morning to go over some last-minute notes," she said, spitting through the toothpaste still in her mouth.
"Well, let me help you."
She said, "No, thank you, I got it. I'll see you later," and went out the door.
I admired how serious she was about her academics, but I hated when it started infringing on the attention she gave me. Nevertheless, support is all about sacrifice. The least I could do is put my selfishness aside, and allow her room to be great.
Jazmin was still taking her share of mental real estate on me at the moment. I couldn't believe she had the nerve to try and come on to me. Her running in between the door and me. Then telling me I was probably missing out. Then the attempted kiss. It was all too much.
In a way I felt disrespected, but I knew she didn't have ill intentions. Maybe I did send the wrong message by airing out my dirty laundry, but that's what friends do. We take the laundry out, talk about ways to get it clean, and if it works, we fold it and put it away over a few drinks.
It didn't help that she was so damn sexy. Her body was carved from a block of perfection and given just enough flaws to deem it human. My hormones were getting to me again.
I needed some sex, and I needed it fast. Something about testosterone disables men from thinking straight. Either we want to fight when we normally wouldn't, or we want to have sex when we normally shouldn't. I was in that latter category.
I felt my good sense slipping the longer I contemplated the situation; my thoughts went from negative disdain to wishful thinking, more so about the sex than the situation, but nevertheless wishful thinking.
It didn't help that Danielle was going through another one of her sexless spells. Two weeks straight with hardly a peck on the lips. She'd either ignore my erection or dare to break it off if I kept trying to sneak it in while she was asleep. Masturbation had gotten old because once you've had the best, good is no longer good enough.
I went on throughout the day thinking about sex, how I was so close to getting some from a girl I shouldn't have, and then shortly after denied by another girl that I shouldn't have.
Every ass that walked by, every time I could smell the fragrance of a female, even innocent smiles from complete strangers were turning me on. My penis was so sensitive that just sitting in class, feeling it touching my thigh, had me using a book to cover up my stiffness when I got up to walk.
I had it bad. I figured I'd give it another shot with Danielle that night, and if she turned me down, I'd flush my pride and just beg. She was scheduled to be off, and to my knowledge she wasn't preparing for any more big tests.
There wasn't a real reason why she wasn't having sex with me. Maybe I just kept catching her at the wrong time. That gave me some confidence. If I could just hold out a little longer, it'd all be over soon.
Football practice was always a nice window of relief...I could expend plenty of my frustration, but at 22 years old, I always had some to spare.
I was ready to forget about being a gentleman and have one of those "clear the furniture out and stretch" types of nights. One positive thing about being in a drought, is that you learn to appreciate the excitement you get before sex, like you're a teenager all over again.
Danielle still had no idea that I had gotten fired. To keep from telling her, I just kept up my usual schedule of being away from the house, using that time to fill out applications I had picked up earlier in the day when I wasn't at Jazmin's house.
I still hadn't talked to her since the night before and judging by her Facebook posts, that conversation needed to happen. Being that I had been deprived for the previous two weeks, I knew I'd better stay away from her turf. A good man is still a man, and I knew my limits.
So I spent a little extra time going to collect job applications to turn in. I looked at the clock and realized it was almost midnight, a little too early for me to be home, but maybe that was a good thing and I could pleasantly surprise Danielle with some physical attention.
After the sex we were about to have, I knew she'd be glad to have me home anyway.
I started on my way home and saw a missed call from Jazmin. I guess the silence was killing her, but I wasn't expecting her to break so soon.
She'd just have to wait. Instead, I focused on getting back to Danielle so we could clear my mind.
I stopped by a nearby gas station, picked up my Red Bull energy drinks, and was ready to go. Instead of waiting till I got to the apartment, I went ahead and popped one open to go ahead and get the energy flowing before I got there.
I pulled up in the parking lot and saw a familiar car in my parking spot. It looked a lot like the vehicle I saw pulled up by Jazmin's house back when
her and Lewis were dating, but I wasn't sure.
There were a million cars like his, and with everything that had taken place, I had gotten paranoid so I dismissed the thought and found another empty spot close by.
I was just about finished with my drink, and turned off my engine to do so in peace, when I looked at the house to see my door opening. What I saw next all but flipped my world upside down. It was Lewis and Danielle standing in the doorway.
I stared, daring not to blink, so I wouldn't miss a thing. They stood there for a few seconds just within reaching distance.
They seemed to be having a few last laughs from a conversation that was coming to a close, as he would mouth a few words and she would laugh hysterically.
She had a look on her face I hadn't seen in quite a while. It was warmer, and with more energy.
Then I saw them hug each other. Not the kind of hug you give your pastor's wife at church, the kind of hug that you expect a woman to fling one foot in the air as the guy spins her around. It lasted approximately 5.5 seconds, four seconds past the maximum for being friendly, and as they came out of the hug, he held on to her hips, looking into her eyes as she smiled back.
I knew what that meant, and without wanting to see what was coming next, I started the car back up, put it in reverse, and sped out of the parking space.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that neither of them even noticed my presence or the fact that I was going 40 miles an hour in a parking lot, which made me even more angry.
I couldn't believe it. Well, I could, but I didn't want to. All this time, I couldn't figure out what was going on with Danielle, why she seemed so different. Why she needed her phone so close by her, or why she was always leaving early and coming home late, or why nothing I was doing ever seemed to satisfy her. It all made sense now, painful and brutally harsh sense.
I didn't know how, but I ended up back at Jazmin's parking lot, just staring at the steering wheel. It had become somewhat of a reflex to drive there when anything was on my mind.
I still hadn't talked to her since the day before when everything had gotten out of hand and she tried to kiss me. I wasn't sure if she'd give a shit about my continued relationship troubles, but with it involving her ex-boyfriend, I knew it would catch her attention. So I called her.
