Blinding Light (The Bloodmarked Trilogy Book 2)

by Alicia Deters

  Aside from the growing hunger. My head pounded in sync with the sound of Clint’s heartbeat, and I had to force myself to focus on other things.

  The floor was empty, and the makeshift bed had converted back into a pile of folded blankets sitting on the miniature desk chair by the window.

  “Gavin?” I whispered.

  The low snicker came from the main living area. “I’m in the kitchen waiting on you, Sleeping Beauty,” he responded in an amused whisper.

  I crawled out of bed and reached for my jeans. When I pulled them up, I spied the color of grey in my peripherals. My bikini bottoms were grey.

  Dark grey. Interesting.

  When I met him in the kitchen, I was fully dressed and ready to go but had no clue where we were going. Presently, I knew we had to get somewhere fast before I took a bite out of our gracious host. As if on cue, Clint’s alarm went off, but before he could silence it, we were already out the door, locking it behind us.

  We walked side by side down the street. Gavin asked me about my time after I woke up. I told him how long it took before I came to, and I told him about Emily and the guy at the supermarket. He listened intently. Only a few times did his empathy leak through our connection. His eyes never once shown with anything but concern.

  I wasn’t sure what I expected to see. Maybe disgust. But then, I remembered that he took a similar path in life. I didn’t know the details, but I knew he’s also done things he regrets.

  I told him about my visit with Holly’s dad and how the cops wanted me gone. He agreed that we both needed to get out of town, but he suggested going to his place first for supplies.

  †

  “Hello, Mr. West,” said a very cheery Gregory. It was the same front desk man that has developed a longstanding dislike of me. I thought I was growing on him.

  Gavin had his arm around my shoulder as we strolled past him. In a much less excited tenor, he regarded me. “Miss Masters.”

  “Gregory,” I replied in the haughty tone I reserved solely for him. Gavin squeezed my shoulders harder.

  “Be nice,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Hey, you said it yourself, I’m only nice when I want to be. And that ‘tude of his isn’t exactly making me want it bad enough.”

  He shook his head in surrender, and we headed up the elevator to the sixty-first floor. We both showered and, luckily, I had some clothes left in the guest room from when I stayed here. I shoved my remaining things into a weekender bag I found. Digging out the charm bracelet from my jeans pocket reminded me of a stop I would have to make before leaving town.

  Gavin was waiting for me in the kitchen with several glasses full of blood from the supply he kept in his fridge. I didn’t wait for him before throwing one back. By the third one, I noticed him standing there watching me like a total creeper.

  “You’re not having any?” I asked curiously.

  “I’m good.”

  A beat of silence passed. “Wait, wait, wait. So you’re telling me, not only do you walk in the sun, but you don’t need blood either?”

  I’ve never seen him drink blood, except for when he was trying to save the girl at the club by sucking out the lethal drugs in her system. But I always had my suspicions, and I knew without him saying the words that he didn’t need it.

  “Not anymore,” he answered. And that was all he had to say about that.

  “How? How do I learn how to live without cravings?”

  “Who said I don’t have cravings?” he asked around a wicked smirk and winked to drive his horny-boy point home.

  When he saw my serious face, he smoothed his features and continued. “It’s not something you can learn. I still can’t even piece together what happened. It just happened.”

  “I’m never going to fully understand you, am I?” I asked, defeated.

  “Do you really want to?” he asked.

  I looked into his eyes in search of the answer to that hot topic. I did want to get to know him, but only if it was what he wanted, too. And I, of course, had no idea what he wanted. Again, this was not something that took priority.

  Instead of answering his question, I moved on to the next issue. “I have to run a couple errands before leaving town.”

  “Where do you need to go?”

  I grabbed for my bracelet, knowing there was one person I still had to talk to. “I need to find Helen Lancaster. My mom knew her, and she left a photograph on my mother’s grave. I think she meant for me to find it. I think she has answers for me. There was an address on the back of the picture I want to check out.”

  Gavin looked away, rubbing the stubble along his jaw. “Helen,” he said, and I was immediately suspicious. There was something else he never shared with me.

  I clenched my jaw shut and crossed my arms over my chest, staring him down in hopes of intimidating the truth out of him.

  He sighed reluctantly. “Lucy, it’s not what you’re thinking. I know that look. I know it all too well, but I wasn’t hiding anything from you. Not purposely, anyway. It just hadn’t come up yet. I wasn’t keeping it from you intentionally, and I was actually going to take you to see her later.” He paused to measure my mood.

  “I’m listening. Please continue,” I encouraged before taking a deep calming breath.

  I knew there were logical reasons for leaving me in the dark, but the memory of him keeping so many secrets still stung. I had to remind myself that he also promised he wouldn’t hide things pertaining to me anymore. He just hadn’t had much time to uphold said promise since making it.

  Studying me briefly, he reached out his hand for me to take. I raised a questioning eyebrow but accepted it. His big hand engulfed my dainty one, and he threaded his fingers through mine before tugging me behind him toward the cozy, sunken living room, which was open to the kitchen.

  It was such a simple gesture between two people who were finally comfortable around each other. But the skin to skin contact did a whole lot more to my internal environment, hinting at a relationship that was anything but simple.

  He pulled me in front of the big, beige couch and gently pushed me into its plush cushions. I immediately missed his touch. Among the chaos it caused inside me, there was also tranquility at the core.

  He proceeded to take his seat in the chair next to the couch and faced me with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him. “There, this should help,” he said.

  My lips tipped up at the corners. These were always our usual spots whenever we discussed business in the past. It was a gesture meant to placate me, indicating he would answer any questions I had. He knew from past experience just how deep my temper ran, but honestly, after the crap we’ve both been through recently, his unintentional omissions barely scratched the surface of my temper. It definitely would have landed him a fist in the face before, so I understood where his concern was coming from, but I trusted him now.

  “I’m calm. I swear. Stop looking at me like I’m going to overreact,” I told him.

  He still appeared skeptical, but smiled despite himself. “Forgive me for expecting some sort of overreaction from you, Lucille. You’re usually so prone to things like reason and sensibility,” he said with a spoonful of sarcasm.

  So it was back to Lucille? Yep, it was business time.

  “You looked like I was about to throw your kitten in the bathtub and then drop a toaster in it. I was never that bad, was I?” I asked cautiously, glancing at my hands folded on my lap.

  I didn’t need to hear his answer. I was that bad. But if he was going to shove it back in my face, I was totally blaming him for at least half of my anger. Most of our arguments could have been avoided if he hadn’t kept so much from me.

  My gaze boldly found his, and he was looking at me like I had become the mysterious one. “I know better than to comment on that last part, but, Lucy, you’ve definitely changed, haven’t you?”

  “Yeah, I guess becoming a bloodsucking monster really puts things into perspective. I’ve
learned to pick my battles more carefully since I have a few other matters to worry about now.”

  He gave me a funny look, and he was fighting a smile.

  “What?” I asked defensively.

  He continued to stare.

  “I want it on record how far I’ve come. That was a very mature response, if I do say so myself, and I want it noted,” I demanded.

  “Oh, trust me, it’s been noted,” he said with amusement lighting his eyes.

  “Now, will you quit stalling and tell me how you know Helen,” I said, trying to get back on topic.

  “Yes, mam,” he replied, still ginning like the village idiot. The look he gave me made me squirm. He looked so happy and carefree. He looked younger. I thought I glimpsed pride in his eyes and a hell of a lot more.

  Schooling his features, he added, “I’ve known Helen for a while, almost twenty years. I met her after you were born. Your mother mentioned her. She told me she could answer any questions I had about you. She always intended for you to meet Helen when you were ready to.”

  I held up my wrist, flashing the charm bracelet at him. “Yeah, I kind of got that from her initials tattooed on Raphael’s wings,” I said, fiddling with it.

  I ran a thumb over the angel with the hidden initials. Adjacent to that was another angel with my initials on it. I watched the light play off the grooves and indentions, moving my wrist back and forth. Gavin’s voice coaxed my attention back to him.

  “That night I never came back to the apartment, I had to stay with her, because I knew there were assassins close and didn’t want to lead them back to you.”

  An irrational wave of jealousy smashed into me. If I hadn’t been sitting, it probably would have bowled me over. She had to be in her forties if she was my mother’s age. Then again, Gavin was born in the 1800’s but had a twenty-year-old body. I wasn’t sure if I wanted the answer, but I had to ask.

  “What were you doing at her place?”

  He shot me a shrewd smirk. “Well, it wasn’t what you accused me of the next night if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  I may have insinuated he spent the night giving it to whatever girl was giving him information. “I wasn’t thinking that at all,” I lied.

  He leaned closer, and I did the same. I wouldn’t back down. “You do remember that I can sense when you’re lying, right?” he asked. He looked way too smug.

  I plastered a sweet smile on my face and leaned even closer, separating our noses by only inches. “The more you open your mouth, the harder it is for me to maintain this newfound level of maturity. So why don’t you go ahead and answer the question before I wipe that grin off your face with my fist?”

  I may have learned when to pick my battles, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t pick them. My patience hasn’t improved much, nor has my need for a good fight.

  His smile stayed in place a few more seconds until he conceded. He leaned back and gave that round to me before regaining his business-like persona. “I went there to figure out what to do. We needed a plan in case the assassins found you and we had to get out of town fast.”

  “Well? Did you come up with something? Is there a place we can go?” I asked.

  His eyes froze slightly, and when he spoke, his voice hardened. “There is a place. We should discuss this with Helen, though.”

  His tone made me uncomfortable. There was no hint of the happy, carefree boy from a moment ago or of the joking, flirtatious guy I spent the night with in the tiny bubblegum bedroom. The smiles were replaced with distance. He had the strange look I glimpsed earlier, like he was actively trying to keep me at arm’s length. It could only mean one thing.

  Another secret. Deep breath in. I wondered how long it would take me to punch him.

  “You said you had errands to run. What else did you need to do?” he asked.

  All thoughts of secrets dissipated, replaced by sadness. I took a steadying breath and answered, “I have to say goodbye to Holly.”

  His hard expression softened. He looked as if he might try to comfort me but thought twice about it. Clearing his throat to dislodge any sympathetic words stuck there, he continued.

  “I need to take care of some things here. I have to get my affairs in order and make sure my property manager and accountant can handle things while I’m gone. I shouldn’t take more than an hour. If you want to go to the cemetery, I can pick you up when I’m finished and we can go to Helen’s together.”

  “Works for me,” I said, jumping up. We had a lot to do before nightfall, and I didn’t want to disrespect Chief Beckett by wearing out my welcome. I think I’ve done enough damage here.

  4

  Holly was buried in a small cemetery across town where her family members rested. This place was a major contrast to my usual hideout. No large, over-the-top statues or monuments adorned the grounds. Plain rows of understated headstones blended together to create dull uniformity.

  It was so unlike Holly. She was born to stand out with a bold personality and one of those presences that people took notice of the as soon as she walked into a room. She deserved more than this. Better than this. She deserved more time to make her mark on this world, because I know she would have.

  I searched among the look-alike headstones for a good fifteen minutes before finally finding the row of Becketts. She was at the end of it. The shade from the large maple nearby would sparsely reach her in the summer when it bloomed full and lush.

  Her epitaph read Loving Daughter and Friend. Too generic. Whoever picked those words could have added some originality. She was befitting of so much more.

  I stopped in front of the stone and opened my mouth, but no parting words came to mind. A few awkward seconds later, I decided to plant my butt on the cold, upturned dirt and curl up with her awhile in silent reflection.

  The unyielding sun bore down on the earth and glinted off the newer, more pristine grave markers. The ground was bare, showing no signs of recent snow, but the freshly packed mound where I perched was frozen solid.

  It slowly thawed under my rear end. When I closed my eyes, the city noise faded, and my focus shifted to the breeze blowing gently across my face.

  It was a welcomed sting. My raised temperature provided protection from the cold, but the bite of it against my oversensitive nerves radiated through my body, leaving a wake of small shivers. I wore jeans with a zip-up hoodie covering a cream colored thermal, but the temperature was in the single digits, so I didn’t have much longer before the frost permeated my skin.

  Twisting my head back and forth, I slowly and purposely observed my surroundings. The environment served as a distraction, buying me time to avoid facing what was right in front of me, but the pull of my guilt and sorrow was too strong and impossible to ignore.

  Several quiet minutes passed before I finally owned up to my reality. Holly. Memories of that tragic night slammed into me, and I let them bulldoze me over, because I needed the full impact of it to remind me what I lost. I needed to remember my anger and rage, my helplessness and remorse, so I would fight even harder in the future to never experience that kind of loss again. That night was my ultimate low.

  The fear in her voice cracking through her tough exterior will haunt me forever. It wasn’t fair. She hadn’t done anything to merit such an awful and abrupt end. She was a good person. The best person I know…Knew.

  God, thinking of her in the past tense was worse than the spike that pierced my back on that same tragic night. But it was a bitter reminder of my last promise to her.

  “Hol, I swear you won’t recognize me by the end of my reformation. You might even regret wanting me to change,” I vowed.

  A breathy laugh escaped. Hell, I might regret it more than once before all is said and done.

  She always wanted more for me than I did. Holly wanted me to stop pretending to live and actually live, so I pledged to never deny my human side again. Come to think of it, I already regretted it. Raw emotion was a bitch.

  It threatened to crush
me with the pressure of a car compactor. Emotional pain was so much worse than physical pain. It didn’t disappear or heal rapidly like my flesh wounds could. It was lasting and left scars that weren’t visible but could be seen by anyone looking close enough. All I could do was cover them and let time do its thing to mend me.

  After the last of my tears dried, I picked my chilled butt up off the ground and gave one more glance over my shoulder at the headstone. I wanted to tell her how much she really meant to me because I never said it out loud. I wanted to tell her she made me more human than I felt most days. I wanted to thank her for her unwavering friendship over the past few years. I wanted to tell her a million things, but that wasn’t what came out.

  “I’m an ugly crier, I’ll have you know. And I blame you for that.”

  My first ever tear fell in some sketchy back alley after her death. A death I couldn’t prevent.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  The sound of a throat clearing startled me back to the present. Gavin stood at the edge of the cemetery. I never heard him approach and wondered how long he’d been there, patiently waiting for me to finish. When I neared, his face remained hard like stone, but his eyes were bright and searching mine for any sign of tears.

  Luckily, I was able to push back most of the pain. As nice as it would be to lean on him for support, I had to stay strong and deal with this myself. I couldn’t start looking to him for help and protection in every perilous situation I encountered. The last thing I wanted to become was a burden or a weakness to him. Worse obstacles loomed ahead, and I had to be prepared to face them, alone if it kept others out of danger. So I forced the lingering grief back into the farthest corner of my mind where all unpleasant things sat locked away.

  When he determined I wasn’t in need of rescuing, he turned toward the car parked a mere five feet away on the side of the road. He still hadn’t spoken, so I broke the silence.

  “I have to leave town as soon as possible.” We already discussed this, but voicing it helped me cope with the urgency of it.