Blinding Light (The Bloodmarked Trilogy Book 2)

by Alicia Deters

  “You’re right. Can I borrow your personality? I’m sure that will get me far. And maybe I can wake up tomorrow morning, empty inside because all I had to offer was my body and I gave that away already.”

  Damn, that was lower than I typically stooped. I just ate like two minutes ago and was already turning into the next Regina George.

  Her face reddened and she balled her fists. “At least I won’t accidentally kill him because I’m not a psychotic freak like you!” she shouted.

  Ouch. “I’m really glad we can both be brutally honest with each other. This has been a nice moment for us, I think. Sharing really is caring.”

  I spun on my heel to find Gavin, but I heard the sound of Allison’s skirt swish and the end over end whistle of something slicing through the air. Whirling around, I caught the blade inches in front of my chest. Hatred formed a heavy lump in my throat.

  I flicked it in her direction, and it sailed a few feet away from her face. I thought if I threw too close I’d be tempted to actually hit, so I kept it distant. Her eyes widened in surprise, but a smile formed when she saw how off my aim was.

  “You missed,” she said.

  “You’re intelligent,” I observed. “Try that again, and I will make you bleed.”

  “Good luck with Gavin. Although, I’m betting you have no skill and won’t even get to first base. Don’t worry. I’ll be there later tonight to show him what a real woman can do for him.”

  “I’ll be sure and get notes from you tomorrow,” I retorted.

  Jealousy pricked my skin, raising my hackles. Twice in one day, my feelings for that man turned me into a crazy person. I wanted to draw blood, and if I still had the knife in hand, I might have.

  There was no putting this off any longer. I would get answers from him tonight, one way or another. It was stupid to keep going around in circles.

  My rage and jealousy bounced around inside me like a pent up animal trying to escape. I knew I needed to confront the real issue head on, so I reached out my senses to find Gavin.

  Our connection served as a type of built in GPS. The closer he was, the easier it became to pinpoint an exact location. I sensed him below ground. His private collection wasn’t a far enough hiding place to escape me.

  I ran to my bedroom and sped down the spiral staircase. When I approached the door leading to the older part of the basement, I slowed my pace. Metal scraped against metal, and the sound of him sharpening his blades echoed through the network of halls.

  Stopping in the doorway, I absorbed every element of the room. He filled it with more life. There was a leather couch placed near the back wall behind the large work table. It faced a now roaring fireplace, which used to be blocked by a rack filled with battle axes. The axes were pushed aside, giving the seating area a cozy ambiance.

  Soaking in the minor details gave me time to compose myself before turning my full attention to the man standing front and center with his back to me. His posture became rigid at my arrival. The muscles in his shoulders tensed but still bunched and strained against his tight long sleeve thermal every time he swiped the blade against the tuning rod. Those broad shoulders led down to a leaner waist, and the fitted jeans practically had me salivating with thoughts of the firm backside beneath them.

  It wasn’t the sight of him that punched me in the chest. When I took my first breath since entering the basement, his natural scent saturated the atmosphere. It overwhelmed me and ruled all other senses, hijacking them. When I smelled him, memories of his touch, his smile, even his taste assaulted me. A shaky breath escaped my lips.

  Abruptly, he stopped tuning his knife and turned to face me, taking up a casual stance. He leaned back against the table and crossed his arms over his chest. Surveying me, his gaze turned smug. He knew what affect he had on me. Cocky bastard.

  But I couldn’t stop from swallowing back my reaction to him. My throat worked loudly, and a corner of his mouth lifted. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was trying to distract me from the interrogation he knew he was about to receive. I straightened, refusing to give him the satisfaction.

  “Where have you been all day?” I started.

  “Around. I had to check the tunnel system to make sure they were still passable,” he explained, already assuming I had found the tunnels. He did know me well. I had to hand it to him.

  “So you weren’t just avoiding me?”

  He chuckled, and it was a deep, reverberating sound.

  Stay focused, Lucy.

  “No, but that was an added bonus, knowing what you might have in store for me,” he replied playfully.

  The anger sparked to life once more. I crossed my arms over my chest and lifted my chin. “I spoke with Helen today. She told me all about how you left to protect me from the assassin.”

  “Was there a question in there somewhere?” he prodded when I didn’t continue.

  I inhaled deeply and steadied myself before responding. “I understand that you left for my protection, but you’re back now and you still distance yourself from me. I don’t get why we can never talk about us, or why there can’t be an us.”

  “Lucy,” he warned, his tone icing over.

  “And don’t tell me it’s for my protection. That’s bull shit!” I yelled.

  “It’s for everyone’s protection,” he said with finality.

  “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to give me?” I asked incredulously.

  “We just can’t,” he admitted.

  My inner caged animal growled and broke free from its restraints. I sprang, shoving him hard against the table.

  “I need answers! You promised you wouldn’t keep shit from me anymore. This has been eating at me since you left, and I have no way of dealing. At least give me something,” I cried, pounding on his chest.

  When he did nothing, I increased my attack, punching his jaw and then his eye. I thought my window was closing. I fought even harder to keep him from shutting me out like he always did, but he surprised me this time.

  He grabbed my fists, using both of his hands, and locked them behind my back. His eyes, once cool and closed off, now burned with an intensity I’ve rarely seen in him. Gone was the calm and collected Gavin I was so used to seeing. This was the one who never showed himself, except for the few times he lost his composure around me. This was the real Gavin that kept himself hidden under layers of steel walls.

  His eyes seared me, both electrifying and terrifying me at the same time. “What do you want from me, huh?” he shouted to my shocked face. “Do you think it would change the fact we can’t be together? You want to know how I feel? Fine! You asked for it!” he growled.

  The familiar vertigo seized me instantaneously. He held me tightly against him to keep me upright, the tension never leaving his body. One by one, his emotions rolled through, each of them so overwhelming I nearly collapsed. My body jerked in his arms, and the pressure in my chest barred me from breathing.

  First, I felt his apprehension at being so exposed to me. When that passed, a joy and contentment so pure washed through me, making me gasp. Excitement and desire filtered in before I felt the unmistakable and blinding love. Admiration and his unconditional belief in me came next.

  The backs of my eyes stung with building tears. Finally, he showed me a fear so paralyzing my own heart broke a little in response.

  Before I could question what that meant, he answered, “I couldn’t handle losing you.” The whispered confession came out rough and husky.

  He released me from his grip and blocked his heart once more. I gulped for air like I had been drowning. So many thoughts I couldn’t make sense of raced through my mind, I had trouble regaining my bearings. When I looked into his still heated gaze, a powerful need to comfort him commanded me.

  My hand reached for him without consent, and we both stood stunned when I clutched his face, smoothing my palm over his cheek. He held my stare, and I drew up on my toes. The pull he had over my body ensnared me.

  I wat
ched helplessly as his walls shifted back into place. His eyes hardened and grew distant before he clamped his hand over my wrist, pulling it back.

  “All those things I just showed you could get us or the others killed if we give in to them.”

  What did that mean?

  Maybe Helen was right. He saw me as a weakness like he and Holly had been for me. It didn’t matter what I said. He made up his mind, and my heart cracked from the finality in his expression.

  Reading me like he did so well, he offered a consolation explanation for his taciturn tendencies. “I know I’m not always forthcoming. I’m a private man, Lucy. I don’t let anyone get close enough to exploit my weaknesses. Or my strengths.”

  “And which of those categories do I fall under, Mr. Mysterious?”

  “The fact that I let you get as close as you have should be all the answer you need. “

  My head sagged in defeat. The generic nonanswer was incredibly telling. He didn’t think he owed me an explanation because he was ending this. Whatever this was.

  When I turned to leave, I paused and looked up at him. If he wasn’t going to explain why this was so awful, I deserved a last request, or a parting gift.

  “You at least owe me this.”

  His face scrunched in confusion when I grasped ahold of the back of his neck, and his eyes widened in shock as I raised my mouth to his. I closed the gap between our lips before he had a chance to react. Surges of longing that had built up over the past month escaped me like brilliant currents of electricity pouring from the sky.

  His lips felt amazing against mine and moved with them using the same desperate urgency. His hand moved to my face in order to hold it in place as the other gripped my hip, anchoring me to him. When our bodies pressed tightly together, he jumped back like I was a cobra ready to strike him. I stepped back, suddenly self-conscious.

  After several steadying breaths, he spoke in a clipped, dangerous tone. “That cannot happen again.”

  I bristled at the firm, commanding voice. I spun on my heel but halted in my tracks. My irrational side flared from the sting of rejection. He acted like he loathed the idea of wanting me, like it was a goddamn chore to him. Was I that bad? Was the thought of loving me so miserable?

  “I’m sorry I’m such a regret!” I shrieked.

  I briefly caught the shake of his head and exhausted smile before tucking tail and bolting. The devilish grin should have clued me in to his next move. One moment, his arms wound around me, and the next, he spun us in a circle. We landed with a thud against the nearest wall. Weapons rattle from the disturbance and a few clattered to the ground.

  He pressed his body against mine, trapping me, and the blue of his irises swirled with unbridled desire. My heart rate picked up when his hands moved to the wall on either side of my face, and he leaned down. His face was inches from mine, and his steady breaths mingled with my frantic ones.

  “You know I can’t just let you walk away hurting, no matter how irrational you get. It’s become impossible for me to ignore your pain. Almost as impossible to ignore the thoughts I have about you, about what I want to do with you.”

  I felt my cheeks flame and I went still. His lips brushed my earlobe, and his whisper was like a seductive caress.

  “You sure you don’t want me?” he echoed our recurring sexual dilemma. “You have to know I don’t regret my feelings for you, but you have no idea how consuming they can be.”

  He leaned back, his eyes zeroing in on mine again, pulling me back in with that magnetism only he had over me. He tilted his head to align our mouths more closely before continuing.

  “You don’t know how out of control you can get until you lose yourself completely in rage. Revenge… Lust.” His lips brushed against mine with the last word. A desperate ache formed in my core.

  Adding salt to the wound, he ground his hips against mine, and I felt exactly how affected by me he was. A shuttering gasp escaped me. I knew he was testing me, to discover how little restraint I exhibited around him. I clamped my teeth together and rode out the wave of desire until I calmed.

  I refused to succumb to him, but my body fought against a much stronger, worthy opponent… teenage hormones. My traitorous palm traced a line up his perfectly hard-rolled abs to rest over his wildly beating heart. I fisted a handful of his shirt, gritting my teeth harder. My knees grew weak.

  His hands ran down the wall before stopping by my hips. He pushed against me further to keep me up. When our eyes met, a wicked glint lit them and the arrogant smirk returned. His warm breath tickled my neck, prickling the skin all the way down my spine.

  I gripped his shoulders for support as he whispered, “Can you please try to keep it professional?”

  When he leaned back in triumph, I gained composure. “Careful. Keep teasing me like that and you’ll suffer the consequences,” I imitated him.

  Everything after that happened in a blur. His hand cradled my face as the other clutched my waist. I felt his soft lips working against my neck in slow, sensual kisses. They moved up to my cheek and finally to where I needed them most. They closed around my mouth and expertly parted my lips before his tongue dove in. It massaged and prodded, working me into a sex-crazed frenzy.

  I sucked in a sharp breath at the unrestrained tenor of this kiss. It was different than our previous ones. The excitement of it dominated me, sending white hot chills through my body. He allowed me to feel everything he wanted from me. Everything his body was promising. Everything that mimicked my own desires. I wanted it all.

  It stirred something primal inside of me, a deep yearning that needed to be satisfied. Any past concerns we had about our relationship dissolved in this kiss, leaving only our desperation. The intensity of desire between us grew, igniting something much bigger and overwhelming my senses. The only thing capable of filling this burning need was Gavin.

  I grabbed at him, desperate to get closer to him, to crawl inside of him and never leave. Our kisses deepened, and we both drew in ragged breaths as if we needed the oxygen. I ran my hands down his chest and stomach until I reached the hem of his shirt.

  Wanting more contact, I pushed it up and ran my palms up his chest roughly and dug my fingers into smooth warm skin, liking the way the hard muscles strained and relaxed against my touch. I felt my way up to his shoulders and back down to his sides. I gripped them tight and pulled him in.

  He made a deep, breathy moan and picked me up, throwing me against the wall. My legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. The deep longing inside of me took control of my hips, and my soft spots grated seductively against his rough edges.

  He responded with equal force, slipping a hand under my shirt. I sucked in a sharp breath at the hot contact and turned into putty. Where his hand went, my body moved closer to accommodate his touch.

  He brushed his fingertips lightly over my stomach, and goose bumps sprouted in their path. His palm pressed firmly against my chest, effectively working me into a burning ball of lust. His hand massaged its way back down to my ass, which it gripped firmly.

  He anchored me to him and facilitated my movement, creating the most pleasurable, yet agonizing friction imaginable. Our heavy breathing morphed into moans that made kissing difficult.

  The heat swelled inside of me, and the urge to have him right then and there became too much to take. I needed him to take me, to be one with me. I needed everything with him. I reached for his belt and began to undo it.

  He reacted, grabbing my wrists and pinning them above my head. He shoved me roughly against the wall. Being jostled cleared some of the fog, jarring my thoughts loose. Alarm bells began blaring. When I looked into his hooded eyes, I saw only carnal lust. It was breathtaking but frightening.

  “Gavin,” I breathed. “We should stop.”

  His lips made it difficult to sound convincing, and they trailed down my neck as if he didn’t hear me. His hands tightened around my wrists and the solid weight of his body pressing into mine produced shaky uneven breaths in the
back of my throat. Knowing he wasn’t exactly in his right mind, I used all the strength I had left in me to push him back. I scampered away, skirting the couch to create a barrier between us.

  When I faced him, I realized my mistake too late. He stood on the other side of the couch now, the fire in his eyes only burning hotter. By standing off with him instead of running, I may have inadvertently issued a challenge.

  Holly once explained to me that there was a certain type of male called the alpha male, and I was pretty sure I was looking right at him. This type is more reactionary than cautionary. He is held hostage by his own hot blooded temper. When his blood boils, he can’t think, he can only react. Take anger, for example.

  Gavin never backs down from a fight when he’s pissed. And someone usually ends up dead. It was pretty terrifying to witness his wrath, but on the opposite end of the spectrum was lust. I didn’t fully understand this side of him, but I was beginning to. And it didn’t exactly scare me.

  For a fleeting moment, I thought to myself, oh shit, what did I get myself into. But then, I saw the look in his eyes, and all coherent thoughts just sort of vanished. I looked into his eyes and saw heat and hunger. I saw a want and need that surpassed my own. It was a little unnerving to see this careful, controlled man come unleashed, looking every bit the predator he was.

  But I wasn’t afraid. Because I wasn’t his prey. I wasn’t his dinner. I was his dessert. His indulgence. His temptress. I was the one thing he craved more than anything, and it was a heady kind of power.

  The way he stalked toward me was a rush and had me nearly coming undone before he even touched me. In the very back part of my mind, his warnings about us started making sense. I knew I needed to stop this before it went too far, but the promises in his eyes were crushing my willpower.

  When he came around the couch with his gaze trained on me, I didn’t run like I should have. I remembered the warmth of his love coursing through me, filling all the cracks and crevices created by past battles. He really did love me, and the affirmation only fueled my own love for him. Resistance would be impossible.