by Nicky Shanks
I fall to my knees and take deep breaths.
Julie finds my shoulder and buries herself against it, sobbing into my shirt. I close my arms around her and squeeze her as much as I can, letting her wet my clothes as much as she wants.
“I failed you,” I whisper into her hair. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
She sniffles and rubs her eyes. “You didn’t fail me. This isn’t your fault.”
I look at Mac and start to cry. “They did this because I refused to give them any money, Julie. If I’d just given them what they wanted—”
“Oliver, that crazy bitch with the gun is still outside.” Casey gasps for air after pulling himself back into a standing position. He looks at Julie for a few seconds and then takes his eyes away. He can’t look at her either, because he knows he’s failed her too.
“Let her kill my mother. Who cares?” I say.
Julie gasps. “Oliver, I think there’s more to this than you think. Your mother…I can tell this wasn’t her idea. She didn’t want to do this.”
I scoff. “I don’t give a shit. I care nothing about her.”
“Well, she’s been shot, so soon that might not even matter,” Casey says, now standing to the side of the doorway. “That crazy Mary bitch is out there with her right now, hovering over her.”
I take Julie’s hand and lead her to sit next to Heather and Brandon’s lifeless body. Heather nods at me and wraps her arms around Julie. As they embrace, a warm feeling touches my insides and I know that once this all settles…things won’t ever be the same.
I owe Brandon so much for this.
After joining Casey at the door, I peek out of the side opposite him and we watch the interactions between the two women. Mary waves the gun in the air and Veronica sits in the dirt, pleading with her.
“Don’t do this,” Veronica cries. “Just take this money and walk away.”
Mary laughs. “You were the one who told me I could have my revenge.”
“Not like this!”
“Why do you even care?”
Veronica rubs her shoulder where several wet spots of blood litter her shirt. “He’s my son. They both are. It doesn’t matter to me what you think of me or what you do to me. But let them go. All of them.”
Mary isn’t having any of it. “I don’t think so. He’s going to pay for what he’s done to me.”
Veronica snickers. “You petty little shit. You’ve wasted your life if you’re hung up on something that happened years ago. Take the money and go live a better life and let it go.”
Julie whimpers behind me.
I know what she wants me to do.
I take one last look at her and wink before I push the door back open and step onto the porch. I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to get out of this and keep Julie safe, but when Mary sees me come into her view again, the barrel of the gun points at me instead of Veronica.
“Oliver, go back inside!” Veronica coughs and holds her shoulder.
I look at her and she knows I won’t be doing that.
“Oh, how sweet. No matter how horrible this woman is to you, you’re sticking up for her. Did you forget that she kidnapped your girlfriend—”
I grit my teeth. “Fiancée.”
“Whatever. She kidnapped her and let her drugged-up boyfriend beat not only her, but your friends too. She tried to extort money from you and you’re defending her?”
I look down at my pathetic mother lying in her own blood.
That’s where she deserves to be. She deserves to be left there.
But that’s not what Julie would want me to do.
I’m going to tackle her and fight the gun out of her hands without getting shot.
That’s what I’m going to do.
I dig my heel into the ground and make myself ready to jump on her when the brush around us stirs and several police officers emerge, guns up and pointed at Mary.
“Drop it!” Randy yells, heading toward the group. “You have until the count of three and then we fire! One…two—”
“Okay!” she says and drops the gun on the ground. “Fine! Arrest her too! She’s the one who set this whole thing up!” Mary cries and kicks her feet as the officers surround her and subdue her, putting her hands behind her back and pushing her to the ground to handcuff her.
There’s so much going on that I forget to breathe.
“Take her too.” Randy points at my mother on the ground. Two officers pull her up and drag her away, and I don’t bother looking at her. There’s nothing there for me. “Where’s Julie?” Randy asks, and suddenly everything pops into perspective. I don’t answer him and run back into the house, where Julie and Heather are tending to Brandon.
“Is he dead?” I breathe out hot air and join them on the floor. “The cops are here. Heather…is he breathing?”
Heather sniffles and nods. “He’s alive. I think he just passed out from the pain.”
Julie and Heather both take each of Brandon’s hands. I get jealous but I can’t let Julie know, not after I let someone kidnap her, beat her, and make her bleed.
I don’t deserve her.
“Hey.” Her voice finds me in the darkness. “This isn’t your fault. Everyone is okay, everyone is alive. You didn’t know this was going to happen.”
I can’t swallow the lump in my throat fast enough. “I should’ve known.”
It’s time to break another rule, because some rules…some rules are meant to be broken.
I hang my head. “I thought by denying them, they’d eventually go away. I didn’t believe Casey when he warned me about her, baby…you have to believe me. I didn’t think they would do something like this. I’m so fucking sorry.”
She doesn’t look at me.
I don’t blame her.
“Everyone okay in here?” Randy’s voice comes through the open door. “Julie?”
Julie nods her head and clears her throat. “I’m fine. I have bumps and bruises—Heather does too—but Brandon…he’s unconscious. That guy—” She points down to Mac breathing heavily on the floor at their feet. “—I stabbed him a few times with a knife.”
Randy looks impressed and calls for paramedics. He peels Julie away from Heather to hug her. He murmurs something in her ear and she nods, not giving me a second glance before she walks out of the shack. I start to follow her, but Randy snaps his fingers at me to stay put where I am.
“Don’t fucking move,” he snarls. “You and I need to have a chat.”
I scoff. “I don’t take orders from anyone.”
“You do if you want to see Julie ever again. After what’s happened here, don’t think for one second she feels safe with you.”
I fall to my knees. “She wouldn’t leave me.”
The room spins and I can’t focus on what he’s saying to me. I start calling for her and stand up, stumbling outside and watching two paramedics usher her to the back of an ambulance. As fast as my wobbling legs will take me, I catch up to her and they let her sit in the back with her head in her hands.
“Sunshine?” It’s hard to find my voice buried beneath all the fear. “I’m riding with you, okay?”
She nods. “Okay.”
“Are you okay? Where are you hurt?” I examine her body and she doesn’t lean into my touch when my fingers find her cheek. It hurts my heart that her skin feels cold and doesn’t give off the warm, electric tingle like usual.
This is most definitely all my fucking fault.
I’ve fucked up—again.
“Julie?”
She licks her dry lips and her eyes meet mine. They’re lifeless and don’t sparkle their normal color of ocean blue. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry, okay? I know I fucked up.”
Her eyes fall from mine and it’s like I’m being punched in the stomach.
“You didn’t do anything, Oliver. It’s not your fault Veronica is the way she is…it’s all on her. Let’s go and get this over with. I’d like to sleep for about a year.”
She lo
oks behind me and Casey makes his way toward us on his crutches. Heather is frantically following the paramedics, who’ve put Brandon on a stretcher and are loading him into the back of another ambulance. Randy eyeballs us and shakes his head at me.
I know.
I’m a Grade-A asshole.
That’s me.
Oliver Jackson.
Man who can’t stay out of his own fucking way.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Oliver
I saw her.
I know my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me.
There was a girl in the back seat of Officer Randy’s police car. I didn’t get to talk to her before Mrs. Atchley forced me to come back inside, but I really wanted to.
I saw her, though.
She was pretty.
And a little younger than me, maybe.
She tried to hide back there, but her blue eyes lit up the darkness like a firefly in the summer night.
I hope I see her again someday.
I could feel safe around someone who looked at me the way she did.
She’s haunting me every second of every day.
***
“Julie?” I take her hand and pull it into my lap. “Are you still in a lot of pain?”
She shakes her head and looks down.
She’s defeated.
“Not anymore. Those pills helped and I’m lucky to walk away with a few bruises and a bloody nose. Brandon wasn’t so lucky.”
I look away from her before she sees the tear racing down my cheek. I don’t want to make her feel any worse than I already have. “Brandon will pull through. I told them to put him in a private suite—”
“—I don’t care about a private suite.”
I nod and think of something else to help her cheer up. “Do you want me to call Staci and ask her to bring you some clothes and things to freshen up with?”
Her eyes find mine. “I’ll do it,” she mumbles and stands up, walking away from me.
Dammit.
I need to fucking fix this.
I know she says it’s not my fault—and really, it isn’t—but I’m supposed to fix this.
Even Casey has a smug look on his face as he sits across from me in the hospital waiting room. Heather sobs next to him in her hands, and I feel like this could be my chance to redeem myself a little with Julie if she sees me consoling Heather.
“Hey, Heather?” I soften my voice. “Look, I’ll make sure Brandon has what he needs.”
She sniffs. “I know.”
I start to stand up to move closer to her but she runs off, sobbing. Casey starts to chuckle and then holds his side where Mac was able to get a swing in before he went down.
“What the fuck are you laughing at?” I snarl.
He hiccups and groans. “Oh, man. I’m laughing at the fall of the Great Oliver Jackson.”
“The what? You better fucking watch it.”
His legs are still weak from the fracture and I think seriously about breaking it the rest of the way to shut him up. “Yeah, the rise and fall of the Great Oliver Jackson. You had Julie, you lost her. Then, you had her again and you’re losing her quick, brother.”
“Fuck you,” I spit. “Watch your mouth. I told you you’re no longer to speak to her…what the fuck are you even doing here?”
He laughs harder. “Julie wants me here.”
“I doubt that.”
Julie comes back into the room and glares at me. “I want him here.”
I can’t help myself. The rage that I’m holding in is starting to seep out of my mouth. “Do you want me here?”
Julie looks at Casey and blushes. I run my fingers through my hair and stand up to leave the room. I can’t sit here and take this anymore, especially not from her…the one person that’s supposed to be by my side no matter what.
Same goes for you, dumbass.
My fist hits the soda vending machine once I’m clear from both of them, and it sounds like an empty metal drum.
“All these fucking rules,” I whisper, laying my head against the cool surface. “Where did it get me?”
Someone clears their throat behind me, but I don’t bother looking.
“Oliver?” Julie says quietly. “Can we talk?”
Oh, no.
Fuck no.
We’re not doing this here.
“We can talk when we get home. I don’t want to lose you here,” I say, burying my face into my hands. I can’t look her in the eye right now, let alone have the conversation that I know is coming. I saw it in her eyes the moment she realized I put her in danger. She fears me, or maybe she just doesn’t trust me. Either way, this shit isn’t going to end well, and I want to hold onto her for as long as I possibly can.
She puts her hand on my shoulder and my insides melt.
“Don’t.” I try so hard to hold back the tears that it tenses my muscles. “Don’t do this.”
She tugs at my jacket and I give up; I let her pull me around and wrap her arms around my neck to snuggle her body into mine. Confused, I wrap my arms around her and squeeze tightly, but I don’t care as long as she’s not running from me.
“Don’t leave me,” I whisper into her hair.
She doesn’t say anything; she just hangs onto me in silence.
“Guys?” Staci’s voice fills the air. “What the hell happened here?”
Julie unhooks herself from me and flings herself at Staci, sobbing into her red leather jacket. Staci looks at me for answers, but I shake my head and say nothing.
What the fuck am I going to say? “I put your best friend in danger and now she’s trying to end things”?
My stomach hurts. My entire body hurts.
Love Hurts.
“Julie? Hey, why don’t you take this bag into the bathroom there and get changed? I’ll come in and help you in a minute. Let me talk to Oliver for a sec.”
Julie sniffles and takes the bag from her friend. She disappears into the bathroom without looking back at me. I know what she thinks of me right now, and she’s right.
I really don’t fucking deserve her.
“Okay, spill.” Staci smacks her lips and crosses her arms over her chest. “What the hell happened?”
I take a deep breath.
“My crazy fucking mother wanted money and I said no. I had to go to California for business and I asked Casey to stay with her so he could gain some of her trust back, because she loves Casey and I didn’t want her to lose him as a friend because of my fucked-up drama with him. Then I asked Brandon and Heather to keep an eye on both of them because I don’t trust Casey and then—”
Staci’s eyes are glassy and nearly popping from her skull.
“My mother kidnapped her with her drug-dealer boyfriend, and the rest is…well. Here we are.” I hold my hands up and wave them around the space. “And now Julie is going to fucking leave me because she doesn’t trust me anymore, and why would she? I’ve created this entire thing because I was too paranoid about Casey taking her from me, and now look what I’ve done.”
I don’t know why I’m spilling my heart out to her since she hates me, but I can’t stop.
“I can’t handle it if she leaves me, Staci.” I sniff, but she knows I’m crying. “I won’t be able to fucking function without her.”
She waits for her turn to start talking. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You can say that it’s all my fault, because it is.”
Her foot taps against the floor. “You really want to know what I think?”
I nod. “You’re not going to say anything to me I don’t already think about myself.”
She groans. “Oh, god. Grow up. Grow a pair of balls, Oliver. Quit acting like Julie is this fragile little flower that you have to protect all of the time. She’s a grown woman—she can take care of herself. If you treat her like she’s going to break all the time…she’s going to fucking break.”
“Not if I can help it,” I growl.
She snaps her fingers in the air.
“See, there you go. You don’t have to be the president of all that is Julie, you know? You’re smothering her, Oliver. You need to give her room to breathe.”
“I can’t!” I snap at her. “I fucking love her more than my own life! There’s things no one knows, things Julie doesn’t even know that make me want her so fucking bad!”
A security guard peeks his head around the corner to assess the situation. I groan and rub my jawline, pacing back and forth in the narrow hallway. “I don’t know how to be with her without keeping her protected and safe. I can’t live without her and—”
“—You’re starting to act like Brandon.” Staci says, her face emotionless. “Controlling.”
“I’m not controlling, and I’m nothing like him.”
“Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.” Staci smacks her lips at me. “I’m telling you, as an outsider, that you are starting to control her. Or trying to, whatever. Next thing you know, you’ll be tricking her into marrying you too!”
She slaps her hand over her mouth and I pretend like I didn’t catch what she said.
I don’t want anyone to know that I know about that.
I think about Lucy—the girl I took home from the bar and the girl that Casey brought back into our lives—and frown.
Julie can’t know about that for fucking sure.
I sigh. “Help me fix this.”
Staci shrugs. “I don’t know how. I can’t change you and I don’t think Julie wants you to change, anyway. You’re just going to have to find a way to love her and not lose her because of your ego.” She shakes her head and goes into the bathroom to check on Julie.
Maybe Julie is better off without me. I mean, since we’ve physically met…all I do is hurt her. But I can’t make my legs move to leave.
This is bullshit.
Oliver, you are such a—
The bathroom door opens and Julie follows Staci back into the hallway. Her face is washed, and her cheeks aren’t tear-stained anymore. I can see her electrifying blue eyes clearly as she looks at me. She isn’t smiling, but she doesn’t turn away, either.
