by Nicky Shanks
“Can we check on Brandon? I want to see if there’s any progress.”
I nod. “Of course we can.” I look at Staci and my eyes narrow. “Are you coming?”
She shakes her head. “Nope. I don’t like that prick, and I couldn’t care less if he’s awake. Julie, I’ll wait for you in the lobby whenever you’re ready.”
My insides melt. “You’re leaving me, aren’t you?”
Staci walks away to give us some privacy.
“I’m not leaving you.” Julie clears her throat. “I just want to stay with Staci for a few days. Is that okay?”
Take it, Oliver. Take the chance to show her you’re not like Brandon.
“You don’t need to ask my permission, baby. I’ve told you that.”
She flashes a small, quick smile. “I just don’t think you should be alone. Maybe if Casey stays with you—”
I take her hand in mine and pull her against my body. “I don’t need anyone but you. If you want to stay with Staci for a few days, you do that. I’ll be waiting for you to come home when you’re ready.”
She wraps her arms around my waist. “Thank you.”
I feel her breathe a sigh of relief.
There you go, Oliver.
Be a fucking man without being a bad man.
“Hey…” I part from her and use my thumbs to wipe her tears away. “Tell you what: Why don’t we check on Brandon, and if he’s awake and he’s okay…I can drive you to Staci’s myself and we can stop at Mara Bello’s on the way there.”
“I think I just want to get some rest.” She pats my hand and pulls away from me. “Raincheck?”
“Sure,” I say, watching her let go of my hand and walk down the hallway away from me.
Her grace and simplicity.
Her sunshine-colored hair.
Her bright, ocean blue eyes.
Her laugh.
The way her full lips redden as she smiles.
She knows how to handle me at my worst.
She takes my rules and tries to follow them.
I need to fucking change those rules.
Rule number four: There are no rules anymore.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Julie
I’ve always accepted Oliver for his faults—he’s nowhere near perfect.
But he’s perfect for me.
That’s…not enough anymore.
His emerald green eyes are wet with tears that he keeps trying to wipe away before I see him crying. I’ve been watching him tear up for the last two hours, off and on, and it’s more endearing than anything else. We sit outside Brandon’s room and wait to see him, and I try my best to clear the smoke inside my head and focus on one thing at a time.
How can I trust Oliver after what he’s kept from me?
I’m not the same person I was six months ago; Brandon unfortunately had the luxury of me coming back time after time, but Oliver isn’t going to get that courtesy.
I didn’t expect much from Brandon, but I expected everything from Oliver.
Maybe that isn’t fair.
I have my own secrets that will come out eventually.
“Baby?” Oliver’s sad voice brushes against my ear. “Are you sure you’re okay? If you’re in pain—”
I shake my head. “I’m fine.” I reach up and touch my nose and it still hurts a little, but for the most part I’m just banged up. “My nose still hurts a little, but nothing a few nights of good sleep won’t cure.” I fake a smile at him, and it’s like I’ve given him a puppy on Christmas.
False hope.
I’m still completely in love with him.
There’s nothing about this man that doesn’t excite me.
I just don’t know how else I feel about him right now.
“I love you, sunshine,” he whispers and tries to see if Casey, who’s sitting across from us, heard.
I can’t just not say it back; it would crush him if I rejected his feelings so openly.
“I love you too.” I lean my head on his shoulder to give him a little taste of ease. I needed this too; there’s something about the woodsy scent of Oliver Jackson that completely drives me into another universe. I inhale and he smiles into my hair, and this is exactly how it should be.
Minus the hospital.
And the crazy mother.
“Guys?” Heather peeks her head from inside Brandon’s private suite. “He’s awake.”
I stand up and Oliver follows closely behind me; Casey trails after us because he’s still walking on his crutches and has new wounds on his arms that make it hard to use them. Brandon moves his motorized bed up to look at us as we enter; he smiles at me once I pass Heather. I want to run over to him and give him a hug, but several people might take offense to that. I’m glad he’s okay; I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to him. Heather doesn’t deserve to lose the person she loves any more than I do.
Oliver squeezes my side and leans down to my ear. “Go ahead. Go to him.”
Okay, some of the ice is melting around my heart again.
I glide ahead of the group and Brandon’s toothy smile greets me when I reach him. “Hey there, Jules. Are you okay? You aren’t too hurt, are you?”
My eyes well with tears. “No, I’ll be okay. Are you okay?” My eyes follow the length of the bed, but his legs are covered with a white blanket. I don’t see any blood and that makes me relax a little. He wiggles his toes beneath the blanket and laughs.
“Ah, I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me. I just passed out from too much pain, that’s it. I’ll be ready to go home in the morning.”
My eyebrows rise in suspicion. Who is this person? He’s not acting like himself and honestly, I can’t tell if it’s an act or a genuine person he’s grown into.
“Hey, man.” Brandon holds up his hand and Oliver puts his inside of it next to me. I gasp and close my mouth because I don’t want to ruin the moment.
Dammit, Oliver. I’m supposed to be furious with you.
“Hey, thanks for the room. I appreciate it. Maybe I can buy you a beer when I’m better and return the favor?” Brandon lets go of Oliver’s hand and smiles, nodding at him.
Oliver doesn’t miss a beat. “Yeah, of course. Maybe Julie and Heather can tag along and we can make it into a dinner, yeah?”
I look back at Heather and none of this is fazing her at all.
Something’s going on here.
My eyes narrow when I look back at Oliver and Brandon. “What’s going on here?”
Brandon laughs. “I’m just grateful for the room, Jules. Oliver’s a good guy after all. Who would’ve known?” The two of them laugh and Oliver crosses his arms over his chest; the look he gives me isn’t pleasing because I can read him like a book.
He’s uncomfortable.
And hungry.
Hungry for me.
I blink a few times to focus my eyes on something other than Oliver’s lips. “I—uh, well…whatever you say, you’re the injured person here. Look, I just wanted to apologize and make sure you’re okay before I head over to Staci’s house.” Oliver’s eyes darken and I know he thought he’d be able to coerce me into coming home with him. “She’s waiting for me so…I’m going to go.”
Brandon nods. “Promise that we can keep in touch, okay?”
This is crazy and weird. I nod and back out of the room, Oliver nipping at my heels once I get back into the waiting room. I whirl around and he has to catch me by the shoulders so I don’t topple over. “Whoa, baby.” He laughs and kisses my forehead. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I throw my hands into the air. “Stop asking me that!” My voice rises. “God, for once will someone just tell me the truth around here? I’m so tired of people treating me like a glass figurine! You say you love me but you don’t treat me with respect!”
He licks his lips and doesn’t back down. “I respect you.”
“No, you don’t. If you did, you would’ve told me about your mother trying to get money from you before you le
ft. You would’ve warned me so I could be on guard. You wouldn’t have fashioned me three fucking babysitters.”
There’s a low growl deep in his throat and fire burns in his eyes. “I didn’t—they weren’t babysitters, Julie. They’re people I trust to take care of the single most important thing in my life.” He’s inches from me now, and his fingers find the side of my cheek. He runs his index finger down my jawline and across my lips, taunting me. “You are the absolute most valuable thing that belongs to me.” I open my mouth to protest, but he quickly presses his warm lips against mine to stall me for a few seconds. “You know what I mean. I’m yours. I’ve always been yours.”
I scoff. “You sound so literal.”
A storm brews in his bright green eyes. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you. I don’t know how to act around you. I’ve loved you before I even knew what that meant.”
I put my hand on his chest and place distance between us. “You’re scaring me.”
He instantly releases me. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to. Can I take you somewhere?”
I shake my head. “No, I told you: I’m going with Staci, and I mean it.”
“Please, Julie. Let me take you somewhere and I promise I’ll drive you wherever you want to go. Hell, you can even drop me off in an alley and take the car with you. I don’t give a fuck, I just want to open your eyes and maybe you won’t think twice about staying with me.”
“Oliver—” I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “What happened isn’t going to go away. You can’t rely on love to resolve this. We have to face the fact that we’re actually hurting each other.”
“You’re not hurting me.”
I close my eyes. “I am. I’m hurting you by resenting you. I don’t like that.”
“Just come with me.”
Staci comes into view behind Oliver and she nods at me, telling me to go. “Okay, I’ll go with you. One place and then you have to take me where I want to go.”
His eyes clear and he smiles. “Cross my heart. Let’s go.”
His large hand wraps around mine and he pulls me all the way to the parking lot and places me in the front seat of the rental car. “I’m going to have to get a new Jeep; I can’t keep driving this soccer mom car around.” He laughs and winks at me and I can’t help but smirk while I put my seat belt on. I can’t click myself in before he’s halfway down the road from the hospital, the lights fading in the distance.
“Where are we going?” I ask, my body shivering from the nip of the October night air.
He notices and smiles. “Are you cold?”
I hide my smile behind my sleeve and nod, knowing what he’s doing. He’s remembering our first ride to Lake Reed together and the first moment I knew there was more than meets the eye with him. He clicks on the heater and takes my hand, putting it into his lap with his. I don’t take it back because I want him to hold my hand; I want to be this way right now.
“So, where are we going?” I ask again.
He sighs. “To the place where we first met.”
“Oliver, I don’t have time to drive up to the lake right now. I have to go to class tomorrow and Staci is waiting on me.”
“As much as I love you for not wanting to skip class…” He lets go of my hand and rubs his jawline—something he does when he’s frustrated and sad. “That’s not where we’re going.”
We pull into a parking lot as the sun finally goes down. We find a few empty spots of the apartment building lot and he double parks the car. He unbuckles himself and then sets my body free, moving his seat back and pulling me onto his lap facing him within seconds.
“What are you doing?” I look down at him. “We can’t have sex here.”
He laughs. “I just want to touch you, not have sex. Now that we’re alone, I have to feel you. I nearly fucking lost you, baby. Did you think it wasn’t tearing me up inside to think about that?” He leans up and buries himself in my chest, holding me tightly against him. “I can’t fucking lose you again. Just remember that when I drop you off later, okay?”
I run my fingers through his hair and pull his head back to face me. “I’m not leaving you…why do you think that?”
He shakes his head. “Because I don’t deserve you.”
“Look, we have to talk about some things, sure. I’m not ready to forgive you, but I know that we have to actually try and work it out for it to actually work out. I’m not stupid; I’m not naïve. I just don’t want to talk about it right now.”
He nods. “I get it. Let me show you what I wanted to show you and we’ll leave.”
He puts me back down in my seat and kisses my fingers, stepping out of the car and jogging around to pull me out into the chilly air. His arms lift me up and he carries me down the lot a little and stops to place me down next to a large light pole.
“Okay, I’m confused.” I chuckle and look at the light. “Like, really confused.”
He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I met you here, fifteen years ago.”
I snort. “Fifteen years ago? Are you sure you’re okay?” I think about what my life was like when I was eight years old. I remember living in California with my parents and not having enough money to eat most weeks. That summer I turned eight, I came to visit Randy and his new wife, Marianna. Clyde wasn’t even an idea yet and life was much, much simpler.
“Just think about it. It was a thunderstorm and you were in the back seat of your brother’s police car late at night. You were snuggled up under his jacket but I saw you…and you saw me.”
His eyes aren’t lying.
The dream I had was real.
“Are you sure? I remember something about that night, but I thought it was just a dream or something I made up in my mind. Why didn’t you say anything until now?”
“I just remembered a few weeks ago myself. Your eyes have haunted me since that day, Julie. I never knew what I needed until I saw you again. You captivated me like I knew you would. I told you that you were made for me…I’m not lying.”
I breathe slowly; I have to think and he’s not making it easy with his agenda about something that happened almost two decades ago.
How can he possibly remember something like that?
“I-I don’t know what to say, Oliver.” He swoops me up and cradles me against his chest. “This doesn’t change anything that happened, but I’m glad you told me.”
I know this isn’t what he wants to hear.
I don’t know what else to say to him.
I can’t think.
I can’t even speak.
“I just wanted to try and show you how deep my love runs for you. I can’t explain it, but I always knew you’d come back to me, ever since that day. Your eyes, they were in my dreams for years until I buried the memory so it wouldn’t hurt anymore.”
I run my fingers up his chest and grip his t-shirt between my fingers.
I know what he means.
No matter what he does, it feels like we’re meant to be together.
His fingers tangle in my hair and he breathes in deep. My body moves with his chest, up and down, until he can’t stand it anymore.
“Let’s just go home,” I softly say. “I’ll go with you.”
He pulls from me and shakes his head. “No, you need some time apart. I know you do. Go stay with Staci and I’ll come for you in a few days. You deserve everything I can possibly give you—I’ve told you that before. I can give you space, so take it.”
“Are you sure?”
He nods. “I don’t like it, but I love you. Come on.”
Rain starts to fall down on us before we make it back to the car. The steam with his breath sizzles against the cool rain and when we reach the car, he looks down at me with his wet, dark hair matted to his forehead and a wicked smile on his face.
“Just a minute.” He growls and sweeps me into his grasp, his rough hands squeezing my sides. My body presses against the side of the car and his hips press into mine, making it hard to resist tipp
ing my head up and meeting his lips. He kisses me with hunger and passion, two things I know are dangerous when it comes to the two of us. I feel his tongue glide against mine and he bites down on my bottom lip, sending shivers up my spine. “I have to stop.” He clears his throat and kisses my forehead. The rain is soaking our skin but I don’t care.
I want more.
More Oliver Jackson.
I tug at his hair and pull his lips back down on mine and he smiles. “Baby, we have to stop. You’re going to catch a cold out here in this rain.”
“I don’t care,” I grumble and keep kissing him. “Just kiss me.”
I don’t have to tell him twice.
He opens the back door of the car and pushes me gently inside. Somehow, our lips are never more than an inch apart the entire time he lays me down and slides his lips from mine down toward my collarbone. “I can’t fucking get enough of you,” he breathes against my skin. “I don’t want to take advantage of you…we shouldn’t be doing this.”
I hook my arms around his neck. “Don’t you dare move.”
He laughs and grazes his warm lips against my cold, wet skin. “You are the most amazing…surprising…intoxicating person I’ve ever met,” he says in between his light kisses trailing down my chest. His fingers unbutton my shirt and I open my legs for him to rest in between but he stops and buttons my shirt just as fast as he can.
“We need to go,” he mutters and sits up to run his fingers through his hair. “I can’t do this, not right now. I’ll take you to Staci’s.”
What the hell just happened?
I’m so offended that I don’t speak to him as he slides back out of the car and pulls me out with him, opening my door for me and letting me get back inside.
“I know you’re confused,” he says when he turns the car on. “I just think we have things to talk about before we go down that road again.”
I scoff. “What road? The sex road?”
He nods. “Yeah, the sex road. Don’t get pissed off—it’s not like I don’t want you. You know how much I want you; everyone knows how much I want you. I just can’t be with you when we have all this tension and all these secrets between us. Which way do I turn?” He waves his hand in the air.
