Fighting Fate (Endgame #4)

by Leigh Ann Lunsford

  He didn’t have the balls to place it on her finger.

  Dumbass.

  She’s so practical, I’m betting she didn’t want to wear it when she painted. Afraid the paint would harm it somehow. Shouldn’t matter— whoever got Avery should have insisted she wear it, and if it was ruined while she did what she loved, he’d buy her a million replacements. That’s how fucking special that girl is.

  A sharp pain shoots through my skull and I groan as my mom walks in. I can tell she’s been crying. “You in pain?”

  I want to lie, but I can’t. “Yes.”

  “Hit the button. You’ll get medicine, tough guy.” I smile as she takes a seat by my hip, squishing me on this damn tiny bed. Her fingers brush my hair back and her entire body shivers. “God, I was so scared.”

  “It’s fine, Mom. I swear.” I chuckle. “Imagine the stories Mason would have made up if I had lost total memory.” That pulls a laugh from her.

  “He’s something else.” I nod. “All of them are.” Her eyes meet mine and I can see something there.

  “What?” I sit up and stop when the pain comes full force.

  “Nothing. Rest please.” She pleads with me.

  “Okay.” I close my eyes, but the only thing I see is a pallet of colors. Bright reds, subtle blues and brilliant oranges— the brightest light of them all is holding them.

  Avery.

  The vision confuses me but I’m sure it’s expected— my head was the one receiving the blow from a bat. I’m lucky I’m alive.

  “She’s gonna be okay.” My mom whispers and I open my eyes to stare. “You called for Avery. I’ll make sure she’s okay.”

  Sleep takes me under, so I can’t contemplate why I’d call for her. Pain medicine and sleep become my friends for a few days, and I still can’t make sense of the vivid dreams and indescribable sensation of being lost that I have.

  The team rotates visiting my room all day . . . Deacon and Mason sit vigilant— in silence. As the last person leaves, I turn to them. “Spill it.”

  Mason’s eyes dart side to side; Deacon sighs and shifts his weight from foot to foot. Their tells are loud and clear, so I know they’re avoiding something. “Nothing. Just worried the blow to your head left you dumber than you were.” Deacon is the first to lie.

  “Bullshit.” I curse pinning him to his spot with my lethal tone. “Give me my phone.” I’ll find that shit myself . . . if it’s drama or something of importance, someone has posted that shit all over social media, using that shit as their diary.

  “Caden, we can’t tell you. The doctor said you had to remember on your own. At least for a week we can’t push memories.” Mason rushes to spill the excuse.

  “And what am I not remembering that has you two in a tizzy?” I’ll break them.

  “Nah, man. Not cool.” Deacon’s taking that stance. I turn to Mason— he’s the weakest when it comes to secrets. Deacon shoves him from the room and reappears alone. “You’re on Mason restriction. That pussy can’t keep his fucking mouth shut and this is for your own good.”

  I chuckle. “Damn. You pulled out the big guns . . . grounding me from playing with him and all.” He smirks and I try to play cool. “Have you seen my bag?” I know it’ll have my phone and laptop.

  “Confiscated.” He’s proud to announce that information. “Take that shit up with your parents.”

  “Bring Mason in.” Fuck this. I’m gonna get answers.

  “I swear, I have two toddlers and y’all act worse than them.” Two? I know better than to request information . . . I know he’s got Julie, or was fixing to have her but that's only one. Fuck— I don’t know shit and it’s evident I can’t get answers from him.

  “Should I know what you’re hiding?” I’m scared to quiz him but need to know.

  “Yeah.” His answer comes in the form of a frustrated sigh, followed by his hands fisting. “Fuck, man. Just remember.” His voice is strained. “Please.” I’ve never seen Deacon this close to breaking . . . but he is.

  “Tell me.” My fear is creeping in, threatening to suffocate me.

  “I can’t.” He turns his back to compose himself. Facing me after he gets control, he probes for answers. The same fucking answers everyone solicits. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

  I think back to what I did yesterday. “Putting together the crib for Julie.” I laugh at the debacle that was. Mason and Deacon insisted they didn’t need instructions. I kicked them outta the room because I was adamant my precious little girl wasn’t going to meet her demise with their shoddy craftsmanship.

  “The week before Spring Break.” He wheezes.

  “Yeah. We’re supposed to go to Colorado. Except you. We’ll miss you.” I stop talking, realizing I’m discussing it like it’s real time . . . but it’s four years ago. Fuck. “This sucks. I’m living in the past because I can’t remember the present . . . just go.” I’m irritated and want to hit something. I don’t trust myself not to drive my fist into him because I’m far from rational.

  “It’ll happen. Just rest.” I nod as he stands there. That word is repeated in this place . . . rest.

  “Go.” I command and he shakes his head as he leaves.

  “If you’re wondering . . . she loves you. And told us.” His words float in the empty space of my room, leaving me clueless.

  Who?

  She?

  What’d she tell them?

  What is the mystery?

  If someone doesn’t tell me pronto, I’m gonna lose my shit. All over their punk asses.

  ***

  As evening settles, I hear commotion and voices outside my room. I recognize Avery’s tone and maybe Emberlee’s . . . the other is unfamiliar and some babble that comes from kids. That shit isn’t welcome with my headache. Being a chicken shit, I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep.

  The door squeaks as it’s pushed open and whining fills the room. “Shhh, baby. Uncle Caden is sleeping.” Uncle Caden . . . what the hell? Emberlee is talking nonsense to some kid.

  “Let’s take her to the cafeteria and we’ll come back and check.” Avery’s voice soothes me and the room fills with silence— for all of thirty seconds.

  “I left two minutes ago and you weren’t sleeping.” My mom opens the curtains I’d had the nurse pull closed.

  “Why was there a kid here?” I mock whisper.

  She holds her finger up to give her a minute as she disappears from my room. Less than five minutes pass and she sweeps back in. “I wanted to get doctor clarification. I can share their world but we can’t force your memoires.” I squint in confusion. “Emberlee got pregnant along with Saylor after freshman year.” I shift to sit up.

  “Mason’s?” I’m stupefied. I thought he was with some blonde the other day.

  “No. Brody.” The name is familiar but that’s it. “Saylor and Deacon got married, she and Emberlee were pregnant at same time. The child you heard— and avoided— is Darby. That’s Emberlee and Brody’s little girl and she thinks you hung the moon. Like Julie is with Mason.”

  “Julie is Deacon and Adriane’s?” I need to clarify.

  “Yes. She was born while you were on Spring Break and the four of you came home to support Deacon. Adriane hauled ass and he met Saylor who was Emberlee and Avery’s roommate freshman year.” This is all a lot to take in. “Emberlee had met Brody some time ago— lots of drama but that’s nothing new with that girl. They rekindled during the time she was rekindling her friendship with y’all.”

  “What happened?”

  “I can’t tell you details. She got pregnant, Saylor got pregnant and they had beautiful little girls. Darby and Kinsley. Mason’s girlfriend is Brody’s sister, her name is Brecklynn. She’ll be moving to New York with him next month.”

  “New York? Whoa. Do I like any of these new people?” I hate feeling this helpless.

  “Mason signed last year with the Yankee’s farm team. He was called up a few months ago. He was home to watch yours and Deacons last game an
d propose to Brecklynn. Which he did last night.”

  Mason. Engaged. What the actual fuck has happened in four years? “I’m so confused.”

  “I know, honey. But these are all good things. Through it all, you’ve all remained a unit.” At least there’s that. “Why’d you pretend to be asleep?”

  “Kids. Noise. And looking at my friends, having a lapse of time, I don’t know what to say. It’s never been like this and it feels wrong.” Her eyes mist as sympathy floods her and that’s another emotion I hate. I’m alive. But— something is missing. For years, we were an extension of each other. Today, right now, it feels like it’s them and across the divide is me.

  Alone.

  “Oh, honey. I’m sorry.” She rubs my hand and it makes me crave someone else’s touch . . . but I don’t know who that someone is.

  “Do I have a girlfriend?” Her eyes dart down and I have my answer.

  “I can’t tell you who— but you love someone. A lot.” One statement wrecks me. Makes me question my heart— my mind.

  “If I love them so much why can’t I remember them?” I challenge her and hear a gasp from my door.

  Avery. The sight of her pisses me off— yet, I’m hoping she doesn’t leave.

  “I was just coming to check if you were awake. We’ll come back tomorrow if you’re tired.” She starts to back away and I call to her.

  “Wait. Just you. I don’t want everyone looking at me like a freak show.” I’m being stubborn and my mom pats my hand and stands.

  “Be nice.” She warns. “I’ll go entertain Lee Lee and Darby.” She addresses Aves.

  “What you mean is you’ll try and kidnap that baby.” She giggles and I want that sound for me. I shake my head— I must have gotten hit harder than I realize, because thoughts like this regarding Avery are bad. Sure, I adored her growing up, fell in love with her in high school but I’ve always been able to control it.

  She makes her way closer and my fingers itch to take hers . . . but I don’t. “Why don’t you want Darby and Emberlee in here? Darby is going crazy missing you.”

  “I don’t know her. Why the hell is that kid attached to me?” My belligerent attitude is pissing me off.

  “Caden Monroe, stop being an asshole. That little girl loves you. She misses you. I know it doesn’t seem like forever to you, but it is to her.” Her cheeks flush and I wish I was responsible for putting that look on her face— while in bed.

  My thoughts are all over the place and I’m losing control. “So she’s like a dog. They don’t know time either.”

  “I swear to all things holy if you weren’t in that bed with a head injury, you’d be having surgery to remove my foot from your ass. Pity party for one— in your room.” Her eyes roll and her attitude gets my undivided attention.

  “Repeat that, Picasso?” Her hand flies to her mouth.

  “You remember?” Her smile, tears, excitement in her voice, confuses me.

  “Huh?” I furrow my brow. “Remember what.”

  Sadness fills her. I deflated her without knowing what I’ve done. “I-I-I’m gonna go. See ya.” I don’t miss her tears. The crack in her voice. She misses the devastation and pain that washes through me.

  I stand to go after her; the wave of dizziness stops me as I grip the rail to keep myself vertical.

  Damn it.

  Chapter Two

  Avery

  I flee his room, blinded by my sorrow. “Aves. Wait!” Lee Lee’s footsteps echo as she chases me, so I push myself harder. Instead of the elevator, I find the stairs and take them two at a time, slipping from pushing my legs but I manage to stay standing. I push on the door at the ground floor and barrel to the exit doors so I can inhale fresh air and get the stench of heartbreak erased from my mind.

  “Whoa!” Deacon grabs me as I collide with his chest. “Aves. What’s wrong?” His concern causes his body to tense.

  “H-he-he called me Picasso.” The elevator opens and Emberlee, Bethy and Darby are exiting. “I need air.” He leads me through the doors and my knees buckle. Deacon scoops me up and walks a few steps until there’s concrete under my ass as Saylor comes around the corner. After one look at us, she takes Darby from Emberlee and puts her in the stroller with Kinsley, waves and rounds a corner towards the park.

  “What the hell, Aves?” Emberlee is pushing my hair from my face, holding me tight, trying to staunch the flow of tears that I’m hemorrhaging from my soul.

  No Band-Aid can fix this.

  No words of wisdom can soothe the ache.

  No promises can mend the gash in my heart.

  Bethy sits close to me, taking my hand. “I called your parents.”

  “Thank you.” I murmur. Seems silly but I want my mom’s lap. My dads’ arms. I want the comfort of my childhood home.

  “He loves you. He can’t forget that. He doesn’t remember what it is, but I promise he’ll come back to you.” She knows her son, and I’m hoping her words hold truth.

  “Thanks.” I lean my head against Deacon’s shoulder and pull Emberlee tight. “Love you, guys.”

  “You’re scaring me.” Emberlee says to me.

  “I’m terrified. Without him shakes me to my core. I can’t imagine it but it’s playing, in replay mode through my mind. Taking a machete to my heart would hurt less.”

  “Did he say something?” Deacon queries.

  “He called me Picasso. It was his thing.” I shrug. If we all understand something— it’s nicknames.

  “But he didn’t remember?” He pushes.

  “No. Looked at me like I had two heads.” A fresh wave of gut wrenching pain works its way inside me.

  “But he remembered. What were you doing?”

  “Yelling at him.” Bethy giggles and Lee Lee snorts.

  “That tends to get us worked up,” he blushes as he avoids looking at Bethy. “Makes us feel you care.”

  “I hope Saylor doesn’t get pissed at you anytime in the near future. We may need to open a daycare if y’all have too many arguments.” Bethy teases him and for a minute, a second, I can breathe.

  “Yes ma’am.” Deacon Douglas blushes. “We’ll stay with Aves until her parents get here.” He’s giving her permission to go back to her son.

  “I think you could use some TLC from mom and dad.” She encourages me to embrace this earth shattering revelation that’s ripped my life to shreds.

  “I accept that conclusion.” I give her a watery smile— it’s all I can manage. She goes back into the hospital and we sit in silence.

  “Remember when things were simple?” Lee Lee begins. “No love. No relationships. Our biggest issue was sharing a giant bowl of popcorn.”

  “Yeah.” I sigh.

  “And most of that bowl went into Mason’s mouth.” Deacon teases.

  “Well, it was an upgrade compared to where his mouth ended up in the years to follow.” She chuckles. “Minus Breck.”

  “Real.” Deacon shudders.

  “As simple as it was, I wouldn’t trade our journey.” I acknowledge. With pain comes pleasure. With growth comes glee. With love comes laughter. You can’t let your focus be consumed with one aspect . . . a relationship and the intricacy is complex.

  “I’d trade the stretch marks but not Darby.” Lee Lee nudges me and I cackle.

  “I don’t think I’d change anything.” Deacon is wistful, staring at his wife reappearing from around the building, while we sit on the bench trying to figure out life and love.

  My parents pull up in front of us and I stand giving hugs and assurances I’ll survive. I wait for Saylor in front of the walkway and Emberlee takes the stroller giving us a minute. “You gonna be okay?” She takes my hand.

  “I don’t know.” The gravity of the situation is weighting me down, swirling in my mind.

  “I’m here.” She hugs me. “After graduation, we can leave the kids with the guys and have a girls weekend. Ice cream, chick flicks, cussing— whatever you want.”

  “Thanks. We’ll see.” I do
n’t commit because it’s different. For a year, we’ve been together but all walking different paths with our lives. Their changes with new schedules, kids . . . it didn’t cross my mind because my life was filled with Caden, school, and building our future. We were all a crew but moving through life discovering our own voyages. The divide— the different points of our lives— they’re flashing in neon. I won’t pull her from being a mom and wife— this isn’t her duty any longer.

  “Love you, Aves.” She stares, tears welling as mine overflow.

  “Love you, Shortstop.” I climb in the backseat and my mom joins me. A word isn’t spoken, but her arms circle me, pull me tight as if she’s responsible for holding me together. I see my dad’s frown in the rearview mirror but he hides it with a wink and a mouthed ‘I love you.’

  At home, I wander with no destination in mind— except to avoid my studio. I’m empty and dark with no creativity flowing from me.

  “Avery.” My dad calls from the living room. I make my way to him and fight a giggle. He’s lit every candle he could find and has a fire going . . . in May. Blankets and pillows piled onto the sectional with a shitload of DVD’s piled high next to it. A mini-fridge has appeared and I peer inside. Chocolate, coke, and pints of ice cream jammed into the freezer portion.

  “Dad.” I sigh. I turn and find myself enveloped in his arms— the first man I loved is still my hero. “Thanks.”

  “Anything for you. I’m so damn sorry.” He struggles to control his emotions. It isn’t like Caden hurt me on purpose . . . this is an event in life that is uncontrollable. Without purpose. Without malice. I know he loves me. He loves Caden. And it’s a struggle— believe me I’m with him. I want to be angry at Caden, but I can’t. At least not realistically.

  My mom clears her throat as she tosses a pair of fleece pajamas at me. “Change and meet me here.” She points to the mountain of bedding and I giggle. I rush to change and when I return my dad is gone and my mom is sifting through the movies. “What do you fancy?”