Beyond Love

by Glenda Diana

  But Sarah ruined all Thorton's illusions.

  Blake had just carried Thorton back to her bed and carefully pulled the cover over her before placing a light kiss upon her lips. Thorton kept her eyes closed until she heard the door shut. Quickly, she reached beneath the bed, grabbing the chamber pot. Sarah entered the room and pulled Thorton's hair out of the way.

  Afterward, Sarah handed her a damp towel to wipe her mouth. “If I was to guess, I would say you're carrying, Milady.” At Thorton's wide-eyed look, Sarah smiled. “Bound to happen sooner or later.”

  Suddenly, all the ramifications hit her. Thorton grabbed Sarah's hand. “Tell no one, not even Griggs. I must be absolutely positive.”

  Sarah tipped her head as she studied Thorton for several long seconds. “Did you know already?”

  Thorton bit her bottom lip. She had to be extremely careful. “I wasn't sure and I'm still not.” She paused, her gaze locked with the maid's. “It's a long story. Promise, not one word.”

  “Your secret is safe with me for whatever reason. I'll go to the kitchen and have something prepared that will satisfy you and the wee one.”

  When Sarah left, Thorton leaned against the pillow and sighed. She ran her hand over her stomach and smiled. Everything could become difficult. Blake would eventually find out. Would he say he had done his duty and return them to spending their nights separately? She hoped not. Though it might be wanton, brazen to admit, she truly did love their nights together.

  Would Blake make a good father? Yes, she answered silently. She didn't dwell on the question of how good a mother she might be. All the unknowns came bubbling up inside her, making her fearful. A child between them would not only have the Bradley blood, but that of the Lynwood's. She wondered if Blake could love any child they created. Or would he see the babe as another enemy?

  For the next week, Sarah brought Thorton tea every morning and made sure her Mistress got plenty of rest. She fussed when Thorton would venture out to see how the work on the houses was coming along, or when Thorton took the workers their midday meal.

  But all of Sarah's nagging didn't stop Thorton. She loved getting to know Stonecrest's tenants. She actually listened to what they had to say. When the Jenkins’ child was sick, she doctored the little girl herself. When Alice Fitzwalter's time came, Thorton was there to catch the baby as it slipped into the world. With each passing day she won more respect from the people.

  Blake, Roger, and Gordon were busy with the never-do's who were stealing cattle. Lucas had his time split between working on houses, helping Blake and Gordon, and seeing the lovely Milly. With everyone so busy with their own projects, Thorton felt her secret safe.

  She had forgotten Griggs.

  First he noticed a slight change in her behavior. Then the change that came to her eyes; the gold orbs looked darker and appeared to have a hollowness about them. But what concerned him the most was that, since their return from London, Thorton had lost weight. When he questioned Sarah all he received was a smile. He decided women, in general, were confusing.

  But Griggs prided himself on knowing what was going on at all times in his household. He had a mission ... to find answers.

  Sarah had just entered the kitchen to prepare a tray for Thorton. Griggs gave Cook a firm nod before turning and mounting the stairs. As he drew near Thorton's door, he heard a horrible sound coming from within. He threw open the door and gasped.

  Thorton answered him with a moan. She wanted to cry. Now everyone would know. Griggs had the speed of a well-trained racehorse when it came to gossip.

  Dashing forward, Griggs helped her up. Taking the damp towel from the bedside table he gently wiped her face as he grumbled. “And that is the final word on the matter.”

  “Final word? I can't understand if you're going to mumble,” Thorton said, shaking her head and moaning at the pain the shot through her head.

  “Your maid will be sent packing back to London! We should have been informed of your illness. She's irresponsible and apparently incompetent.” He handed her a glass of water. “Does Blake know of your sickness?”

  Thorton was torn between rage and love as Griggs took the cloth, then dipped it in water and wiped her brow. She felt so weak she couldn't muster even enough strength to let her rage grow. How dare the old crow start issuing commands to her?

  “Madame?”

  “You'll not tell him!”

  “Madame, you are sick, therefore, Blake must know.”

  Griggs stood over her like some sort of avenger spouting what was going to be. Thorton knew she had lost the minute she heard his gasp from the doorway.

  “I'm not sick,” she whispered, tears filling her eyes.

  Her meaning hit Griggs instantly. He sank to the bed, thinking surely he would swoon. “Madame, you can't keep a secret like this for long.”

  Thorton grabbed his hand. “Promise me.”

  “Oh, bloody hell.” Griggs grumbled all the way downstairs. Since Thorton had been so upset, he'd given his promise. But he wasn't distressed; he would undoubtedly think of something.

  * * * *

  The next morning Blake lay awake in his bed, Thorton curled up against his side. The pink fingers of dawn stretched across the sky. It was a regular ritual to make love all night and, in the early morning hours, he would return Thorton to her bed. He gently placed a kiss on her head, loving the way she felt next to him.

  He couldn't count how many times he'd been tempted to have her tell the rest of her story. But he couldn't bring himself to hear what she might say. He, the Beast of Stonecrest, the man who bragged that he feared nothing, was afraid. He did not want to take a chance on her destroying what peace they'd found ... even if that peace came only with the darkness of night.

  It seemed no matter where he turned, there she was. He watched as she brought food to the workers or when she saw to his tenants’ health. He heard praises given to and about her. It was nothing new to hear his sire praise her, especially with their nightly game of chess. When Roger gloated Thorton was the best chess player he had ever seen, Blake silently agreed.

  As carefully as he could, he slid from bed and dressed. Gently he carried Thorton to her room. Pulling up the covers, he kissed her brow. She was his greatest conflict. He searched within himself for the old hate, but could not find it.

  Blake had just started down the stairs when he met Griggs. “Good morning,” he said, trying to get around the man, but Griggs blocked his way.

  “Yes, Milord.” Griggs had given his promise to Thorton a great deal of thought. Almost everyone at Stonecrest knew things were not right between Blake and Thorton, but apparently there was something right or Thorton would not be in her current condition. Griggs took it upon himself to raise the matter.

  “I fear I must detain you for a moment,” Griggs said.

  “A problem?”

  “I couldn't say, Milord.” It took some effort, but Griggs finally got Blake turned around and began pushing him up the stairs.

  “What do you mean?”

  “A promise, sir,” he replied, pushing harder.

  Once outside Thorton's door, Griggs placed his finger to his lips.

  Blake heard it.

  Thorton was in the process of wiping her forehead when Blake threw open the door. Her eyes widened in surprise ... until her gaze met and clashed with Griggs'. “I swear,” she groaned. “I wouldn't be surprised if the Pope don't come to watch me retch tomorrow.”

  “If Madame wishes, I could arrange it,” Griggs’ cheerfully replied.

  “You promised me...” Thorton took one look at Blake's expression and burst into tears. It was over. Rolling over, she buried her face in the pillow and cried harder.

  “Why didn't tell you me you were sick?”

  “She's not sick, Milord.” Griggs laughed. He gave Blake a good-hearted slap on his back, then closed the door.

  Blake watched her cry and felt helpless. Then Griggs’ meaning hit him. The knowledge almost made him stagger. Slowly,
he sat on the bed.

  Thorton felt his presence, but was trying to stop the infernal tears that kept flowing. Over and over, her mind wailed that it would now come to an end.

  Blake pulled her onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tight. He was at a loss as to what to do, what to say, so he opted for silence and let her cry. He waited until all he heard were soft hiccups.

  “Thorton?”

  She swiped at the moisture covering her face. Now he would want an explanation ... again. She was tempted to refuse like she had done before, but couldn't do it ... not with this. “I didn't want you to know, yet.”

  “Yet?”

  “Don't look at me like that,” Thorton muttered and turned away. “So, I was being selfish, what of it? I just wanted every night I could get before you found out.”

  “Every night ... you could get?”

  “Stop repeating me,” she whispered as the tears welled up again.

  “Then make some sense!” Blake felt his stomach muscles tighten with each passing second. He wasn't sure what she was talking about; the only thing that made sense was she was as confusing as always.

  His next thought gave him pause. Did she want the baby? God, he hoped so.

  “You said it was my duty to give you children. I knew if you found out you'd make me stay in my own bed.” The tears came in earnest. “I was going to tell you ... eventually.”

  Blake picked up her towel and wiped away her tears. “You like sharing my bed?” he asked hesitantly. He felt his face turn hot at his boyish question.

  Thorton immediately slapped his shoulder, then threw her arms around him as she cried harder. How could he not know how much she wanted him? What had she been telling him for the past few months?

  “Do you want the baby?” he softly asked.

  Thorton tried to jump off his lap. Every one of her questions had just been answered with that one query from him. Blake was an idiot. She thought about screaming that in his arrogant face.

  It took a considerable amount of strength to keep hold of her, but Blake did. “Answer me.”

  Thorton glared up at him. “You're cruel ... hateful ... rude. Sometimes I don't know which of us is the bigger idiot.” She struggled against his hold.

  “Stop before you hurt the baby!”

  When she continued struggling, Blake rolled on top of her, careful not to put too much weight on her. He smoothed back her wild red tresses and felt his heart constrict. “Thor...”

  Thorton went completely still as his whisper shot through her. She looked into his ebony eyes and felt her heart swell. Even though he knew he had done his duty, he still wanted to make love to her.

  “I love...” Thorton stopped her words.

  Blake's heart lurched, waiting for her to complete her unfinished statement. He knew he was being foolish. She was, after all, a Lynwood and he a Bradley. He felt lust for her, desire, but there would never be enough trust between them to lead them toward love.

  Thorton felt his muscle tense in anticipation. If she told him she loved him, he would only scorn her words. Had they not played a similar scene before?

  “I love our baby and I want it,” she said.

  Blake denied the disappointment he felt when her words died on her lips. Damn it, he didn't want her love ... nor her pity. Did he? No. All he wanted was her delicious body under his. Her willingness. The passion she gave him. Staring into her gold eyes, he knew he had that and so much more.

  “And I love sharing your bed,” she finished.

  “Then share is what we will do.” He lowered his mouth to hers. “I, too, like sharing the night hours with you. The baby has changed nothing.”

  * * * *

  Two weeks later Thorton was ready to shoot the lot of them. Every time she made a move, no matter how small a chore, there was someone assisting her. Blake watched over her as though she might disappear. He continuously asked if she was all right. At first she thought it rather sweet while she assured him that she and the baby were fine. After weeks of the same question, she forced a smile and only nodded.

  Thorton could not decide who was worse, Roger or Griggs. Roger thought she couldn't sit in a chair without him holding her hand. Griggs had offered to carry her up and down the stairs. She seriously thought about accepting his offer just to see how many trips his willowy frame could take before giving out.

  She'd always considered herself patient, but now, at the dining table her patience hit the rocky soil of displeasure. She stared at her plate and gave a silent moan. There had to be enough food to feed three of the burly men who were working on the tenants’ houses. She could feel everyone's eyes on her, watching, waiting. Did they actually think she would eat it all? Keeping her eyes lowered, she took a small bite, chewing slowly, hoping her audience would tire of watching, but they appeared fascinated, determined to see her clean the plate.

  Thorton slammed down her fork and screamed as loud as she could.

  Blake, sitting next to her, jumped to his feet, his hand flying to his chest as his startled gaze bore into hers.

  “I've had enough! I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, to be in this condition.” Thorton gave each of them a fierce scowl. “I've been walking, sitting, and climbing stairs without anyone's assistance for years. I do not want to be treated as if I'm so fragile I'll break!”

  “We're just concerned, girl,” Roger mumbled, looking as though she'd broken his heart.

  Thorton took a deep breath to calm herself, then made her way around the table. She wrapped her arms around his shoulder, hugging him tightly.

  “I love you all for your concern, but I can't stand much more of this. Nothing needs to be different. I swear, the baby and I are fine. If I have any problems, I'll tell you ... all of you.” Thorton smiled at Roger. “I promise.”

  “Are you quite through with your screaming, Milady?” Griggs asked as he entered the dining hall.

  “Are you planning on carrying me anywhere?”

  “I had considered-”

  She placed her hands on her hips and drew in a deep breath. She wanted to laugh when four sets of hands covered their sensitive ears.

  “His Lordship should have taken my advice about this situation earlier.” Griggs turned to Blake. “Did I not tell you, far away, sir?” Giving Blake a look of disappointment, Griggs raised his hawk-like nose and exited.

  Thorton sat in her seat. “What did he mean by that?”

  Blake's eyes met Roger's humorous gaze, then Lucas’ alert one. “A long story. You know Griggs likes to think everyone enjoys his sense of humor.”

  After several minutes, Thorton relaxed and even enjoyed a small portion of her meal. When dinner was over, she excused herself as the men entered the drawing room for their nightly drink. Her smile grew wider with each step she took. She could mark up another small victory.

  Sarah had just finished pulling down the bedcovers when Thorton entered. “I heard you all the way up here,” she said with a smile.

  Thorton giggled. “I scared a good number of years off Blake's life and most likely destroyed his hearing.”

  “Do you think any of them will change?”

  “I don't know, Sarah.”

  “At least it isn't a hard change they'll be having to make. It's not like your asking them to change everything about themselves.”

  “It was worth a try, anyway.”

  “Everything's worth a try,” Sarah replied as she started toward the door. “If you don't give things a try, you never knows what's going to work.”

  “Exactly.” Thorton sat at her dressing table and started pulling the pins from her hair.

  “I could brush out your hair for you.”

  “That isn't necessary. I hate being waited on.”

  “You're different than most.”

  Thorton turned. There was something in Sarah's tone that caught her attention, though she couldn't put her finger on what it was. “Is there something wrong?”

  Sarah shook h
er head, then shook it again.

  If Thorton hadn't been watching Sarah so closely she might have missed the knowing grin. A shiver of apprehension ran through Thorton.

  “It's been a long day, Milady,” Sarah said, leaving the room. “You look worn out, Milady. Tomorrow is bound to be a better day ... for both of us.”

  Thorton was a little surprised when Blake entered soon afterward. Usually he stayed downstairs longer. The hot blush rushed to her cheeks when she recognized the fire in his eyes.

  “You're not going to scream again, are you?”

  Thorton laughed as she made her way to him. “You always make me scream.”

  He pulled her to him as his mouth lowered. His hunger was evident. “You're making me crazy, Thor.”

  “You know you do the same to me.”

  “You put on a delightful performance tonight?”

  “It was not a performance.”

  “Did you have to destroy my hearing in the process?”

  “Sorry.”

  Blake laughed. “You'll have to do better than that.”

  “What would it take to make you believe I'm sorry?” Thorton began placing little kisses on his neck.

  With a groan he gathered her in his arms. He carried her to the bed, laid her down, then slowly lowered himself on top of her.

  Thorton wouldn't relinquish her hold on him, which made undressing most difficult and very stimulating. She licked his neck, loving the taste of him. Her hands became greedy as they skimmed over his shoulders, down his back, to the firm mounds of his backside. Everywhere she touched increased her desire. She wanted him at her mercy. She pushed and shoved, trying to roll him to the side. Her soft laughter filled the room.

  “What is so funny?” he grumbled, leaning up on his elbows.

  “Trying to move you, my handsome, roguish husband, is like trying to move a bloody mountain ... roll over.”

  He did as commanded. Her fingers played with the crisp, soft hairs covering his chest, then brushed his nipple, making it pucker and bringing a low groan from him.

  “Is it your intention to torture me?”

  She shook her head at such an absurd question. Lying half on and half off him, her fingers parted the hair covering the closest nipple. Tentatively, she ran her tongue over the hard nub before sucking it carefully into her warm mouth. She laughed as she stared into Blake's scowling face. He flipped her over so fast she wasn't precisely sure how he had managed it.