Beyond Love

by Glenda Diana

  It was useless to plead her case. Just by looking at Blake she could tell he believed every word of the note. Briefly she wondered if Roger or Griggs knew of these events. But then, what difference would it make? Blake believed it and that was all that mattered.

  The words of the note seem to rise up at her. Soon they blurred together through her unshed tears, taunting her, daring her to deny them. She almost laughed. What a useless attempt that would be, and how he would enjoy seeing her grovel. Helplessly she read the note again.

  My Dearest Thorton,

  I have been a patient man, but the thought of you giving yourself to the Beast even one more night makes my heart bleed. I let the man have you for these pasts few months and I let you give your maidenhead to him when it should have been mine. But now your revenge has been served.

  It not for the interference of the nosy maid, I might have let you stay longer, but it's too dangerous. You have reached your goal and in less than a year. I want us to be together for all time. No more sneaking off, no more stolen moments in the dark of night. Now we can be free to show our love in the light of day.

  Together we will create our own child from our bonding, no herbs of falsehood, just our seed growing. I understand the pretense was needed to make him believe you carried his child, that it was the one final blow. But now let us flee, let us begin our life as one just as we've always dreamed.

  With all my love,

  XX

  It was so damned condemning. Fighting down the pain that threatened to engulf her, Thorton looked at Blake. “You believe this?”

  When he remained silent, she had to fight against letting her tears fall. From her first day at Stonecrest, he had been waiting, watching for one thing, anything, so he could proclaim her to be the vile creature he always knew she would be. He wanted her to be his enemy, wanted her to be the true daughter of Duke Robert Lynwood.

  From the start Blake had not wanted to give her a chance. He had hated her for fifteen years. Oh, he had enjoyed sharing her bed and taking what he could from her body, but he always held something back of himself. Now he had reason to hate her. Now he could gloat to one and all how right he had been all along.

  Thorton had known from the start what a battle this was going to be, but she had foolishly thought she'd been prepared. Now, although too late, she knew just how wrong she had been. She couldn't fight against him any longer. The last few months had taken their toll on her.

  “I don't understand,” Gordon rasped. “Why would you want to hurt little Dora? She's a sweet child who never hurt a soul. I never thought you could be so heartless.”

  Even at the sound of Gordon's accusation, Thorton did not take her eyes off Blake. “I knew you hated me, but how could you think I had anything to do with Dora's beating? Is your hatred so blind?” Her voice lacked any emotion; it was dead and brittle. She only wished her soul could die as quickly, and as painlessly.

  “Enough!” Blake shouted, taking a step toward her.

  Thorton didn't even flinch at Blake's mighty roar. “I could beg for five minutes of your time, as I once did, but I find I'm not up to it this time. Keep your escort, Baron. No need to worry that I'll stay any longer than it takes to gather my things. I can find my way home. And if it eases your conscience then believe what you will. I could proclaim my innocence but you have already found me guilty, so I won't bother.”

  Thorton made it to the doorway before turning to look into his cold black eyes.

  “How does it feel to win, Baron?”

  Chapter Twenty

  Lucas shook his head in confusion. He was at a loss at what to do. His emotions warred within him from sorrow to rage, as he watched his sister through the French doors. Thorton sat at the garden table going through a stack of papers. Even from a distance, he could see her hollow eyes and the sadness that seem to flow from her. It had been almost six months since they had left Stonecrest. During the first couple of months she had been only an apparition of the woman she once was.

  She regained some of her old vitality when he married Milly and brought her to Rosewood. But her greatest improvement came after she hired a Bow Street Runner by the name of Benny Taker. Now, instead of staring into space for hours at a time, she sorted through papers Mr. Taker sent her each week.

  It all came down to one name, one man, who Lucas could blame for being in the wrong. Blake Bradley. The man had nearly destroyed her. Not physically, but mentally. It was the only time Lucas could remember seeing her so unresponsive, so lifeless.

  He would never forget the night they left Stonecrest or the haunted look on her face. It was as though she had closed herself away, locking all emotions somewhere deep inside herself, a place where the pain could not reach her.

  He had just come out of his room that evening when he met her in the hallway. Her face had been ghostly white, her eyes enormous. So lost was she in misery that she never saw him standing there. When he stepped in front of her and gently grasped her shoulder to stop her from walking into him, he felt her body violently tremble.

  “Pack your things. We leave within the hour,” came her toneless words.

  “What's happened?” he asked, trying to pull her into his embrace. But she backed up, as if him touching her was in some way painful.

  “Nothing. Maybe I've finally grown up. Maybe I've finally realized what a mistake all this was.”

  “Maybe,” Lucas said slowly. “Or maybe that son-of-a-bitch needs a good thrashing for hurting you ... again.”

  Thorton shook her head. Her words sounded like dry leafs crackling, being crushed beneath a heavy burden. “You can only hurt those who can feel ... I no longer can.”

  “I'm going to kill that bastard!” He went to step past her.

  Thorton fell to her knees before him, her large eyes welling up with tears, and her breathing raspy. Lucas bent to help her to her feet, but her hands grasped the front of his shirt. “Please take me home. I want to go home, Luc.” Her plea was the only reason he had held his tongue that night. He knew he would eventually discover what had brought her to the point of breaking.

  After escorting her to her room, Lucas hurried to find Milly. He told her of Thorton's condition and that he had to get her home to Rosewood. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done, leaving Milly behind. He promised her he would return. Milly, being the soft, tender-hearted person, gave him a honeyed kiss and whispered she would wait for him.

  It took more than a month before Thorton finally told him what had happened. His first instinct had been to ride back to Stonecrest and kill Bradley with his bare hands, but Thorton threatened to leave Rosewood and never return.

  “It was a lesson I deserved,” she stated. “It made me realize I was only dreaming, and dreams are like the night, to be dreamt during the hours of darkness and to evaporate with the sunrise.”

  Lucas could remember when Thorton was a little girl. All she had were dreams. Blake had done far more than just break her heart, he had ripped apart her dreams. He had shown her how cold reality was. He had destroyed every part of her childhood to which she had faithfully clung.

  Now, he watched Thorton stack the papers into separate piles and wondered exactly what she was looking for. She hadn't told him precisely why she was doing this, but Lucas gathered it had something to do with Blake. Giving a heavy sigh, he opened the doors and walked into the garden.

  She heard the footsteps on the cobble-stone path, but didn't bother to look up. “I'm surprised you're up and about so early. The most I see you and Milly is at the dining table in the evenings. Of course, it has been that way for several months.”

  “Don't get sassy, it's too fine a morning.” Lucas caught the impish smile she was trying to cover. Leaning down, he kissed the crown of her head. “Milly will be along shortly.”

  “How is she this morning?”

  “Same as usual.” Lucas glanced at the stacks of paper. “Why do you do that? I know it has to do with Blake. I just haven't figured out why. The man t
reated you wretchedly and still you pore over those papers hour after hour, day after day.”

  Thorton finally raised her head and stared at Lucas for a few silent moments. Then she smiled and patted his hand. “As you said, it's too fine a morning, so let's not argue.”

  Lucas had been trying to avoid this. The pain Blake had given her had not yet healed. He could see a haunted emptiness in her gold eyes. “Do you honestly think you can change his mind? The only thing he cares about is his self-pity.”

  Thorton's hands went completely still. He could tell she was fighting some inner battle. It was the fleeting glimpse of that pain that made his heart ache. From the time she was born he had always been her guardian, her protector, yet now he could do nothing to ease her suffering.

  “Change his mind?” Thorton gave a humorless laugh, a laugh as cold as a winter morning. “I have given up on that idea.”

  At her show of strength, Lucas’ eyes watered. Even when she was being foolish, he couldn't help but admire her. “Then why do you do this?”

  “I need to know who sent that note.”

  “It shouldn't matter. That man has put you through Hell. Look what you're doing to yourself. Give it up. Get on with your life.”

  Thorton stared at the scattered papers. How she wished she could get on with her life. But she had no future until she found answers to the questions that consumed her. The loose ends of her life at Stonecrest had to be put to right before she could work on her future.

  She raised her eyes and there, on Lucas’ face, she saw the tender concern. She knew she would have gone completely mad if it hadn't been for him. Everyday since their departure from Stonecrest, Lucas had made her fight. Prodding and nagging, not once letting her give up.

  Thorton took his large hand in hers. “I'm not doing this for Blake, I'm doing it for me.”

  “It has everything to do with him.” Lucas knelt beside her chair and hugged her. “Try to see my view. It seems as if you're trying to prove to Blake his error. I hate seeing you like this. I hate that I couldn't protect you against the hurt ... that I failed you.”

  “Never have you failed me, Luc. You are the only one who has always been there, like an Avenging Angel, just for me.”

  She laid her head on his shoulder. No matter what she said or how many times she explained, Lucas was still going to maintain his stubborn opinions. He wanted to hear what he wanted to hear. In many ways he reminded her of Blake, but she didn't share that thought with him, knowing he would not appreciate the comparison.

  “Think about it, Luc. Someone knew what was going on inside the manor. They knew Blake and I were not exactly as we should have been. They knew about our father, about every move Blake was making and when. I have to find out who this person is. It makes me frightened. I wonder if they could be watching us now.”

  Lucas’ arms tightened around her when she shivered. “Don't be frightened. We know every person for miles around. A stranger couldn't pass by without us knowing.”

  “That's what Blake thought.” She raised her head. “Did I ever tell you that I showed Blake the sketches?”

  Lucas had forgotten all about her pictures. She always had them hanging in her bedroom, calling them her treasure. That was before they had first journeyed to Stonecrest. Since their return to Rosewood, he had not seen them. “Did you tell him who the artist was?” he asked, smiling.

  “No. I think showing him my drawings only served to make him doubt me more.” Thorton came to her feet. That night was so clear in her memory she could almost feel Blake's touches, hear his deep voice, and feel what she had thought was perhaps love. All of that was before he saw the sketches. “But then, conversations were not our strong point.”

  Too many years of hate had made it impossible for her to ever accomplish her childish goal. She should have realized that from the start. Thorton scolded herself again. If she had just stayed at Rosewood, this pain and misery that had her wrapped up in its cocoon would never be.

  At the sound of soft footsteps, Thorton turned and smiled as Milly joined them. Here was another soothing balm to Thorton's bruised soul. Milly was such a joy to have around and she helped to keep her mind occupied with other thoughts.

  Milly, with her brown hair and eyes, her soft rounded cheeks, was as lovely outside as she was inside, Thorton thought. She was petite, yet she had a full figure. She always had a look about her that brought one word to mind ... fresh. No matter what kind of day, she looked as fresh as new fallen snow. Alive, vivid, and always loving.

  Milly's presence brought back some of Thorton's humor. Milly had been with them only a few days when Thorton discovered Lucas’ new bride blushed at almost everything. Thorton found herself saying the most outrageous things just to watch Milly turn a lovely shade of red. Lucas was no better, for he, too, liked to see his wife blush.

  And Milly was good for Lucas. She kept his temper soothed, kept laughter glimmering in his eyes.

  Thorton silently watched as Lucas embraced his wife. Sometimes she felt like a decrepit old maid around the loving couple. And even though Rosewood was her home, she couldn't help feeling she was an intruder.

  She couldn't help but think of the home that should have been hers. She often wondered how Roger was and if he was still practicing at chess. And Griggs-she missed the old crow and his sour expressions. In the past six months she hadn't heard a word from anyone at Stonecrest. Thorton thought of her maid, Sarah, remembering how the woman had begged to go with her that night, but Thorton had said no. She told Sarah that if Stonecrest was not where she wanted to be, Griggs would send her back to London.

  Something nagged at Thorton's memory. She felt as though she was missing an important piece of this puzzle. She had sat for hours, digging into her subconscious, trying to grasp the missing fragment, but it eluded her.

  Pushing aside her nagging question, Thorton smiled at Milly. “How are you this morning?” she asked, motioning for Milly to sit beside her.

  “Much better.”

  Thorton smiled at Milly's blush. “Don't worry, dear. The sickness will pass in a few weeks. Then you'll grow plump and waddle around.”

  Lucas pulled his wife close and kissed her nose. “I can't wait to see that sight.” He laughed.

  “You just want to tease me,” Milly stated with a wrinkling of her nose.

  “Yes, I do,” Lucas agreed with a wink.

  Though Thorton usually found it a pleasure to see their love, there were times when Lucas gazed at Milly with such open love, Thorton felt her heart constrict. If only she could've had love like that. If only she could've been given a man with Lucas’ temperament, minus the hate. But what good did it do to wish for things she couldn't have? To crave what would never be hers?

  She tried to concentrate on what she had to say to them. “I have some news I need to tell you.” She wiped her damp palms on her apron, trying to decide the best way to tell them. What gave her pause was knowing Lucas would argue. “I'm going to London.”

  “Why?” Milly asked as she patted Thorton's hand. “I don't think the time is right for a trip.”

  Smiling, Thorton squeezed Milly's hand. “You can practice your motherly tone on me till I leave, then you'll have to use Lucas.” She laughed at Lucas’ startled expression. She thought it would do him good to be mothered about.

  In seconds, Lucas’ expression changed to fury. “Let me guess as to why you're going to London,” he ground out.

  Thorton stared at her trembling hands. “I have to.”

  Milly's eyes misted at the pitiful sound of Thorton's voice. She stood up. “Well, that's settled.”

  “What's settled?!” Lucas growled.

  Milly gave Thorton a wink before placing a kiss on her husband's cheek. “We'll have to go to London with her.” Milly whirled away and was almost to the French doors before she turned back. “Stop scowling, Lucas. You won't have to do a thing. I'll see to having our things readied.”

  Lucas watched his wife disappear through the doo
rs.

  “She is a treasure, Luc.”

  Lucas turned his angry eyes on her. “Only because she reminds you of yourself. God, have mercy. What did I do to deserve this?”

  “Pooh. You adore us. And are fortunate to have us.”

  He wasn't ashamed to admit the two of them were doing him in with their dense reasoning. He raked his fingers through his hair. Apparently he had lost his mind, no doubt from living with these two females. Yes, he thought with relief, that was it. It was the only excuse he had for going to London-he had lost what little mind he'd once possessed.

  “I'll send the staff to open the house in Town,” he said with a weary sigh.

  “Thank you.”

  Mumbling beneath his breath, Lucas left the garden.

  Thorton hugged herself and smiled. She was glad they were going with her. London was not a place to be alone, and Lord knew she didn't want to be alone. She had Milly to thank for the joy she now felt. Oh, she knew once they reached London, Lucas would set down a string of rules, but that was fine. If he made some rule to which she couldn't abide, she would do as she'd always done-ignore it.

  Raising her face to the morning sun, she closed her eyes. The last few months had taken their toll on her. She felt drained of life, of feeling. Would there ever come a time she would feel lighthearted again? Like she had at one time, before she knew how love felt ... and how much it hurt? She seriously doubted she would ever look at things in quite the same light as she once had.

  She would go to London, seeking the answers to her questions. Only then could she feel free from her haunting past. Only then could set her agonizing memories of Blake to rest, and look to her future.

  * * * *

  It was a cool rainy night in London. Thorton had Saul, their butler, add more wood to the hearth as she pulled her thick shawl around her shoulders. She waited until the young butler left the room before turning to the man sitting opposite her.