Sexy Summers (Sexy Series)

by Lovell, Dani

  I still can't forget the relief I felt when I heard those first few thumps of Wriggler's heart. And Luke's face... he looked like he could cry. Although he didn't, of course. He stood up though, and walked around the room with his hands clasped at the back of his head.

  Then when they did the scan - after much pressing by Luke - he was absolutely awestruck. I was hoping he might have held my hand or even kissed me, but once he had stared at the screen for a few minutes, captivated, checking everything is where is should be, he left the room. Just... left. I've no idea where he went, or what he did, and when he finally returned, he offered no explanation whatsoever.

  It was so... lonely. I needed him, I wanted to smile with him and celebrate that everything was okay... but he left me. Alone in a strange room with a sonographer who was wondering what was going on with the parents of this child, I was happy but embarrassed, excited but alone - again, just like I have been all along.

  I tried to make conversation when we left the hospital, but he was short; not unkind, but not loquacious in the slightest. It's making me feel really rather uneasy, and when all I want to do is sigh with relief and share it with Wriggler's dad... his distance is disconcerting and frankly, very upsetting.

  I try to stop crying, but I can't. Although I did think it was a very painful bout of constipation all along, I started to worry very much that something was wrong. I have never experienced pain like that before, just from a simple bowel issue. So I was very worked up before we finally found out everything was okay, and it's all hitting me now.

  Luke has been downstairs for quite some time, I must have been in bed a good ten or fifteen minutes and there is still no sign of him. What's wrong with him? I soak up my tears with a tissue and slowly sink down into the bed, giving up on waiting, and drift off to sleep quickly and easily.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  WEDNESDAY 26TH DECEMBER

  I feel like I've slept for a lifetime when I stir, and am relieved to find myself tightly wrapped in Luke; my face on his chest, both of his arms holding me tightly against him, one leg hooked over mine. I'm almost a little squashed, and very warm. I kiss his chest as my heart swells. He loves me. Maybe he'll be able to explain last night to me, later; he seems to have returned to his normal self, if this overly affectionate sleeping position is anything to go by.

  He squeezes me even tighter and I close my eyes, revelling in it. I have had so many years of meaningless, fun sex with good looking, entertaining men and not once did I feel I was missing out on something. But right now, in the arms of the most good looking, most entertaining man in my world, I can't possibly imagine living without the affection and love that I absorb from him. I need it now, and giving it back comes so unequivocally naturally to me.

  My eyes feel swollen and I still have a tissue balled in my fist from last night. I could do with a long, hot bath. I wriggle slightly, getting comfortable, and Luke groans, releasing me a little.

  "Are you okay?" he asks, his voice deep and croaky.

  "Yes, I'm fine. How about you?" I ask, touching his cheek with my hand. I always seem to be drawn to his broken side, for some reason. Maybe it's a protective thing... I don't know.

  "I'm good," he says as he stretches. "It must be late."

  "I don't know, I don't really care, I don't need to be anywhere." I snuggle into him again, getting cosy, needing some of that affection back.

  "But I might," he says, bluntly, and I feel a little taken aback. He's awfully moody all of a sudden. He turns to check the time on his phone on his side table.

  "Oh, sorry, I didn't really think that you'd be going anywhere today."

  "A bunch of us usually go out on the slopes the day after Christmas and I was thinking of going, I have been staying in too much and haven't done enough boarding."

  Oh. He never mentioned this before, and he has said every single day that he doesn't want to snowboard, he wants to spend the holiday with me. Now I feel a bit embarrassed about being presumptuous, but on the other hand, a bit annoyed. "Um, actually, Luke, you were the one who said you didn't want to go out, and you've just made me feel a little bad about it, I'm not sure that I appreciate that very much. I have told you loads of times that I want you to go out and that I'd be fine here on my own."

  "I know. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm just saying, I want to go out today. Is that a problem?"

  "No, no. That's fine by me." I shake my head, attempting to start over. "Go and enjoy yourself, you could probably use it after yesterday," I add, trying to get a little friendliness back into the conversation.

  "Yeah," he says, nonchalantly.

  "Luke... have I done something to piss you off?"

  "Not at all."

  I move and look up into his face. "So why are you acting so... coldly?"

  "I'm not. Do you want a bath?" he asks, disregarding my question completely. He releases me and begins to sit up to get out of bed.

  "Will you have one with me?" I ask flirtatiously, giving him an open opportunity to right whatever this is.

  "No, I'm going to have a shower and get out of here, see if I can catch up with the others."

  "Oh. Okay. Um, yes please, if you're going in there."

  He says nothing and walks purposefully to the bathroom and I watch as he goes. He doesn't look at me once. My heart aches, what have I done? I hate that he's being so... mean. It's not like Luke at all. That I know of... I suppose I haven't known him that long, maybe this is another, uglier Luke that I have been lucky enough not to come across yet. My eyes water a little. After everything that happened yesterday, I just want a day in bed with my boyfriend, loving me.

  He emerges, not looking at me once, and walks towards the door.

  "Luke," I call, stopping him.

  "Luke, what have I done?" I ask, sitting on the side of the bed, my hands clutched together.

  "Nothing!" he replies, impatiently.

  "Clearly I have. Is this about yesterday? We can talk about it, I went through it, too."

  "Why the hell have you only just told me, Til?" he shouts and I jump a little, not expecting it. "What if you hadn't told me before yesterday? What if all that had happened and I didn't know you were pregnant? You'd never have gone to the hospital to make sure our baby was okay. I had to make you go!"

  Holy shit. He's really mad. "Oh... I, I would have gone. I was worried, too, Luke. But the point is, I did tell you before yesterday, and the baby is fine. I told you before how sorry I am that it has taken so long for me to tell you..." I feel highly emotional and my eyes sting as the tears start to fill them. "Is this why you're going out today?"

  "Can't I want to go out with my friends now?" he asks, angrily, and emotional correctness goes out the window, the tears roll down my cheeks and my chin quivers as my body prepares itself for a great, big sob.

  "Of course you can..." I whine as I begin to cry, my voice an embarrassingly high pitched squeak. I put my face in my hands, not wanting him to see me, although it's perfectly obvious that I am sobbing my heart out.

  He stands still for a moment, before I hear him moving towards the door and leaving, closing it quietly behind him. I wipe my cheeks and stand to go to the bathroom to check on my bath. I hate this, I don't understand it. Why is he being so... hateful?

  I turn off the taps and can't help but smile through my tears at the amount of bubble bath he has put in here, it's a frothy, white mountain. He has also folded a small towel and placed it at the head of the bath, for me to rest back onto. How can he be so mad at me, but still make these perfect little gestures?

  I pull off his t-shirt and climb in, sinking down slowly into the warm, soothing liquid. I take a deep, stuttered breath and exhale through pursed lips, trying to calm myself. He's just a bit freaked out. I shouldn't take it too personally, he just needs to get used to everything. I suppose this is more like the reaction I thought I'd get when I told him. But after last night, I just want a little comfort, why doesn't he? Another bout of sobbing commences. I'm g
etting a bit pissed off with all of this shit, stop fucking crying!

  Luke enters, unexpectedly and looks at me briefly as he walks to the shower to turn it on, and then he walks back out again, I presume to undress. I sniff, trying to compose myself before he comes back in. I feel the silent treatment coming on.

  I close my eyes and sink back, I decide to think about Wriggler. Those thoughts make me happy. My hands automatically find the melon and stroke it, lovingly, feeling for anything new. There is nothing, but just knowing what's in there is enough. I think of his lovely little nose, or her cute little mouth and I smile. My beautiful baby; I can't wait to see you.

  I hear Luke entering again, and I keep my eyes closed. I don't need to see him glancing at me, only to say or do nothing. I hear him enter the shower and I try to stay focused on thoughts of my dinky baby. Luke said it can suck it's thumb now. That is pretty impressive, and ridiculously cute. I wonder if it will have hair...

  An image suddenly pops into my head of our tiny baby in Luke's enormous strong arms, his hand cradling that teeny little head, his gorgeous lips kissing it's miniature nose - and my lips twitch again, I just can't stop. I need to let it out, I need to have a big, fat cry and a cuddle and get it over with.

  I wipe under my eyes and open them wide, blinking, trying to suppress the emotional instability, at least until he's gone. I look over at the shower and am surprised to see him standing still, staring at me, frowning. Our eyes lock, neither of us moving, smiling... anything, we just stare at each other.

  He slowly steps forward and places both hands on the glass, steam dancing around his wet, naked body. He tilts his head ever-so-slightly to one side and offers me the smallest smile. I wipe another tear from my cheek and stand slowly, stepping out of the bath, not taking my eyes off his for a second. I pick up a towel and open it to wrap around me, and he subtly shakes his head, beckoning me towards him with his finger. So I drop the towel in front of me and walk across it so as not to slip. He opens the door and holds my hand to help me in, closing it behind me.

  Immediately I am wrapped tightly in his arms and I break down, sobbing against his chest. He puts a hand on my head and gently rocks me, soothingly. It's such a relief to have him back. He lifts me gently and I wrap my legs around his waist as he holds me close and walks to the glass wall, pressing my back against it.

  He doesn't say a word, just simply looks into my eyes, frowning. He leans forward and brushes his lips against mine before kissing me softly. His tongue gently stroking mine, we kiss so perfectly; smooth, slow, loving - exactly what we both need. I wrap one arm around his neck and with the other, I find his hand, and guide it to rest on my tummy, trying to ease his worry; Wriggler is here and she's fine.

  His fingers sprawl across it, holding the baby as best he can, all the while still showing me that he cares, his lips grazing mine, alleviating my distress, reassuring me, consoling. I hope he's feeling that too, because it's exactly what I'm offering back, a sense of calm; everything is okay.

  He doesn't make love to me in the shower. I know he's turned on, his boner is practically holding me up, and I am, too, but this isn't about sex. This is about comfort and security. Helping each other through an emotional time. He's apologising for upsetting me, without so many words, and I'm telling him it's okay to be scared. It's a totally unfamiliar, alien situation for both of us.

  Eventually we stop with the kissing and holding, Luke turns off the water, and we get out together. He wraps me in a fresh towel before we return to the bedroom and I sit on the bed as he gets some underwear.

  "We missed all of the gifts yesterday, that's a shame. I have a couple of things for you under the tree." I say softly, the first words spoken between us since before the bathroom.

  He smiles and sits next to me, stroking my cheek with his fingers. "I have something for you, too. Why don't we do that a little later?"

  I nod. "What time are you going out?"

  "Pretty soon. Do you mind?"

  I shake my head. "No. Go and have some fun, I want you to enjoy yourself."

  "I enjoy myself with you, too, Tilly, a lot. I just wanted to have a catch up on the slopes and forget about yesterday. Is that bad? Do you want to come?"

  "No, thank you, darling, you go and enjoy yourself on your own. And no, it's not bad, not at all. I want to forget about it, too. When you get home, can we have some time, just us? Maybe we can watch a film in the cinema room again?"

  "Sounds good. We'll try to actually watch the movie this time, and not fall asleep." He smiles. "I'm going to get ready and go, Princess, do you want anything before I go?"

  "Just to know that you still love me and that we're okay."

  He looks at me with a slight frown. "I won't ever stop loving you, baby."

  I close my eyes and lean against his side. He kisses my head and holds me tightly. "I love you so much, Tilly. My heart hurts when I think of anything happening to you. Please be careful. Look after both of you."

  I frown, "I'm not going to be without you for too long, Luke. Just long enough to sort out moving to the States. You sound like we'll never see each other again."

  "I just worry. That's all."

  "We're fine. Don't worry. What time will you be back?"

  "It's hard to say. I'll be arriving late so I might stay a while longer."

  "Okay, well I'll pick us a nice movie while you're gone."

  He smiles and nods before getting up and continuing to dress. I lay on the bed and watch him, feeling very sleepy again. Maybe I will catch up on some sleep while he's out.

  ~~~~~~~

  I had a couple of hours sleep and woke refreshed and chirpy. I threw on some comfies before I went downstairs to eat some very late lunch and choose a film for later. I'm really looking forward to him coming back. I realised I hadn't eaten for nearly twenty four hours, no wonder I polished off a huge plate of Christmas Day food in about four minutes flat.

  When I have flicked through the huge catalogue of films and chosen one of my favourites of all time; 'The Blind Side', I throw on my ski gear and take myself out into the trees for a stroll. It's lovely to get out in the fresh, daytime air, having been in bed for what seems like a week.

  The snow creaks under my boots again and I smile as it tumbles down around me, huge, great clusters floating to the ground. I walk for a while before I find 'our place' and I sit. Clare and Oliver are out skiing with Bea and Daniel, hopefully they left before the shouting started, I'd hate for them to have heard all of that.

  I check my phone to see if I have had anything from Luke, but he's probably too busy charging down those slopes, enjoying himself, because there's nothing. I hope he is having lots of fun. I decide to text him, instead, to let him know that I'm thinking of him.

  -

  26 Dec 16:06

  Hiya, love-bunny :-). Hope you're enjoying yourself, I'm sitting in our spot in the trees with the snow falling, thinking of you. Can't wait until you get back, you sexy mutha fucker. Mwah xx

  -

  I smile and rest back onto my elbows, imagining him receiving that text. I bet he's smiling right now. I wonder if he is with Matt and Queenie, they're so much fun, he'll definitely enjoy his day with them. Although maybe they'll be with their little boy - Logan, I can't see them taking time away from him over Christmas. Maybe they've taken him out skiing today, just the three of them. I think about their gorgeous little family, I've never met Logan but I can imagine him to be the cutest, coolest little boy ever, with super-fun, loving parents like his.

  I will definitely enjoy spending time with them as we grow as a family, I will take all of the advice Queenie can give me, she seems to know what it takes to make it work perfectly.

  I'd love for Wriggler to be able to ski from an early age, hopefully Luke feels that way, too, we could all come here and take him or her out on the baby slopes. I wouldn't mind spending all of my time with our child while Luke goes off to snowboard, I could ski with it, take it out to play in the snow... maybe we could
all stay at Bea and Daniel's place and then the baby and I could use their pool, too.

  I lay back in the soft snow, my warm ski clothes protecting me from the cold underneath me, and close my eyes to let the flakes fall onto my face. I'm so peaceful here, so calm and relaxed, such a change from this morning when I was sobbing all over the place. But it's okay now, we're over it; time to move on and help Luke get used to the idea of being a dad, and then break the news to everyone.

  ~~~~~~~

  "Tilly..." his deep, sexy voice calls to me from somewhere. Hmm? "Til, wake up, what are you doing out here? You'll freeze!"

  I stir, realising I've fallen asleep out in the snow. As I open my eyes, he's crouching over me, taking his jacket off and I smile at him, reaching one hand up to his chest. It has started getting a little darker, the sky a deep, electric blue and it feels much chillier than it was earlier. I can only have been asleep for half an hour or so, though.

  "What are you doing?"

  "Hello, darling, I was sitting out here, thinking, and must have drifted off. I haven't been here long," I say as I stretch, shivering, noticing just how freezing it is. "Did you have a great time?"

  "It was fine, but forget that... here," he gestures for me to sit up and as I do, he brushes the snow from my hat and wraps his jacket around me, rubbing me to warm me up. "We need to get you indoors, this was really dumb, Til, you can't fall asleep out here on your own for Christ's sake."

  Oh wow, bossy boots is back! "Luke, I haven't been out here for long, don't get like that. I'm fine." I say as he helps me stand and I lean against him for a hug.

  "It's not just you, though, is it? I mean come on, do you ever even think about this baby?"

  Whoa! I am not fucking having that! I shove him away suddenly and step back. "How dare you!" I shout, the cold suddenly vanishing, I am red hot with anger. "I think about my baby twenty four seven and you should fucking well know that! He or she is what I live for now, I'd do anything to protect my baby. I could have gone skiing, I could have been having the odd drink to help hide the secret, I could be eating whatever the hell I like and having hot tubs and saunas, but I haven't, because our baby is too important for any of that shit so don't you dare ask me if I ever think about this baby. You bastard! I fell asleep outside for half an hour, I am wearing skiing clothes for fucks sake, feel it, feel it!" I shout as I lift my clothes to reveal my naked belly.