by Lyssa Cole
“That you’re telling me the truth,” I breathe.
Gabe leans back, taking my face in his hands. His eyes pierce mine. “I don’t know what the fuck we’re doing here, nor do I know how you feel. But what I do know is, I’ve been enjoying every second I spend with you. And I want more, not less. I wouldn’t lie to you. I hate lies and bullshit. That’s not me. But I can’t make promises, and you can’t either. So, let’s just enjoy, Alicia. Enjoy what we have and not overthink it. Believe me when I say I’d never do anything to purposely hurt you.”
I melt at his words, tears filling my eyes. I don’t know how to respond, so instead I lean my face into his hands and close my eyes, the tears leaking down.
His mouth presses to mine and I’m lost.
Lost in him, in this moment, in all of it.
I know it’s a mistake. Deep inside, I feel he can’t be trusted. No one can.
But do I listen to myself? No, of course not.
I let go and enjoy, kissing him back with everything I’ve got.
I’m such a fool.
“Yes, purple!” Kayla jumps up and down, riffling through my book of hair color swatches. “Can we do purple, please? Pretty please?”
She looks up at me with big brown puppy dog eyes, her lip quivering. I can’t help but laugh. She’s good, I’ll give her that.
“Fine, but only streaks. If I dye your whole head, I don’t think Mia would be too happy with me.”
Kayla rolls her eyes. “She’s not my mom. Why would she care?”
“Of course she’ll care. She wants the best for everyone here.” I glance back at Gabe, hoping he’ll chime in here, but he’s distracted, watching every person in here like a hawk.
I’d been excited all week to come and offer makeovers for the girls. Usually, we do more simple things like haircuts or mani/pedis, me offering them tips so they can learn skills. This time, I offered to do hair dye and makeup.
They’re thrilled and so am I.
Gabe offered to drive me, wanting to catch dinner after, and the original plan was for him to stay outside.
But of course, as luck would have it, Mia was pulling in at the same time we were. As soon as she saw Gabe, that was it, the conversation in full swing, her asking him to come in. She asked if we’d become friends, and Gabe nodded, quickly changing the subject.
I ignore my inner gut poking me and focus on setting up for the girls.
Kayla gives me another sassy teenage eye roll. “Whatever you say, A.”
I shake my head and prep all my supplies.
Several makeovers later, I’m exhausted, and an antsy Gabe is starving. We head to a local diner I raved about to him in past convos.
Gabe’s quiet. He didn’t say much in the shelter either. He watched, like he was looking for someone or something.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, sorry, just got a lot on my mind.” He reaches over and squeezes my hand.
“I know the feeling.”
“You’re amazing with those girls, you know that?” He looks over, and I swear, the soft smile on his lips has my heart fluttering.
Underneath all that muscle and tough inked skin, he’s a sweet, gentle soul.
I wave my hand. “Nah, I’m just trying to help out.” Shrugging my shoulders, I look out the window. “I know what it’s like to be a lonely teenager.”
Gabe blows out a breath and when I look over, his face has fallen. I take his hand back, offering him a squeeze this time.
“I was lonely, too.” His sad eyes find mine, and my heart constricts in my chest. I want to know his story and tell him mine.
Gabe pulls into the diner and when he parks, I climb into his lap, needing to taste him, feel his arms around me.
He gives me what I need, his own needs matching mine.
Our hearts sync together, as do the breaths we take.
I kiss him, wondering about his life.
I kiss him, picturing myself baring my soul to him.
I want to know everything about him, the good, the bad, the ugly.
I don’t care if he’s robbed a bank or stolen a car. My heart has a mind of its own.
And right now, it’s falling in love with Gabe.
Chapter 18
Alicia
“Let’s take a walk. The weather is finally nice.” I play with Kayla’s ponytail, admiring the purple streaks I add to it. It looks good on her, complementing her darker complexion.
After securing permission from Mia, we head outside, following a path that leads around the building.
“Have you thought about what you want to do in the future?”
Kayla looks away, biting her lip. I’ve hit a sore spot and my stomach clenches.
We continue walking without saying much, and I sneak glances at Kayla, hoping she’s not too upset. She’ll talk when she’s ready. I just hope she realizes what a wonderful girl she is.
We round the corner, and I stop dead in my tracks and grab Kayla’s arm. Her eyes widen when I pull her back around the corner, shielding us.
“What’s going on?” Kayla whispers, and I put my finger to my lips.
“I see Gabe with someone.”
“Who?”
“Gabe! Remember?”
Kayla rolls her eyes. “I know who Gabe is. Who is he with?”
I peek back around the corner and confirm my suspicions. My stomach free falls to my feet along with my heart. Stay cool, A. Stay cool.
“Well?”
I turn back to Kayla. “A woman he works with.”
Kayla’s eyes widen again. “Aren’t you two together?”
“No, not really, just friends. Come on, let’s walk back.”
I swallow back my words. I want to tell Kayla, confide in her like she’s a friend, but she’s only fourteen.
“Alicia.” I hear my name called and when I glance behind me, Gabe’s hurrying toward me, no Anne in sight.
I didn’t just imagine all of that, right?
Why is he spending so much time with a woman he claims he works with but comes off as married together? And why would two traveling sales people be posing as a married couple at a shelter?
It doesn’t make any sense to me and as the questions fill my mind, so does the anger.
“I have to take Kayla back in.” I cross my arms. I can’t look at his face. I want answers, dammit. He wooed me the other night with his sweet words, but his actions show differently right now.
God, I’m so fucking conflicted.
I want to trust him, but my head is screaming at me to not make that mistake.
I clench my jaw and hurry back inside with Kayla.
Gabe follows us, watching my every move. I say my goodbyes to the girls and gather my things.
“Alicia, everything okay?” Gabe stands in front of me, watching as I pack up my beauty supplies.
“Sure, just fine and dandy,” I snap, brushing by him.
“That doesn’t sound like you’re fine and dandy.” Gabe trails me, hot on my heels.
In the lobby, I see Mia talking on the phone and hope I can sneak out without her stopping me.
“Alicia, Peter! Come over here,” Mia calls as she hangs up the phone.
The name Peter sets the butterflies off in my stomach. Even if he’s telling me the truth, I hate the lies. Ironic, isn’t it?
I wish I could ignore her. I so desperately want to.
“How’s Kayla doing?” Mia asks.
“She seems sad. I’ve been trying to cheer her up.”
“I know. And you do a great job. Kayla has taken quite the liking toward you.”
“I really like her, too. I’ll see you in a couple days, okay?”
Mia nods and turns her attention to Gabe. “How’s the process going? Your wife, Mary, coming in today?”
I throw Gabe daggers. I still find his whole cover-up sketchy as hell. I ignored my gut last night. I lost myself in Gabe. I knew I’d be confronted with this again and now here it is. Smothered in my fa
ce, Mia completely clueless.
I want to believe him. Every fiber of my being wants to believe him.
For some reason, I can’t. I just can’t.
I bite my lip, my pulse picking up as my thoughts race. I’m so mad at myself.
So mad for giving in to him last night.
What was I fucking thinking?
I can’t listen anymore. Gabe calls my name, but I don’t turn back.
He has some explaining to do. I’m not going to stand there and cover his lies up to Mia. And it needs to be better than last night’s attempt to win me over into bed.
Once outside, I hurry to my car. My heart picks up speed when I see Anne standing next to Gabe’s truck, which of course, is parked right next to me.
Please don’t see me, please don’t see me.
“Oh, it’s the girl who likes to cut people’s hair off.” Anne sneers. She crosses her arms and taps her foot. An urge to punch her comes over me, and I clench my fists to hold myself back.
“I didn’t cut your hair off. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I unlock the car and throw my bags inside. I’m absolutely mortified. I can’t admit I did it. I’d be fired in a second and I need that job.
“Yes, you did, you bitch. A huge chunk of hair is missing from the back of my head.”
“Who do you think you’re calling a bitch?”
“I should’ve known by looking at your wild curls you’d never know how to cut hair. You can’t even take care of your own.”
Oh no, she didn’t just go there. She really didn’t just go there.
Before I have a chance to lunge, Gabe stands between us.
“Whoa, whoa, ladies. What’s going on?”
“This is the bitch who fucked up my hair!”
I need to get out of here. I need to move before I say or do something I’ll regret.
Opening my car door, I slide inside, slamming it shut.
“Oh, can’t handle the truth, bitch? Need to run away?”
“Chill out. Stop causing so much drama,” Gabe snaps to Anne, who looks at him in surprise.
“Me chill? I don’t think so.”
“Alicia, wait, let’s talk,” Gabe says, but I’m already backing out of my spot.
“Do you know this woman?” Anne shrieks, but Gabe ignores her, only watching me.
I speed off and don’t look back.
Gabe
“Fuck, Anne. Can’t you keep your mouth shut?”
Anne whirls on me, the hot anger radiating off her. “Keep my mouth shut? What the fuck, Gabe? She cut my hair off!”
I shake my head. “We need to get back in there as a couple and find out the shit Blake told us to. Stop worrying about your hair.”
“Do you know that woman or something, Gabe? Since when are you to defend someone who did something wrong?”
“Never mind about that. I’m done with the petty bullshit. We have work to do.”
I storm off and head back to the shelter. Anne doesn’t deserve my anger, but I don’t have time for this shit. Especially since I thought Alicia wouldn’t be here and now her seeing me with Anne has her pissed off at me. When a woman says she’s fine, it means she’s never fine. My mother told me that often, and I’ll never forget it.
I’ll call Alicia later. Right now, I have to deal with Anne and this crappy case we can’t figure out.
“Want to meet up for dinner tonight?”
“I’m busy.” Alicia’s voice is muffled, and I strain to hear her.
“Okay, tomorrow night?”
“No, Gabe. I want answers first.” She pauses before continuing. “I deserve to know who Anne really is. Traveling sales people at a shelter? Come on, Gabe. I’m not a fool.”
I sigh. She deserves answers, she does. But at the same time, I can’t break my cover. I doubt she’d ever say anything, but if it got out, Blake would have my ass. I need to be careful.
Also, I need to keep Alicia out of danger in any way I can.
“I know. But you have to trust me. I’m sorry for the way Anne’s acting. She’s been going on about her hair for days. Did you really have to cut that big of chunk out?” I try to make her laugh but fail miserably.
“Yes, I fucking did. She was cooing to you on the phone. I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself if I tried.”
“Fuck, A. You need to trust me on this.”
“Why should I, Gabe? If you want my trust, how about being truthful up-front? Telling me who Anne was from the start so I didn’t have to find out the way I did? How do you think I felt getting news you’re married when we’ve been hooking up?”
Shit, I’m an asshole.
“I’m sorry. I never thought we’d go on for this long.”
“So, what then? I was just a booty call to you?”
“No, no, I didn’t mean that. I just—”
“You just what, Gabe?”
“Fuck, I’m trying to explain here, Alicia, but you keep jumping down my throat!”
“I’m not jumping down your throat. I want answers from the guy who’s been enjoying sticking his dick inside me!”
“I’m trying to give you answers.” I clench my teeth.
“No, you’re not. You’re telling me to trust you. But I can’t when you act shady.”
“I’m not shady. It’s my job.”
“What’s your job, then?”
“Listen, Alicia, it’s complicated. Can we meet up and talk over dinner? I don’t want to talk on the phone about this.”
“Why can you never speak on the phone? When you’re ready to tell me the truth, you can contact me. Bye, Gabe.”
The phone line goes dead, and I slam my hand on the table. Luna jumps but rests her head on my lap, offering comfort. I rub her ears, but it’s no use.
I need to run. I need to punch. I need to get the fuck out of here.
“Come on, Luna. Let’s go for a jog.”
Maybe the run will clear my head and I can figure my shit out.
But I’m not betting on it.
Alicia
“How about in two weeks? Does that work for you?” Maddie smiles, her face filling my laptop. We’re video chatting, setting up plans for our next visit.
“Are you sure? I thought maybe the summer, when JJ is a bit older and it’s warmer here.”
“I know we planned for the summer, but you need support now, A.”
“Oh, Mads. I’m okay. I’m handling it.”
“I’m sure you are, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t use some extra help. You were there for me during my darkest time. Please let me help you now.”
“All right, all right. Let’s plan for two weeks, then.”
“Good. Now give me the gossip, girl. I know there is some.”
I laugh and fill her in on the Gabe bullshit. It’s been a few days since our fight and no word from him. Is he giving me space or avoiding my questions?
“Maybe his job is a PI or something. You know, Jax couldn’t tell me much at the beginning either. Does he lie about anything else?”
“No, not that I know of anyway.”
“And you have an amazing time together?”
“The best. Best I’ve ever had.”
“Then, that should mean something.”
“I know, but you know my past, Mads. I can’t just let someone in that easy.”
“If it feels right, you have to trust it. Otherwise, you could be letting go of something you should be holding on to.”
I sigh and process Maddie’s words. She’s right, of course, but it’s not that easy for me. I tuck a curl behind my ear and pop a chocolate in my mouth.
Even chocolate isn’t helping lately.
The only thing that helps is Gabe. His presence is a comfort, a relief, a mind-numbing balm to soothe and protect me.
Fuck.
I click off with Maddie ten minutes later, craving a hot shower. It’s been a long day at the salon and my feet ache.
First, I check on Mom. She should be sleeping comfortabl
y, but she’s gone through an extensive week of treatments and she spent the better part of the time with her head in a bucket.
I enter the room and notice her thrashing around in bed, her thin wisps of hair sticking to her forehead. Rushing over, I feel her head and she’s burning up. She’s pale and sweaty, her whole body shaking. My heart picks up speed as I whip the covers off her and remove her leggings. I hurry to the bathroom, grabbing washcloths and wetting them with cool water.
I cover her forehead with one and run another along her arms and legs. Her shakes turn violent, her eyes popping open. She tries to sit up, but the shaking prevents her and when she sees me, she screams. “Please don’t leave me, A, please!”
Shit, she’s delusional. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I quickly dial nine-one-one and put the call on speaker, placing the phone on the nightstand. The shaking continues when suddenly Mom yelps in pain, her hands clutching her chest.
“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?”
“Oh my God…” she chokes out as her eyes squeeze shut.
“What? What, Mom? Are you okay?” I grasp her cheeks in my hands and tears run down, splashing over my fingers.
“Hello? Anyone there? State your emergency, please.”
“I need help for my mom. She has a raging fever and won’t stop shaking,” I call out, my own tears falling.
“Okay, ma’am. What’s your address?”
I choke out the information, and the woman stays on the line until the medics arrive. My mom continues to shake, and I do my best to keep her calm and cool her down.
Less than five minutes later, the ambulance pulls in and chaos ensues. They rush upstairs, checking Mom’s vitals and speaking in code. I hang back out of the way and watch them work through tears. The woman comes over to me as the other two men prep the stretcher.
“We’re going to bring your mom in. Her temperature is 104.5, and I have a feeling it has been higher. The shaking and delusions are a result of her high fever. We need to bring her in to see what’s causing the fever but more importantly, get it under control. Is she currently sick?”
I try to keep up, my brain not working fast enough to keep up with her words. I shake my head and blink, trying to wake up from this nightmare.
“Yes…yes, she is…breast cancer, stage four,” I whisper through a sob.
