Finding My Mate

by Rylee Winters

  “Oh.” My grumble caused Derek’s cheek to twitch, and I leaned into his chest to rest my forehead against the softness of his shirt. “What did they say to you?”

  “Nothing I haven’t heard before, baby.” Derek’s response didn’t answer my question, but I didn’t press the issue as he sighed heavily. “Do you want to come with me to the training yard?”

  “Yes.” A dark cloud hung over my head, and Derek palmed my cheeks to tilt my head back. His eyes swirled, boring into mine, but he didn’t comment on the things he found there before kissing my lips. He knew what my nightmares consisted of; that he was always there, but that it wasn’t really him. The man someone was inflicting on my mind was evil, while the man that held me right now radiated honor and goodness.

  “Rachel was finally let out of the hospital… Jackson said she’s not quite up to snuff yet, though. I wonder what she saw when she was locked in her own mind for those four minutes.” Amusement laced Derek’s voice, and I cracked a smile as he held my hand to lead me out of the house. The late summer day was beautiful, with the lightest breeze to ruffle the trees as golden rays streamed between the leaves. Letting the bright atmosphere chase away the darkness that clouded my mind, I reached to run my free hand through my hair absently.

  “I do not know – I did not interfere. Whatever she experienced was of her own making.” Stretching my wings as I spoke up, my feathers tingled with the remnants of that night which still played so clearly behind my eyes. Rachel had been dragged so far from her own mind that she’d been kept in a locked room in the hospital for the past two months.

  I could’ve fixed her, but I didn’t.

  “…I wish you could use your magic on me. I want to know what you’d look like if you were a shifter like me.” My breath caught in my throat at Derek’s thoughtful murmur, and I looked up at him just as he glanced over at me. “You’d be a beautiful lioness, you know.”

  Fire licked my cheeks as they puffed to cradle a broad smile, and he smirked from under twinkling eyes.

  “Maybe I could – maybe I just can’t use it maliciously on you. Just like how you can see Muss even though you are not supposed to. I cannot think of why you can see him. We are mates – my inability to use my magic on you is explained…” Trailing off, I gave a half shrug as Derek wrapped his arm around my waist. “I do not know. It is a mystery.”

  “Just like your wings are a mystery.” Humming softly in agreement, I ruffled my feathers while we leisurely made our way down the street towards the clan house. “It’s really a shame we can’t get any answers. There’s no one we can ask about this kind of stuff – it’s frustrating.”

  “I understand.” Furrowing my brows, a frown dragged down my mouth as we rounded a corner. “I am sure we will get answers eventually, Derek.”

  “Eventually isn’t fast enough, Linne. You can’t sleep eventually.” Irritation mounted in my chest at Derek’s grumble, and he reached with his free hand to rub his jaw roughly. “I’m not going to fight with you about it again.”

  “Derek.” Pausing as the edge of the training field came into view, I turned to face Derek and thinned my lips. “Just as I do not understand human customs – I am not a miniature human. I know what I’m doing. I am becoming human – yes – but I am not human yet. You do not have to child me.”

  His cheek twitched, and I narrowed my eyes on him as he leaned back on his heels to grimace.

  “I am serious. I know I am troubled by your kind of life, but I do not need to be proficient to know how I am. You should not think I am inept. By my nature, I am very good at adaptation.” Derek’s expression only darkened at my words, and I crossed my arms under my bust to fist the sides of my shirt. “I will find out what’s happening to me, and then I will sleep. You cannot change my mind. I am grateful for your concern.”

  “…You’re really alright with not sleeping.” Almost a question, Derek’s grumble pulled my head in a nod, and he sighed harshly into the warm air of late day. “Just – answer me this… why did Muss say you couldn’t sustain this for long without wild magic, then?”

  “Muss lives in the Unseelie realm, Derek. His perception of time is different unless his physical body crosses the Veil. What he thinks are days are months here. Despite how smart he is, he is not all-knowing – or entirely accurate.” Surprise flashed in Derek’s eyes, and I couldn’t help but smile at the scowl that followed. “You did not think of that – that is okay. I am fine, I promise. And when I am not fine, I will tell you.”

  Lies. I might’ve been feeling fairly okay right now, but it wouldn’t last. Derek only grunted, casting me a sidelong glance, and I ignored the sour taste on my tongue to smile slightly.

  “Why didn’t you explain this before we had all those arguments? I knew I shouldn’t have listened to that damn bird.” Shaking my head slightly, I gave a half shrug before Derek and I began to walk again. The hot weather during the peak hours of the day kept the shifters from training, but now I could hear them easily. Like them, I felt much better as the sun sunk towards the horizon, and I laced my fingers through Derek’s before opening my mouth.

  “You did not ask. When it comes to things in the human world, Muss’ knowledge is severely lacking. You should listen to him, but not about some things. The human realm is one of those things.” Snorting roughly at my answer, Derek nudged my shoulder with his own. Squeezing my hand, he didn’t offer a response as the sounds of mock battle became louder.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Linne

  Striding into the yard, I took in a deep breath of warm, moist air heavy with the aromas of dirt and flowers. The beautiful, bright morning did nothing to help me wake up, and I reached to rub my eyes roughly with loose fists. Memories floated up from the darkness, and a deep frown marred my face as I made my way towards the warehouse at the back of the yard.

  “Morning, Linne.” Stretching my arms taut above my head as the human Chad appeared from behind a pallet of packaged rocks, I only groaned in response. “How you doin’ this morning?”

  “I am okay. I had a nice night.” The human Chad shot me a look of disbelief, and I frowned as he fell into step next to me. Behind furrowed brows, my brain worked to figure out his silence; I did have a nice night.

  I watched Derek train for two hours, and then we went home to eat dinner. We took a shower together. When he went to bed, I worked on my new sleeves for my wings.

  Was that not a nice night?

  “We have an even busier day than yesterday. Are you going to be okay?” Breaking me from my thoughts, the human Chad spoke matter-of-factly, but there was concern underlying his question. “You had some trouble the other day too. You know, if you want to take a day, you can Linne.”

  “I will be okay. I can work.” Slipping into the warehouse via a door next to the bay, I shoved my hand into my jean pocket to pull out my wallet. Beside me, the human Chad scowled noticeably, and his scoff echoed through the vast expanse of the warehouse. Pausing mid-step, my frown only grew at the bright, swirling irritation in his eyes as they narrowed on mine.

  “Don’t bullshit me anymore, Linne. I know something is going on with you – look at you. You have bags under your eyes, and you’re pale, and you can’t do as much as you did three months ago. If you don’t tell me what’s happening, I’ll fire you – don’t think I won’t.” The harshness of the human Chad’s voice squeezed my heart, and I pursed my lips tightly. Tearing my eyes off his, I set my sneakered foot on the ground as heaviness invaded my legs. The human Chad’s glare bored into the side of my face, and the air grew heavy with expectation before I spoke up.

  “Nightmares…” My slow response ladened the atmosphere until it clung to my ankles, and I leaned back on my heels to catch the human Chad’s blazing gaze. “I am having nightmares… I-I cannot sleep. In them, Derek… hurts me.”

  Heavy, thick silence met my confession, and a sour taste spread across my tongue as shame ripped through my chest. Turning away from the human Chad’s shocked, i
ntense eyes, I forced my legs to carry me towards the nearest pallet of dirt. My heart thundered in its cage, blood roared in my ears, and a sigh squeezed out from my tight throat. Reaching to rub my face with my palms, I raked my fingers through my hair before speaking up.

  “It is not real – I know it is not… Someone is using this magic on me, and I cannot stop it. I don’t even know if that person is in the human realm. I am not proficient in tracking magic. Enemies from my realm are in my nightmares, and Derek…” Cutting myself off to bite down on my bottom lip, I blinked hard to stave off the sudden sting in my eyes. “I do not know how to stop it but to not sleep.”

  “And Derek knows about them?” Ducking my head in a sluggish nod, goosebumps washed my skin at the human Chad’s clearly angered tone. “He doesn’t know who’s messing with you? Is he even trying to help you?”

  “He has expressed his concern many times, but he does not have the resources to find out. This is not his fault.” Rising to Derek’s defense, I frowned deeply as the human Chad scowled. Pacing back and forth, like a caged tiger, he rubbed his jaw and neck as his heavy steps sounded against the concrete floor.

  “…What if I had a resource to help you sleep so you could concentrate on finding whoever put this spell on you?” My eyes widened as he whipped around to face me, and the human Chad arched his brows high. “Did you think that because I’m human I don’t have ideas that apply to you?”

  “Of course not.” Answering instantly, I leaned forward and clasped my hands together firmly, barely daring to hope. “What kind of resource? Is it powerful enough to work on me?”

  “It should be.” Walking rapidly, the human Chad gestured me to follow him to his office. My mind whirred between my ears, creating a ringing sound against the quiet. It ran through the possibilities, but each option I could think of I discarded, and I was left crossing my arms under my bust in resignation as we reached the threshold of his workplace.

  Work orders were stacked up neatly on the left edge of the human Chad’s desk, and supply orders sat on the opposite side. Rounding the heavy, wooden structure, he dropped into his chair to search through his drawers, and I waited patiently even while anxiety pooled in my gut.

  “Ah – ” A sharp rattle followed the human Chad’s exclamation, and I leaned forward as he produced a small bottle from one of his desk drawers. “Here. Take two of these – it should help you sleep.”

  “What are they?” Taking the little bottle, I peered at its jostling contents as I rolled it in my palm. “There is nothing like this in my home realm.”

  “They’re pills. They’ll knock you out, so you can sleep without dreaming. But don’t take more than two, Linne.” Wrapping my free hand around the cap, I struggled to open the bottle for a moment before the human Chad reached to take it from me. “You know what – why don’t I keep these until after the workday is done. That way you can go home and see what Derek thinks of this idea.”

  “Derek does not need to be consulted – it is my decision.” A strange sensation prickled down my spine as I spoke up, and the human Chad only shrugged absently. Sticking the bottle in his pocket, he rounded the desk as my gaze narrowed on him. Annoyance seeped into my veins, but he didn’t seem phased at all.

  “When you’re in a relationship Linne, things like this are something you should talk about. Derek already knows about the nightmares, right? So why shouldn’t he know about something that could possibly help you? You’re right that it’s your decision to make, but he’s your mate. What you do affects him.” My brows shot up as surprise rocketed through me, and the human Chad chuckled on the way out of his office.

  Wandering through the warehouse, I held my breath as everything that had happened the past two months raced through my mind’s eye. Derek and I had had many arguments about my nightmares, but he never forced me to sleep. He’d been so snappy with everyone that even Alpha Jackson had commented on his bad mood on more than one occasion.

  “I suppose you are right.” Licking my lips heavily at my admission, I ruffled my feathers absently as we reached the bay doors of the warehouse. “I am not sure how to please him.”

  The human Chad made a choking noise, and I furrowed my brows with a frown as he covered his mouth with the back of his hand. Clearing his throat roughly, he turned to face me with a grave expression, and I leaned back on my heels. Holding my breath even as he inhaled, I pursed my lips tightly, and he exhaled harshly before speaking.

  “You know, Linne… maybe you should show Derek that you’re not a little kid. Just because you don’t get all our customs doesn’t mean you’re not a mature, capable adult. This whole not sleeping thing is your perfect opportunity. Use the pills, find the person responsible, and do whatever magicky thing you do. Prove to him that you’re a badass.”

  Cracking a small smile, the human Chad reached to nudge my shoulder, and my heart thudded in its cage at the familial intimacy of the moment. “I know you’re so much better than this, right? You got kicked out of your own realm for being such a good spy. So… go do what you were born to do and kick some ass – ninja style.”

  Nodding jerkily, my throat tightened at the conviction that raged through my chest, and the human Chad smiled wider. His eyes blazed with confidence in me, and I clenched my fists tightly against my sides. He was the brother I never knew I needed, and he believed in me.

  Humans were so overwhelmingly fascinating, so complex, that I could lose myself in them.

  My eyelid twitched absently as the human Chad turned to exit the warehouse.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Derek

  “You gave her drugs?” Pausing mid-pace, a violent shudder strafed my legs as my low, tight tone only produced a soft hum through the speaker. “Are you fucking out of your mind, Chad? What good could possibly come from giving Linne sleeping pills?”

  “Okay, first off – did you miss the memo that she’s not sleeping because she’s having magic-induced nightmares that you’re raping her?” Tensing at the accusation in his tone, I sucked in a sharp breath as my lip curled into a vicious snarl. “Look, Derek – I understand what you’re going through. I really do. I went through it when I first met Linne, too. But she’s a big girl – she can take care of herself. You babying her just because she jumbles up words and gets excited about cake isn’t doing her any favors. The pills aren’t addictive, so just give them a chance. You obviously haven’t got any other ideas of how to help this situation.”

  “I do not baby her, Chad – and addictive or not, the pills are a terrible fucking idea.” Venom dribbled from my voice like acid, but even as they spilled from my tight throat, I raked my free hand through my hair and resumed my pacing. My mind would’ve pushed smoke out of my ears if I was a cartoon, and Chad only made it whir faster with a harsh scoff.

  “You have no other ideas, Derek. Don’t be a little bitch about two pills – Linne can’t do this on her own, especially if she’s exhausted. I called you to let you know beforehand as a courtesy, but make no mistake… she’ll take them with or without you there so make sure she doesn’t fucking overdose. Get your shit together before you fuck up your relationship before it even starts.” Hanging up swiftly, Chad left me fuming even as an ugly, dark emotion clawed at the back of my throat.

  Guilt.

  Shoving my cell phone in my pocket, I rubbed my jaw roughly as I stalked the living room. Linne’s image blossomed in my mind’s eye, and I blinked hard as everything Chad had said came rushing into my ears. The truth was almost physically painful, and my pride could barely take the blows that he’d delivered. I hadn’t been on the losing side in so long that the sensation was alien, but I couldn’t shake it.

  The pills were a great idea. I did treat Linne differently than I knew I should’ve. She’d lived a whole life I would never know about, only it hampered my perception of her to see her get excited about something she’d never eaten before – like a child.

  “Fuck – ” Growling lowly, I tossed back my head and rolled my
shoulders with a scowl. “Piece of shit human…”

  Minutes ticked by slowly, in tense silence, before the front door swung open, and I whirled around only to freeze. My heart stuttered as it jumped into my throat, and my eyes narrowed into slits on the determined, relieved, broad smile that stretched Linne’s lips. She stretched her beautiful, shimmering wings, and I clenched my jaw tightly before her bright gaze met mine.

  “Are you okay, Derek? Did you have a bad day?” Concern laced Linne’s tone, and I frowned slightly even as I shook my head. She didn’t look at all convinced, only arching a brow in silent question before speaking up again. “I want to tell you about something. I think it will help me sleep and help me find out who is doing this to me.”

  Forcing a deep, calming breath into straining lungs, I closed my eyes briefly as Chad’s warning bubbled up in my mind. Get your shit together. The humiliation of taking Chad – a human’s advice – was absent simply because he was right.

  Not that I’d ever admit it.

  “Alright.” Training my gaze on Linne, I pursed my lips into a thin line as her shoulders slumped in relief. My ribs closed in around my heart and lungs, and I exhaled harshly through flared nostrils. “What do you want to tell me?”

  “Uh – so, the human Chad gave me these things that will help me sleep without nightmares.” Digging into her front left pocket, Linne produced a small pill bottle, and the rattle of its contents rang in my ears. “And if I can get back to not being tired all the time, I can find whoever is using magic to give me nightmares.”

  Reaching with stiff fingers to scratch my cheek, I rolled my jaw as I carefully weighed the pros and cons. Linne had mentioned many times that she could and would find out who had essentially hexed her, but the doubt that shadowed my thoughts was thick. Her magical abilities were vast and adept, for sure – but she had no way of using them on herself. She could manipulate everyone’s perception but her own, and that wouldn’t help with finding the witch anyway.