Don't Sneeze

by Nancy Krulik

  Because without Eddie and Amelia to talk to, Zeke was going to be one lonely zeebop.

  5

  Z IS FOR WEIRD

  Zeus! You gotta help me!” Zeke shouted as he raced into his house after school. “I have to know if—”

  Zeke stopped shouting when he entered the living room.

  His mom was wearing a lamp shade on her head.

  His dad was wearing a plastic bucket on his head.

  And they were both swinging butter knives around like tiny swords.

  Znort. Znort. Even though he felt rotten, Zeke let out a big, loud, zeebop laugh. He couldn’t help himself. His parents looked hilarious. Znort. Znort.

  But Zeus wasn’t laughing. The cat was perched on a table. His claws were out, and he looked mad.

  “Why are you hiding?” Zeus shouted angrily. “Are you aliens chicken?”

  “They can’t be chickens,” Zeke’s dad said. “They’re too small.”

  Zeus grumbled something under his breath.

  “What’s going on?” Zeke finally asked.

  “Put on a helmet!” Zeus told him. “Grab a sword!” He scratched his belly. “There they go again.”

  Zeke’s dad picked up the couch cushion and peered underneath.

  “No enemy here,” he told Zeus.

  Zeke’s mom searched the drapes.

  “The aliens aren’t here, either, Zeus,” she said.

  “Keep looking!” Zeus ordered. He scratched his ear.

  Zeke bet no other parents on Planet Earth were running around with lamp shades and buckets on their heads, searching for teeny tiny enemy aliens.

  His family was so weird.

  Zeus turned around and scratched his back against the wall.

  Then he scratched at his tail.

  And at his rear end.

  Zeke frowned. Then he let out a big sneeze. “Ha ha ha HAAA.”

  “You’re sicker than ever,” his mother said. “I knew this would happen if you went to school. You need a nap!”

  This time, Zeke listened to his mother.

  He went upstairs to stand on his head for a while.

  Zeke was feeling really lousy.

  But it had nothing to do with having a cold.

  And everything to do with losing his two best friends.

  Being stuck on Earth with no other kids to hang out with was even worse than being sick.

  6

  ONE MEAN MACHINE

  The next morning, as Zeke walked onto the school playground, he felt something wet drip down his cheek. It was a green tear.

  He still had the zeebop flu.

  Zeke probably should have stayed home and rested.

  But he couldn’t really get much sleep at home. Not with Zeus and his parents searching for aliens.

  They had been slamming doors and knocking things around all morning.

  Hunting tiny aliens was a noisy job.

  Zeke looked around the playground. There were kids everywhere.

  Some kids were on the swings with their friends.

  Some kids were playing tag with their friends.

  Some kids were just talking to their friends.

  Everyone had friends.

  Except Zeke. He didn’t have friends anymore.

  Eddie and Amelia were sitting on a bench together. But there wasn’t any room on that bench for Zeke.

  “Ha ha ha.” Zeke sneezed.

  Then he wiped away green goo from his eyes and his mouth. Even his eye teeth were tearing. This was one bad flu.

  Zeke watched as Amelia reached into her backpack. She pulled out two red, sugary circles.

  Zeke remembered the first time Amelia had given him one of those. It was sweet. And really, really crunchy.

  Eddie had said you were supposed to lick a lollipop, not bite it. But Zeke liked when things crunched in his mouth.

  Zeke sure would have loved a lollipop right now. But there was no way Amelia was giving him one of hers.

  Zeke was really homesick for Planet Z. He had lots of friends there.

  And they didn’t get mad at him just for sneezing.

  Ha ha ha. Zeke sneezed.

  Suddenly Zeke heard someone shouting.

  “Hey! Put me down!”

  Zeke turned just in time to see Slade lifting up a smaller kid by his collar.

  The kid’s feet were dangling in the air. He looked a bit like Zeke did when he floated around in his family’s spaceship.

  Floating in space was fun.

  But this kid wasn’t having any fun.

  He was crying. And screaming.

  “Put me down!” the kid shouted again.

  “Whatever you say.” Slade gave the kid an evil grin. Then he let go of his collar.

  Slam!

  The kid landed hard. Right on his rear end.

  Zeke winced. That had to hurt.

  “That was awesome,” one of Slade’s friends said.

  “You’re one mean machine, Slade!” cheered another.

  Zeke didn’t understand.

  Slade’s friends were acting like being mean was a good thing.

  Earth kids sure were strange.

  Zeke watched as Slade and his buddies stomped over to Amelia and Eddie.

  “Got any more lollipops?” Slade asked Amelia.

  Amelia didn’t answer. She just held her backpack a little tighter.

  “Guess they’re in there,” Slade said. He snatched the pack out of her hands.

  Amelia looked like she was going to cry.

  Zeke waited for Eddie to help Amelia.

  But Eddie didn’t move. He just sat there. It was like he was frozen.

  Zeke wanted to go over and help Amelia.

  But Slade was surrounded by his big fifth-grade friends.

  Those guys were mean. And strong.

  There was no telling what they might do if Zeke went over to try to stop Slade from stealing Amelia’s lollipops.

  Unless . . .

  What if Slade and his friends couldn’t see him coming?

  7

  KITCHY KITCHY KOO

  Quickly Zeke hid behind a bush.

  He took off his cap.

  He wiggled his right antenna.

  And then he disappeared.

  Well, not really. Zeke was still there. He was just invisible.

  Invisible Zeke raced over to where Amelia and Eddie were sitting.

  He sneaked up beside Slade. He blew hot air in his face.

  “Ewww,” Slade said. He turned to his pals. “Do you guys smell that?”

  “Smell what?” one of Slade’s friends asked.

  “It kind of smells like bad breath,” Slade answered.

  Oops. Zeke had forgotten to brush his teeth before he left for school. His mom had been too busy looking for tiny aliens to remind him.

  “Quit kidding around, Slade,” another fifth-grader said. “Take the lollipops and let’s get out of here.”

  Slade started to open Amelia’s backpack.

  But before Slade could grab the lollipops, Zeke reached over with his invisible fingers. He tickled Slade right on the belly.

  “Hey! Cut that out!” Slade shouted.

  “Cut what out?” one of his pals asked.

  Slade looked around. “Which one of you jerks just tickled me?” he asked.

  Nobody answered. They had no idea what Slade was talking about.

  Zeke tickled harder. He poked Slade in his armpit.

  Yuck. It was sweaty in there.

  “Cut it out!” Slade shouted. He wiggled and jiggled.

  The more Slade wiggled, the more Zeke tickled.

  Wiggle. Jiggle.

  Tickle. Tickle.

  “I said stop tickling me!” Slade yelled.
He was jumping all around. And then . . .

  Suddenly Slade let out a loud “ha ha ha.”

  Zeke was surprised.

  Was Slade sick? He didn’t seem tired. His eyes weren’t leaking.

  But he was still ha ha ha-ing.

  Wait a minute, Zeke thought.

  Maybe Earth kids said ha ha ha when something felt funny.

  Or when they thought something was funny. Like the clowns at the circus.

  That was it!

  Ha ha ha was the Earth way of laughing.

  Just like znort znort was the zeebop way of laughing.

  Zeke had figured it out—without Zeus’s help!

  No wonder Eddie was mad at Zeke. He thought he had ruined their skit on purpose.

  Zeke tickled Slade again.

  “Ha ha HAAAAAAAAA.” Slade laughed harder.

  He wiggled more.

  He jiggled more.

  “Cut it out, Slade,” one of his friends said. “People are looking at us.”

  “I can’t stop,” Slade said. “Ha ha ha. It tickles.”

  “I’m getting out of here,” one of Slade’s pals said. “I don’t need people thinking I hang out with someone who’s weird.”

  “I’m not weird,” Slade said. “I’m just ticklish.”

  “What a geek,” another big fifth-grader said. “Let’s go, you guys.”

  Slade’s pals walked off without him.

  Now Slade was all alone. Wiggling. Jiggling. And laughing. “Ha ha ha.”

  “Wait up, you guys,” Slade said. “Don’t leave me here.”

  But Slade’s friends did not wait for him.

  Finally, Zeke stopped tickling Slade.

  Slade stopped wiggling. He stopped jiggling. Then he looked at Amelia.

  “I don’t want your dumb lollipops, anyway,” he told her.

  Slade threw Amelia’s backpack on the ground and walked away.

  All alone.

  Which was just what a mean kid like Slade deserved.

  8

  GREEN GOO—EW!

  Zeke was feeling really proud of himself.

  He had helped his friends.

  And he had taught Slade a lesson.

  Bullying is bad. It doesn’t feel good when people are mean to you.

  And it doesn’t feel good to be all alone.

  Zeke knew he didn’t like that feeling.

  He had to find a way to get Amelia and Eddie to be his friends again . . .

  But he couldn’t do that if they couldn’t see him.

  So Zeke hurried back behind the big bush.

  He wiggled his left antenna and—

  Presto! Zeke wasn’t invisible anymore.

  He put his cap back on his head. He took a deep breath of Earth air. And then he bravely started walking over to Eddie and Amelia.

  “Hi, guys,” Zeke said. He was trying to sound really, really friendly.

  “Hello,” Amelia said.

  “Hi,” Eddie said.

  They didn’t sound really, really friendly.

  But at least they were talking to him.

  “I’m sorry about the skit,” Zeke said. “I didn’t mean to go ha ha ha. I couldn’t help it. I . . .”

  Zeke stopped. He didn’t know what else to say.

  “I know,” Eddie interrupted him. “I kind of figured it all out.”

  Zeke gulped. Uh-oh. Had Eddie figured out that Zeke was a zeebop?

  “You did?” Zeke asked nervously.

  “Sure,” Eddie said. “Some people laugh when they get nervous. You were just scared to do a skit in front of so many people.”

  Phew.

  “Um . . . yeah,” Zeke said. “That must have been it.”

  “Not everyone is cut out for showbiz like I am,” Eddie continued.

  “I guess not,” Zeke agreed. “Anyway, I’m sorry.”

  Amelia smiled at him. She reached into her bag.

  “You want the green lollipop?” she asked Zeke.

  Zeke smiled. “Sure!” he said. “Thanks.”

  Zeke took the lollipop. He put it in his mouth.

  He knew he should lick it, the way Earth kids did. But he couldn’t help himself.

  Crunch.

  Chomp. Chomp. Chomp.

  Amelia started laughing. “Ha ha ha.”

  Zeke knew what that meant.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked her.

  “You’ve got green goo all over your lips,” Amelia said. “It looks like it’s dripping from your teeth.”

  Amelia thought the green goo was from the lollipop. But Zeke knew better. The green goo was dripping from his eye teeth. He was still sick.

  “You don’t look so good,” Eddie told Zeke.

  “I’m not feeling very well,” Zeke admitted.

  “Come to think of it, you look kind of green all over,” Amelia said. “Even in your eyeballs.”

  “That’s worse than I looked when I had the flu last year,” Eddie added.

  “You should go to the nurse,” Amelia told Zeke. “She’ll call your mom and have her bring you home.”

  “It would feel good to go back to standing on my head for a while,” Zeke agreed.

  Amelia and Eddie stared at him.

  Oops.

  “I mean to go back to bed for a while,” Zeke said. “I’m so sick, I don’t know what I’m saying.”

  “Come on, we’ll walk you over to the nurse,” Eddie told him.

  “You don’t have to do that,” Zeke said.

  “Sure we do,” Amelia said. “You look awful. You might pass out before we get to the nurse’s office.”

  “Thanks,” Zeke said as he walked into the school with Eddie and Amelia.

  “No problem,” Eddie told him. “After all, what are friends for?”

  Zeke smiled.

  Friends.

  He liked the sound of that.

  9

  BATH TIME!

  But Zeke didn’t like the sound of what was going on in his home later that afternoon. He was trying to nap so he could feel better.

  But a kid can’t nap when all he hears is—

  Smack!

  Crash!

  It sounded like a war was going on in his living room.

  Uh-oh! Had the aliens really attacked?

  Quickly Zeke raced down the stairs.

  His mother was in the living room, sweeping up pieces of a broken coffee mug. But there wasn’t a tiny alien in sight.

  “Ha ha ha.” Zeke sneezed loudly.

  His mom looked up from her sweeping and smiled at him.

  “Oh, hi, honey,” she said. “Are you feeling any better?”

  Zeke shook his head. “It’s a bad flu.” He looked down at the broken cup on the floor. “What happened?”

  “Zeus thought there were aliens hiding in a coffee cup,” his mom answered. “He knocked it off the table when he tried to defeat them.”

  “Were the aliens in there?” Zeke asked.

  “Nope,” his mom answered. “Just some coffee grounds.”

  “Where’s Zeus now?” Zeke wondered.

  “In the kitchen with your dad,” his mom answered. “Zeus thinks the aliens may be hiding in that big box that stays cold all the time. Maybe you can help them look.”

  But before Zeke could walk into the kitchen, there was a knock at the door.

  “I’ll get it,” Zeke said.

  He walked over and peeked out the window. Eddie and Amelia were standing on the porch.

  Zeke smiled. A little green goo dripped from his eye teeth. He wiped it away and reached for the door.

  “Hi,” Amelia said as Zeke opened the door. “How are you feeling?”

  “Still pretty rotten,” Zeke admitted.


  “That’s a bummer,” Eddie said. He handed Zeke a folder. “This probably won’t make you feel any better.”

  “What is it?” Zeke asked.

  “Mr. Zimmermoon asked us to bring you your homework folder,” Amelia told him.

  “Thanks . . . I guess,” Zeke said. “I—”

  Before Zeke could finish his sentence, his dad came running into the living room. Mr. Zander had a bucket on his head. He was carrying a butter knife.

  “I’m telling you, there’s no one hiding in the cold box!”

  Zeke frowned. His dad was so embarrassing.

  But Amelia and Eddie didn’t say a word about the way Zeke’s dad looked.

  Maybe Earth parents did weird things too sometimes.

  A moment later, Zeus stormed into the living room.

  The cat opened his mouth to say something. But he stopped when he spotted Eddie and Amelia.

  “Meow,” Zeus said, trying to sound like an Earth cat.

  “Your kitty is so cute,” Amelia said. “Can I hold him?”

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Eddie said.

  “Why not?” Amelia asked him.

  “Look at him,” Eddie said.

  Zeke looked at Zeus. The cat was scratching at his back and behind his ear.

  “It looks like your cat’s got fleas,” Eddie told Zeke.

  “Fleas?” Zeke asked.

  “Yeah,” Eddie said. “You know, those little bugs that crawl all over animals and bite them? Fleas sure can make an animal itch!”

  Zeke grinned. So that was it.

  All this time Zeus had been hunting space aliens, but he’d really just been covered in Earth bugs.

  “My dog gets fleas all the time,” Eddie said.

  Zeus hissed angrily.

  Zeke figured he wasn’t happy to know he was covered in the same bugs as a dog.

  “How did you get rid of your dog’s fleas?” Zeke’s mom asked Eddie.

  “There’s only one way I know,” Eddie told her. “You gotta give him a flea bath.”