Sara's Promise

by Deanna Lynn Sletten

  "Is that what she told you?" William asked.

  "No, of course not. But I've been watching you both for over a month, and nothing has changed between you two. You can't expect her to stay around when she doesn't even know how you feel, Dad. And now she's gone." Sandy's eyes welled up with tears, and she swiped at them angrily.

  "I didn't know she was leaving already," William said, dazed by her sudden departure. "I thought I had more time."

  Sandy looked at her father, and her heart went out to him. He was a good man, and she knew he loved Annie. He just needed a little push, and she was going to have to be the one to push him. "There's something you need to see, Dad," she said. She took her dad's hand, opened the door to her room, and led him inside.

  William's eyes grew wide when he saw the paintings. The colors were so vibrant, they jumped out at him. He felt as if he were looking out a window at these very real scenes. Walking further into the room, he stepped up to the seascape. "You've finished it," he said, his voice filled with wonder. "You've finished your mother's painting."

  "Yes, Dad, I did. I've finished all three of these. What do you think?" Sandy asked, waiting anxiously for her father's approval.

  William studied the seascape, mesmerized, then turned his head to gaze at the two waterfall paintings, Fairy Falls and Multnomah Falls. Each painting was more beautiful than the last, but it was the seascape that beckoned his attention. It had sat for years in the corner of his bedroom, unfinished, waiting for Sara to return. But Sara didn't return, and he'd finally hid it under the stairs with the others. But here it was, calling out to him, its colors so beautiful he felt he could walk right into it like walking through a door onto the beach outside.

  "Well, Dad? What do you think?" Sandy asked again, waiting for her father's reply.

  "They are all so beautiful," he said, his eyes still riveted on the seascape. "You've captured them perfectly, exactly as your mother would have. Maybe even better." He turned and faced Sandy, his eyes moist. "I knew you were talented, but this is far beyond what I even believed you could do."

  Sandy smiled a little half-smile at her dad. It had been a long time since she'd heard praise from her father. Not that he withheld it, but she hadn't done anything worthy of his praise in a long time.

  William reached out his arms to her, and she went to him, allowing him to fold her into his embrace.

  "I did this for you, Dad," Sandy said.

  Pulling back, William looked at his daughter with surprise. "What do you mean? Didn't you do this for you?"

  Sandy looked back at her dad, her eyes once again filling with tears. "I did it for both of us. I wanted to finish Mom's paintings so you would see that Mom's life wasn't unfinished, that she didn't leave anything behind, She left us the beginnings of these beautiful paintings. A part of Mom never left, she's still here in the beauty of her work."

  William searched his daughter's face, his own frowning. "What are you saying?"

  Sandy drew back and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I know you think you kept Mom away from the thing she loved best, painting. But you didn't. Mom loved us all so much. She put aside her painting for a time but not completely. She had started these, thinking that someday she'd finish them. She just didn't know that her life would end so soon. She didn't resent taking care of her family. She loved it, and us." Looking directly into her father's eyes, Sandy continued. "Don't you see? You didn't take anything away from Mom. She chose her life, and she loved it. And now, by my finishing the work she left behind, we can finally say goodbye and let her go."

  "Let her go?" William asked, confused.

  Sandy nodded. "We've all been hanging onto Mom in one way or another for too long. We need to let her go, let her go to where she belongs instead of tying her here to us. We'll all see her someday, Dad, but for now, it's time we let her go."

  William turned and stared at the paintings a little longer, trying to make sense of what Sandy said. Let Sara go? He thought he'd already let her go. Yet, in the deepest corner of his mind, he knew he'd been waiting for her to return, as she had promised, even though it wasn't possible.

  "Dad, I saw Mom," Sandy said, her tone serious. "I saw her after the accident, in the car with me, and I saw her in the hospital, too. I had felt so guilty all these years for the last words I'd said to her, but she forgave me. I asked her to forgive me, and she did."

  Goosebumps prickled up William's spine and down his arms. He remembered what he'd seen and heard that day at the hospital. Because of the pain medication, he'd thought Sandy wouldn't remember.

  "Sandy, it was Annie you saw in the hospital that day. She was the one sitting beside you when you told your mom you were sorry," he said, sorry he had to tell her the truth.

  Sandy only smiled and shook her head. "No, Dad. It was Mom. I know Annie was sitting beside me, but then I saw Mom, and I'll never forget what she said. She forgave me, Dad, and now I'm able to let Mom go."

  William frowned. He remembered that as he stood there, for a brief second, he had also thought he'd seen Annie turn into Sara. He'd thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. After all, he was stressed and tired, of course he'd imagined it. He'd even gone so far as to ask Annie if she was Sara, and Annie had told him no. But hearing Sandy now, he wondered if he had in fact seen Sara in Annie.

  "Dad? I plan to finish all of Mom's paintings. I want Mom's work to be seen, and I like that I can share it with her. Do you mind?"

  William looked at Sandy again. This time, no longer seeing the hurt teenager whose mother had died and left her. Instead, he saw the grown woman she'd become, one who was finally free of her grief. "Of course, I don't mind. I think it's wonderful that you want to finish your mom's paintings."

  Sandy smiled up at her dad, but she wasn't finished quite yet. "Dad, it's time for you to let Mom go, too. You know you love Annie. Why don't you do something about it?"

  William nodded but didn’t reply. He had so much to think about. He needed time. "Why don't we go downstairs, heat up the pizza, and eat," he said, reaching out his arm to Sandy. She let him pull her to him, and together, they walked slowly down the stairs and into the kitchen.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Annie sat on the warm beach, feeling the sun on her face and the soft sand beneath her. High above her, she saw the ribbons of colors twirling and dancing in the rays of the luminous face, but they were so high, she couldn't see them as clearly as before.

  Sitting beside her in the sand was the beautiful ethereal being with the long, lithe body and sunny, blonde hair. She had her hand lying gently on Annie's arm, barely touching but touching just enough so Annie couldn't rise back up to the colors.

  "You're home," the being said in her lyrical voice. "This is where you belong."

  Annie looked all around her. The ocean waves rolled softly against the shore and the water looked brilliant blue all the way to the horizon. Turning around, Annie saw a beautiful house up above on the cliff. Its windows winked in the sun, and its large deck embraced it.

  "It's beautiful, but I've never been here before," Annie told the being.

  "Oh, but you will be," the lovely creature said. "It's your destiny. They are your destiny."

  Annie looked into the blue-green eyes of the ethereal being sitting next to her. "Who?" she asked. "Who is my destiny?"

  The lovely ethereal being turned her head and pointed down the beach. "They are." Annie turned and saw figures walking in the distance. A man and two teenagers were walking along the shoreline. The boy playfully pushed the girl toward the waves, then she picked up wet sand and threw it at him. The man, however, just continued to walk ahead as if in a daze.

  "I don't know them," Annie said, squinting to get a better look.

  The figure beside her smiled, her smile so warm and gentle that it touched Annie's heart. "Oh, but you will know them. They are your family now. Love them, and they will love you. They now belong to you."

  Annie awoke from the dream and sat up slowly, remembering tha
t she was in her own bed, in her own home. "But he doesn't want me," Annie said aloud to the empty room. Sara may have thought Annie was the right choice for William, but she had been wrong.

  Looking at the clock, she sighed. It was only five-fifteen in the morning, and she was now fully awake.

  Annie slipped out of bed and pulled a blanket around her to ward off the morning chill. Once she'd made a cup of hot cocoa, she sat at her small table and looked around her. She'd become so used to staying at William's house, now her own looked small and lonely. Even the sweet taste of homemade cocoa didn't help her feel warm inside. I liked it better at William's. I liked eating as a family, spending time with Sandy, and waking up to the sound of the ocean. I liked sitting with William in the morning, drinking coffee, and seeing him at night before bed. Everything was better at William's.

  Last night, when Annie came home, Cherise stopped over. They ordered take-out and talked until late into the night. It was just like the old times she'd shared with Cherise, yet it wasn't the same. Annie was no longer the old Annie. She was a woman who had fallen in love with a man, a man Cherise claimed to be her destiny, and she had also fallen in love with his children. Going back to being a single woman again was never going to feel the same to her. It was going to feel very lonely.

  While they'd talked last night, Cherise confessed to having told William about Annie's dreams. "I thought it would make a difference," she told her friend. "I thought he'd finally understand the depth of your relationship."

  Although Annie was shocked at first to hear that Cherise had gone to William's house and told him about the dreams, she wasn't angry with her. After all, Cherise just wanted to help get Annie's happily ever after back for her. How could Annie hold such a caring gesture against her best friend?

  But hearing that William knew they were somehow connected and still didn't reach out to her validated that he didn't want her. He'd known everything, and he chose not to love her anymore.

  Feeling sad and lost, Annie couldn't sit in her condo any longer. She slipped on her jeans and a thick sweater, quickly ran a brush through her straight hair, and grabbed her car keys. It was still dark out, but she wanted more than anything to go to the place that had always brought her joy since moving to Seaside. She turned her car toward the beach near William's house, with no intention of seeing him, but just to walk the strip of beach. She could walk up and down the beach and be gone long before anyone woke up. Pulling into the side street where she always parked, Annie stepped out of her car and headed to the beach.

  William felt like a ghost in his own home. All evening, he wandered through the house, trying to make sense of everything that had transpired since Sara died. He sat in the living room for a long time, staring at the painting over the fireplace, then at the family photos on the mantel. Had Sara really been happy? Had I given her all I could give? And, can I now give Annie enough of myself to make her happy, too?

  When he couldn't find the answers to his questions downstairs, he went upstairs to his bedroom and got into bed, where he lay restless and wide awake. The paintings Sara had started and Sandy had finished were beautiful. He thought how wonderful it was that they weren't going to go unfinished, buried in the closet under the stairs. Sandy finishing those paintings was like giving life back to Sara and finishing her legacy for her. Or, letting her go, as Sandy believed. Finishing Sara's work was her way of finally admitting her mother was gone and letting her go.

  As William lay in the bed that felt too big and empty, his thoughts turned again to Annie. He thought back to the first day they'd met in his office when he'd been such an ass to her. And then, he'd seen her eyes, those beautiful blue-green eyes that had reminded him so much of Sara. It was Annie's eyes that had made him take notice, but it was Annie whom he'd fallen in love with. Her independence, her wit, her intelligence, and her beauty. Except for those eyes, there was nothing else about her that had reminded him of Sara. Not until the strange coincidences started occurring.

  William thought about the way Annie knew where the plates and utensils were located in the kitchen. He thought of the night she found the lotion and how she had intentionally walked over to the nightstand and taken it out of the drawer as if she knew where it was. Then the night of the accident. She'd said she'd had a dream about Sandy's accident, and that was why she had come. But, why had she dreamt about the accident?

  "How are you connected to Sara?" he asked aloud into the silent room. "Or is Sara the one connecting with Annie? Why?"

  He thought about what Cherise had told him that day she'd come over. Annie's dreams were filled with visions of Sara. This made him pause. Had dying on the same day somehow connected them? Or was Sara trying to come back through Annie to tell him something?

  His thoughts ran rampant that night. He didn't really believe in spirits or the afterlife, but after all that had been happening these past few months, it contradicted everything he'd ever believed. Without finding answers, William fell into a restless sleep.

  William walked down the beach toward the house with the kids lagging behind. Sam was trying to push Sandy into the water, and Sandy was throwing handfuls of wet sand at Sam. They were laughing and having a fun time for the first time in months since Sara died, but William didn't even notice. His eyes were locked on something straight ahead of him. He caught a shimmer in the sand, far ahead on the beach below where his house stood.

  Squinting against the sun, he thought he saw the outline of two women sitting in the sand. One had long blonde hair, and the other had shorter brown hair. Sara, he thought as he strained to look at the figures sitting there. Annie? But before he could decide for certain, they disappeared, and when he looked up into the sky to see where they'd gone, he saw the most amazing colors.

  William awoke with a start, the dream still fresh in his mind. He looked at his clock and saw it was only five-thirty in the morning. Sleep eluded him just as answers to his questions had, so he slid out of bed, pulled on a sweatshirt and the jeans he'd worn the night before, and quietly went down the stairs to make himself a cup of coffee.

  As the coffee brewed, he reached up for his mug and once again found himself looking at the yellow coffee mug. Pulling it down, he held it for several minutes, staring at it. This had been Sara's favorite mug, then Annie's. Another strange coincidence. Or was it a coincidence after all?

  When the coffee was ready, he poured it into the yellow mug and tentatively sipped the hot liquid. No more this is Sara's and this is Annie's. This mug now belongs to Annie. Those thoughts rattled around in his head as he walked through the dark living room and stepped out onto the deck, into the crisp morning air. The sky was blue-black but the lack of fog this morning left a clear view of the beach and ocean beyond.

  William thought about the dream he'd just had. Was that Sara and Annie he'd seen shimmer in the sunlight? He looked below him onto the beach but it was empty as it should be this early in the morning. Empty, like he felt without Annie. Empty, cold, and desolate. He knew that he no longer wanted to feel alone. He wanted to be with Annie.

  Looking out into the horizon, he spoke softly. "Sara, I miss you and I love you, and I will always love you. But our daughter is right. I need to let you go. I've been holding onto you for so long, I didn't even realize I was still holding on tight. I love Annie, and I want her to share my life. I hope you understand. And I hope you can finally find peace, wherever you are."

  He closed his eyes and instead of feeling sad, a sense of serenity surrounded him. He was happy. He'd finally admitted to himself and the universe that he needed to move on with his life, and it felt as if a debilitating weight had been lifted from him.

  Annie. He smiled. I need to get to Annie. He opened his eyes and looked down the stretch of beach. A shadowy figure was moving along the edge of the water at a quick pace. For a time, he watched as the dark figure continued to walk his way. And then, suddenly, he knew. It was Annie.

  "Annie!" he hollered before running through the house, out the k
itchen door, and down the wooden steps to the beach.

  The sun was just edging up out of the east when Annie neared William's house. Everything was still in shadow, but soon the sun would be up, and she'd be gone again. The walk had made her feel better. The crisp air stung her cheeks and made her feel alive again. She pushed her hands deeper into her sweater pockets and scurried on. Once she was near William's home, she'd turn around to head back.

  "Annie!" The sound of her name carried down to her on the breeze, but when she looked up, no one was there. William's house was dark, and no one stood on the deck.

  "Annie!" The voice came again, but this time at beach level. Annie spun around and there was William, running down the staircase toward her. He ran right up to her, then came to a halt in the sand only inches from her.

  "You're here," he said, his eyes searching hers.

  "William, what are you doing out here so early? I didn't mean to run into you," Annie said. "I didn't want to disturb you."

  "I couldn't sleep," William said, inching closer to her. "All I could think of was you."

  Annie's heart beat faster. "Me?"

  "Yes, Annie. I should have come to you sooner. I should have begged you to forgive me for being such an ass. I'm begging you now. Please, forgive me for not loving you enough the first time around. I love you, and I can only hope you love me, too."

  Their bodies were just inches apart, but both still held back.

  "William, I have to tell you something. You need to know everything before you choose between me and Sara."

  William moved even closer, so close Annie could feel the warmth of his body heat radiating toward hers. "Sara is gone, Annie. I know she isn't coming back. It's you I choose."

  Annie's eyes filled with tears. "But you don't understand. Sara and I are somehow connected. I see her, William, in my dreams. She sent me to be here with you. She sent me to you. She never left you completely. She's still here and I'm not sure if you love me because of me or because of Sara."