One Year Left

by J. C. Robinson

  “Oh, thank god,” I said.

  “And you better not let her get in the way of Daichi’s Deliciousness.”

  “I won’t, I won’t.” I held up my hands. I pulled my head back into the truck. I could purge thoughts of her before the day began. If only I could dismiss thoughts of her as easily as girls had done to me in the past. If it didn’t leave me in tears, I would have been impressed each time. They were like different people once we were through. Any caring they had was gone and in that person’s place that I had experienced so many wonderful things with was now an impassive person. I envied them for their ability to put a wall around their feelings. I couldn’t fathom doing such a thing. And believe me, I’ve tried.

  “You’re thinking about her aren’t you?” Daichi had arrived back in the truck. He threw the ugly colorful decorations in the passenger seat.

  “Red-handed,” I said with a guilty smile.

  He passed me and took a lean. “Okay, get those thoughts out.” He waved in an encouraging manner. “But once we get our first customer, that’s it for the first hour at least.”

  I dove right in. “It just comes down to trust. I don’t trust someone I’m seeing to continue caring for me genuinely. I’ve had so many situations where they’d assure me they could never just drop us, but either I talk about her with a friend and jinx it, or I wake up every morning and look for signs that things are fading, signs that they swear aren’t there. But they are there, Daichi; they have to be because I’m always right. Eventually, everything is gone. They always have no trouble with stopping contact, throwing everything we had out the window; and I am stuck grasping at wisps of desperation.” I spied an older woman approaching the truck. I sped up to get my last sentence in. “So that leads me to not trust myself, to not trust that I can avoid falling for a girl, knowing exactly what is going to come.” I turned and greeted the lady.

  “Hello, there,” she said.

  “Great weather for some ice cream, right?” I asked. I was still working on my sales pitch.

  “Well, my grandsons will eat ice cream in a blizzard,” she said. “So for them, it is always great weather for ice cream.” She chuckled. “I’ll take two of those spider pops.”

  Daichi hopped out of his lean and opened the freezer. I felt my phone buzz while I waited for him. I took a quick peek, it was Kristen. Welp, I had to check this.

  It read, “Down for another sleepover (or six)? Bugs are here to stay.” Needless to say, I gasped. Daichi stopped in his tracks and gave me the look of a disappointed parent.

  “I had to check it!” I snatched the popsicles from him and relayed the price to our first customer.

  “Girl trouble?” she asked.

  “When is it not?” I gave her a small shrug.

  “All I can say is, go for it.” The lady took out her wallet and handed me a card. I swiped the card and handed it back. She winked and said, “Before you know it, you’ll be my age.”

  I wanted to give her my entire rebuttal, but she had grandkids to feed. Plus, I had to respond to Kristen’s text.

  “Fine, go ahead,” Daichi said before I could turn and give him my pleading puppy dog face.

  I took out my phone and typed sixteen variations of “Yes, I am ready” before I settled on “As long as I’m not hauling any mattresses anywhere.” I showed Daichi. “That was good, right?”

  He sighed. “You gave up; it doesn’t matter.”

  “True.” I shoved my phone back in my pocket.

  “You came here to find purpose, right?” I nodded. “What if she’s your purpose? What have you got to lose?”

  What if I didn’t give up? I did come here to spend my last year working on a food truck. But why? What was the logic behind finding myself graduated from Maryland and on an airplane to Portland? Because it sounded cool? Freeing? I really didn’t know. What did I have to lose? My troubles didn’t have to necessarily follow me, did they? Maybe I was hoping I could outrun them.

  Regardless, why bother putting stock in logic anyway? I had one year left. Logic had no place as an ice cream receptionist with a little bit over three hundred days left. I grasped for my phone in my pocket and pulled it out to double text her. “I can’t wait,” I sent with a smiley face. Damn. I should’ve added the heart eyes emoji. No, it was good I didn’t. Heart eyes had done nothing but screw me over in the past. I cringed.

  Daichi snapped his fingers. “Hello!” He waved his hands in front of my face. “You just slipped off into dreamland for a minute there.”

  “All right,” Daichi peeked outside. “No customers, let’s hear it.” He plopped down on the cooler, sighed, and crossed his arms.

  I cleared my throat. “So…” Which one to tell, though? I glanced outside and saw a CVS across the street. “Ah, okay, here we go.”

  * * *

  My phone vibrated beside me. I took my eyes away from the computer screen and found a text from Madison asking me to meet her on campus. Sure, why not? I wasn’t doing anything else. Being back at home for winter break activated my slug mode. I hadn’t left the house in a few days, but I could make an exception for a cute girl.

  Less than an hour later, I was driving down 95 toward the bar she wanted to meet at in College Park. My head bobbed to the music as I worked on my introduction. I checked my recall of the information from her OkCupid profile and made sure I kept that mental picture of her so I would recognize her when we met. All systems were good to go. I parked and made the walk through the sparsely populated campus. The weather was nice, and I found myself humming despite leaving my music in my car. Off to another successful date. Despite not having any long-term successes with the girls I’ve met, I usually got along well with them. I was on a five-nondisastrous first-date streak. It was pleasant.

  I handed my ID to the bouncer, and he let me in. I kept my eyes open for Madison as the musty smell of Centerstone Grill and Loft reached my nose. She was sitting at a booth with a friend. I approached and greeted her. The friend threw off my planned introduction, so I was already off to a slightly awkward start. But hey, awkward was part of my charm right? Nope, not this time.

  The three of us briefly chatted before the two of them proposed a walk through the surrounding neighborhood. Our trio was joined by a few other friends of hers, and I was officially back in Liz territory as I walked silently with her and the group of friends. Fortunately, I was able to refrain from kicking any trees and running off, but it elicited the same feeling. Damn, she had found my weakness. Groups.

  Eventually, we made our way back into the bar and onto the dance floor. Madison and I danced, thankfully she hadn’t completely forgotten about me. She was a phenomenal dancer. And by that I mean my hands on her waist, holding her back close against my hips. We had a perfect rhythm going, and I lost track of time. She turned around, and my lips found hers. Our sync extended to our kissing as I ran my hands over her body and our lips collided, passionate yet gentle.

  “Want to get out of here?”

  Well, yikes, uh sure. My first dates never ended this well. I nodded, and she led me out of the bar. The two of us walked hand in hand up the street toward her apartment. She turned to me as we passed CVS and asked if I had brought any condoms. Of course I hadn’t. I was a kiss collector, and one-night stands were not included in my vocabulary.

  So we veered left and entered under the bright lights of CVS. We found the condom aisle, and she stood there. Apparently, I was supposed to choose. I leaned forward and began weighing the pros and cons. Two short minutes later I had settled on a brand and walked to the self-checkout. I attempted to ring it up but the machine was having trouble. The attendant walked over and scanned the box.

  “Is that it?” he asked.

  “Yep.” I looked around for Madison. “Actually, can you hold these? I need to find my friend.” I had last seen her in the condom aisle so I went back there. Empty. My underarms got a little slippery at this point. Where had she gone? I fumbled with my phone and sent her a text asking her exa
ctly that. No response. At about the five-minute mark I left the store, sans condoms. I put the thought of looking like a lunatic fake-buying condoms out of my mind and stood in the parking lot. I began walking toward my apartment, luckily, I still had access over the break and could wait out the drunk and self-pity there.

  Halfway to my apartment I received an emoji from her. One which, frankly didn’t make any sense and was even harder to analyze with the roller coaster of that night’s events. The saddest part was when I realized my decent date streak was snapped. To this day, I puzzle over why she decided to take ghosting to the next level. I never heard from her again. No wonder I have abandonment issues.

  Will

  “Do you have any more of those ice cream sandwiches?” A voice broke me out of my storytelling. I had gotten really into it, hand gestures and everything. Judging from Daichi practically rolling on the floor laughing, he didn’t mind me missing the customer approaching. I turned to the window and saw why. It was Kristen.

  .

  CHAPTER 7

  Will

  “Daichi, what did you do?” I whispered through gritted teeth.

  “Nothing! Pamphlets in the mailboxes. You know, just some advertising.”

  I swiveled my attention back to the beauty outside and put on my best customer service smile. “Yes, we should. B-but, what are you doing here?” I stuttered.

  “You heard him, good advertising,” Kristen said. There was that smirk again. My heart fluttered and erased any hint of rational thought.

  Daichi placed a hand on my shoulder and handed me two ice cream sandwiches with the other. “Break time. We got through the morning rush, so I can hold down the fort.” He tossed one of the sandwiches down to Kristen. “On the house!” He turned and whispered, “Go get her, man!” before walking to the cooler, sitting down, and taking out his phone.

  Maybe this time would be different. I wiped my hands on my pants and made my way out the front of the truck.

  “So, this is the famous…”

  I ran my hand through my hair attempting to come up with something, anything besides “Daichi’s Deliciousness.”. That was not going to happen. “We have no name yet. Any ideas?”

  “Kristen’s Cream?” she said, and then her eyes went wide.

  “Kristen! Wow...” I feigned shock with a hand over my mouth.

  Her cheeks actually filled with the slightest bit of color. I’d never seen her lose her composure before. I watched as she bit her lip ever so slightly, clasped her hands over her mouth, and then shook her head vigorously. Time slowed down, and I enjoyed her reaction as it came to a close. She spoke and brought me back to earth.

  “Now I’m going to be the weird roommate.”

  “Better you than me.”

  Our laughter slowly petered out and silence took over. But this silence was different from the Liz silence. I reveled in her company, and I was sure she enjoyed mine. We walked a few blocks, and I had to catch myself from stealing glances at her. I had to settle for my periphery for the time being.

  “What actually brought you to the truck?” I asked, surprising even myself.

  “To be honest, it was my reward for finishing my assignment. I figured I’d use my distraction as positive reinforcement instead.”

  My thoughts raced through any possible way I could be looking at this the wrong way. I came up with nothing. “Oh, my company is worth being a reward?” I barely contained my mirth.

  “So far,” she said, slightly bumping her shoulder into mine. Was that an accident? Either way, my stomach flipped. My heart pounded in my chest, increasing each second I was with her.

  “What about you?” She bumped into me again. “What actually brought you to Portland?”

  We walked a block in which she was content to give me time to think. I hardly knew if I could explain it to myself, let alone figure out how to coherently explain to her. I had nothing in Maryland. Or at least it wasn’t a place I could find what I wanted. I stopped walking.

  “I’m here to find a reason. A purpose. Hope is the only reason I get through the day. Hope that I will find that elusive purpose.” I faced her. “What is your purpose? What keeps you moving forward in life?” I pointed to a bench behind her, and we sat while I waited for her to respond. I put my elbows on my knees and stared across the street. Would her purpose have to do with the terse response she gave me before regarding writing?

  “I…” She hesitated. “I keep going because I have to.” I felt her eyes on me so I met her gaze. “Most days, it feels like I’m on autopilot.” I nodded. I think I knew what she meant.

  “Like you’re numb?”

  “Exactly. Some things do make me feel ‘alive,’ but it’s not nearly enough.” She took a deep breath that ended in a small giggle. “I’m making it sound like I’m in Toy Story or something.” She reached up and pulled her hair behind her ear. A flash of ink was briefly visible on her tricep.

  “What’s this?” I ran the back of my finger over a pattern peeking out from under her T-shirt. I leaned closer and looked to her, asking to see the rest of the tattoo. She nodded, and I pulled the back of the sleeve up, revealing a diamond filled with color. It was stunning. I ran my thumb over it and felt her skin rise into goose bumps at my touch. That sent a shiver down my spine.

  “This is amazing.”

  I pulled my thumb back but still held the T-shirt sleeve up, admiring the assortment of patterns that fit into the diamond. I noted red, purple, and even a green-blue that resembled a feather. The further I looked, the more I noticed. There were actually multiple feathers. I let her sleeve drop and sat back against the bench.

  “That’s beautiful, Kristen.” It was a stunning tattoo for a gorgeous girl.

  “Thanks,” she said quickly, “What about you?” as if she was afraid to have the conversation focus on her for too long.

  “A few,” I said. “But none recently. I have a ton of ideas, but I was trying to pay back my student loans.”

  “You should go get one,” she said in almost a whisper.

  Even her voice made me shiver in delight.

  “Now?” I asked. Of course not now, dummy.

  “Yeah, why not?”

  Looks like I was getting a tattoo. The plus side of having one year remaining was a tattoo didn’t seem so permanent. “Okay, but you have to get something too. And hold my hand. I almost passed out on my first one.”

  “All right,” she agreed. “If you want me to hold your slimy hand, I will. Let’s stop by home first, I need to get the image.”

  Our home. That was a weird thought.

  Kristen

  Will held the door for me, and we were at our spontaneous tattoo walk-in session. I was still wondering how we ended up here; I didn’t remember the last time I got out with such short planning. Or rather, I realized I had the urge often, but Cooper always needed a two-week notice before doing anything besides eating pizza on my bed.

  As a result, my mouth must have been so desperate it planned a tattoo date before I even realized what it was doing. Oh, shit. Was this a date? I had been single for a day, and I was already on another date. Did I enjoy giving these testicled creatures chance after chance to disappoint me?

  Will and the receptionist’s conversation broke me from my thoughts. He was joking with her about our unplanned adventure. I was shocked. Cooper would have waited for me to deal with the lady at the desk. I took Will for a reserved guy, maybe I misread him. Either way, I needed to stop comparing him to Cooper. I shouldn’t have been wasting time thinking of him. I groaned, and they both turned to look at me.

  I felt the color rush to my face. “Stuck in my thoughts.” I gestured to my head. Blushing for me was rare, but it seemed to happen often when around Will.

  “Scared?” He gave me a warm smile.

  “Of course not.” I gave him a small shove in return. He was surprisingly solid. I felt his chest, and I’m ashamed to admit my hands might have come in contact with some abs, but I’d have to check again
to be sure. I felt another blush coming on so I shook my head to clear it of distracting thoughts. I was out of control. “Ready?”

  “Yep,” he said, flashing me a knowing grin.

  “You two are in luck; we can fit you in with Steve in about thirty minutes,” the receptionist said.

  “Awesome.” Will sat down, and I joined him.

  “Wait, do you even know what you’re getting?” I asked.

  “I figured I’d let you go first, and I’d copy that.”

  I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

  He continued, “You seem to have good taste, so unless it’s a huge koala bear on my chest, why not?”

  “Ah, one year left?” He really was embracing it now.

  He nodded but didn’t respond. My eyes caught his gaze, and I felt my stomach drop. He bit his lip, and I could feel the desire reaching toward me, pulling me toward him. Did he know how alluring he had suddenly become? The way he looked at me instantly changed the atmosphere.

  I wanted to say something, anything to drag myself out of this strange moment. One where his face was the only thing that existed. Making conversation was like clawing out of quicksand, I finally did, but it wasn’t easy.

  “I hope you’re aware I have no idea what I want. At this rate, I might end up not getting something, after all.”

  “Well we’ve got about twenty more minutes. All hope is not lost.” He paused. “Although, I’m pretty bad with decisions so…yeah, we might as well go.” Will stood up.

  “Oh sit down; surely we can come up with something.”

  He plopped back down, leaned toward me and whispered, “Yeah, I already paid the deposit.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t want to be the girl who they have to hound for payment,” I said.

  “No,” he said. “I paid both of our deposits. You were so lost in your own world, I didn’t want to interrupt you in case it was a sexy daydream.” The corners of his mouth twitched before breaking into a full smile. I followed with an unavoidable grin of my own as we made eye contact once again.