Adam And Streve -- In the Beginning

by Kaysoon Khoo

ADAM AND STEVE

  ... IN THE BEGINNING

  by

  KAYSOON KHOO

  Copyright 2014 @ Kaysoon Khoo

  This book is purely a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or to any places or events, or to any existing text or texts, is purely coincidental.

  ACT ONE

  The word is out. Another Dead Sea Scroll has been unearthed. And this one says the two mortals who first walked the earth were not a man and a woman, but two DUDES! Here's the account of how they met, fell in love, committed the grievous sin of disobedience (not concupiscence) and fell from from grace. The venue is, as in the older versions, a garden. Two young men are having a chat in that lovely spot. The one who is slightly older is Adam, the other, Steve. They have just met but already love is in the air. Which is hardly surprising since there is hardly anything else to do in that place except fall in love and breathe fresh air – and of course partake in a particular pastime that even the dumb beasts are particularly fond of.

  ADAM : Why, hello, there! And who may you be, gorgeous?

  STEVE : I'm Steve. You are –

  ADAM : I'm Adam – and I'm right glad to meet you. How came you here?

  STEVE : I don't know. It seemed as if I suddenly opened my eyes and found myself in this delightful place. It's really lovely. Who did the landscaping?

  ADAM : I'm sure I've no idea. Like you I just happened to find myself here. But don't be a stranger. Come sit beside me. Let's have a little talk and really get to know each other.

  STEVE : Oh, yes, I'd like that. There seems to be no one else here – just the two of us.

  ADAM : Yes, isn't that nice? To have this lovely spot all to ourselves – come sit a little closer. Don't be afraid, I'm not going to eat you – at least not right away.

  STEVE : Oh, I'm not afraid of being eaten by you. If you did that, I'd end up in your stomach – and you'd be alone again, wouldn't you?

  ADAM : You're very clever with words. I don't want you to end up inside me – but I just might end up inside you – not all of me, just a part – if you get what I mean.

  STEVE : No, I don't think I do. Please explain.

  ADAM : Oh, you'll understand when we get to that part – do you see those two over there?

  STEVE : They're some kind of animal, aren't they?

  ADAM : They're lions. The one with the mane is the male and the other is the female. Do you see what they're doing?

  STEVE : Good grief, they're not fighting, are they?

  ADAM : Not really. You might call it a friendly tussle. Or a love bout.

  STEVE : Hmmm ... they seem to be enjoying what they're doing. What are they doing?

  ADAM : There are many ways of calling that particular form of activity. I call it making whoopee.

  STEVE : Sounds like a fun activity. Do all the other animals do the same thing too?

  ADAM : You bet your life they do. It drives me bananas every time I see them do it – ooh, honey, your skin is so smooth, without a ripple – how I would like to place my lips around your cute little –

  STEVE : Honey? Why do you call me that? Isn't that the stuff bees manufacture in their hives?

  ADAM : It is – and it's very sweet – just like you ... oh, Stevie, you're giving me a fever. Farenheit or centrigrade, it's burning me up – you're burning me up! Feel the heat of my body with your soft, smooth palm – no, not on my forehead – but right here where I'm really inflamed – why, what's the matter?

  STEVE : Adam, I really like being touched by you – but right now I'm very hungry. I have to have something to eat before I can do anything about your fever. Is there a restaurant around this place? I fancy something Chinese. Shark's fin soup would be nice.

  ADAM : Restaurant? What's a restaurant? And what's that word – Chye-niece?

  STEVE : Heavens, you mean you've never heard of the Chinese? I was one in my previous birth.

  ADAM : Previous birth! You mean –

  STEVE : We're all reborn again and again. Each time we occupy a new body and adopt a new identity. In my past life I was the favourite concubine of the Son of Heaven – that's what the Chinese call their emperors. I played havoc with his emotions as well as his jade stalk and caused the fall of his dynasty. The people rebelled, dethroned him and made him a carrier of night-soil. I can see from your expression you've no idea what night-soil is. Never mind, I'll tell you some other time – but it sure isn't anything like the earth from which this grass grows.

  ADAM : So they dethroned him and made him whatever-it-was-you-said. What about you? What happened to you?

  STEVE : Me? They raped me multiple times and hung me from the branch of a peach tree.

  ADAM : You mean, you died?

  STEVE : No, I had a siesta from which I woke utterly refreshed – of course I died!

  ADAM : And then you were reborn – and you came here.

  STEVE : I didn't come here. I was placed here. But I've no complaints – now that I've met you. You're so much handsomer than that sallow piece of dung they called the Son of Heaven – whom I had to regularly send to heaven with my skills and ingenuity. But I don't want to talk about him. I'm hungry! Where's the nearest restaurant or cafe around these parts? I didn't seem to see any when I arrived.

  ADAM : Restaurant? Cafe? What are those things?

  STEVE : Eating places, you dumb hunk! Look, I'm really starving. If there are no joints which serve food, I'll settle for anything. Where's your kitchen? I could whip myself up a bowl of noodles.

  ADAM : Kitchen! That's a laugh – I don't even have a house!

  STEVE : No house? Then where do you sleep at night?

  ADAM : Anywhere I like under the stars.

  STEVE : And if it rains?

  ADAM : No problem. I just take another shower. Or I go under one of the trees.

  STEVE : Oh man, things are pretty primitive around here, aren't they? Well, I suppose I'll have to make do with whatever's available. But I'm famished right now. I need something to pop into my mouth.

  ADAM : I was hoping you'd say that –

  ADAM : I mean food, Mister Beefcake. No eating places, no kitchens – what about fruits?

  ADAM : Sure, you can help yourself to anything growing on the trees. How about a banana?

  STEVE : No, I'd rather have – there, that one – that lovely fruit growing on that tree over there! The one with the reddish rind. Is it an apple? Yes, I'm sure it is. It looks absolutely delicious. Go pluck it for me, Adam!

  ADAM : That fruit from that tree? No, no, a million times no! Any fruit from any tree but that one!

  STEVE : Why, what's so special about it?

  ADAM : Don't you know? It's forbidden, out of bounds, prohibited, banned, taboo! Didn't the Old Man tell you?

  STEVE : Old man? What old man? Save for you, I haven't met anyone else – young or old.

  ADAM : Oh, so you never met him, huh? Well, then, I suppose it's up to me to make the rules known to you. Here we're at liberty to do pretty much what we want. Life is a lark here. We don't have to work. There's no rent to pay. No taxes either. The animals are all subservient towards us. When we order them to heel, they obey double quick. The only time we mustn't bother them is when they're making whoopee. Then they get pretty riled if they're disturbed. As for food, this whole garden is our pantry. But we're strictly vegetarian here. No meat, no fish, not even milk or eggs.

  STEVE : Back where I came from we ate dogs – and pigs and cows and practically anything that moves.

  ADAM : Here you don't eat the animals, sweetie-pie. There are only two of a kind. But we're allowed to help ourselves to any kind of fruit, berry, vegetable, root or plant-life growing in these
gardens EXCEPT for that one you just indicated. That fruit must not be touched – let alone plucked and eaten.

  STEVE : But why, Adam, honey? Can I call you honey too?

  ADAM : You can call me anything at any time and I'll come running. As for the reason that prohibition was placed on us – ours is not to reason why, ours is to but to eat and die.

  STEVE : Die! Oh no, not again. I've just been reborn!

  ADAM : And I certainly don't want you to die and leave me. Before you came, I used to drive myself crazy watching all the animals make whoopee.

  STEVE : Oh, you poor dear, you had no one to whoop with. What did you do?

  ADAM : Well, I used to lie face down on the grass. Then I'd pretend the ground below me was a lioness and I was a lion.

  STEVE : I don't understand what you're talking about. You must stop speaking in riddles. You're beginning to sound positively Chinese! They love to play around with words – when they're not playing around with other things of a more fleshly nature.

  ADAM : Here, perhaps you'd better let me show you – get down on the ground and lie here next to me, you adorable one-time-slant-eyed-dish. Closer, closer – now close your