A Prospective Husband

by Powers, Paige

  “So do you have any kids?”

  “No not yet. I just haven’t found the one.”

  “I understand. Same here. You don’t want to use just anyone to reproduce with,” he said, with subtle laughter.

  “But I’ll use anyone for marriage at this point,” she thought.

  “Jeanine told me a lot about you. She says you’re looking for something serious and that you’ve been single for a while now.”

  Perfect. Jeanine had described her like an appetizer on a burger joint menu. She felt cheaper than a used item at a yard sale. She was sure he didn’t mean anything by it.

  “Yep. Just taking it slow. Running your own practice hardly leaves room to mingle,” she replied, trying not to seem too available.

  “I understand. Running a whole corporation can get daunting as well...”

  “Here comes the arrogance,” she said to herself. Her little practice was mediocre in comparison to his corporation. What was she thinking?

  “I’ve dated women here and there and they want so much of my time but it’s difficult,” Robbie added.

  “So you understand me,” Caroline laughed.

  “Yes, but you can’t afford to be picky. I mean you are 36,” he chuckled.

  Shit, Jeanine. That was it. Did she really tell him her age? She should’ve known that as a woman the release of age related information was off limits after your mid-twenties. Even more, Robbie the so-called businessman should’ve known better than to mention any woman’s age. At that point Caroline wanted to ask who had raised him, spank him, then send him right back to his place of origin.

  “Why not?” she asked as she gulped the remaining portion of the red wine in her glass.

  She ordered a second glass hoping to mask the new found hatred for Austin’s girlfriend.

  “Well you know that men can make children very well over middle age. Just look at Mick Jagger.” Maybe his 3 glasses of wine had made him a little too confident.

  “Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick...” Father Time was being noisy and Mother Nature went M.I.A when he had mentioned her age. If he hadn’t been so mouthy, she would’ve at least slept with him. It had been a few months since her last fling.

  Caroline was done with him for the night. She wasn’t going to marry him let alone let her dad have a conversation with him. That would send his already high blood pressure shooting into the cosmos.

  Robbie dropped her home and he didn’t get far past the doorman. The chances of him getting into Caroline’s jeans were definitely a zero at this point.

  “When are you women gonna learn not to be picky after a certain age?’’ he sarcastically asked her, definitely sensing that she was pissed off.

  “And when are you gonna learn that men having conversations about a woman’s ovaries is not a panty dropper.”

  “Good luck trying to have a child past 40.”

  “I’ll be sure to call your mom and ask her what that’s like.”

  “You little...”

  “Try me,” she said, knowing that it was a chemical reaction between the wine and her stress calling the shots.

  Caroline walked got in the elevator upstairs and that was the end of the conversation between her and her first prospective husband.

  Caroline was greeted by Barkie who she had adopted as a puppy from her neighbors who had moved away a year ago.

  Not at all surprised that the date didn’t go well, she decided to sit down and watch reruns of the Golden Girls and eat ice cream with the her child or the only thing close to it accompanying her on the couch.

  Caroline’s phone rang. She had fallen asleep watching the Golden Girls marathon.

  “Aussie?”

  “You talked about his mom, Carrie?”

  “He deserved it, Aussie, the night morphed into a grim conversation about my aging womb.”

  Austin couldn’t hold back his laughter. He felt bad, but he knew Caroline well. To talk about someone’s mom she had to have a few drinks in her system. She was already a lightweight and wine definitely did the trick for her.

  “That’s not funny, Austin, I had to beg him to go on a date with her,” Jeanine shouted in the background.

  It wasn’t her business anyway. Apparently Robbie called her whining about the night they had. Caroline clearly wasn’t in the mood to deal with Aussie’s pretentious, stuck up girlfriend tonight. “He deserved it, Jeanine,” he shouted back, in defense of Carrie.

  “Well tell her to stop being so picky!”

  Caroline had had enough.

  “Austin, tell your girlfriend I said kiss my 36 year old ass!”

  “Carrie, stop.”

  “No. Make her stop Austin. She was wrong! She was wrong about everything tonight!”

  “Carrie you talked about his mom.”

  “But he deserved it! He attacked my age and told me not to be picky. Would you like that, Austin?”

  “Would you like it if someone talked about your mom, Caroline?”

  “I don’t have one.”

  “Carrie...”

  “And by the sound of it I don’t have any friends either. Goodnight.”

  Carrie had never been that angry at Austin and it pained her to hang up on her best friend. She was losing her mind and she couldn’t get it back.

  She regretted her decision and hoped that she hadn’t ruined things.

  Chapter 4

  “Your father had a stroke, Caroline. He’s been hiding his medication,’’ the nurse said to Caroline and Austin out of concern.

  When she got the call from the hospital she rushed out of the door, dialing Austin soon after panicking, and warned him that “this was it.” At that point in time, the fight had been forgotten about. Nothing would stop him from being there for Carrie or his second dad.

  Austin had both of his parents and here she was, afraid to lose the only one that she had ever had.

  The nurse said to her everything would be fine if he took his medication. Caroline had to go in the room and convince her father to take the pills or he wouldn’t be able to walk her down in the aisle. He agreed and Lizzie found relief in knowing that he had said yes.

  Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick... There he was again. No better timing than ever. This was not the “little push” that Caroline was hoping for early on in the week. By push she meant an act of serendipity. You know like in the movies when the nerdy girl drops her books and the cute guy helps her pick them up? Or how the princess kisses the frog and evolves into Prince Charming? How about when two best friends who’ve been friends for years fall in love and get married?

  “That’ll work,” she thought. It occurred to her that with the kind of luck she had, that was merely impossible. The probability of her and Austin getting together was way below the number line. She had given up on that years ago. She feared that soon she would be a bridesmaid at his wedding and that she would watch him say, “I do” and lose her best friend forever.

  “Austin, you have to help me find someone,” she cried with desperation in her voice.

  “I have an idea, Carrie. Send me the best picture of you.”

  It’s the 21st century and dating apps are a stranger to no one. Caroline was highly opposed to online dating but she couldn’t oppose too much. She didn’t want her common oppositions to prevent her dad from walking her down the aisle. Caroline knew that there were just some things she would have to deal with.

  “What about this guy? He’s dapper,” he said with a smile.

  “And it says here that he’s in search of someone he could marry. He’s perfect!”

  “If he’s so perfect then why is he online?” Caroline sighed.

  “Carrieee, you said you would try,” he reasoned with her.

  He watched her bury her face in her hands in despair. She was perfect in every way.

  “Ok, stand up and pose.”

  “For what?”

 
“We need a full body shot for your profile and your face is gorgeous but it’s not enough.”

  “Oh god. Ok snap it really quick. You know how much I hate photos.”

  Caroline stood up and posed sinking into her left hip.

  “Smile! Look alive!”

  She laughed and he snapped the picture. Caroline was always modest about herself and now only four years shy of 40, he saw that much hadn’t changed. She was still sweet and she had a good heart having not grown bitter from the guys who hurt her in the past.

  “No, no I don’t want this guy, he looks like Greg.”

  “Are you serious, Carrie?”

  “Yes! Just look at him! Black hair and a tight muscle shirt with that dumb pout he thought made him so sexy. God how was I ever in love with that guy?”

  “You wanted to marry him, remember?”

  “I sure did,” she said laughing. “I can’t believe he left me for that hippy that was in the art club.”

  “Artistic differences drove you guys apart huh?”

  “Shut up Austin.”

  “That was definitely one of my best ones. Admit it! I don’t know what you saw in him anyway.”

  “The same thing you saw in Adele.”

  “Tits and empty pockets?”

  The two friends busted into laughter. Searching for a mate had become entertainment for them. Seeing the weirdos online who were clearly using old pictures from their heydays gave them even more comedic relief. It had become so fun that they began to pour red wine and message people at random. They were childish but they needed to laugh. Life was rough and right now, laughter and wine was the best medicine.

  The duo were on their fourth glass.

  “...He was so lousy in bed that I never called him again,” she said on the verge tears.

  “I know! You sent me a text message as soon as it was over!

  “First I had to help him put the condom on because it was too big for him and then his cat jumped on his head and attacked him because of that stupid fuzzy hat he had on his head,” she said, falling off of his couch.

  “Would’ve been better off sleeping with me,” he shouted with drunken laughter.

  “Oh please we both know I’m not your type,” she struggled to speak as the laughter escaped.

  “What! You’re perfect!” he exclaimed while his laughter began to slow down. “You were all I ever thought about Carrie and as your best friend I can say you’re hot and I always wanted to sleep with you.”

  Moments later, Caroline had taken it upon herself to pull Austin on top of her while she was still on the floor.

  Tonight, Father Time and Mother Nature were in sync. For the first time, Aussie and Carrie had acknowledged how they felt about each other. The only thing that sucked was that they needed the assistance of alcohol. They had been committed to each other for years but never as more than friends. They had never even kissed each other.

  All of a sudden they stopped. Austin couldn’t. He was confused. They both were. They didn’t know whether it was the alcohol or their emotions taking over. Maybe it was lust. Either way, it wasn’t right. If they really had feelings for each other they wouldn’t have been able to hide it for more than 20 years. The two didn’t speak. Their doubts synchronized with each other and just like that, the party was all over.

  Chapter 5

  The next morning, Austin had woken up to see his potential life partner cooking for him. It wasn’t Jeanine, although they had gotten engaged about 6 months ago. Just yesterday, he was Caroline’s best friend but last night they had the potential to be more than that. He didn’t want to say anything out of fear of being awkward.

  “We were pretty drunk last night,” Caroline said, while flipping pancakes.

  “I wasn’t that drunk,” Austin responded trying to give her an inkling that what had happened the night before was not a mistake.

  In fact, he had waited for it. He didn’t want to push things but they were almost 40. How long could they dance around their feelings? They had already done for more than a quarter of their lives then surely another decade wasn’t a big deal.

  “We had four glasses. We were both a bit foggy.”

  Caroline wasn’t trying to convince Austin. She was trying to convince herself. A part of her felt like last night was one of those beautiful dreams that she often had about Austin, and now that her dad was sick, the dreams had intensified.

  “So since there’s a few people in your inbox. Come check them out.”

  “What about this guy, Aussie?”

  “He looks cool. Message him back.”

  Caroline was trying again. Since Father Time and Mother Nature had intertwined so well last night, she hoped for a repeat performance on her tonight. She had no time to waste. She called Lizzie every day to make sure her stubborn father was taking his medication. Every time she called all she heard was Father Time in her ear again.

  Austin insisted that he follow Lizzie on her date that night to be sure that she was safe. Besides, there were so many crazy people out there and Austin hated the thought of losing his mermaid haired Carrie to an axe murderer.

  He wouldn’t follow them into a restaurant but he would at least drive behind them without her date being suspicious. He would dress in really pedestrian clothing and where a hat and some shades to keep a low profile.

  “Sure, Aussie. Shades in the nighttime doesn’t look weird at all.”

  “I’m keeping a low profile.”

  “Khaki’s, a Tommy Bahama shirt and shades screams white island dude looking for his next date rape victim. Please change.”

  “No, I look gorgeous. No one will recognize me this way.”

  “Aussie, at this point even I don’t recognize you.”

  “Talk to the hand. Come one Caroline, we’re gonna be late for our date.”

  “OUR date? Austin you really are an ass.”

  “Come on! Time to go!”

  His name was Marcus and he wasn’t quite as handsome as what he seemed like on the picture. He wasn’t ugly, just not what she expected. The 37 year old Marcus on the picture had a 6 pack and a big white smile with short blonde hair. Marcus in person carried a round stomach and a few yellow teeth...Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick...Okay, at least they were straight and they were all there.

  “So I have three boys” Marcus proclaimed loudly through his yellow teeth.

  Three? That was normal for someone their age. If they had been 21 it would’ve been a different story. As a matter of fact, Caroline felt a bit awkward going on these dates at her age with no children in the picture. A part of her was happy that she still had freedom. Both she and Aussie could pop up on each other when they felt like it. No babysitting schedule, just a work schedule.

  “How cute, so where are they,” she enquired.

  “They’re all with their moms,” he confessed with a smile.

  Moms? He had 3 different baby mothers?

  Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick... “Okay I get it,” she said, privately communicating with father time.

  “Oh okay. Were you married at all?”

  “Yes, I was. Once for about six years”

  “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened exactly?”

  “Well everything was fine but we grew apart. Something's aren’t meant to be.”

  That didn’t sound right. There had to be a reason why they had broken before the infamous Seven Year Itch.

  “Couldn’t wait until the Seven Year Itch, huh,” she said trying her hardest not to seem evasive.

  Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick... “I can tell he’s a liar,” she said silently said to Mr. Time.

  Caroline wasn’t trying to be picky at all but something wasn’t right about the guy. She was all for marriage but why had his first one failed? She understood that things often didn’t work out but there was usually more to it.

  “Hold on, one of my kids are calling,” he
said before excusing himself to the bathroom.

  Caroline sent a quick text to Austin.

  “He won’t tell me anything. He’s too secretive.”

  “Stop being nosey and go with the flow.”

  “I was going with the flow.”

  “What’s the issue, Aussie?”

  “His teeth are yellow.”

  “Really? Damn, his smile looked gorgeous on the website.”

  “Well it wasn’t. Ok, he’s back stay put.”

  “That was my son, Cameron. He wanted to know if I could bring takeout. Apparently his mom burned the Mac and Cheese,’’ he said with a chuckle.

  Maybe Austin was right. There was no need to go searching for an issue especially one that a whitening toothpaste could fix in about a week.

  “How old is he?’’ she asked genuinely interested.

  “He’s 5, going on 25 already,” he answered proudly.

  “Still friends with your ex-wife?”

  “Not really. She’s not so fond of me these days.”

  “I see. Well we can’t all be friends with our exes.”

  “Yes, I agree. So how do you feel about sex on the first date?”

  “I’m open to it.”

  Caroline was totally thrown off by the question. Honestly, she didn’t mind it if the guy was a true gentleman and was handsome enough and had a sense of charm. Marcus possessed none of these qualities. He wasn’t a caveman, but he wasn’t quite the James Bond type either. He wasn’t as suave and put together as she would’ve hoped. Who was she kidding? He wasn’t Austin. Plain and simple.

  “Not trying to be a creep here but it’s been a few months if you know what I mean.”

  “I know what you mean,” Caroline responded, uncomfortably.

  Moments later, Caroline spotted a woman in her peripheral who appeared to be in her late 30’s early 40’s walking in their direction. She had a look of determination on her face. Caroline could feel the woman’s wrath from a distance.

  “Marcus.”

  Marcus looked in utter shock to see the woman whom he had been married to for six years standing right there in front of him.