Queen of Thorns

by Dave Gross

  "What the hell is wrong with you jerks?" I was a lot louder than I'd meant to be. "Heal that pony and let's get moving."

  "It's no good." Oparal pressed her hands hard against the unicorn's neck. Some of that piss-yellow light flickered around her fingers. The unicorn's wounds grew pink, but they weren't closing all the way. "He's too far gone."

  I'd never heard her voice sound so sad—so goddamned weak. That puny, whiny voice made me want to belt her one.

  "Then leave it. Damned thing's more trouble than it's worth."

  The boss stepped in front of me. "Radovan, I am afraid—"

  "Shut up, you." I shoved a finger in his face. It was longer than I was used to, and I nearly put out his eye.

  Variel stepped up. He didn't seem as scared of me as the others did, but as he passed me his knuckles whitened as he gripped his staff. He knelt beside Oparal and ran his hand over the unicorn's flank. It came away wet with blood. He set down his staff and began his healing song.

  Little threads of flesh sprouted out from the edges of the unicorn's wounds. They grew like blades of grass, twining around each other like some invisible weaver was making a basket. When Oparal saw what Variel was doing, she really started praying. Her holy words itched on my ears. I tried to scratch and found out I didn't actually have ears, just some rough knobs on either side of my wrong-shaped skull. That made me madder. I had to get away from the sound of prayers, so I stomped off a bit.

  Turning back for a look, I was surprised to see the boss had followed. He stood way too close, startling me. Before my balled fist could knock him down, I caught it with my other hand.

  Fighting myself! I looked stupid again. It was his fault for surprising me. I was about to say so, but all that came out was a nasty snarl.

  Arni put himself between us. He didn't growl back, but I saw by his flattened ears that he was ready to go for my throat if I made a move on the boss. Part of me was thinking, Good boy. Another part was thinking of tearing his throat out.

  The boss looked me up and down. I got that naked feeling and had a peek. The good news was this devil body didn't have such a nasty mess of danglies as the last one. The bad news was there was nothing at all hanging between the legs of this one. I didn't know which was worse.

  The boss walked around me for complete look. His lips quirked like he was trying to hold back a smile. I didn't like it, not knowing what amused him so much. He touched the hard armor built into my arms and chest. At last he said, "Nice jacket."

  For a second I thought he was mocking me. Then the notion of wearing Viridio's skin like a jacket tickled me enough to break the tension. "Heh."

  The sound was like the pebble that starts an avalanche. Pretty soon I was holding my sides, feeling the hot flesh under the beetle-like armor plates. I sensed Viridio sulking inside me. The devil had no sense of humor.

  That made me laugh harder and harder until I was slapping the ground and whooping. I began to wonder why nobody else was laughing with me. Even the boss looked uncomfortable, like I was making a scene.

  Right, I remembered. The stupid unicorn.

  First the temper, then the uncontrollable laughter. I hoped this wasn't going to be a regular thing, these mood swings. If we were going to get out of this place alive, I was going to need a cool head.

  Variel finished his spell. With him and Oparal in the way, I couldn't see what they'd done with the unicorn. I stepped forward for a better look, and the unicorn rolled up off its side. With a couple of faltering steps, it stood up.

  The beast still wasn't white, except for its chin beard and a little area around its mouth and nose. The rest of its body was still battered and burned into a hundred different shades of ash. Only now its coat had a kind of sheen to it, less gray than silver.

  The unicorn balked and stamped when it saw me coming. Part of me wanted to give it a good reason to be scared, but I gritted my teeth and pushed that part back down. The Viridio part, I thought. To make things easier, I took a few steps back. "Steady, boy. You don't want a tussle with me. Besides, I'm not such a bad guy."

  As I sidled away, my foot touched Oparal's dropped sword. I grabbed it by the blade to hand it to her. The moment I touched the thing, it flashed blinding white. It burned even though the tough skin of my devil hands.

  "Ah ah ah!" I bobbled the sword like a bar hot from the forge. I half-dropped, half-threw it to Oparal.

  The paladin caught it by the grip. She looked ready to stab me through the heart, and the others looked like they wouldn't have stopped her.

  "All right. Let's just say I'm not half bad."

  A howl of demons rose all around us. Every fiend in sight spotted us the moment Oparal's sword lit up.

  "That tears it," I said. "Let's move."

  Nobody budged. They looked to the boss. He said, "To the aqueduct."

  We didn't make it ten steps before it got obvious we weren't going to make it.

  The demons flapped and hopped and galloped toward us, drawn to the light and sound of Oparal's sword. When Oparal realized what was happening, she shoved it back in its scabbard, but it was too late. The demons began surrounding us, but they didn't come all at once. They were waiting for reinforcements. Pretty soon there wouldn't be dozens but hundreds.

  Fim and Variel sang to the trees, bringing them up out of the ground to fight beside us. Oparal drew her sword again, the unicorn stamping nervously beside her. Nearby, Caladrel slung his bow—he barely had any arrows left—and pulled out his big curveblade. The boss had his sword in one hand, a scroll in the other. Arnisant stood on his right, Kemeili on his left. That figured, I thought. I'm out of the picture for a little while, and she sticks to the boss instead. Fickle minx.

  I stood all alone. My hands itched and felt empty. I should have grabbed centipede-girl's swords. Big as I was now, they'd be about the same relative size as the big knife. Still, I wasn't exactly unarmed. My fingers were long as knives, and sharper. They itched to plunge into some demon flesh.

  We stood back to back, elves and gnome, paladin and unicorn, dog and devil, all bracing for the rush.

  The demons shrieked, snarled, and cursed at us. I shot them the tines. One spat a stream of yellow-green bile in my direction and grinned at me. Another flashed a tongue with its own hissing jaws on the tip. I showed that one the big smile, and it nearly swallowed its own tongue. Choking, it ran away. So did those near him.

  Pleased with myself, I turned to see whether the others had seen how fearsome I was to demons.

  That's when the shadow covered us and a hot wind beat straight down. We scattered as Zuldanavox dropped down right in the middle of our little circle. The demons feared her, not me. One look at how big she was with her wings extended, I didn't blame them one bit.

  Screaming and bucking, the unicorn shied from the dragon. When his retreat brought him right next to me, he shrieked again. Caught between the dragon and the devil, he reared and plunged right into the others. They scattered, covering their heads.

  "Here!" shouted Oparal. The unicorn vanished and appeared an instant later beside her, just like it'd done before. Tall as she was, she still had to raise her hand to stroke the big boy's shoulder. Despite all the monsters around him, he settled right down at her touch.

  "I should destroy you all," rumbled Zuldanavox. Her head swung toward me. "What is this demon doing among you?"

  I had a couple of words for that, but I swallowed them at the sight of her so close to me. Somewhere inside me, Fell Viridio twisted and cursed, trying to escape. This wasn't what he'd bargained for. Tough luck, chump.

  Even as I thought the words, Viridio started beating on the inside of my skull. It made me want to hit something, bite something, rip something to pieces. I couldn't make out what the dragon and the boss were saying until I concentrated on squeezing the devil down tight inside me. You stay still, you ugly mug. You make me hit that dragon, we both die. You want what whatsisname got? Norge? You ready for a big sleep, too?

  The devil stopped
his squirming, but his fear kept shaking in my arms and legs.

  Or maybe that was just mine.

  "—and I was standing beside you when the demons entered," the boss was saying. "Let me reactivate the spires."

  "You know how to do that?"

  "In theory, yes. But I feel sure I can do it."

  "So you could have showed someone else how to deactivate them." Zuldanavox glowered down at him.

  He hesitated only a second, but if I could see the doubt on his face, so could the dragon. "I did not show anyone, nor did I know of any plan to deactivate the spires," he said. "You have my word as a gentle—"

  "I will be the judge of that later. Go to the spires. Restore my city's defenses. The others will remain with me."

  "No!"

  She roared in his face, blowing his hair back and dotting him with flecks of acid.

  "I need help to activate the spires."

  "Someone lowered them without your help."

  "But we must raise them as quickly as possible."

  A house-sized section of dome crashed down to set the northern park on fire. The boss couldn't have timed it any better if he'd blasted it himself.

  "He's right," said Variel, stepping up to stand beside his son. If anything, he looked younger than the boss. Except for the ears and eyes, they could have been brothers. "Varian's arcane knowledge far exceeds mine. I beg you to trust him as I do."

  Zuldanavox scoffed, a puff of her nasty breath rolling over them both. The boss turned away, pressing his handkerchief to his eyes. Variel just took it, tears rolling down his face. "There are seven of you and only six spires," said the dragon. "One of you will stay with me."

  She had him there, I thought, but the boss said, "I need everyone together. There is a seventh spire."

  The dragon's head rose so fast it made me dizzy. When she swept back down, I thought we'd all be crushed. She butted her snout against Variel's chest. "You kept this from me?"

  "He did not know of it," said the boss. "If my theory is correct, we'll find this seventh spire hidden beneath the central plaza. Activating all seven at once could do more than restore the wards—it could drive the demons from your city."

  Even with Viridio buzzing around inside me, I heard his emphasis on "your city." I hoped his diplomacy was going to pay off for all of us.

  The dragon considered what he'd said. Her head barely moved as she looked hard at each of us, smelling us as if she could sniff out the traitor. When she came to me, she paused to take a big whiff. I tried not to blink. When she was done, she looked down at me and said, "There is still something wrong with you."

  "You don't know the half of it."

  "We will have another chat when this is done."

  "Looking forward to it, sweetheart." It just kind of slipped out. For a second I wondered whether I'd gone a word too far. Inside, Viridio panicked again. For a big bad demon, he was damned skittish.

  "Go!" Zuldanavox's voice was thunder breaking on our heads. "Return the instant you have restored the spires. Do not make me hunt for you."

  We hustled toward the street. Zuldanavox saw where we were going and flew ahead of us. The beat of her wings blew the little demons across the ground. She snatched up a few of the bigger ones in her claws and squeezed them until they stopped moving. One four-armed dog-faced brute had the balls to jump up at her. She caught him in that city gate of a mouth and swallowed the half that didn't drop away.

  A cluster of many-armed demons stood their ground and gestured at Zuldanavox. All around her body, spells dashed themselves to death in flashes of black and green and white. Something got through, and she plummeted straight up toward the burning dome.

  The dragon twisted, folded her wings, and grabbed the thorny vines to keep the demon magic from hurling her into the sky. When the spell died, the dome shuddered before sagging under her weight. She let go, falling with a dancer's grace as her wings opened and caught the wind. She glided back toward the spell-flingers, her great big maw opening to release a storm of green acid.

  "Come on, slowpoke!" yelled Fimbulthicket. I hadn't realized I'd stopped. Only Fim and the boss waited at the door to an aqueduct entrance.

  When I got there, it didn't look like I'd fit inside. I hunched down and squeezed my shoulders tight, but something kept snagging me.

  "Tail," said Fimbulthicket.

  He was right. I could feel its weight balancing my weird, long body, but when I thought about lowering it, I just struck the roof of the little house. Tiles clattered off the roof. Fim and the boss ducked inside. It took a few more tries, but finally I crouched down and got inside, scraping the tip of my tail—I had a goddamned tail!—in across the ceiling.

  "Shut the door," called the boss.

  He always tells you what to do.

  I almost said as much out loud. Instead I slammed the door. That felt good enough ...for now. The others didn't wait for me. They ran down the stairs and along the aqueduct.

  They don't hesitate to leave you behind. You mean nothing to—

  "Nice try, jackass." Saying it out loud helped me stuff down the anger he was getting to rise out of me. I kept my head down and ran after the others. By the time I caught up, the boss was talking with his old man.

  "That was an artful bluff," Variel was saying.

  "Well, there are seven spires, metaphorically speaking."

  "Metaphorically speaking?"

  "It's a damned figure of speech," I snapped. How stupid could these elves be? "It means—"

  They jumped, startled by my big devil voice, which came out a lot angrier than I'd realized.

  "I know what it means," said Variel at the same time the boss said, "He knows what it means." The boss added, "Any lingering doubts about Radovan's identity have now vanished."

  Variel ignored me and said, "You were saying?"

  "The aiudara may not take the form of a spire, but it is likely connected to them."

  We went through the same hidden door we'd passed on our way to the manor house. Inside the ringed corridor, demon shadows crisscrossed the lighted floor. I could hear the screams and explosions outside.

  "First, everyone come with me." The boss led us to the nearest chamber and counted off to six, pointing at himself, Caladrel, Oparal, Kemeili, Fimbulthicket, and Variel. While they watched, he mimed pressing four of the stones embedded in the floor. He did it a couple more times to be sure. "In this order, understand?"

  Everybody nodded.

  "Without more time to experiment, let us make our first attempt in unison, or as close as we can manage. Each of us shall take a place outside one of the—"

  The ceiling exploded. Thank Desna, it wasn't right above us but a couple dozen yards around the loop. Before the dust cloud blinded us, I caught a glimpse of green scales and heard the dragon's trumpeting cry. She screamed and thrashed, every move bringing down more of ceiling and walls.

  "Don't panic, Zuldana!" Variel was the only one running toward the dragon instead of away from her. "Change shape! Change shape!"

  That sounded like a good idea until I heard the whoomp of fifty tons of dragon disappearing from the rubble. The pile of broken stone and earth caved in all over again on the much smaller figure.

  "'Dana!" screamed Variel. Blinded by dust, I chased after his voice. He stopped stumbling over the stones long enough to conjure a gust of wind that blew the place clean. In the middle of the wreckage, a sinkhole gave me an idea where Zuldanavox had gone.

  "Stand back, Greenfingers." I shoved him aside and dug in, throwing tiles and bricks over my shoulder. That was one good thing about my big ugly hands. I could dig like a mole.

  Someone slapped me on the shoulder. I whirled, snarling. Luckily I recognized the boss quick enough to keep from taking his head off. As his hand came away from my shoulder, I felt power pouring through my body and knew he'd made me stronger.

  In seconds I was digging up such a big cloud that Variel had to step back and blow it all away with another spell. The others stayed
back to avoid a brick to the head.

  A hand shot out of the rubble and grabbed my wrist. My instinct was to swat it away, but it was stronger than me. It held tight and began pulling me under.

  "Hold on, sweetheart. I got you." I planted my feet and lifted with every muscle. Inch by inch, Zuldanavox emerged, choking and cursing. She wore nothing but dust and a sneer that could have cut a man in half. Good thing I wasn't a man at the moment.

  "Too many ..." She coughed some more. "The behemoths are tearing through the vines. I saw a shadow against the dome, a terrible shape ..."

  "Treerazer," said Kemeili.

  "No," said Caladrel. His voice broke in fear. "It can't be."

  "To the spires," said the boss.

  "Where you want me?" Before he could speak, I knew the answer. Zuldanavox wasn't the only one who'd come through the ceiling. A couple of giant claws cast a shadow down on me. Looking up, I saw the head of one of those crab-spider demons. The whole thing was big as a house, I knew.

  I started climbing, but Zuldanavox just stood there. I saw plenty of mad on her face, but there was something else going on. Her hands trembled. She wasn't looking up at the demon but around at the narrow, crumbling walls surrounding her. "Come on, girl. I'll give you a boost."

  When I scooped her up, she gripped my arm so hard I thought she'd tear it off. I scrambled up the rubble and set her down on the plaza between two spires.

  She fell to all fours and tilted her head back like a hissing lizard. For a second I thought she was about to blast me. Instead, she stood to her full height and raised her arms like wings. I'd seen the change before, so I turned back toward the horde.

  The sight of the dragon rising behind me didn't faze the demons. The little ones jumped up and spat fire and acid at me. I soaked it up and swatted them away, the little punks. The bigger ones came on with teeth and claws. I gave them a taste of my own. A few let me have their spears and glaives. I gave 'em back with interest.

  Soon I fell into a kind of trance. The demons burned and slashed my armored body, but the pain just made me laugh. Some cast spells to freeze my blood or shatter my bones, but mostly they tickled and helped me pick who'd be next to die. I was where I was always meant to be: in the thick of a fight, making piles of dead demons all around me.