Call Me Joe

by Martin Van Es

  The Bishop and Joe fell silent as the women talked and the caravan of cars snaked through the mountains, eventually emerging beside the spectacular moonlit waters of Lake Tekapo, drawing up in an empty car park beside a small stone church that stood alone in the headlights of the cars. The security people in the Range Rovers fanned out around the site, scanning the silent black horizons in every direction.

  “Oh, my Lord,” Amelia said as they climbed out of the car, “that is a truly beautiful sight.”

  “God is bountiful indeed,” her husband agreed, straightening up slowly and breathing the crystal-clear air deep into his lungs as he walked slowly and purposefully towards the door of the church.

  “This is how the whole world once looked,” Minenhle said to no one in particular as she walked over from the following car. “And one day maybe it will again. Hallelujah!”

  “No doubt she will find evidence of climate change here somewhere,” the professor’s wife muttered to her husband.

  “A bountiful sight indeed,” Joe whispered in Sophie’s ear, holding out his arm. As she looped her own arm over his elbow she felt herself glowing with a heat she had never experienced before.

  “Please extinguish the lights,” Yung called to the drivers. All the car engines fell silent and darkness settled over the landscape. As their eyes adapted to the moonlight they all looked up at the glittering blanket of stars that covered the sky above the tips of the surrounding mountains. A murmur of amazement at the beauty, majesty and enormity of the sight passed across the group as they stared upwards and for a few moments nobody spoke.

  The warmth which had filled Sophie’s body was intensifying, making her feel a little dizzy as she stared up into the never ending universe above. She wondered if she was going to faint and leaned more heavily on Joe’s arm to stop herself from falling, closing her eyes to try to clear her brain and maintain her balance. The heat inside her grew more intense and she heard several people letting out exclamations of surprise. Opening her eyes and glancing around, she saw that everyone was now staring in their direction and she felt simultaneously embarrassed and inordinately proud.

  “Oh my Lord, child,” Amelia murmured, “just look at the two of you.”

  Looking down at herself, Sophie realised that her skin was actually glowing, sending out a radiance which all the others could see. It was even outshining the spectacular skies above. She knew it must be emanating from Joe because she could feel it passing through her and he was glowing too. She looked up into his face and saw that he was entirely at peace, unconcerned by the looks of amazement all around him.

  “Pius,” Amelia called out to her husband, who had just reached the door of the church, “what do you have to say to this in all your wisdom?”

  The old man turned and stared towards the light shining from Joe and Sophie, which now bathed the entire party in its golden glow. He walked slowly back as everyone waited to hear his reply.

  “Who are you, Son?” he asked as he drew close. “In God’s name, who are you?”

  “Let’s go into my father’s house,” Joe replied, walking forward with Sophie still on his arm, placing a reassuring hand on the Bishop’s shoulder as he passed.

  As they entered through the door, Sophie could barely breathe. This, she thought, must be how brides feel on their wedding days.

  The light stayed with them as they went inside, spreading to every corner of the modest building and turning the simple altar at the far end to pure gold. The rest of the party followed behind, many of them speechless, others whispering to one another in a mixture of puzzlement and amazement. Joe guided Sophie to a seat in the front row and then released her arm and stood by the altar, facing the door with his arms spread open in a gesture of welcome as the others all followed and found seats.

  When the last member of the party was inside, Yung instructed the security men to close the doors and encircle the building. The expectant silence was total. One by one, Joe called out the names of the group of Twelve and asked them to come up and stand in a line in front of him. One by one they obeyed, with no idea why they felt so compelled to do so, some of them looking as if they had been hypnotised or dazzled by the light, none of them questioning his instructions.

  “I have come back out of love for this planet and its inhabitants,” he said once they were all assembled, “to tell you that I have chosen you to be my apostles, the twelve people who will lead mankind into the light under my guidance.”

  Haki crumpled to his knees and bowed his head in humility and Dr Amelia let out a murmured “Hallelujah” as the others watched in confusion, unable to work out how they were feeling or what they should be doing about it.

  “The road will be long and difficult,” Joe warned, “and you will have to make many sacrifices. You are flesh and blood and you have all succumbed to many of the temptations of that flesh. You must come out from behind the walls you have erected around your houses and from behind the security gates and move amongst all the people whom you are going to save.”

  None of them looked up but all of them knew what he meant. Yung’s house wasn’t the only one covered in cameras and alarms and surrounded by armed guards. Many of them had separated themselves off from the rest of the world since becoming rich and successful, claiming they were protecting their families when in fact they were really protecting themselves against imagined enemies they had never actually seen or heard.

  “You will have to give up your private jets and yachts,” Joe continued and Lalit let out an involuntary sigh, knowing that he was the worst offender when it came to indulging in expensive and climate-destructive toys.

  Even the most sceptical atheists in the group were finding it hard to hold back the tears as they realised that everything they had ever believed to be true now had to be questioned. As they emerged from the church the Bishop lowered himself painfully to his arthritic knees and kissed Joe’s hand as others gathered around. Sophie stepped back to allow them to get closer, watching from the sidelines.

  “Wow,” a voice next to her said.

  She turned to find Lalit’s daughter, Alice, staring at her with wide-eyed amazement.

  “Can you believe that your boyfriend is actually the Son of God? I mean, can you actually believe that?”

  Sophie laughed. “He’s not really my boyfriend. I wish he was.”

  “Doesn’t it scare you?”

  “What?”

  “Well the whole thing, but mainly becoming one of the most famous people in the world and having billions of people knowing everything about you. Just the thought of it totally blows my mind. I mean it’s weird enough to think that my dad is one of the twelve apostles chosen to save mankind – but to actually be hanging out with the Son of God… I mean – Wow!”

  “I hadn’t quite thought of it like that,” Sophie admitted. “But now you’ve said it…”

  “He’s so cool about the whole thing too. It’s like he knew this whole scenario was going to happen. And my dad has been saying for years that we need someone to save us, some great spiritual leader to step forward, unite the world and show us the way out of the mess we have got ourselves into. And now he just appears out of nowhere in this amazing place.”

  “Do you have a boyfriend?” Sophie asked.

  “I did until I told him I was going to go travelling for a year. It seems he had different plans.”

  “Well at least you know something about this whole relationship business. This is the first serious relationship of my life, and I’m not even sure it is a relationship yet. It feels more like I’ve got a crush on this unattainable figure.”

  “What, like I might have felt about Justin Bieber when I was twelve?” Alice grinned.

  Sophie sighed. “It doesn’t sound that great when you put it like that.”

  Alice laughed and linked her arm through Sophie’s. “I
reckon your chances are a lot better than mine ever were with the Bieb, even though my dad hired him to sing at my birthday party.”

  “Your father hired Justin Bieber for a children’s party?”

  “I know,” Alice grimaced. “He is so going to have to rein himself in if he’s going to do this gig.”

  As everyone returned slowly to the cars they had come in, all of them reluctant to admit that the golden moment by the lake was over, the Bishop held open the front door of their car, indicating that Joe should now take his seat.

  “No,” Joe said shaking his head and embraced the old man gently. “You must travel in the front. You have served God faithfully all your life, you have earned some privileges.”

  Too choked up to be able to speak clearly, the Bishop climbed into the front, pulling out a neatly folded linen handkerchief from his top pocket to wipe away the tears. Several of the scientists were huddled together; their heads close as they whispered to one another, trying to find a logical explanation for the scene they had just witnessed. Sophie noticed that they seemed to be splitting into different factions as they were ushered back into the cars.

  Nineteen

  Back at the house the atmosphere had changed. A light meal had been prepared but it was a strangely subdued affair. Joe and Sophie sat with Yung and a sleepy but cheerful-looking Hugo, almost as if they were a family unit, while the others talked quietly at other tables, often casting glances in their direction. Now and then some of those who had not spoken to Joe before came over to introduce themselves and profess their admiration while others held back, unable to let go of their long-held scepticism.

  “I think we should have a short meeting of the Twelve before we go to bed,” Yung told him as they ate. “Would you like to join us?”

  “Will you be okay on your own?” Joe asked Sophie.

  “I don’t think I will be on my own much any more,” Sophie replied. “It seems like everyone would now like to be my friend.”

  “Most popular teacher in the school!” Joe laughed. “Enjoy it. You deserve it.”

  Once the Twelve and Joe were settled in the main drawing room with pots of coffee and tea, Yung took the floor, addressing Joe directly.

  “I am not sure what to say,” she said. “If you are the Son of God then you will already know everything that has happened and everything that we have been talking about in our meetings over the last few years. We have spent most of our time brainstorming and making plans for the steps mankind needs to take in order to avoid imminent extinction. Individually we have all been doing our best to disseminate the ideas that we have been discussing through talks, articles and academic papers.

  “Although we have all been successful in our own fairly narrow fields during those years, we cannot claim that we have been able to catch the public imagination or the attention of the mass media when it comes to explaining the urgency of the problems facing mankind. We have all now had a chance to see the impact of your miracles on the internet. That is exactly the sort of viral coverage we have always been hoping for in order to get our messages out there and to provoke fast reactions from those in power, but of course we have never achieved it. Most of the world does not want to listen to the dry ramblings of a bunch of professionals and academics. Even with the social media skills of people like Lalit, we have not been able to ignite the imaginations of people in the numbers that we need. We know exactly what we want to achieve by way of changes and we have prepared plans to meet all the possible outcomes of the things that are going wrong. Simon, for instance, has prepared a detailed SWOT analysis which shows the essence of the actual situation of mankind on Earth.”

  “SWOT?” Joe raised a quizzical eyebrow. “Like swatting an annoying fly?”

  “No,” Simon smiled, “not quite. It’s an acronym for analysing the ‘Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats’ that face any company, so that you can draw up a realistic plan. It occurred to me that there is no reason not to apply the same principles to the problems facing mankind.”

  “SWOT?” Joe tried the word out again.

  “You analyze the internal organisation by identifying the most essential strengths and weaknesses and you also look at the external environment, such as markets, where they are active in identifying the most important opportunities and threats. And then you check how the internal situation and the external environment are connected. It is a very useful tool as a starting point for setting up a long-term strategic plan. As always it is a precondition that the managers who participate in this process dare to be vulnerable because the interests of the organisation are higher than theirs.

  “It doesn’t just apply to businesses. I have developed the habit of rewriting my own funeral speech every ten years. So I imagine that I have died and I look back at myself. I started doing it when I was twenty. Only after I have written the new one do I remove the previous editions from my safe. Then I read them all and I see how my ideas, my strengths and talents, my weaknesses, my possibilities, my fears and my environment have developed. So I do a SWOT analysis of myself, which helps me to make a strong assessment of whether I have become a better person towards others or whether I am stuck in selfish and self-centred attitudes. It clearly illuminates the possibilities for the future. I realised that you could make such an analysis of mankind as a whole.”

  “When Simon joined this group,” Yung interrupted, “the global SWOT analysis became the basis of our approach, as a means, of course, not as a goal. We wanted to set up this analysis and create a plan for the world, without limiting ourselves to existing frameworks and obstacles.”

  “In other words,” Simon said, unable to control his enthusiasm for the idea, “we asked ourselves the question: What if we were indeed the boss of the world and had a licence to implement a coalition agreement, what would we do? And how? And with whom? And at what pace?”

  “And what were the results of this SWOT analysis?” Joe asked. “What did you consider to be the main strengths of mankind?”

  “We, Homo sapiens, have always been very creative. It is incredible what we have achieved in the relatively short time that we have been here, from the pyramids to the music of Bach and Elvis, the paintings of Van Gogh, penicillin, photography, telephony, cars, aircraft, nuclear capacity, the theory of relativity, the DNA discovery, landing on the moon and on a comet, the PC, the microchip, the internet, MRI, the Channel Tunnel, robots…”

  “Okay,” Joe laughed, “I get the message.”

  “We also possess huge reserves of perseverance, dealing with so much suffering and injustice. We have endured famine, wars and terrible epidemics and we always carry on. Combine creativity and perseverance with an infinite curiosity and an unbreakable streak of optimism and you have identified our strongest points.”

  “And the weaknesses?”

  “We have a lot, and we face a lot of threats as well. We have become materialistic and greedy. We are the most devastating mammals that have ever existed. We have eradicated countless other species and now we find our own survival threatened. The concept of ‘survival of the fittest’ has led to enormous inequality. One and a half billion people still live in extreme poverty; nearly a billion people are chronically undernourished. A child dies from starvation every six seconds. A significant percentage of the world’s population has no access to clean drinking water, primary care, housing and education. The solidarity needed to solve these problems does not exist in the rich countries. We pretend that poverty is a natural phenomenon and that capitalism is a natural drive but it is not. It is man-made. We have chosen it. And the financial world just wants business as usual.

  “There is also a lot of intolerance, which has led to mankind creating an enormous arsenal of terrible weapons and raised the amount invested in defence every year to more than 1,800 billion US dollars. At the same time the battle against drugs seems to have been lost and we may face ca
tastrophic terrorism with biological, chemical, nuclear and conventional bombs being launched by evil lunatics and fundamentalists. And soon autonomous offensive weapons, which cannot be killed, will be able to fight us without mercy.”

  “A really huge problem, of course, is the overpopulation on our planet,” Yung said. “And by 2050 the global population will have increased by another thirty per cent.”

  “Then we have climate changes caused by human activities,” Minenhle added. “Reducing global warming is an absolute necessity if we are to avoid weather which is too extreme for us to survive. Our continual thirst for growth is totally incompatible with the care our natural system needs and deserves.”

  “Raw materials are running out,” Simon explained, “and soon there will be wars caused by water and food scarcity.”

  “To continue as we are is really not an option,” Yung said. “A momentous blow is coming, but if we work together we may have just enough time to avert the collapse. If we don’t, within a few generations mankind will become extinct, or will have to live on a hostile Mars, which is the only potential ‘Planet B’, and that will only be possible for those rich enough to afford the fare.

  “To be able to implement an effective plan, humanity have to be united but we are enormously divided, Joe. The speed at which the current world leaders are developing a joint worldwide policy is far too slow. I’m afraid even in a global pandemic or after a devastating meteorite impact, they wouldn’t work well together, but would all try to manage it on their own.

  “And then we have the technological developments which create opportunities but bring other dangers. We are investing trillions of dollars in fields we do not understand, like children playing with explosives. Only a few visionaries have seen where this could all lead. My husband is an expert in genetic engineering, searching for ways to fight hereditary diseases. Every day a new biological tool is added to modify genes, manipulate DNA and enable us to create variants on the norm.