His Heart for the Trusting (Book 2 - Texas Hearts (Contemporary Western Romance)

by Mondello, Lisa

  He placed the baby in his cradle, marveling at how big he'd grown in the short weeks he'd been here in Texas. Things had changed so drastically. Much of it was good change he hadn’t expected. He'd gotten used to taking care himself. He didn't have many friends but the friends he did have were solid. Now there were two more people in his life that he didn’t want to let go.

  Yeah, life had gotten a little complicated with a kid and a woman living with him under the same roof. But he had gotten used to it. It had surprised him today when he found himself missing both of them as he was painting Jonathan’s bedroom.

  And now Sara was going to up and leave him.

  Mitch took his time walking down stairs and found Sara sitting in the dimly lit living room. He wasn't ready for this conversation. There was no sense being a coward when he knew the inevitable was coming.

  “I'll bet he's already asleep,” she said, lifting those incredibly warm brown eyes to meet his.

  She knew Jonathan so well. Mitch deposited the nearly empty bottle on the end table and sat down next to her on the couch.

  “He didn't drain his bottle. And that's a lot for this little munchkin.”

  Sara smiled one of those sweet smiles that always seem to make his head spin and his heart thump louder in his chest.

  “I take it today went well then?”

  “Not as well as I hoped I'm afraid,” she said with a shrug. “I did a little digging and unfortunately I wasn't able to come up with one solid name to give you as a replacement for me.”

  He felt tension drain from his muscles for the first time since this morning when Sara had announced she would start looking for a nanny on her own. The knot in his shoulders suddenly released. Leaning back in the sofa, he stretched his arm out over the back, wanting so much to touch Sara, stroke her smooth as silk cheek with his fingers, knowing without a doubt he absolutely shouldn't. It had been a long day for both of them. He could see the pull of fatigue in her dark eyes, yet they were so beautifully sweet all the same.

  “I asked my mother to check with a few more people.” She shook her head. “But they're all so young. I'm afraid they're just not up to handling how active Jonathan can be.”

  Mitch chuckled. “He's just a baby. He’s not even walking yet.”

  “But he will be.” Sara chuckled herself. “And believe me when he does he's not going to walk. That child is going to run.”

  “He just like his old man.”

  He knew he shouldn't do it, but he spoke his mind. After all, Sara had done plenty of speaking her mind. It was one of the things he truly admired about her. “Guess you're just going to have to stay then.”

  Her laughter vanished, but Mitch didn't regret revealing what he felt. He wanted Sara to stay. And he wanted her to know exactly how he felt about it.

  “I made plans to start teaching some classes at the elementary school in about a month. My mother offered to watch Jonathan if I don't have a replacement by then.”

  Mitch sighed, not bothering to hide his disappointment. “That's good,” he said. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel she had to stay. Sure, he wanted her to stay. But that's because he... because he liked her. Okay, it was much more than that. He could admit it, at least to himself. These feelings that were swirling around inside of him, at times making him insane with thinking about her, had become a major distraction. A sweet distraction, but a distraction all the same.

  Sara forced a smile. “It's a start. It wasn't exactly what I was hoping for. But I do agree with the administration. Children on the reservation get a certain amount of the culture just by living their life there. Even if they balk at it. They hear the stories informally from the cradle. The Native American children living off the reservation don't ever get exposed to the culture. Those are the children I should be trying to reach. I hadn't really thought about it until today. But there is a program I can start at the daycare level a day or two a week. And that should keep me busy for a while.”

  Mitch refused to feel hopeful. The only thing this meant was that Sara wasn't leaving today. She was still looking for a replacement for Jonathan.

  “I've done a lot of thinking and looking at myself. And some of it was hard to see.”

  Mitch shook his head. “What are you talking about?”

  “You asked me why I came back to Texas. That's not really as important as why I left in the first place. You said you had a pretty good idea of why I left. But I don't think you really do.”

  “Why don't you tell me then?”

  “I'm only part Apache.”

  “I remember Alice telling me that.”

  “When I was really young, it didn't make a difference. I didn't really know much of what I didn't have outside the reservation. But as I got older, I began to see other girls, girls that weren't Native American, I began to get, well, jealous.”

  She shifted in her seat, tucking one foot under the other, and leaned on the armrest as if she were trying to inch away from him.

  “That makes you the average American teenager.”

  “It was more than that. It wasn't just simply wanting at a toy or a dress that some other girl had. Those girls were different. Life on the reservation is so different from living off it. And then I met Dave.”

  Sara fiddled with her fingers in her lap and averted her gaze. “I was only seventeen at the time. I'd been coming to the Double T to visit Mandy during the summer while Mom worked. But then she stopped coming.” She shook her head and let out another sigh. “I'm ashamed to say that I was actually jealous of Mandy. She was—is—a great friend. She seemed to have all. She told me all about Philadelphia and people she knew there and what she and her friends did. I didn't have any of that. I blamed it on being Native American.”

  Mitch remained silent. There wasn't anything shocking in what she was saying. Lord, if she had a taste of his childhood she would know that none of this mattered now. All that was important was who she was today.

  “Dave was older. When I think of it now, I realize that I was truly young and stupid. He had gone to college in Dallas, although he'd graduated some years before. He'd been out in the workforce for a few years and was now starting to make some serious money. He liked spending it on me.” She gave her shoulder and idle shrug. “I liked him spending it on me.”

  Her voice was so quiet, so small. She sat on the opposite side of the couch just staring at him with eyes so wide it almost frightened him.

  “He talked about LA and I would just sit there mesmerized, like he was living one of those Hollywood movies I’d seen when I was a kid. A life so glamorous and rich.”

  * * *

  Sara couldn't take much more of it. It was bad enough she had to reveal this to Mitch. She owed him that much. But he hadn't even said a word. Well, not really. He just stared at her, his sympathetic blue eyes wrapping around her, as if he understood. And that's what scared her more than anything.

  He'd called her Miss Hollywood once. He’d thought she hadn’t heard him, but she had. He saw her as the very thing she’d wanted to be and abandoned her life to become.

  Say, something Mitch.

  “You're not afraid of me?” Sara finally asked.

  “Please,” Mitch sputtered, his brow crinkling. “I outweigh you by what, sixty-seventy pounds?”

  She drew her lips together in a wry smirk. “Who's counting? But size isn't the threat and you know it.”

  “What is?”

  “Money. Isn't that what Lillian was after?”

  He sobered. “You're nothing like Lillian.”

  “From what you tell me, I'm just like her. Both of us came from poor backgrounds. She was after you for your money. I left my home for a man with money. Someone who could give me a glamorous life I thought I wanted.”

  If he detested her for her admission, he didn't show it. He just stared at her, his blue eyes piercing her, willing her to continue. Not because he judged her, she realized, but because he wanted to know why for her sake. Maybe theirs. That w
as most frightening.

  “Dave had money. He represented everything I didn't have on the reservation. I'd look at Mandy, listen to her stories, and I saw all the wonderful things she had that I wanted. I truly wanted it.”

  “You could have had those things and lived on the reservation.”

  She shook her head. “Not really. I wanted everything the rez didn't give me. Couldn't give me. It wasn't that hard for me to follow Dave when he asked me to marry him.”

  “Did you love him?”

  “I don't think so.” She laughed nervously, covering her flamed cheeks with her hands. “What does that say about me, huh? I left my family and my home for a man I didn't even love.”

  “You were young. People do reckless things when they're young sometimes.”

  “Yeah, I was young. A lot more than just young. I guess I thought I loved him…at the time. Only after did I realize I just loved what he represented.”

  “What was that?”

  “A way for me to get off the rez and be the other part of me that was not Native American. I hated being a half breed.”

  Mitch flinched slightly with her choice of words.

  Her spine straightened. “Don't. You don't have to be embarrassed.”

  Shaking his head, he said, “I'm not. I just don't understand why you can't look at yourself as a whole person. No one, in this country especially, is full blood anything anymore.”

  “I struggled with that for a long time. I didn't know which way to be. I was just so sure I had to be one or the other. No in between. No compromise. I never understood my mother's reasons for deciding to move to the reservation when she married my father. Neither one of my parents are full blooded Apache, and mom didn't even grow up on the rez. She didn't have to choose that life. I always wished she didn't because I wanted what she left behind.”

  “But now you're back.”

  Sara felt a tug at her lips and nodded. “Yeah, I guess I am. It took me a long time to figure out that the richest part of my life couldn't be measured with dollar signs and gifts. It's what I held in my heart for my home and my family.”

  She rose from the couch, suddenly tired, full of emotion she didn't want to face. When would that ever change? She didn't want to sit there any longer with Mitch's eyes grazing her with hunger so strong it was consuming. It wasn't just lust. There was something wonderful building between them. Something dangerous and frightening and exciting. Her mother had seen it, even if Sara had refused to acknowledge it.

  Sara recalled the way Mitch had kissed her out in the workshop. How he'd held her so securely in his arms without making her feel as if she'd lost control.

  She had to get out of there. She needed to clear her head and stop thinking of Mitch, and how much she wanted to be in his arms again. How much she wanted to feel his tender lips against her skin, and how she wanted to lose herself in his amazing eyes when he looked at her the way he was doing right now.

  “Sara?” he called out to her from the other room.

  She abruptly stopped at the base of the stairway, but didn't turn back toward the living room. Coward!

  “I'm not afraid of you,” he whispered in a deep voice just audible enough for her to hear the emotion with which he spoke.

  She'd changed. She wasn't the same woman she'd been when she'd married Dave. Even she could see that. But did Mitch see that?

  “Maybe you should be,” she whispered to herself.

  #

  Chapter Six

  The Powwow was a week from Saturday. Saying that Sara was nervous was the understatement of the century. She'd rambled on for fifteen minutes to some poor soul who'd called the wrong number and was only looking to get directions to the reservation. How the woman had gotten the telephone number to the ranch, Sara couldn't guess. But in her excitement, Sara had told the caller all about the Powwow.

  Maybe the woman was one of the other dancers who lived off the reservation. There were those who came to the Powwow to compete in dance competitions and thought of the dances they performed in terms of style instead of their spiritual meaning.

  Sara was fully aware of the meaning of what she was doing by dancing in the Jingle Dance. The morning after she and Mitch had talked about her reasons for leaving Texas had been the same routine as every other morning. But it had been different, too. She wasn't hiding her past inside herself anymore. She couldn't believe just how wonderful it felt to be relieved of that burden.

  Despite what she'd felt for so long, Mitch hadn't made her feel ashamed, or blamed her for anything. He just listened and took in this flawed part of her as if he'd accepted it.

  She was going to dance. And although Sara knew her mother hoped she would dance to heal her heart so she could love again, Sara knew she was dancing in order to heal her soul so she could forgive herself for her own past mistakes. She had changed. Her mother had seen it. More importantly, Mitch had seen it.

  “Will you come to the Powwow?” she asked him one morning as the day drew closer. It shouldn't have been so important to her that he be there to watch her dance. She was doing this for herself, her own healing. But the Jingle Dance was as much for her as it would be for those who attended the Powwow. And she wanted Mitch to witness it and share it with her.

  “It means that much to you?”

  Yes. She said the words in her head, wanting to say aloud what was really deep in her heart. She didn't know how to define it herself, so she let the words lay scattered for now. Instead she made a lame excuse.

  “I can't watch Jonathan while I dance. I suppose my mother could, if you're too busy.”

  “I can keep him home if it's easier for you.”

  Her heart tumbled with disappointment, but she forced herself not to show it. “Jonathan's my responsibility. I won't go back on that. At least, not until someone replaces me here.”

  Sara thought she heard him groan or mumble. She wasn't sure which. When he didn't offer any more than that, she went on.

  “I think Jonathan might like it.”

  Mitch motioned to her hands as she dried the baby dish she'd just washed. “Jonathan, huh? He's just a baby. You stick that colorful dishrag on the floor and he'd be amused for an hour just trying to reach for it.”

  Sara chuckled softly. “Not quite. But babies love music and dancing. It's so stimulating. He'd like the singing, and the colorful costumes will catch his eye. I'd love to see his reaction to that. Wouldn't you?”

  Mitch nodded, revealing a lopsided smile.

  Sara squashed down the surge of emotion that hit her hard. “If you have too much work--”

  Rolling his eyes, he sighed and snatched the bowl she'd been drying from her hand, leaving her with the dishrag. “You women are all alike, you know that?”

  Put off center by his remark, Sara took a step back, staring at him. Maybe she'd been wrong to tell him about her and Dave. “How do you mean?”

  He dropped the plastic baby bowl on the counter and swung around to look at her. His striking blue eyes were filled with amusement. “You can't just come right out and tell me you'd like me to see you dance? Me. Well, I'd like to go to see you dance. Not just because you can't watch Jonathan while you dance. In case you're interested, I'd like to go just for you. Is that okay?”

  He stood there, grinning like a fool and she an even bigger one for feeling the heady zing of emotion. He'd turned the tables on her without her knowing it.

  “Yes, I'd like that.” Sara’s head was spinning and she had to remember to take a breath. “It won't be too much trouble?”

  “Good Lord, Sara. No. The ranch always has something that needs doing, but nine times out of ten, it can be worked around. Besides, Beau's been sticking pretty close to home these days now that Mandy is on bed rest. I can take some time.”

  She grabbed a dishtowel she dropped by the sink and playfully tossed it at him, holding on to her lighthearted mood. He caught it with one hand.

  “You'll have a good time, you know,” she said as she walked out of th
e kitchen to check on the baby.

  Mitch watched the gentle rock of Sara's hips as she disappeared from the kitchen, and then glanced at the dishtowel in his hands. It didn't much matter where he was with Sara these days. All she had to do was walk across the room and his sky lit up like fireworks set ablaze. It didn't matter if he was here or at the Powwow. All it would take was being with Sara for him to have a good time.

  * * *

  Miss Hollywood was gone. Mitch held on to Jonathan and moved around the crowd, trying to find a good place to stand so he could watch Sara dance. She’d fiddled with her fingers and kept waiting for the other dancers to arrive and then finally said she needed some space to reign in her nerves before the dance.

  She’d wanted to be early, so she and Jonathan had actually stayed at her mother’s house the night before. He'd missed her. Having a quiet house for the first time in months was something he took advantage of. Or he tried to.

  The sun came up and he'd poured himself a bowl of Corn Flakes and all he could think about was coming to the reservation. Most of the Double T cowhands were at the Powwow, as well as Corrine and Hank. Now, as a group of dancers were finishing the Red Earth Dance, he walked through the crowd in search of some familiar faces.

  He found Corrine and Hank sitting on a bench by a group of dancers and small children gathered around a young woman. Her voice drew him to her and he knew in an instant it was Sara. She was weaving a story about the sun, the stars, a girl without parents, a sky boy, and a little hummingbird. Mitch couldn't hear it all as he was dazed by the sheer wonder of all the children sitting on the grass, their mouths agape as Sara told the Apache Creation Story.

  His heart squeezed. Sara was truly in her element here. The storyteller teaching the children the Apache ways. It was her dream. And he understood a lot about dreams, because he had his own.

  As he moved to the back of the crowd, Sara lifted her head and when her dark eyes met his, she smiled. Never once did she waver from her story. But that one smile dragged him in. Although he was standing in the back of the crowd, it was as if he was sitting beside her. Her voice rose and then fell to almost a whisper, passionate and exciting.