Secrets of the Morning

by V. C. Andrews

  I pivoted on my heels and left her sitting there with her mouth open, her eyes frozen wide with shock, looking like a corpse. Jimmy took my hand and smiled.

  "Momma would have sure loved to see and hear that," he said.

  "I'm sure she did," I replied as we marched out of the dark library.

  Just after we walked out the front door and down the steps of the portico toward Jimmy's car, I heard Charlotte call my name and turned to see her come running out of the house.

  "Who's that?" Jimmy asked.

  Charlotte had her hair in her long pigtails as usual and wore the same pink shift with the ribbon yellow belt she wore the day I had arrived. She had her father's slippers on and shuffled down the walk.

  "It's Charlotte," I said. "It's all right. I want to say goodbye to her."

  "Are you going for a ride?" Charlotte asked, her eyes on Jimmy.

  "I'm leaving, Charlotte, I've got to go and find my baby," I told her.

  "Oh, you have to go now," she said, looking from me to Jimmy.

  "Yes."

  "Well then, here," she said, thrusting her hands toward me. She gave me a piece of needlework. I opened it and gazed upon a picture of a young woman who looked remarkably like me, only her hair was long and pretty and she was in a beautiful light blue dress. In her arms she held a baby and gazed down at it lovingly.

  "Oh Charlotte, it's beautiful. I can't believe you made it. You are very, very talented. You must have been working on it a long time," I said.

  "Yesterday," she said and I laughed. Everything was yesterday. Maybe it was her way of erasing all the horrid days in between. Maybe she really was a lot smarter than Miss Emily thought.

  "Well, thank you, Charlotte." I gazed back at the house. "Don't let her torment you or make you feel evil. You're better than she is, much better." I hugged her. "Goodbye, Charlotte."

  "Goodbye. Oh, when you come back, could you bring some sour balls. I haven't had sour balls since . . ."

  "Since yesterday," I said. "Yes, I will see that you get bags and bags of them."

  She smiled and stood there watching us get into the car. As Jimmy pulled away and we bounced down the rutted driveway, I looked back at the brooding, dark plantation house with the shadows painted on it and saw Charlotte waving like a little girl. It brought tears to my eyes.

  Jimmy turned out of the driveway and the mansion disappeared from sight, but it would never disappear from my mind. It had a place forever and ever in the closet of my most horrible memories. Being free of it, however, made me burst into tears. I sobbed so hard that Jimmy had to stop to put his arms around me and comfort me.

  "I'm all right, Jimmy," I said. "I'm just so happy to be out of that place. Just drive and get us as far away from here as quickly as possible."

  Ahead of us the sky looked blue. It was as if the darkest clouds always lived over The Meadows and its grounds, for as we moved farther and farther away, it became brighter and warmer looking. I had forgotten just how much I loved the sight of green and the smell of fresh grass. I felt like someone who had been released from prison, like someone who had been shut up from all that was beautiful and good in the world and was now able to feast her eyes on it all once again. It filled me with renewed hope and renewed determination. I felt myself growing stronger and stronger every passing moment.

  "Jimmy, please take us to Cutler's Cove as quickly as you can. I want to see Grandmother Cutler and make her tell us where she sent my baby before too much time passes."

  "Sure thing," he said.

  "Do you know what she's done, Jimmy?" I asked, fully realizing it all myself. "She's done the same thing to my baby that she did to me. She's arranged for some other people to take her and bring her up as their own. She thinks she has the right to determine everyone's life."

  Jimmy nodded.

  "Well, we're going to stop it from happening this time," he said. "Don't worry about that."

  "Jimmy, I don't deserve your help," I moaned. "I made promises to you when you came to see me in New York, and then I let it all go to my head, the excitement, the lights, the music, just as you were afraid I might. I told you it would never happen, could never happen, and hardly any time passed before it did. I tried to write you about it a few times, but I could never get myself to put it into words. Maybe deep inside myself I really didn't want it to be happening."

  "Someone took advantage of you," Jimmy said with a wisdom that surprised me. "I've seen a lot of that sort of thing—young, impressionable girls are promised many wonderful things by older men who then take advantage of their hopes and dreams. Afterward, they're left crying and alone. Some of my army buddies were guilty of doing it," he added angrily. "I'd like to get my hands on the man who put you into this terrible spot." He turned to me. "Or do you still care for him?"

  "No, Jimmy, I can't care for someone who would do the things he did."

  Jimmy smiled.

  "The main thing is we've got to put it all behind you now. We've got to right as many of the wrongs as we can and go on. You're still going to be a great singer someday. You'll see," he said, patting my hand.

  "Right now, the most important thing to me is getting my baby back. The moment I looked at her tiny, precious face, I knew she was something good, someone to be cherished and loved. My mistakes brought her into this world and I want to make it as good a place for her as I can. You understand, don't you, Jimmy?"

  "Of course, but first things first, and the first thing I want to do is get you to a store to buy you something nicer to wear. We'll get you some brushes and things and check into a motel so you can clean up and get some rest.

  "I remember Grandmother Cutler, you know, and when we get to Cutler's Cove and confront her, I want you looking fresh and strong so she realizes she has a couple of tough cookies to deal with, okay?"

  "Oh Jimmy, yes, yes." I hugged him and kissed his cheek.

  "Hey, easy," he said. "You're kissing an expert marksman and a corporal," he said, brushing his stripes proudly. Then he turned and stuck out his chest so I could see his ribbons.

  "A corporal! You got another promotion? I'm not surprised. I always knew you would succeed at whatever you did."

  "Maybe I always knew you expected it," Jimmy said. "And that's what made me succeed."

  I rested my head on Jimmy's shoulder as we drove on. How lucky I was to have him with me once again, I thought. Just a little while ago, I was convinced that was the most unlucky girl in the world, cursed and lost forever and ever.

  And now, like the rainbow after the rain, like the first rays of sunlight coming through a break in the clouds, Jimmy had come to me and where there was once only darkness and hate, there was now brightness and love. I was confident I would get my baby back.

  My eyes were closed but I saw the sunshine everywhere.

  17

  AN UNEXPECTED TWIST OF FATE

  Jimmy was anxious to buy me new clothes and new shoes and took me to a department store as soon as we drove into a town that had one. He was very proud of being able to do it, and I saw that if I began to protest that something was too expensive, he would immediately grow upset.

  "I told you," he reminded me, "I'm going to take care of you from now on. In Germany, my buddies used to call me 'the little miser,' because I didn't go out and spend every penny I earned. I saved and saved, happy just thinking about the things I would be able to buy for you as soon as I had returned.

  "Besides, I like the way you look in fancy new things," he commented.

  "Jimmy, you can't fool me. I know how terrible I look. I'm pale and ugly and my hair is a mess."

  "First things first," he said and finished buying my clothing. Afterward, he bought me brushes and combs and lipstick. When we completed our shopping, we drove for a few hours and then pulled into a motel.

  I couldn't believe how good a hot water shower felt and how wonderful it was to scrub shampoo and conditioner into my hair. I was in the shower so long, Jimmy knocked on the door to ask if I had dro
wned.

  When I had had enough, I wrapped a towel around myself and poked my head out the door. He was sprawled out on one of the double beds reading a newspaper. Seeing him relaxed like that brought back memories of him unfolded over our small sofa-bed reading comic books, his dark eyebrows lifting and turning in as he read something that annoyed or touched him. For a moment I felt I could close my eyes and turn back time, and all the terrible things that had happened since we were children would be only nightmares.

  "Hey," he said, lowering the paper and gazing at me. "You all right?"

  "Yes, Jimmy. I feel like a new person."

  There was a small vanity table and mirror just outside the bathroom. I sat down and began drying my hair.

  "Let me help," Jimmy said, jumping up. "You probably don't remember when I used to dry your hair when you were a pint-size kid," he joked.

  "I remember, Jimmy," I said, smiling back at him. He took the towel and wiped my hair vigorously until it was fluffy dry. It felt so good, I closed my eyes and let him go on and on. Then he stopped and planted a kiss on top of my head.

  "Maybe I'll become a hairdresser," he said.

  "I'm sure you can become anything you want, Jimmy," I said with confidence, gazing at his face in the mirror. "What do you really want to do when you're officially discharged from the army?"

  "I don't know." He shrugged. "I guess something mechanical or electrical. I like working with my hands."

  He stood back and watched me brush out my hair with long even strokes. Of course, my bangs were long and uneven and I had to trim them down. Wearing my hair tied up most of the time I was at The Meadows, I hadn't realized how long it had grown.

  "It feels so soft," Jimmy murmured, stepping up to run his hand over it. I caught his hand and brought it to my lips. For a long moment, I just closed my eyes and held it there.

  "It's all right," he whispered. "Everything's going to be all right."

  When I was finished with my hair, I lay down to rest. Our plan was to take short naps and then go have a wonderful dinner. It had been so long since I had anything to eat that really tasted good or had any seasoning in it. But neither of us realized just how tired we were. He had been traveling for days before finally succeeding in finding me. In fact, I was the first to awaken and realize we had slept into the night. I didn't have the heart to wake him, even though my stomach was growling because I was so hungry. I tiptoed out of bed and got dressed quietly. Then I sat in a chair, waiting for his eyes to open.

  When his eyelids lifted, he blinked quickly and then he looked at me peculiarly for a moment before he shot up into a sitting position.

  "What time is it?"

  "Almost nine," I said.

  "Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

  "I couldn't, Jimmy. You looked so content while you were sleeping."

  "It's just like you to think about someone else while you probably sat there starving," he said. "When I first looked at you just now, I thought I was back in Europe having one of my dreams. I wanted to see you so much every day," he said while he put on his shoes, "I used to imagine you everywhere."

  "Well, you don't have to imagine it anymore, Jimmy," I told him. He smiled and hurriedly got dressed so we could go to eat. We went to the restaurant connected to the motel because it was the closest and at this point, I knew that wherever I went to eat would seem like the most celebrated gourmet establishment.

  After we sat down and we were given menus, I couldn't make up my mind. I simply enjoyed reading all the wonderful choices and seeing scrumptious things that had been forbidden and impossible to get for months and months. Jimmy teased me for taking so long. When I told him why, he suggested I put the menu down, close my eyes, and let my finger fall on a selection. I did it and chose the hot turkey dinner.

  First, I had a delicious salad. I nearly ruined my appetite by eating three dinner rolls smothered in butter. I ordered a Coke and luxuriated in the sugary sweetness of it. Heavenly! Jimmy kept laughing and shaking his head. When the platter of turkey, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes and broccoli was brought out, I began to cry. I couldn't help it.

  "Hey, come on," Jimmy said, reaching across the table to take my hand. "You're going to spoil your appetite if you get yourself so upset."

  "Nothing can spoil this appetite," I announced and attacked my food, savoring every morsel. Even though I was stuffed, I ordered a slice of chocolate cream pie. When we were finished, I could barely stand up.

  "You put some of these truck drivers to shame," Jimmy declared.

  It didn't take either of us long to fall asleep again once we crawled into bed, but when the sunlight came through the curtains, my eyes snapped open. Just the sight of it was a wonder to me. It had been so long since I had awakened to see golden morning rays lift the darkness. I thought it was truly one of the most beautiful sights on earth. How horrible it had been living like a mole in that depressingly dark old mansion.

  My appetite for breakfast was no less than it had been for dinner. Just the aroma of bacon sent my stomach into ecstasy. I had eggs and sausage and little rolls, as well as cup after cup of coffee, something Miss Emily had considered as vile as whiskey.

  Strengthened by the food and a good rest, wearing new clothes and having my hair washed and brushed, I did feel strong enough to face my horrible grandmother. Jimmy had been right in saying, "First things first." We drove on, now only hours away.

  "You haven't asked me anything about my love affair with Michael Sutton, Jimmy," I said somewhat tentatively after he had talked and talked about his experiences in Europe.

  "You don't have to tell me anything," he said somewhat tersely.

  "I know, but I do. I want to," I stated in a rush. "He was my vocal teacher and he had told me he was going to make me into a Broadway star. Everything happened so quickly to me. Before I knew it, he was inviting me to his apartment and . . ."

  "Dawn, please," Jimmy pleaded, his face grimacing in pain. "I don't want to hear it. It's over with now. You were hurt, I know. And I wish I really could get my hands on him. Maybe someday, I will, but you don't have to explain it to me. I told you, I understand how these things happen. I've seen it.

  "The important thing is," he said, looking at me, his dark eyes narrowed with firmness, "it won't happen to you again."

  I nodded, relieved that Jimmy had forgiven me.

  "I love you, Jimmy. I really do. I didn't realize how much I did and I'm sorry."

  "Just don't eat the way you did today," he joked. "I can't afford it."

  It felt so good to laugh again, to be able to relax and feel comfortable with someone, especially someone who brought sunshine into your life. Oddly enough, as we traveled farther and farther away from The Meadows, I found myself hating Miss Emily less than I pitied her.

  But I didn't have a smidgen of pity for Grandmother Cutler. She was such a vile, evil woman! In my mind no one could have been more of a villain. The same forces that had created Miss Emily had created her, only she had an added power—she could get most people to respect her and she had been able to achieve great things in the real world. There was no doubt that she was a formidable foe. My heart began to thump harder and harder as we drew closer and closer to Cutler's Cove and our inevitable confrontation. I hardly noticed how beautiful a late spring day it was with a deep blue sky and puffs of milk-white clouds. In my troubled mind, it seemed the world was gray and dark again and there would be no warm sunlight until I was reunited with my baby.

  The first sight of the ocean sent a chill up my spine. A little while later I saw the familiar road sign announcing we were about to enter the seaside resort village of Cutler's Cove. Nothing looked any different to me. This early in the season, the long street with its small stores and restaurants looked quiet and quaint. There was little traffic and only a few people on the sidewalks here and there. It had a relaxed, lazy atmosphere about it, but to me it was like passing through the eye of a storm. The pretty
shops, the boats and sailboats down at the dock, the rich green lawns and peaceful streets were all part of a deception, for the heart of Cutler's Cove pulsed with evil—Grandmother Cutler's evil.

  "Almost there," Jimmy said and smiled his smile of encouragement. "Don't worry," he added. "We're going to get to the bottom of it all and settle it once and for all."

  I took a deep breath and nodded. We came to the coastline that curved inward and provided the guests of the Cutler's Cove Hotel with their own private beach, a beach of white sand that always looked combed clean. Even the waves that came up approached the shore softly, tenderly, as if the ocean were afraid of attracting the wrath of the powerful matron who ruled this kingdom by the sea. I could almost hear her voice and see her face when I read the sign declaring this beach was RESERVED FOR CUTLER COVE HOTEL GUESTS ONLY!

  Jimmy turned up the long drive and the hotel itself loomed ahead of us, sitting on a little rise, the manicured grounds gently rolling down before it. The three-story Wedgwood blue mansion with milk-white shutters and a large wraparound porch looked strangely quiet. The unlit Japanese lanterns swung softly in the breeze. Only some of the grounds personnel were visible off to the side, pruning some hedges and planting some flowers. I didn't, as I expected, see any guests sitting out on the porch, nor did I see any around the two small gazebos or sitting on the wooden and stone benches or strolling past the fountains and flower beds.

  "It doesn't look open for business," Jimmy remarked.

  It was mid-afternoon, so I knew people weren't at lunch or dinner.

  "No, it doesn't," I said. I was nervous enough as it was. Seeing something unusual only added to it.

  Jimmy pulled up in front and parked. For a moment, I just sat there staring out the window at the hotel's front entrance, recalling that morning when I left the hotel to go off to a performing arts school in New York City. I had been filled with fear and excitement the day I left, but I clearly recalled the expressions on the faces of Clara Sue and Philip, my mother and Randolph, and especially Grandmother Cutler. All those faces flashed before me now.