Secrets of the Morning

by V. C. Andrews

  "Mother, do you know where my baby was taken after she was born? Did Grandmother Cutler tell you? If she did, please tell me," I begged, using a softer tone of voice.

  "I never asked her any of those details, Dawn. You knew what she was like. She was in charge." She turned back to the mirror. "It wouldn't surprise me if she has already begun to order God Himself around in Heaven and he's had to toss her out." She laughed merrily. "What am I saying? That witch is probably burning in the pits of Hell, where she rightly belongs," she sniffed indignantly.

  "But Mother, my baby . . ."

  "Oh Dawn, why do you want to think about it? Your lover left you high and dry, didn't he? Why do you want his baby anyway? And just think what it would mean. How would you ever find anyone decent to marry? The choicest suitors, those who are rich and handsome, won't want to marry a young lady with a baby, especially someone else's baby."

  "Is that why you gave me away so easily, Mother?"

  "That was an entirely different situation, Dawn. Oh, please, don't start with that again and again and again. Be thankful for what you've got," she added, her eyes filling with anger and annoyance now. "Despite her methods, Grandmother Cutler made it possible for your indiscretion to be kept secret. No one has to know anything. It's over; you can start anew."

  She turned to the mirror again and ran her finger over her eyebrows.

  "I have so much to do before the funeral. I just hate funerals, dressing in black, looking glum and pale, afraid to smile or people will think it's blasphemous and disrespectful. Well, I won't look like a heartbroken mourner just to please the public. I won't. It makes wrinkles if you frown too much.

  "Fortunately, I bought a very pretty black dress in New York when we saw you there. It's a little dressy, but I think it will do. I have to think about all the people who will come, people who will be at the hotel to console Randolph and pay their respects. I have to be the strong, perfect little wife and daughter-in-law and greet them all properly.

  "I think you should go out and buy something appropriate to wear yourself, Dawn honey. Clara Sue and Philip are on the way home from school and the three of you should look very nice together."

  "Didn't you hear anything I said, Mother? I had a baby; she was taken from me," I said softly.

  She rose from her chair and started toward the bed.

  "I want to rest now," she said. "I don't want to look tired and drawn. It doesn't do anyone any good for me to look that way. People expect me to look stunning and I can't let them down."

  She pulled back the blanket and crawled under. Then she sighed and lowered her head to the pillows.

  "Just think, Dawn. I'm the lady of the manor now. I'm the queen. Isn't that delicious?"

  "In your mind you always were the queen, Mother," I said and turned away quickly, more disgusted with her than I had ever been.

  Jimmy stood up quickly, the moment I returned to the lobby.

  "Well?" he asked.

  "She doesn't know anything and she doesn't even care. All she cares about now is looking like the new queen of Cutler's Cove. Oh Jimmy, what will we do?" I wailed, my tears fast returning.

  "No sense in talking to Randolph anymore," he thought aloud. Then he turned to me and shrugged.

  "I guess you and I will have to go into her office and search it for ourselves until we find a lead."

  "Her office?" I looked in the direction. Here she was dead and gone and yet the thought of entering her office and touching her things without her permission seemed terrifying to me. She had been such a powerful person, especially in the hotel. Her presence seemed to still loom about us, her mark on everything and everyone.

  "I don't know what else to do," Jimmy confessed.

  "All right," I said, my heart pounding, "we'll do whatever has to be done to get back my baby."

  I reached out and took hold of Jimmy's hand and then we started toward Grandmother Cutler's office.

  18

  STARTLING REVELATIONS

  I hesitated when we arrived at Grandmother Cutler's office. The simple words, MRS. CUTLER, printed on it seemed to lift off the wood like a neon light before me. My hand froze on the doorknob. After a moment Jimmy put his hand on my shoulder.

  "If your mother doesn't know anything and Randolph doesn't know anything, there isn't any other way," he emphasized. "It's not like we're in there stealing."

  I nodded and turned the knob. When we entered, we didn't immediately notice Randolph sitting on the aqua-green settee. The curtains on the windows were drawn closed and only a small desk lamp was on low, casting illumination over a small area. Grandmother Cutler's lilac scent was as strong as ever. It was as if she had just been in here. For a moment my eyes played tricks on me and I even imagined her seated behind that big desk glaring at me as hatefully as she had the first day I had arrived.

  Jimmy seized my shoulder again and when I turned to him, he nodded toward the settee and I saw Randolph sitting there simply staring ahead. Shadows deep and dark were in his eyes. Our entrance didn't faze him or surprise him. It was almost as if he had expected it.

  "I can't get it into my mind," he said slowly, "that she's gone and won't be back." He shook his head. "Just the day before yesterday we talked about redoing the game room. She wanted new tables and chairs.

  "She knew exactly when she had purchased the ones presently there, you know," he added, lifting his eyes to us. "One thing about my mother, she could remember the day she bought a packet of hairpins." He smiled and shook his head. "What a mind. There's not another businesswoman like her in the state."

  He sighed deeply and turned to look at the desk again.

  "It won't be the same; it will never be the same. I almost feel like giving it all up . . . just going off and waiting to die myself," he said.

  "She wouldn't like that," I said. "She would be very disappointed in you, Randolph."

  He turned back to me and nodded, a smile forming around his lips, but his eyes remaining sad.

  "Yes, you're right, Dawn." He seemed to snap back into reality and the present. "How extraordinary it is that you've arrived just at this time," he said.

  "It's not extraordinary, Randolph," I replied quickly and went to sit beside him. "You must have known about what happened to me in New York and how I was sent to live with Miss Emily at The Meadows. You must have," I insisted.

  "Aunt Emily," he said, nodding. "I'd better get the news out to her right away. Not that I expect her to travel with Charlotte all that distance for the funeral," he added. "It's just she should know that her sister has passed away."

  "Yes, it will break her heart," I said dryly, but he didn't hear my sarcasm.

  "Randolph, you knew I was there, didn't you? You knew what had happened?" I pressed on. He turned to me and looked into my eyes.

  "Yes," he finally admitted. "Mother told me. I'm sorry, Dawn. You spoiled things for yourself when you had an affair and got pregnant."

  "I know, but I had my baby at The Meadows and Grandmother Cutler had someone come to take her as soon as she was born. I've got to get my baby back," I said firmly and seized his wrist. He shook his head, confused.

  "Back?"

  "From whomever Grandmother Cutler gave her to. She had no right to give my baby away. Please help us find out where my baby is. Please," I begged.

  Suddenly, he looked terrified. He looked toward the chair and then back at me. It was as if he thought his mother could return from the dead to chastise him simply for talking to me.

  "I don't know . . ."

  "How would she go about it? Who would she call? What should I do?" I pleaded.

  "There is so much to do now that she's gone, isn't there," he asked. "I suppose, the first thing is to call Mother's attorney, Mr. Updike. He handles all her affairs and has been the family attorney for as long as I can remember. He's not much younger than Mother," Randolph added.

  "Mr. Updike?" I said. I looked at Jimmy, who widened his eyes hopefully.

  "Yes," Randolph said, ris
ing slowly. "I've got to phone him. He's also a close family friend."

  "Will you ask him if he knows anything about my baby?" I cried as he moved around Grandmother Cutler's desk to get to the phone. I could see that he wouldn't dare sit in her chair.

  Jimmy sat beside me on the sofa and we waited and listened as Randolph called the attorney. He began to choke up as soon as he told him what had happened.

  Then he just listened and nodded every few moments. I thought he was going to hang up without asking about my baby, so I jumped up.

  "Can I speak to him, please," I pleaded. He looked at me a moment as if just remembering I was there and then handed me the receiver.

  "Mr. Updike?" I said.

  "Yes. Who might this be?" a deep, resonant voice inquired.

  "My name is Dawn and . . ."

  "Oh yes," he said, "I know who you are. In fact, I was about to tell Randolph to be sure that you are present at the reading of the wills."

  "I doubt very much, Mr. Updike, that I will be included in any way in Grandmother Cutler's will. What I wanted to know is do you know anything about arrangements that were made for someone to take my baby."

  There was a long pause.

  "This wasn't something you had consented to?" he asked finally.

  "Oh no, sir. Never."

  "I see. And you are now telling me you want the child then?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "This is all unfortunate, very unfortunate," he muttered. "Very well. Give me some time. I will have information for you at the reading of the wills."

  "I want my baby," I insisted.

  "Yes, yes. I understand. Let me speak to Randolph, if he is still there, please," he said.

  I handed the receiver back to Randolph and joined Jimmy.

  "He knows about it?" Jimmy asked quickly.

  "Yes," I said. "And he's promised to do something. We'll have to stay at the hotel for a few days until the reading of the will while he makes arrangements. And then, finally," I said sighing, "it will be all over.

  "Come on," I said, taking Jimmy's hand, "let's pick out a room for ourselves."

  "Do you think that's really all right to do? I mean . . ."

  "Who's to say no?" I replied with a smile. I was so happy at the prospect of getting my baby back. "Besides, if my mother is the new queen, I'm one of the new princesses."

  We went to the lobby and I had Mrs. Hill give us a key to one of the nicer suites. Then Jimmy went out and brought in his things. I didn't go up to tell my mother anything, but when Jimmy and I returned from dinner in Cutler's Cove, we found her dressed and in the lobby speaking to some of the staff. I was amazed at how strong and authoritative she sounded as she gave them instructions for the next few days. When she was finished, she approached us.

  "So this is Jimmy," she said, extending her hand. "Last time you were here, we really hadn't had a chance to meet." She gave Jimmy a wide smile.

  Meet? I thought. Why was she pretending Jimmy's last time here was like a pleasant visit? And I couldn't believe how charming and flirtatious she was. Had she no shame?

  "Hello," Jimmy said, a bit confused. She held onto his hand as if she expected him to kiss the back of hers. Finally, she released his fingers, but she didn't take her attention from him.

  "You've joined the army, I see. I just love a man in uniform. It's so gallant and romantic, even when he's only of to some revolting boot camp and not some foreign war. My, you have so many pretty ribbons," she cooed, running her fingers over them.

  Blood rushed into Jimmy's face. Mother laughed and stroked her own hair gently. Then she turned to me.

  "Clara Sue and Philip will be here late tonight," she said. "I'm arranging to have the funeral as soon as possible so they don't miss any more school than necessary. The year is almost over for both of them."

  "How considerate of you, Mother," I said. She didn't change her expression. Her smile was beginning to look like a mask.

  "You two don't have to go out for your meals, you know," she continued. "I've instructed the kitchen staff to continue working. The family will eat in the dining room as usual. Nussbaum is cooking for the hotel personnel, and I'm sure we'll reopen the hotel shortly after the funeral."

  "How efficient," I said. "Grandmother Cutler would be very proud of you."

  My mother blinked rapidly, but continued to beam, her eyes radiating with an excitement I had heretofore never seen. The flood of color into her face made her even more beautiful.

  "As soon as the funeral is over and those offering their condolences have come and gone, I will instruct Mrs. Boston to move Grandmother Cutler's things out of her room so that you can move in there," she said.

  "That won't be necessary, Mother. I have no intention of remaining here," I replied quickly.

  "No intention to . . ." She looked at Jimmy. "Don't tell me you're planning something stupid, Dawn. Not now, not when you have all this new opportunity. Surely you have more brains than that!

  "Just think what it will be like now—you can join me in supervising. In the evenings you and I will stand outside the dining room door greeting the guests. I'll buy you nice clothes and . . ."

  "But Mother, considering your fragile health, do you think it's wise for you to take on so much added responsibility?"I asked, driving my words into her like needles. She did flinch, but she didn't lose her demeanor. Instead, she widened her smile and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek.

  "How nice of you to be thinking of me, Dawn. Of course, I won't dive right into things. go slowly, but that's more reason why I will need you beside me as my little assistant," she emphasized, still turning her shoulder and making her eyes wider for Jimmy's benefit. I saw how amazed he was.

  "I'm afraid it's a bit too late for that, Mother," I said. "Once I have located the whereabouts of my baby, Jimmy and I will be leaving. You can try to stop me, of course, since I'm not quite eighteen, but I don't think you want that sort of scene right now and shortly I will be able to do what I want anyway."

  Her smile finally evaporated.

  "I was hoping you might have learned something from this past, terrible experience, Dawn, but obviously you haven't learned a thing, except how to continue to make your life and everyone's around you miserable. Mine especially. Why, oh why do I even bother to try?" she moaned theatrically.

  "I'm afraid you're right," she continued with more spirit and anger than I would have thought possible for one so diminutive and delicate. "It is too late for you."

  She turned toward Jimmy. "I have only pity for you, for the both of you," she added, her eyes burning with fury, and then sauntered off.

  But the moment the captain of the bellhops crossed her path, her smile and charm returned.

  Both Jimmy and I were exhausted from the day's traveling and the traumatic experience in the hospital. We went to bed early and had no trouble falling asleep. In the morning we showered, dressed and went down to the dining room for breakfast. We were the first of the family to sit down. I had forgotten that Clara Sue and Philip arrived the night before. They walked into the dining room together, with my mother and Randolph right behind them. As soon as Philip set eyes on me, he smiled, but Clara Sue twisted her mouth in disgust.

  "Jimmy," Philip said, rushing over to the table to extend his hand. "How are you doing? You look great."

  "I'm all right," Jimmy said. He shook Philip's hand quickly and sat down again.

  "And Dawn," Philip said, gazing down at me. "You look as pretty as ever."

  "Thank you, Philip," I said, quickly shifting my eyes from him because of the intense way he riveted his own on me.

  Clara Sue eyed both of us without saying a word. She took her place at the table and immediately ordered one of the waiters to bring her some orange juice.

  "Good morning," Mother sang. She appeared fresh and well rested, her hair looking as radiant as ever. I saw she had taken to wearing a little eye shadow as well as a slight touch of blusher. She was a very pretty woman. There was no denying that
she had perfect, doll-like features: a face that never lost its childish innocence, but with blue eyes that could tempt and tease a man to the point of pain. She wore a blue silk dress with a provocative neckline and tapered sleeves.

  Randolph, on the other hand, looked as though he hadn't yet gone to sleep. His eyelids drooped; he was pale and his shoulders were bent. He wore the same clothing he had worn the day before, only it looked wrinkled. Perhaps he had fallen asleep in them, I thought. It wouldn't surprise me to learn he had never left Grandmother Cutler's office.

  "I'm glad to see you two rose early," she said as she sat down. Randolph looked confused for a moment until Mother tapped the back of his seat and he sat down. She ordered juice and coffee and eggs for herself. Randolph wanted only coffee.

  "Well," she continued, "we have a great deal to do today. Randolph and I will be going to the funeral parlor to make the final arrangements. We thought it would be a nice touch if after the church ceremony, the funeral procession came up to the hotel so Grandmother Cutler could pass by the front entrance one last time and the hotel staff could bid her their final goodbye.

  "Don't you all think that would be a nice touch?" she asked, practically singing.

  Philip agreed. Clara Sue gulped down her juice and continued to glare my way. Finally, she mustered enough courage to assail me.

  "We heard you visited Grandmother in the hospital moments before she died," she commented.

  "What of it?" I replied.

  "You must have done something to aggravate her to death. You were always aggravating her," she accused.

  "Oh Clara Sue," Mother pleaded. "Please don't make a scene at breakfast. My nerves can't take it."

  "Grandmother Cutler didn't need me to aggravate her," I said, "she had you," I added, taking the wind from the sail of her attack.

  Philip laughed loudly and Clara Sue's face turned crimson.