The Regret (Heartache #2)

by Green, Vicki

  “Scared?” I whisper. “Of what?”

  I watch his throat as he swallows then back up in his tear filled eyes. “Of losing you. I had no right. I know. I was selfish. Stupid to think that you’d want me as much as I wanted you.”

  I don’t know what to think. I’m so confused of my own feelings. “I was a young girl waiting – waiting for some kind of contact from – waiting for him to come back for me. He had given me hope,” I plead for him to understand. “Four years after I turned eighteen and left that hellhole. Four years you could have come to me, told me what had happened to him. You could have tried.”

  He lowers his head but then looks up at me with determination. “By the time I found the right people to sell Dad’s business to, all the red tape, lawyers, another year and a half had gone by.” He shakes his head. “I got caught up joining forces with a unit to find foster parents who were abusing the system. It was what Stephen and I always talked about doing as soon as we could leave home. This team? We would stakeout their houses, get evidence of abuse on the kids they had there, and go in and rescue them, arrest the people who called themselves “foster parents”. Stephen couldn’t go on to do it and that made me even more determined.”

  It all makes sense now. The mysterious times he’d leave for days, no one knowing where he’d go. “You’d leave.” He nods. “For days at a time.” I look down, thoughts of him going undercover, sitting out watching a house, waiting to make a move. My eyes snap up to his. “You could have been hurt. Killed.” He nods again.

  “I know that no matter what my excuses are, you have every right to be upset with me. Even hate me. I should have come for you, told you about Stephen. You shouldn’t have had to live with the thought that he just left you, didn’t care about you.” I nod. My heart crumbled when he told me Stephen had died, but it broke even more knowing Tanner could have come to me, told me.

  “Finding out this way was wrong, Tanner.” He nods again, his shoulders slump as he looks down. Ashamed. Realization slams me hard when I look at him. He loved Stephen too and lost a brother. Lost his dad. I reach out and put my fingers under his chin, lifting his gorgeous face up. Tears streak down his face. Learning of Stephens’s death about killed me but leaving Tanner, the way he makes me feel, loving me, and not telling me everything – that shattered my heart. The thought of what he went through, what he endured and then going on with his and Stephens plan, tells me just what kind of man he is. “I forgive you,” I whisper. His eyes widen and something spreads through them. Hope. He leans down and presses his mouth to mine so hard I can feel my lips bruise. It’s rough, painful, amazing. My arm moves around his shoulder, my fingers thread into his soft hair. His grip tightens on my wrist as he continues his sweet torture.

  Finally, he pulls back but presses his forehead against mine. I look up into his eyes and my heart becomes alive again, slowly. “Don’t ever keep things from me again.” My brows lower with my conviction. He shakes his head, rapidly.

  “Never again. I swear,” he whispers.

  I nod, my heart beating so fast. “I love you, Tanner Clark.” His brows knit together as his eyes refill with tears, along with mine. He releases my wrist but puts his fingers through mine and brings our hands down and onto my waist.

  “Fuck. I love you so much, Jolie Ross. Now and forever.”

  I lean up, kiss his lips and whisper, “Take me home.”

  Chapter 17

  As I put my arm around her, we walk inside. I pick up my drenched shirt and her equally wet coat and t-shirt up off the floor, and lead her out of the building and to my truck. I help her inside and walk to the back, jumping into the bed and open the compartment there, pulling out the two blankets I keep stored there in case of an emergency. I jump off the bed and stand up on the running board, wrapping them around her. She looks up at me and smiles. Her lips are tinted a light blue, and her chin is quivering. Regret and remorse fill me again. I shake it off, knowing I need to get her home and take care of her. I don’t want her to get sick. I hoist her bike up onto the back of my truck and tie it securely then get into my truck and start the long drive home. As I drive, my thoughts go back to when everything happened.

  When she walked out the door, my life ceased to exist. I knew this would happen! I knew it, yet I did nothing to stop it. I blame myself. I paced the floor until I felt I could go insane. What should I do? Go after her. She needed time to grieve. I knew what it’s like to lose someone. I paced some more. She hates me. My only hope was that she would go to Hailey’s, find some comfort with her friend. I’d stop and check my phone. Nothing. Then I would go back to pacing. When she’d asked to see pictures of me from my youth, I didn’t even think. I just told her where they were. I’d forgotten I’d kept the one picture of her as a young girl in there too. What an idiot! I’d stop and look at the clock on the wall, and I swear the minutes were passing by so slowly.

  Regrets.

  I’ve had so many in my young life. Not spending more time away from Dad’s business with Stephen, hanging out. Even though he was my brother for less than two years, I loved him just the same.

  Regrets can make you strong.

  After Stephen passed away, I became even more determined to fight his fight, help to rid the world of the bad foster parents. Well, as many as I could. My team and I have put away our fair share but the ones that Stephen really wanted put out of commission are the ones we haven’t been able to get. Yet.

  Regrets can make you weak.

  I was fully intending on telling Jolie everything once I’d gotten into this town. But after seeing her in the flesh, all those well intentions flew out the window. I became more obsessed with her than I already was. I’d never seen anyone more beautiful. So confident. So strong. Since I knew everything she’d been through, it made her that much more beautiful in my eyes.

  Some regrets you can never get over.

  This may be one of them. Not telling her before. Taking the chance that she’d still want to get to know me, be with me, after everything was exposed.

  I look over at her, sleeping in the seat beside me, her head on my shoulder.

  All I could think as I paced my floor was that she may never get over this, and it’s all my fault. I’ll sell the house, move far away. I’ll go to the team, and I’ll finish what I started. What Stephen always wanted. We’ll take down those so called “foster parents” then we’ll move on to another state. Start over. It’ll kill me but I’d do it for her.

  My phone vibrated, and I jumped. Hailey. I swipe the phone and hit myself with it placing it against my ear. “Is she with you? Is she okay?” Stupidest fucking question. Of course she’s not okay.

  “What do you think?” I closed my eyes and could visualize her hand on her cocked hip. “She’s a mess. You hurt her just like you said you would. Asshole. At least you were man enough to tell me before you did it.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, a headache coming on. “She was soaking wet. I gave her dry clothes, but then she left. I have no idea where she’s going, but it’s dangerous on that damn bike in the pouring rain and in the dark!”

  I place my hand on the blanket, her leg underneath, just to be reassured that she’s really here. She lets out a sigh in her sleep. She’s still shivering a bit and looks pale to me. If she gets sick, it’ll be another thing that’ll be my fault. I look back out at the road, and my mind goes back to driving out here in the dark, the rain coming down so hard I could barely see the road.

  I’ve never been more afraid in my life. More afraid then when I found out Stephen was killed or when Dad died and I was left alone. She’s out there, driving on that damn bike in this torrential downpour. In the dark. If I’m having trouble seeing the road, it has to be ten times worse for her. If anything happens to her I’ll....

  I feel her move and look down, those blue eyes looking up at me. “Go back to sleep. We still have a ways
to go.” A small smile appears as her eyes close. I look back out to the road, my heart suddenly speeding up, thinking about how I could have lost her. She could have been hurt or worst yet – killed, driving alone. I knew she needed time to let it all sink in. To grieve. I thought she’d just go to Haileys, stay there and talk to her about everything. Never did I imagine she’d go back to the one place she and Stephen shared together, where he protected her, and they found solace. I should have known.

  When she left our house, she left me standing there feeling like Stephen had died all over again. Only this time, he took her with him. As soon as she walked out that door, I felt like the shell of the man I was when I first lost Stephen.

  Lost in my thoughts, I regain focus as I pull into the driveway. Quietly, I get out of my truck, pulling out my phone as I get to the front door. I make a call as I walk inside and head straight to our bedroom. By the time I finish my conversation, I grab a duffle bag and start throwing some of my clothes and Jolie’s into it. I have no idea what all I’ve thrown in there by the time I’m done. I walk to the bathroom and get her small makeup bag, grab both of our toothbrushes and paste, and whatever else I think she’ll need. Going back into the bedroom, I place everything in the duffle bag and zip it closed. I pick it up and carry it through the rooms, setting it down on the breakfast bar then proceed to pack up all the food I can from the fridge and pantry into shopping bags. It takes me three trips to take everything from the house to the back seat of my truck, all the while Jolie never moves from her sleeping position in the front. One more trip, I get the cooler, load it with ice, bottled waters, and some sodas and take it out to my truck. I put any of the food that needs refrigeration in there that I can and walk back to the front door and lock it.

  After getting her bike off the bed of my truck and into the garage, I get into my truck. I leave our neighborhood and drive by the gym, heading down the street that runs behind it. I stop, run up to the front door of Jase’s house and knock. The door opens quickly.

  “Here. It hasn’t been used since….” He doesn’t need to explain. I’m not sure he and Alena will ever go back there again, after what happened.

  I take the key from his hand and smile. “Thanks, man. I owe you.” He lets out a chuckle. I know using his own words would get a laugh out of him.

  He rubs his chin and leans against the door. “It’s probably pretty dirty. Thought about selling it but after Alena and I talked, we want to take our kids there. Someday. We have more good memories there than bad. We just need some time.” I nod, understanding completely. “Anyway. Take her there. Spend as long as you need to. Don’t worry about Battle Ground. Surprisingly, Hailey texted me she’d work there as much as she can after she gets off from the station. You wouldn’t know anything about that would you?” He smiles and I start walking backwards, a smile on my face.

  I shrug. “I might. Thanks again.” I turn and jog back to my truck, get in and start it up. After pulling out onto the street, I look over at Jolie, still sound asleep. She needs this. I need this. We need to sort through things so we can become strong with each other. Solid.

  The drive is only a few hours. I’m exhausted by the time I drive up the rocky road. I’m not surprised that Jolie hasn’t awakened even though my truck jostled her all around on the climb. I park my truck close to the porch and get out, stretching my arms above my head. I walk up and unlock the door, walking inside to find it not as bad as I’d thought it would be. A little cleaning and it will be the best place to rest and relax for a few days. I walk into the bedroom and into the bathroom, finding the linen closet. Quickly, I remake the bed then walk back outside to the passenger side of my truck. After opening her door, I unclasp her seatbelt and lift her into my arms, the blankets still around her. She doesn’t stir as I take her inside and lay her down on the mattress. I’m careful to remove her clothes and then settle her into bed, pulling up the covers over her. I stand there at the foot of the bed and look at her. Her hair dried and is matted against her porcelain skin. She’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

  I walk back outside and unload the truck, taking four trips. Once done and everything’s put away, I walk back into the bedroom and remove my clothes. Carefully, I climb into bed next to her and gently put my arm around her. She lets out a sleepy sigh and rolls over until her head is resting on my chest, her arm laying across my stomach. I let myself finally close my eyes, feeling protective and fortunate with her in my arms.

  ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

  “Mmmmm.”

  Opening one eye, I look over and see Jolie’s arms up over her head as she stretches, her eyes still closed. I turn over onto my side and snuggle into the pillow, still exhausted. I watch as her eyes open slowly and how disoriented she becomes as she looks around the room. “Morning.” I look at the window and see no light coming in through the blinds. “Or maybe it’s evening.” Her eyes move over to mine, and I smile.

  “Where are we?” she asks, her voice raspy from sleep.

  Those blue eyes staring back at me and her soft silky skin. I could look at her all day and night. “Jase’s cabin.” Her eyes widen. I smile. “It needs a little cleaning but otherwise, it’s in good shape.” I reach up and push some of her matted hair behind her ear, leaving my hand around the side of her face. “Remember. Everything bad that happened here is not going to happen again. That man’s dead and can’t hurt anyone anymore.” She brings her arms down, and I roll over onto my back as she snuggles into me. I put my arm around her and grasp the arm that’s around my waist, lean over, and kiss the top of her head. We lay here in silence for a long time, and I close my eyes, thinking she’s gone back to sleep.

  “I miss him,” she whispers. I open my eyes and look up at the ceiling. “During the two years, after he left, I started wondering what he looked like, what kind of man he was turning into. I didn’t even have a picture of him, yet I could envision him as if I’d just seen him.” She lets out a sigh. “We spent every moment we could together. So many years.” She looks up at me. “I wasn’t “in” love with him. But I loved him with every fiber of my being. Like a big brother.” I could only nod.

  “He felt the same way about you – only you being a sister.” I smile.

  “Yeah?” Her face lights up. She starts moving her finger over the skin on my stomach. “Tell me what he was like, the time he spent with you.”

  I start running my hand up and down her arm and look up at the ceiling. “He was always serious. Always working hard. He told me everything about you.”

  “Everything?”

  I look down and see she’s staring up at me. Her eyes widen in wonderment. “Well, as far as I know.” I smile. At that moment, her stomach growls. We both laugh. “Guess I’d better get some food in you.” My stomach decides it’s hungry too so it does the same. We can’t stop laughing. It feels good to be able to do that with her. She sits up as I climb out of bed. I walk over and get the bag and bring it back to the bed, unzipping it. I find a pair of jeans and slip them on.

  “Who packed this?” she asks as she takes out clothes and lays them on the bed, one hand holding the sheet up over her chest.

  “Me.” I smile.

  She stops and looks up at me. The smile on her face brightens the entire room. “Guess you wanted me to be comfortable, huh?” She looks down at the pile. “Yoga pants, shorts, t-shirts, tank tops.” She looks back up at me.

  Her face turns serious. “Something wrong?”

  The smirk I love so much appears. “No bras.”

  I start to walk out of the room and look over my shoulder. “Oops.” I give her a wink and leave the room. I hear her laughter as I walk towards the kitchen with a smile on my face, my heart full once again.

  “You know how to work that thing?”

  I look up from my hunched over position in front of the wood burning stove, trying to light it.
“Psh! Of course I do.” I see her sit down at the kitchen table from the corner of my eye and then look back into the stove where I’m holding a lit match. It doesn’t take long for the wood and brush to catch fire. I close the small door, a smile on my face as I stand up, rubbing my hands together. “Boy Scouts.” I wink. “Dinner will be in about a half an hour.” I walk over and lean down, taking her face in my hands, and kiss her lips, hard. “Why don’t you go take a hot bath? Jase told me he had hired a company to come out and put in a hot water heater and running water. He said that after everything they went through out here, almost losing their lives, he figured they deserved more luxury if they ever came back here to enjoy the cabin. I know that once things are more behind them, especially when their baby arrives, they’ll come back here and enjoy it as it was meant to be.”