Bound (Bound Duet Book 1)

by Stephie Walls

  “Gray, what about your girlfriend?”

  “Baby, I don’t have a girlfriend. I’ve been dating, but I haven’t committed to anyone. None of them will be an issue by Saturday. I’m all yours.”

  As promised, Gray showed up Saturday morning with his truck and a trailer. I hadn’t been sure I was going with him, so I hadn’t bothered to pack a thing. Scarlett had gone to work early this morning without me ever mentioning the possibility of me moving out. When I heard him pull into the driveway, my heart sank right before it jumped to my throat. I had hoped with a small portion of my being he wouldn’t show, and I wouldn’t have to make the decision. Lucky me. Gray was back in prime form. I met him at the door and let him in.

  He quickly glanced around before he groaned his exasperation. “Annie, why is none of your stuff packed?”

  “Umm…” I stumbled for words and coherent thoughts.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” His eyes were sweet and lovingly sought answers.

  “I didn’t talk to Scarlett,” I admitted.

  “Why not?” Stunned would be an appropriate word to describe the look on his face.

  I knew what he was thinking. I had always done what he told me to without question and should have this time.

  “I wasn’t sure you were serious. Then I thought about how upset she’s going to be when she comes home with me gone, no explanation. I don’t know Gray. We haven’t even been dating, and now you up and want me to move in with you? I’m scared.” Honesty was like a razor dragging the skin. It didn’t hurt when the blade first crossed but stung like hell after.

  “Why would you think I wasn’t serious?”

  I shrugged at his question. He acted like he was Mr. Predictable and hadn’t screwed me seven ways from Sunday in the last few months. “Sweetheart, I rented an apartment. Topher helped me move out yesterday. Why on Earth wouldn’t I want you with me?” He kissed my forehead and waited for my response.

  “I wonder about your motivation. I haven’t been a priority for you. Then all of a sudden, you want me to stop what I’m doing when I finally started to move on and dive right back into life with you.” I saw a twinge of hurt when I peered into his baby blues, but he quickly blinked it away.

  “I’m not going to lie to you. I know I haven’t been good to you. I can name a list of things I should have—and wish I had—done differently where you’re concerned. But, baby, I can’t change that now. All I can change is going forward. We both know we belong together. You aren’t meant to be here. You aren’t supposed to be with anyone other than me. Pretending you are doesn’t change where you need to be or who you should be with. I need you to give me a chance to show you again.”

  This was the man I loved.

  This was the man who had melted my heart years ago and drawn me into him. He was well aware I couldn’t say no to him, not like this. I nodded in agreement at his last statement before walking away to gather my things. I just became that girl every woman hates—the one who ditched her friends for a hot guy. There was more to my relationship with Gray than him being some random good-looking man, but Scarlett wouldn’t feel that way, and I knew better. This was a shitty thing to do plain and simple, yet I continued to grab my stuff as Gray loaded up my furniture.

  In true bitch fashion, I didn’t bother leaving Scarlett a note or anything. I realized how much of my stuff occupied her space after she had gotten rid of a good bit of furniture to accommodate mine. Leaving the key on the kitchen table, I locked the door and pulled it closed. She would get off in about three hours. I estimated my phone would ring fifteen minutes later where I would get the cussing of a lifetime that I completely deserved. I couldn’t discern why, when I knew this was the wrong way to handle the situation that I continued down this path, other than Gray kept telling me this was what I needed to do—for us. I was too smart to believe that shit. There was still a right way and a wrong way to deal with tough situations. This was by far the wrong way.

  Gray and I had just finished unloading the truck when my phone vibrated in my pocket. Glancing at the time, I knew it was Scarlett.

  “Hey, Scar, what’s up?” I’m not sure I could have been any more fake if I’d tried.

  “Oh my God, Annie. I’m so glad you’re safe. I think we were robbed.” She was out of breath.

  I sensed the ease in her voice when she realized I was all right. She obviously hadn’t looked very closely, or she would have noticed it was only my stuff that was gone. But her only concern had been making sure I was okay, not the material things.

  “What are you talking about, Scarlett?” That was it, maybe if I kept up this charade, I could make her believe that my stuff was stolen and I wasn’t a total bitch.

  “Our stuff is gone. Where are you?”

  I sighed. I had to get this over with. Gray raised an eyebrow at me and slightly shook his head before he walked in, leaving me to talk to Scarlett alone. “We weren’t robbed, Scarlett. I don’t really know how to tell you this, so I’m just going to say it. I moved back in with Gray today.”

  The agonizing silence was finally filled with an irate voice. “What the fuck, Annie?” If there were a word to describe something louder than a scream, I would have used it in this instance. I could hardly understand the words that came out of her mouth she was yelling so loudly on the phone. I heard several mentions of the words fuck, Gray, piece of shit, no different, and bitch, no doubt all used in correlation with Gray and myself, deservedly. “You know what, you guys deserve each other. I can’t believe you, of all people, would fuck me over like this, Annie. I hope he’s worth it because you lost a friend over this shit.” With that, she hung up on me.

  I knew I deserved it, so I couldn’t even feel sorry for myself. This was by far the crappiest thing I had ever done to anyone. Scarlett had been an incredible friend, and I had dumped all over her.

  I walked in the apartment crying, regretting how I handled the situation. Gray was coming out of the bedroom when he saw my turmoil. He came and wrapped me up in his long, muscular arms. Kissing the top of my head, he whispered, “She loves you, Annie. She’ll come around.”

  I shook my head—this time I had gone too far.

  My friends had put up with my back and forth with Gray for the last eight months, never saying much initially, simply comforting me, but after Cole, they had all let loose. None of them even wanted to hear his name. He had caused me so much pain they couldn’t bear to see me continue torturing myself with notions of grandeur where he was concerned.

  I wished they understood my need for him. It was by far the worst drug I had ever put in my body—the addiction was intense. The withdrawal I had sustained when he left was worse than any detox. I was made for Gray Dearsley—our souls were connected. Our bodies a perfect fit. Not having him at all was worse than the pain of having him abuse the love I gave him.

  “Give her a couple days. Then call her or go see her. You guys can work this out. Once she sees you’re happy, she’ll be okay.”

  I called countless times over the following week. She never answered, didn’t return my voicemails, didn’t respond to text messages, and she refused to open the door when I stopped by. Topher told Gray she was done. So after two weeks trying to make amends, I gave up. I didn’t blame her for hating me, or thinking I had made a horrible decision, but I missed her. Jenny and Lynn had become distant, too. Scarlett beat me to them and told them what I’d done. Needless to say, they were both disappointed in me for more than one reason. My only choice was to let Gray lead me, and it was a path away from my friends.

  He filled the void my friends left in their absence. We went out with his friends from work minus Topher. I wasn’t allowed to be around Topher, alone or otherwise. Gray didn’t trust either of us together, regardless of how many times I had told him I wasn’t interested. Topher has assured him of the same over and over. Oddly, Gray never asked for details about that night. He never asked what happened, nor what we had done, about our feelings, nothing. It was like he wan
ted to pretend it never happened. I still had no idea how Gray even found out, but I was smart enough not to bring it up. I assumed Topher’s guilty conscience had gotten the best of him. One would think that would have impacted their friendship, but somehow men seemed to overcome things better than women did. They still hung out, but not with me around.

  There was no doubt in my mind Gray and I were meant to be together, always. Some unseen force, a connection neither of us could define but was undeniably there, bound us. There weren’t words to define my depth of emotion for him, nor were there words to define why, when I felt this way, and knew he did, that I still sensed a nagging need for distance from him.

  Since I’d moved back in with him two months ago, I’d done everything imaginable to please him. If he asked me to go out with him and his friends, I dropped what I was doing, including schoolwork, to go. I cooked dinner every night, although neither of us denied my culinary prowess needed some work, but I tried. I was always completely available to him, both physically and emotionally. His friends liked me; he loved me, but he didn’t seem to be able to escape that feeling that gnawed at him. It was almost like a claustrophobic panic—he tried to hide it, but I knew him too well for him to keep that kind of secret. The irony was, I didn’t crowd him, didn’t withhold vital physical aspects of our relationship, and for the most part, we never fought. But it was there, that feeling. He knew I knew, but I never mentioned it. Instead, I silently tried to fix it, without openly acknowledging it—just like I had with Will.

  I needed intense therapy…I knew that. My ability to justify Gray’s actions as love only proved that time and time again. Lately, the depression—my depression—had consumed me in a way it never had before. I was good at keeping things under wraps, especially things I didn’t want to be made common knowledge; my depression topped that list. Gray had known about the counseling and my psychiatrist, but he hadn’t known about the medication. When I’d moved in this time around, Gray thought he’d be helpful and unpack my things. He knew where I liked stuff kept in my old apartment and logically figured it was something he could do for me.

  He knew when he found the pills they weren’t birth control. He’d seen lots of those little round packs but had no clue what else I would have been taking medication for. I was healthy as a horse, and in all the time Gray had known me, I’d only gotten sick the one time that led to Cole’s conception—the taffy incident in Gatlinburg didn’t count. My eyes had filled with tears when I snatched the bottle from his hand and promptly stomped out of the bathroom. He found me a few minutes later on the living room floor. He was as stunned by my outburst as I had been.

  When he sat down next to me, I reluctantly admitted I’d been fighting the depression for years and had been on prescription medication since Will’s death. His heart seemed to break as he listened to my childhood struggles—things he had never known existed. He had always assumed my mental anguish had started in high school carrying Will’s burden, but it had been there long before. I tried to assure him I’d learned ways to cope, but he knew the drug use helped. I buried myself in work and school to drive the darkness away. My need to constantly stay occupied helped keep the demons at bay. If I were consumed with other things, I didn’t have the opportunity to fall victim. I could see the understanding in his features; unfortunately, it was backed with the pity I hated. I didn’t want people to see me as broken or frail, and this was why—they looked at me differently. I had learned to hide the threatening emotions so well no one suspected my inner turmoil—at least not farther than it extended past Gray. My friends all believed my only issue was Gray because I’d hid the other for years. They had never seen the cracks until things had gone wonky with him and thus they blamed him. But the truth was, my problems were deep-seated—some by circumstance with Will and Gray, but others were innate. I’d been born with them.

  Gray realized as we sat on the couch in our apartment when I had gone into hiding after losing Cole, and him, I was being eaten alive by the shadows, the depths of depression had their talons in my soul. And he had left me to fight them off alone. He didn’t ask about that period or how I had pulled through it—he couldn’t handle the truth, so I didn’t share it. He knew he left me at a time in my life where the struggles could have ultimately destroyed me. I recognized the look in his eyes because I saw it in my own daily—he believed he’d failed me.

  I was no longer sure if Gray’s aversion to a committed relationship was the illusion of suffocation, or if it was that he now believed my mental stability depended on him, and the fear that if he left, I’d somehow sink into a deep chasm I wouldn’t recover from. I never wanted him to know about the anti-depressants because I hadn’t wanted him to take on that responsibility. He believed I’d stopped seeing my shrink because I had dealt with the issues with Will and he didn’t recognize those that surrounded him. I never wanted him to stay with me out of some fearful obligation, which in theory could have sent me over the edge. That was a lot of self-imposed pressure, and that was where I believed his fear now laid.

  He had assured me he wouldn’t discuss it with anyone else, not even Topher, but now, I wondered if maybe it would have been better for him to have had someone to talk to other than me. He needed someone to rationalize my condition for him to eliminate the impending doom he believed surrounded him. Had he not found the pills that night, I would’ve continued to keep my secret. I’d been able to remain silent for years; I would have for another three—or thirty. But now, he was struggling with his own sense of self-preservation versus being my modern-day Atlas. People irrationally thought depression was contagious. Gray irrationally believed to escape it he needed to escape me, but he also believed if he loved me, he’d stay and bear the weight of my darkness on his shoulders. Nothing about it had escaped me—I recognized the struggles. Will had them, too. The difference was, Will and I were in high school and didn’t know we weren’t supposed to share everything with each other, so he hadn’t kept his thoughts silent. I learned with him the need to harbor that secret and recognized the signs of someone pulling away who couldn’t deal with the severity.

  Gray had tried to be incredible despite the fear regarding the depression lurking in his mind—everything about our relationship now was the way it should have been from the beginning. Every night we had dinner together. We watched television or went out if I didn’t have homework. Physically, the connection had always been perfect.

  As I was nearing the end of my final semester, school got crazy. I spent more and more time trying to wrap up my classes, finals, and my senior seminar, which left even less time for Gray. He never reacted well to not being the center of my attention, but I tried to help him understand that once this was over, I was done. There would be no more school. I could focus solely on him and work. He was like a little kid who pouted when he didn’t get what he wanted, but Gray had never tried to do all that I was doing right now. He worked three days a week and had the freedom to do what he wanted any other time. I had zero freedom for the next six weeks until I walked across that stage with a diploma in my hand in May. We’d had a few disagreements surrounding his perceived neglect, but our bodies always seemed to find a way to resolve the issues. Tonight was no different.

  “I want you to go out with us tonight. You’ve done nothing but study for days. I miss you, and I want you to spend time with me out doing something fun.” Whining was not a good sound from a six-foot-three alpha male.

  I rolled my eyes and showed him my irritation not that he couldn’t have seen it written all over my face. “Gray, I’m almost done with school. Once I graduate, we have all the time in the world.” Like a broken record, I repeated the same song every time this came up.

  “One night won’t kill your GPA, Bird Dog.” I hated it when he did this. He used my weakness for his nicknames against me, but he usually reserved it for things that were important to him, so I gave in.

  I set my book down on the couch and got up to change clothes. Walking toward the bed
room, I called over my shoulder, “Where are we going, so I know what to wear?” Instantly, he was on me, and his hands slid around my waist. His warm breath against my neck tickled my skin.

  He took advantage of my naked body when I changed clothes before we indulged in a night out savoring each other’s company. I wanted to do anything I could to ease the weight of the burden he felt he was carrying having me in his life. Sex, alcohol, and friends always did the trick.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I knew when I walked in, and he saw my bloodshot, puffy eyes, he would assume it was depression related. Anytime I’d had a bad day since he found the prescription, that’s where it always went—my depression. Another reason I’d kept my secret—I could no longer have an off day without someone believing I needed to be admitted.

  He was sitting on the couch in deep thought when I walked in. He zoned in on my eyes and his squinted just slightly in anger—he didn’t think I’d been crying—he thought I was high. I hadn’t done drugs since the day I’d left Scarlett’s, but that’s where his mind had gone.

  “Hey, Bird Dog. How was your day?”

  I shrugged before plopping down on the couch next to him. He lifted his arm, I tucked my body into his side, and the emotion poured out. We sat in silence for quite a while. He allowed me the time I needed to unload, something I rarely did. He folded his arm up to press my head against his chest and kissed me on the forehead.

  “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

  I pulled back from his chest to find comfort in his wide blue eyes, but I knew he saw my torment. Today had shaken me to the core, and I was about to lose it.

  “My teacher asked me to join her with the Dean of her department after class today. I told her I had another class after hers, my senior seminar, and I couldn’t miss it since we’re only allowed two absences. She told me my professor was aware I’d be late to class. I tried to ask her what it was about, but she wouldn’t give me any information, so I followed her blindly to the Dean’s office.”