by Katie Knight
Hanna realized that she ought to approach their date like he approached driving. Maybe giving in and following her heart for once wasn’t actually reckless. Maybe it was merely going in the simplest, most natural direction.
And maybe giving in didn’t have to mean giving up control. After all, even if something happened between them, wouldn’t she still be in control if she could walk away in the morning?
“I wasn’t planning on going on a date tonight,” Jake said, interrupting her thoughts as they pulled off the highway. “But I think I have a six-pack in the trunk.”
“Wait a minute. Why were you at the auction in the first place? Doesn’t really seem like your kind of scene.”
“I’m on leave right now, and I had to make good on a favor for Brody.”
“That’s right. You guys all went to basic together. So Tyler didn’t tell you to go and bid on me?”
“Actually, no. I didn’t even know you were going to be there.”
“Oh.”
A few minutes later, they pulled into a dirt parking lot surrounded by trees and brush.
“This is the overlook?” Hanna asked, squinting as she tried to make out any kind of vista in the dark.
“It’s just on the other side of the trees.”
After pulling a lever in the door to pop the trunk, Jake hopped out. Hanna followed him around to the back of the car.
“Here.” He handed her two blankets and then held up a six-pack of beer. “It’s a little warm,” he said. “It’s been sitting in my trunk all afternoon.”
“That’s okay. We can just pretend we’re in London.”
Jake shut the trunk, then turned to her with one eyebrow raised.
“They drink their beer at room temperature over there,” Hanna explained. “Well, it’s really ‘cellar temperature,’ but it’s still warmer than what we’re used to on this side of the pond.”
“Have you spent a lot of time in London?”
Hanna shrugged. “Some. I go to a lot of conferences for work.”
“Where are you headed next?”
“If I told you that, I’d have to kill you.”
Jake laughed. “I’m pretty sure that’s my line.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt that you’ve used it on women. Dozens, probably.”
“Now we both know that’s not appropriate first-date conversation. You’re not supposed to talk about your exes or any past flings.”
The fact that Jake had called their rendezvous a date—especially since this scenario wasn’t the one he had bought to protect her—made her heart flutter.
“Come on,” he said. “I want to show you the view.” He started toward the bushes lining the edge of the parking lot, and Hanna followed. Before she could object to traipsing through thick brush in her cocktail dress and heels, Jake pulled aside some swaying branches to reveal a cleared path.
He led her down a winding trail that was illuminated only by the moonlight. When they finally reached a grassy knoll atop some bluffs, Hanna could hear the surf crashing against the rocks down below. She couldn’t see much past the drop-off, though. A few whitecaps leading to the horizon were dancing in the moonlight. Otherwise, they were bathed in darkness.
As her eyes adjusted, she realized Jake had already set out one of the blankets. He sat down on it and patted the ground next to him.
“Care to join me?”
After she sat next to him, he opened two beers using the car key and then handed her one.
“Thanks.”
“You never told me why you were at the auction,” Jake said. “Did you really hope your future husband was in the crowd?”
Hanna sighed. “Do you want my honest answer?”
Jake nodded. “Always.”
“I thought it might be a possibility. I’ve been having a hard time meeting someone who checks all the boxes, and I figured if I were going to find eligible bachelors anywhere, it would be at a charity event.”
“All the boxes?”
Hanna sipped her beer. “You know,” she said. “All the things you’re looking for in your future spouse.” She laughed. “Well maybe you don’t know, but all us folks who are hoping to settle down someday have a checklist, or at least some idea of what we want.”
Jake nodded. “I can understand having a checklist. But I can’t understand why you’re so eager to find a guy right away. You’re still so young.”
“I’m twenty-six. That’s not all that young to think about starting a family. At least not for a woman.”
“Seems young to me.” He shrugged.
“Figure I meet a guy tomorrow,” Hanna said. “We date for a couple of years and then get engaged. Well, it’s gonna take another year or two to plan the wedding, and I’d like to enjoy married life for at least a little while before having kids. Which puts me well into my thirties before we even start trying.”
Jake took a swig of beer. “Yeah, I can see how that would be stressful. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about the biology of it all.”
“Yeah, you could have kids in your seventies.”
“True. But I meant more because I don’t want kids, period.”
“You don’t want to start a family someday? Ever?”
“In all honesty, I think someone who starts a family in my position is a little selfish.”
“Because you’re in the military?”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Jake said. “The guys who are in conventional armed forces are in a great position to raise kids. They’ve got access to housing and medical care, and they’re home relatively often. I’m not saying it’s easy, but there are lots of resources out there—lots of help to make it work. As you get into special operations, though, it gets tough.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, the divorce rate is super high for those in the military to begin with because of the stress that the job brings. And if you become a SEAL or Green Beret, for example, it only adds more hurdles. You’re gone a lot more, and your spouse knows a lot less about what you’re up to—not because you don’t want to share, but because you actually, legally can’t. Those secrets aren’t good for a marriage.” Jake paused, as if he were trying to decide just how much to tell her. After taking another sip of beer, he continued. “I’ve always been the kind of guy to give my everything to the task at hand. And you can’t give your everything to two different tasks at the same time. If I had kids, I’d want to be the best dad in the world. And I just don’t think that’s possible as long as I’m a SEAL.”
“I’m sure some of the guys you work with have kids, though,” Hanna said. “Do you think they’re bad dads?”
Jake shook his head. “Not at all. I just don’t think I could be the dad I want to be as long as the Navy is calling the shots.”
“I guess that’s fair.”
Jake finished his beer and put the empty bottle on the ground beside them. “You’re a good therapist. I don’t think I’ve ever said that much on a date,” he said. “And I don’t think I’ve ever said anything that personal, either,” he added.
Hanna put her beer down, too. She hadn’t finished it, but she didn’t need to. Jake was intoxicating enough. She honestly hadn’t been trying to analyze him, but she did know people felt the need to fill silences. And it was often by quietly listening, rather than asking questions, that she learned the most. So she lay back on the blanket to gaze up at the stars, waiting for him to say more.
Apparently, Jake didn’t feel the need to fill the silence, though—or he’d revealed all that he was going to—because they sat there for a few moments with neither saying anything. A breeze carried over the water, and Hanna shivered.
“Here.” He threw the second blanket over both of them before lying next to her.
“Thanks.”
She couldn’t see him because they were both laying on their backs, but there was an electricity between them that she could feel.
Hanna closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. The salty air mingled with the fragra
nce of his cologne, and she felt a familiar sense of longing well up inside her. She wanted to roll over and kiss him… straddle him… claw at his muscular back as his own longing pressed against her stomach…
“So when was the last time you went stargazing?” Jake asked.
“I can’t even remember,” Hanna said, trying to shake off invasive thoughts of him pressing his lips to her neck before starting a tantalizing assault south.
“I guess I did all right for our first date then, eh?”
The more he called this a date, the more she hoped it was. “You’re two for three.”
“What does that mean?” He groaned. “Not another checklist?”
“There’s always a checklist. And you’ve got two elements that make a great date, but you’re missing the third.”
“What am I missing?”
“Romantic setting, check. Drinks, check.” Hanna rolled onto her side to face him. “At some point, though, I’m going to need sustenance.”
Now it was Jake’s turn to laugh. “You mean food? Are you hungry?”
Hanna nodded. “Always.”
“I think I can scrounge up something.” He got up and then adjusted the blanket so that it was still covering her fully. It was such a small gesture, but sweet and intimate all the same. She realized she had never seen this caring, gentle side of him.
“I’ll be right back.”
He headed toward the path that led back to the parking lot. Less than a minute later, Hanna heard the trunk close, and not long after that, Jake reappeared in the clearing, his arms full.
She sat up and shivered as the blanket slid off her chest. “You wouldn’t happen to have a sweatshirt from that trunk of yours, would you?”
“Of course I do.” Jake dumped the bundle he was carrying onto the blanket and handed her a balled up sweatshirt.
Hanna laughed. “My hero.” She pulled on the sweatshirt as he sat down next to her. It didn’t smell of his cologne exactly but, rather, of him. Woodsy and warm. “So what’d you find?”
He handed her some kind of energy bar. “It was either this or MREs,” he said. “So I figured we’d start with this.”
Tyler had told her horror stories about the vile-tasting options known as “Meals Ready to Eat” that were issued to soldiers in active combat. They were packed with enough nutrients to keep someone going… but they weren’t the kind of thing you’d choke down if you had any other choice. “You keep MREs in your car?”
“Never know when you might get stranded.” He nudged her shoulder. “Or when you end up on a date with a ravenous woman.”
“I never said I was ravenous. I merely pointed out that you were missing one of the critical elements of a good date.” She peeled off the wrapper and took a bite. It tasted like sugary cardboard coated in chalk. “Ugh.” She put the rest of it on the blanket as far from her mouth as possible. “And I think we’re still missing it.”
Jake laughed. “As far as protein bars go, these are actually pretty good. And they’re loaded with branched-chain amino acids.” He ate half of his in a single bite.
“You’re really into eating healthy and working out, huh?”
“Part of the job, really.”
She could tell he was trying to be modest. He may not have bulging biceps or colossal quads, but Jake had lean muscle everywhere. It was clear fitness was a huge part of his life. Hanna, on the other hand, had a few soft curves, thanks to her sweet tooth.
“Well, I’m not sure if this will work out, then,” she teased. “Because I’m really into chocolate and napping.”
“Then I guess I shouldn’t even bother asking if there’s a wildcard.”
“A wildcard?”
“A fourth category on your ‘perfect date’ checklist,” Jake said. “Something we can do to cancel out the bad food.”
Hanna thought about it for a moment. “There could be a fourth category,” she said. “What about good conversation?”
Jake smiled. “Too easy.”
As Hanna lay under the stars with Jake, contemplating what made a good date, she realized there was a fifth category. And it was the reason none of her dates over the past few years had led to anything lasting. It was also the reason why she didn’t want that night to end.
It was chemistry.
And the chemistry between she and Jake was more powerful than anything she’d ever felt.
Hanna hadn’t followed her heart since college, and considering she’d gotten burned doing so, she’d vowed to start following her head. But clearly that hadn’t served her any better. Here she was, nearing thirty, still single, and with a track record of zero second dates in the last five years.
She wasn’t expecting Jake to ask her on another date before the night was through—not after he’d made it clear he didn’t think he could be a good SEAL and an attentive partner at the same time—but there was no denying their chemistry.
And if she had learned anything over the past five years, it was that you couldn’t force chemistry when there was none.
And you definitely couldn’t ignore it when it was there.
Four
After Jake finished both protein bars—he wasn’t going to let Hanna’s go to waste—they lay back on the blanket again.
“So I need to redeem this date with good conversation, huh?”
“It would appear so.”
He thought for a moment. “I know,” he said. “Tell me something you’ve never told anyone.”
“Like my deepest, darkest secret?”
“Sure,” he said. “Or something no one else knows.”
“All right,” she said after a minute. “I’ve got one. There was another reason I was at the charity auction. Or at least another reason why I was hopeful I was going to find my future husband there.”
“Oh yeah? What is it?”
“This might sound silly, but I went to a palm reader a few weeks ago. It’s not the kind of thing I would normally do, but I’ve just been stuck in a rut for so long when it comes to romantic relationships. Desperate times call for desperate measures, right?” She glanced at him as if for reassurance. And he was ready to give it.
“I don’t think going to a psychic is silly,” he said. “I mean, I’ve always believed that if you can’t decide between two choices, you should flip a coin.”
“Leave it up to fate?”
“Nope. To figure out what you really want. Because chances are, you’ll realize what side you’re hoping the coin lands on while it’s still in the air.”
“I guess palm readers work in kind of the same way,” Hanna said. “You listen to what you want to hear and ignore the rest.”
“And what did you want to hear?”
“That I was going to find happiness.”
“So is that what you heard?”
“Somewhat. She did say I was going to get married.”
“Well, there you go. Good news.”
“By the time I turn twenty-seven.”
“Ah. So instead of relieving some of your stress, she just piled more of it on. Now it really feels like you’re running out of time.”
“Something like that.”
“Did she say what would happen if you don’t find your husband by your twenty-seventh birthday?” Jake asked. “Are you destined to be an old spinster forever?”
She punched him playfully on the arm. It took everything Jake had not to grab her little fist and pull her on top of him. He decided that lying on his side would be more uncomfortable—and therefore less tempting—than lying on his back. As long as he was on his back, Hanna could straddle him at any moment. So he rolled over onto his side and faced her. He propped his elbow up and rested his chin in his hand. “In all seriousness, finding someone by the time you turn twenty-seven shouldn’t be a problem for you. I mean… look at you.”
He’d meant to flatter her, but sadness etched across her face. He decided to change the subject before he ended up putting his foot in his mouth.
Or saying somet
hing he couldn’t take back.
“So how long have you been in San Diego?” Jake asked, hoping she wouldn’t notice the awkward transition.
“A few years. I moved here right after I graduated. It was a risk since I didn’t know anyone at the time, but I think it’s paid off. I love my job. And being on my own has taught me a lot about myself.”
“What do you love most about your job?”
“It probably sounds cliché, but I love helping people. As a therapist, you get to see your hard work pay off over time. I actually get to see tangible progress, you know? And when I get to take ownership over a small portion of that progress, it feels amazing knowing I’ve made that kind of a difference.”
“I can understand that,” Jake said. “In my line of work, I’ve had the opportunity to help people in a pretty direct way, too. And when you see all your effort pay off, there’s no feeling like it.”
“Exactly. Although I’m sure that feeling of satisfaction is way more intense for you since you’re risking your life to help people. There’s a lot more at stake for you.”
“That’s all an illusion,” Jake said. “We don’t actually jump out of helicopters or anything. They stage all those videos for recruitment purposes. In fact, we’ve got the cushiest job in the military.”
Hanna laughed. “Is that what they tell you to say to ensure operational security?”
“Maybe. What do you know about OP SEC?”
“I know loose lips sink ships.”
He had thought changing the subject would help cool things off, but he realized the more she talked, the more he liked just being with her. It wasn’t just physical attraction—in fact, his appreciation of everything about her only made the attraction stronger. And now that she had mentioned lips, he couldn’t stop staring at hers. They were pink and full, the kind he’d stop to nibble on midkiss before working his way down her neck…
Jake sighed and rolled back onto his back.
“Are you okay?”
“Just sore from my workout this morning.”
“Of course you are.”
“And what did you do this morning?”
