“Down here,” he hollered up to the ceiling.
The charge of children came barreling down the stairs, all in matching pajamas I’d never seen, and one by one, they launched themselves onto the bed. Each child made a spot of their own in the mess of covers. Derrick put his hands behind his head, lying on Jase’s pillow; the twins flanked me, but Emmy…she crawled straight into Jase’s arms and took up residence in his heart. She threw her arms around his neck and pressed her cheek to his, squeezing as tightly as she could. When she finally released him, she kissed him with slobbery lips and laughed when he wiped it off.
“Don’t wipe away my love!” She giggled as she scolded him.
“I’m not, silly. Just the trail it left behind.” He stuck his fingers in her sides, sending her into fits of laughter as he tickled her.
Eventually, we all got up. None of them seemed to wonder where I’d come from, or if they had, they didn’t ask. We had breakfast and spent the day lazing around Jase’s house. A flash of disappointment crossed his eyes when I mentioned taking us home, but he agreed and took us back to The Village.
~~~
Drake called a couple of days later to apologize for the situation at his house. I didn’t know what to say to him, so I accepted his apology and made a mental note not to accept any more invitations to gatherings in his home. He also made good on his promise the following week. After he got two huge investors committed to his project, he paid off my emergency room visit. When he told me about it, he indicated his irritation at Willum for not stepping up and taking care of it, but it wasn’t his fault any more than it was Drake’s. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was lucky I wasn’t beaten worse—or raped. I knew the bills were a drop in the bucket to Drake, he even said so, but it meant the world to me they were taken care of.
I had dates on my calendar with Max and Holland and prayed I could tuck that money away for a car. I didn’t need anything fancy, but relying on public transportation was difficult with children. It was fine for me getting back and forth to work, but toting three kids on a bus was difficult at best, and when Emmy was sick, it became virtually impossible. I needed to be able to take her to doctor appointments and not have to subject her to a horrendous number of germs and toxins I’m sure were rampant on the seats of the bus. Not to mention, we’d end up sitting before and after appointments waiting at the stop for a ride.
I’d noticed my normally precocious three-year-old had become lethargic and puffy. I’d been wracking my brain trying to figure out what might have caused this flare up, but it’s unlikely I’d ever know. She could have eaten something with sulfur in it, picked up an infection on the bus—there was no telling. Miss Pearl knew what to look for and continued her herbal remedies while Emmy was in her care, but all I could do right now was pray for the best. Until I got paid or went out with one of the guys again, I didn’t have enough money to pay a portion of the balance at the doctor’s office. Dr. Smithson had been really flexible on payment terms, but I knew the terms I had to adhere to, and until I could make that payment, they wouldn’t see Emmy again. Starting over with a new specialist wasn’t an option—I had to figure out a way to pay the doctor and get her an appointment.
Pearl called me home from work early, and I knew I was in deep. She was in Miss Pearl’s bed, shaking, with a hundred and three fever. I leaned down to pick her up, and she cried out in pain. Her hair was matted to her head with sweat, and the trash can next to the bed was evidence of her upset stomach. Taking to the floor, I kneeled in front of my little girl. We’d been here before, and it wasn’t pleasant. No child should have to experience this kind of agony.
“Gianna, baby, what do you need me to do?” Pearl’s soothing voice called from the open door.
I glanced at her, silently thanking her for her sympathy. “I need to get her home and into a cool bath to see if we can get the fever to break.”
“Don’t you think she needs to go see a doctor?”
I couldn’t be mad at her. She didn’t understand what dealing with this was like.
“It’s early enough you could still get her in today.” My neighbor gave me a weak smile, but I couldn’t admit in front of Emmy that I couldn’t pay for it and was still paying for the treatment from the last coinfection.
“If the symptoms don’t stop in a day or so, yes.” The look she gave me pierced my heart. I knew what she was thinking, but taking her to the emergency room wouldn’t do any good. They can’t treat her there without knowing her history, and I’d likely have to fight with a doctor to even convince them her condition was legitimate.
As much as it hurt Emmy, I scooped her up crying and took her next door. The other kids stayed with Miss Pearl, who seemed to be determined to Lysol every inch of her tiny apartment as we were leaving. I got my daughter undressed and filled the bathtub with cool water, knowing she was miserable and this would make her even more unhappy. “I’m sorry, Ems.” I didn’t know what else to say as I put her in the tub and encouraged her to lie back and get as much of her limp little body under the water as possible.
Just as I sat down on the toilet to keep my little girl company, my cell phone started ringing in my purse on the kitchen counter. It was one of the guys, and I didn’t have the energy to talk to any of them, so I let it go to voicemail. The back-to-back phone call alerted me it wasn’t one of the guys; it was the guy—Jase. Trudging into the kitchen, I caught it on the last ring. I perched myself at the entrance to the bathroom so I could see Emmy but answer Jase as well.
“Hello?”
“Gia, why’d you leave early?”
I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t get away with anything in that building without someone running to Jase. He wasn’t lying when he said people thought we were sleeping together.
“Emmy wasn’t feeling well, and Miss Pearl called me.” He knew without me saying anything she had to be in pretty bad shape for Pearl to ask me to leave work, but I wouldn’t offer any more information than I was forced to.
“What’s wrong with her?” Concern laced his voice. He loved Emmy—it was evident any time you were around the two. Heck, he loved all the kids.
“Flu-like symptoms. I have her in a cool bath now trying to bring down her fever.” My voice was nonchalant, but inside, I was anything but. She’d only herxed one other time, but it looked almost identical to what I was seeing now.
“That’s rough. Poor thing. What do you need me to do?”
“We’ll be okay, but thanks for asking.”
“Gia…” He drew my name out as though he knew I was lying.
“Seriously, Jase. We’ll be okay.”
He wasn’t buying my feeble attempt to ward him off, but he let it go…for now. “Promise you’ll call me if you need me?”
“Absolutely. Look I need to go. She’s in the tub, and I’m in the hall.”
“Oh, right. Okay. Call me later.”
I hung up, put Jase out of my mind, and took up residence on the toilet lid. After about thirty minutes, Emmy had pruned up, and her bottom lip was blue and trembling. It was going to be a long night if things didn’t start to improve.
Nothing I did comforted my sick baby. She didn’t want to be held because it hurt, but she didn’t want to be left alone. Her joints hurt, her little body was visibly swollen, and her head ached from the incessant crying. There was nothing I could do to alleviate her discomfort or even minimize it, so I just kept putting cold washcloths on her skin and let her climb in and out of my lap.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t rationalize with a three-year-old that it’d get better, and even if I could, I didn’t know that to be true. This disease was new to all of us—I’d never known anyone with it, and it took months to even get an accurate diagnosis. I had no idea how long she’d feel bad, but I knew the longer she went without treatment, the worse it would get.
“Mommy it hurts,” she cried into my chest.
“What does baby?” I knew the answer.
“Everything. Make it s
top.” Hearing your child beg you to take the pain away rips your heart out. Dealing with her illness has left me feeling helpless on countless occasions, but today was by far the worst because I was out of options. I felt a tear escape my burning eyes and run down my cheek. Just as I reached up to wipe it away, there was a knock at the door. Emmy was still crying, and I couldn’t move her to answer it.
Leaning my head back and away from Emmy’s ear, I called out for whoever it was to come in, expecting Miss Pearl or one of the twins. I wasn’t prepared for Jase Lane to walk through my door—although I should have expected it.
“Gia, babe.” His voice dropped off when he saw my face. I didn’t have the energy to hide from him. “Why are you crying?” he asked as he stepped toward me and the ball of sobbing child clutching my neck.
I shook my head, unable to form words that wouldn’t hurt Emmy’s sweet spirit. She pulled her head from my neck at the sound of Jase’s voice. Her little hands pushed away from my chest as she locked eyes with his. She leaned over me to reach for him, and her feet dug into my lap. He continued with her in his arms to sit next to me on the couch in my dimly lit apartment. The somber mood was made worse by the melancholy that constantly surrounded us.
Stroking Emmy’s hair, he spoke softly in her ear. “What’s wrong, sweet girl?”
“I hurts.” Her voice was muffled by his neck, but the pain was evident.
“What hurts?”
“Everything.” The tears started back up, and with hers came mine. I knew I was reaching my breaking point, but I tried desperately not to crack around my children. The financial stress, the unemployment, Emmy’s illness, the kids always needing something, Miss Pearl being sick—it was just too much.
He turned to me. “Gia, she’s burning up. Why haven’t you taken her to a doctor?” The accusatory tone didn’t sit well with me in my already fragile state.
Before I could respond, Emmy sobbed in desperation. “Can you make it not hurt?” Her big eyes stared at him waiting for a reply.
“I can’t make it not hurt, sweetheart, but I can take you to a doctor.”
“But that’s what daddies do!” she wailed. “They fix their little girls.”
I started to correct her, to console her, to explain to her that Jase isn’t her daddy, but he started talking, and I went mute. “Daddies can’t fix everything, but they can help other people fix things when they don’t know how. I bet Mommy can get an appointment for you to see your doctor. He can help, right?”
I took in a sharp breath, closed my eyes, and counted to ten silently. He was about a nanosecond away from being cussed out. Instead, I opened my eyes when I finished counting and looked at Emmy. “Ems, can you sit by yourself for a minute so I can talk to Jase?”
“Is him leaving?”
“No, I’m not going anywhere. We’ll be right back.” He set her down and followed me outside. I was afraid she’d hear me if we went in the bedroom.
I lectured him in a hushed voice just outside the apartment door. “What are you thinking? I can’t take her to the doctor, Jase. You can’t make her promises I can’t keep.”
His confusion was obvious. “Why not?”
“Look, I don’t expect you to understand, but there’s more here than you know about.”
“I’d love to understand, but you won’t give me any information. I want to help, Gianna, but I’m walking blind here. If you need me to take you guys, get in the car and let’s go. If it—”
Interrupting the Good Samaritan, my voice got louder and louder. “I can’t pay for it, Jase! Dang. Not everyone has a bank account loaded with cash. I don’t have it.”
He cocked his head to the side and was quiet for an unusually long time as though he was debating the best way to approach the subject or possibly formulate a game plan, but there was nothing he could suggest I hadn’t already thought of. “Then take her to the emergency room. They have to treat her there. They can’t turn her away.”
“You don’t understand!” I screamed at him.
He roared back at me. “Then tell me! Tell me why I can’t take that little girl to the doctor so they can make her feel better. Tell me why you’re hiding whatever’s wrong with her from me. Tell me what you need so I can make it happen, Gia! Stop shutting me out!” He’d caged me against the brick as he hollered in my face and I slid to the ground when he finished.
Sitting on the concrete with my head in my hands, Jase squatted in front of me.
“She has to go to a specialist,” I choked out, unable to make visual contact with him. I felt his stormy gray eyes watching me intently but refused to meet them. “I owe them too much money. Until I pay down the balance, they won’t see her.” The hiccupping made my words difficult to understand.
“How much could you possibly owe a doctor’s office? You have health insurance through Faston, right?”
Slowly, I raised my head, glaring at him. I wasn’t angry with him, but he got the lashing because he was the one in front of me. “None of it’s covered.” I could tell by the bewilderment that raised his brow and the way his eyes went wide, he either didn’t believe me or couldn’t comprehend it.
“How’s that possible? We have fantastic insurance.”
“I doesn’t matter how great the insurance is.” He sat down beside me as if he expected me to start opening up. “It’s not recognized by the CDC as a disease, so only initial treatment like antibiotics are covered.”
“Gia, what is the it we’re talking about?” His voice was soft and soothing, and I wanted nothing more than to collapse into the comfort it promised, but that’s not reality.
“We’re going to have to have that conversation another time. Emmy’s inside alone and sick. I need to get myself together and go back in.”
“We can go through the details later, fine, but I need to know now what you need in order to get her in to see her doctor…today.” He wasn’t going to relent, and the actuality was, I knew he’d take care of it the moment I told him. I had to swallow my pride and accept the help he would offer for the sake of my daughter.
“Seventeen hundred dollars.”
“Wow. That’s how much you owe them?”
“No. That’s how much I have to pay them to get the account back in good enough standing so they’ll see her. The balance is another story completely.”
“Do they take plastic?”
“I’m sure they do.” I couldn’t take my eyes off the ground. I felt defeated as a mother, as a provider, and as an adult in general. These kids had been entrusted to me, and I failed them daily.
“Go call the office and see if they can see her today. Tell them you’ll get the account in good standing when you get there.”
I didn’t move to go back inside but nodded my head so he knew I’d heard him. I managed to eek out, “Thank you.”
He leaned into me, pushing me over slightly. When I dared to steal a glance at him, I found him grinning from ear to ear. “That’s what daddies do, Gia. They fix their little girls.”
~~~
The trip to the doctor’s office proved to be another waiting process. The doctor ran blood tests, but even with a rush order, he wouldn’t get the results before tomorrow. In the meantime, she had to wait. This herx was by far the worst and a result of the last round of antibiotics for her flare up. Her little body could only handle so much, and it was releasing toxins into her system faster than she could process them to expel them. Her flu-like symptoms would likely get worse before they got better—an answer Jase didn’t want to hear and refused to believe.
He’d spent the majority of the visit either arguing or listening. When we got there, he didn’t understand how our balance could be so high when the Faston Corporation’s insurance was so good, nor did he comprehend why the insurance company didn’t see her illness as a disease and cover it. Somehow, he seemed to believe the office staff had something to do with that decision. Then he wanted to fight with me about paying the entire balance instead of just the portion required
—of course, the girl behind the glass didn’t help my case. She thought it necessary to offer her opinion on whether or not I should allow him to pay the full amount owed. She finally got the hint when I glared at her as I said to him, “The deal was you paid the minimum to get her seen today. I’m not discussing the rest here.” She’d looked at me like I was a fool, but she didn’t walk in my shoes, and I didn’t answer to her judgment.
The doctor had tried to be accommodating, recognizing Jase had zero knowledge of her condition, but I could see his mounting frustration as well. He had other patients to see, and there was only so much he could do for Emmy that day. It was a hard pill to swallow for someone who was used to being able to buy what they want when they wanted it—not being able to get answers regardless of how much money you threw on the table sucked. He was getting a glimpse into my world for the last two years. With no real answers, he picked Emmy up and apologized to her over and over for not being able to make her feel better today as she cried on his chest.
He’d offered her ice cream, going out to dinner, but nothing appeased her—pain couldn’t be eased with food or treats. I knew this all too well—it was killing him. He refused to let us go home and didn’t want Emmy out of his sight. I knew it was pointless to argue with him, so I didn’t try. We went home and got the twins from Miss Pearl, got clothes for the next day, and went back to Jase’s house.
“I feel guilty not taking Derrick with us,” he admitted in the car on the way back to his house.
“It’s okay, Jase. He understands Emmy’s sick.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t understand why the twins are coming and he’s not. He sees himself as part of their unit. He and Trace are tight.”
He was right. They were super close, but this wasn’t a permanent move. It was one night until we got some answers from the doctor about what to do going forward with Emmy. I didn’t see it as necessary, but if it made Jase feel better, then I’d relent—plus, it gave me help with the twins.
Fallen Woman Page 14
