by Liz Lovelock
When we’d go over for dinner, Jacob was that sweet guy again, doting on me and kissing me lightly. I think that was the hope I was holding on to. Hoping that he’d revert back to how he used to treat me.
“Just out to dinner,” I answered with a clipped tone.
Her shoulders slumped as I applied a small amount of make-up. Her mouth opened to ask something, but soon closed as she stopped herself. Her mouth repeated her previous action, but this time she blurted out, “Why don’t you talk to me anymore?”
I could feel the overwhelming sadness in her question. Yes, I’d shut her out, but it was because I knew her well and she would want me to leave Jacob. It wasn’t that easy for me. She wouldn’t understand, she’d never had a boyfriend. So I decided to play the dumb game.
“What do you mean? We’re talking now,” I responded with a small nervous giggle.
“Yeah, but you don’t talk to me how you once did.” I could see she was fighting back anger, but she was also becoming emotional. “You’d always tell me about you and Jacob and how happy you were. Now you’re just shutting me out.” She took a deep breath and kept going, “I saw the marks and you won’t tell me about what’s happening. I’ve kept my mouth shut, Abby. and I’ve tried to be here for you, but no, you just keep shutting me out and it hurts…it hurts so bad that my twin sister can’t trust me enough to talk to me.” She’d worked herself up into such a frenzy.
“Look, Mel, I’m sorry you feel that way, but honestly there’s nothing wrong. You know how easily I bruise, it only takes a simple knock and I mark. Plus, working in my industry, I catch myself on the clothes racks all the time. I’m a klutz.” Dread filled my heart. I hated lying to her, it broke me up inside. Another piece of my crippling heart chipped off and fell away; joining the discarded parts that Jacob had taken from me.
I sat beside her on my bed.
“I don’t believe you,” she said.
“You believe what you want. But I know what’s happening, not you…” Taking a deep breath, the next words seared my throat as I said them, “Jacob loves me and treats me like a princess. Don’t worry.” I gave her a weak smile.
“Whatever ya reckon, Abs. I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” With those few words, she got up and proceeded to walk away, leaving me to my thoughts. My body slumped over in defeat. Now I’d resulted in pushing away my family. I could only hope that Blake would help me see the positive in things. I glanced at my watch and realised I was late.
Quickly gathering my bag, I headed out the door. Mum and Dad didn’t ask where I was going because my answer to them was always the same—Jacob’s place. I would’ve said that again tonight as well. I didn’t want my family finding out about Blake, they’d probably think the worst of me.
We decided to meet at the park. As I pulled up into a parking spot, I could just make out a person sitting on the bench. My heart rate kicked up a notch. What am I doing? I shouldn’t be here. I had a boyfriend, one who’d probably kill me if he ever found out I was here with another guy.
The day I first met Blake there was something there, a twinkle of sorts in his eyes that instantly drew me to him. He made me nervous and giddy all at the same time. I had no idea what it was about him. Perhaps it was the kindness he’d showed me that day when I really needed it.
Grabbing my bag, I slowly got out of the car and made my way over to where he was seated. As I approached, the figure stood to greet me. His brilliant white smile and shining emerald eyes instantly made my stomach a flurry of butterflies. I hadn’t had this sensation for such a long time. This could be the start of something amazing, I thought to myself.
Chapter Eight
Abby
Three Years Ago
Blake stood before me, clothed in light blue denim jeans that had a small rip on one of the knees and a plain black tee. It was simple, but he made it look like a runway outfit suitable for models. As he walked over to greet me, my chest vibrated with nerves.
“Hey,” he greeted gently. Reached out, he took my hand and placed a feather light kiss on my knuckles. His lips, soft and ever so gentle, sent a shiver from my lower back shooting right up into my chest, setting it alight with firecrackers.
“Hey,” I replied breathlessly.
“I thought you weren’t going to show up.” His eyes glistened from the small amount of light shining over us from the street lamp. He was still caressing my hand with his, and everything within me was wide awake. A part of me wanted to launch myself into his arms, to feel a safety net surrounding me that he could easily provide.
“I nearly didn’t,” I admitted. I’d thought about nothing but this date all week since our first encounter. Even lying beside Jacob at night, my last thoughts were of these shimmering emerald eyes and bright smile before I fell asleep.
“Why?” He turned, still gripping my hand. I fell into step beside him. He guided me back into the park, past the bench and deeper into some trees. The clearing we walked into was lightly lit from street lights and the further you walked in, the stars in the sky appeared brighter. Melodi and I used to come here at night to hang out and talk about boys, or bitchy people who surrounded us. But then Jacob came into my life, and everything became all about him. Everyone around me suffered because of the silly mistake I’d made in choosing Jacob over my family, and now I was too scared to get out of the relationship I’d found myself floundering in.
“Because I feel like I’m cheating on my boyfriend in a way.” Guilt wreaked havoc on me even though I knew I shouldn’t have felt that, especially for Jacob.
“Any man that treats or marks his girl the way you have been, well, they don’t deserve their girlfriends. Those girls deserve better…much better.” He leant forward placing a feather light kiss on my cheek, leaving goose bumps over my body in its wake. There was such force behind his words, it was frightening. But I could also see that he was very passionate about this kind of thing. I guessed being a police officer you’d see many different disturbing things that you’d probably wish you would be able to un-see.
“Are you my much better?” Oh, crap…What did I just say? I quickly went to fix my mistake, but he beats me to it.
“I would like to be,” he whispered so low I hardly heard him. I instantly had lead feet, jerking him to an unexpected stop.
“Please don’t say things like that,” I pleaded, but there was also excitement bubbling within me at the possibility. “It’s not right. I’m with someone. In fact, I shouldn’t even be here with you.” I yanked my hand out of his. My heart screamed at me because of the loss of calmness he surrounded me with. “Why are you doing this for me? I shouldn’t have voiced my thoughts to you, someone who’s a complete stranger to me.” My voice slowly got louder, my nerves showed through my words. My breathing was heaving. Why was I getting so worked up over this?
Blake took a hesitant step toward me, waiting for a reaction, but I didn’t react. He stepped closer again, closing the already small distance between us. As he did so, his protective arms wrapped around my small frame and he pulled me into him, moulding our bodies together. I took a deep breath, breathing in the scent of his aftershave which set my senses on fire. The feeling of being held so tenderly was alien to me. I’d not been held this way for months. I began to relax against him as he tightened his arms around me.
“Please give me a chance to be your much better,” he whispered into my hair, placing a small, powerful kiss on my neck. A prickling sensation spread across my skin and down my back. I pulled back, gazing up into his magical eyes; his features were soft. I wished I could read his mind and know what was going on in there. Why was he so interested in me? For someone who’d only just met me, I wouldn’t fall into that trap again and find out later he was the devil in a gorgeous man’s body. Jacob had burnt my trust and taught me that every man must wear a mask and was fake up until they showed their true colours.
“I don’t know if I can.” I bit my lip unsure of what more I could say.
He bowed
his head, slightly breaking eye contact. It hurt me immensely watching my words crush another. “Look let’s go on our ‘just friends’ date and get to know one other better.”
I placed my hand on his cheek guiding his face up to look at mine. I saw the hurt I’d instilled there, but I could also see the hope he held. I nodded.
He sighs. “Okay, let’s go have our date and talk.” He flashes his contagious smile. I couldn’t help but grin back at him.
We stepped apart and he took my hand again. I looked around and noticed a few other couples. Fear rose within me as I really hoped that no one knew Jacob, or me for that matter, and would go running back to tell him. I tried really hard to push those feelings away to the back of my mind. I wanted to enjoy my night.
He led me to a part of the park where there weren’t many people. He had a picnic blanket spread out with a pizza box and a bottle of wine with two glasses. My lips curled up in the biggest real smile I’d had on my face in a long time.
“This is amazing,” I breathed. He squeezed my hand, and with that small gesture it was as if he was squeezing my hardened heart back to what it was. I didn’t think it’d ever be the same again because of the abuse Jacob had put me through.
Every time he came home from work and I wasn’t there with dinner prepared he got angry. I had no idea what his family was like because I’d never met them. He wouldn’t take me to meet them, but it was all right for him to have to meet my family, as he put it. If I didn’t give him intimacy when he wanted it, I was physically attacked. But as soon as he got the first hit in, I gave him what he wanted because I couldn’t bring myself to be continually beaten. During sex, he bit and sucked really hard on my already overly sensitive skin, leaving hickeys as well as bruises from his display of love as he liked to believe. I usually just laid there while he did what he needed to; he’d only ever gotten me to my peak once, then never again. I just didn’t understand his motives. Why did he treat me the way he did?
I really needed to stop thinking about this stuff while I was out with someone else. I didn’t want to ruin the night with my dark mood.
“I wanted tonight to be casual, have a chat so we could get to know each other,” he smiled down at me.
“I think it’s perfect.”
We walked over and took a seat on the blanket. The pizza smelled divine and it made my tummy rumble. Blake filled our glasses and I took a sip, the bubbles tickled all the senses in my mouth with its fresh and fruity taste. He handed me a plate with a slice of pepperoni pizza. I honestly couldn’t get over the size of the pizzas in America compared to the tiny Australian ones, it was crazy! Once we were set up with our food and drinks, it went silent for a little bit before Blake spoke.
“So tell me, why do you stay with him?”
I looked up at him in utter shock. “Wow, don’t hold back there!”
“Sorry, wrong first question, I guess.”
“You could say that. How about next question, and we’ll come back to that one?”
He nodded and moved on. “So what part of Australia are you from?”
“Brisbane in Queensland.”
“Why did you move here?”
“Dad managed a transfer with the Army, so here we are.” I took another bite, looking over at him. He looked thoughtful, a little undecided about his next question.
“Do you have any siblings?”
“Yeah, I have a sister. A twin actually.”
“Wow! That’s cool. Are you identical twins?”
“Nah, we’re fraternal. She has Mum’s features, and I have Dad’s mostly, except we both have Mum’s eyes.”
He looked up at me, his eyes meeting mine. He reached his hand out, cupping my cheek gently. My heart skipped a beat and the electricity flowing through his fingertips ran right through me, travelling down my spine making me shiver slightly. “You do have beautiful eyes.”
“Thanks,” I answered shyly. “Why not tell me something about you instead of making this all about me and my issues?”
He removed his hand, going to pick up his glass for another drink. “Sure, ask me anything, I’m an open book.” A cheeky smile beamed across his face.
I placed a finger to my chin as though I was thinking of a good hard question to put to him. “Sooo…do you have any siblings?”
“I thought your question would be a tough one judging by your face,” he laughed, but continued, “I have an older half-brother who I never see and a younger sister who’s travelling around Europe at the moment. Lucky girl!”
“A half-brother?” I queried.
“Yeah, Mom got pregnant when she was eighteen. The father left her, and she didn’t have the support of her family because she fell pregnant out of wedlock.” He stopped, taking a deep breath, the look on his face was one of concern and possible torment. “After she had him, she put him up for adoption. She never knew what became of him until he showed up on our doorstep three years ago and let me just say he was not nice.”
My hand covered my mouth. “How can someone be so cruel when he doesn’t even know the reason for her putting him up for adoption?”
“I know, and she explained it to him, but he was still angry and left. We haven’t heard from him since.”
“Wow, that’s harsh.” I felt sorry for his mum and how difficult it would’ve been for her to even consider putting a baby up. “I’m aware it must’ve been hard for your mum, but I know I could never put my own child up for adoption. No matter what.” I felt so strong about this. I guess that was just me and my own personal opinion, though.
I watched Blake as he nodded his agreement. “I would never allow any woman I was with to give up our baby.”
It had fallen silent between us before he spoke again. “So, are you ready to answer my first question?” He was hesitant and unsure.
I wanted to answer it I really did and be able to talk to someone about my problems. I released a huge loud sigh. “I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried to leave before and he promises to change and I fall for it every single time.” A lump formed in my throat as the words left my lips. This was the first time that I’d opened up to anyone and it was freaking me out. My body was vibrating because I was shaking so much, and could feel my hands clamming up.
Blake moved closer, wrapped his arm around me, and I fell into him, his warmth surrounding me like a heated blanket. A calmness slowly washed over me. Being in Blake’s arms gave me a sense of safety. I didn’t understand how it was possible. He made me feel all these emotions after only meeting him twice. Perhaps it was just the fact that he was showing me what I didn’t have, and I was craving the nurturing aspect which was lacking in my life at that time.
“It’s okay, Abby. I’m here whenever you want to talk. If it’s not right now, then that’s okay,” he said as his hand rubbed my arm causing goose bumps to rise on my skin.
I rested my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes taking in the moment. “Why couldn’t I have met you earlier?” I asked before I could stop myself. I heard a slight sigh as his arm tightened around me.
“I’m sorry I took so long.” He turned his face to look at me and I moved my head from his shoulder, our eyes connected. My heart was pounding against my ribcage. I glanced down at his lips and as I did his mouth parted a little. I met his eyes again. It was like time stood still. Before I even registered what the hell I was doing, I leant into him, closing my eyes and our lips met. So soft.
His free hand caressed my cheek as I pulled away a little. I didn’t want to lose the magical connection.
“What am I going to do?” I asked. Worry filled me from head to toe like a cold bucket of ice had been dumped on me. “Oh, goodness, what did I just do? Why did you let it happen?” Panic began to rise. My breathing became heavy and rapid. I jumped out of Blake’s arms.
He looked surprised by my sudden outburst. “I’m sorry. Please, it won’t happen again,” he pleaded with me.
I was already up and grabbing my things. I took a look at my ph
one and saw that I had six missed calls and ten messages from Jacob. The messages weren’t pleasant ones. He was angry.
Oh, my…what have I done?
I had cheated on my boyfriend who abused me, and now I had to explain why I hadn’t answered or replied to him.
“I’m sorry, I have to go.” I didn’t give him a chance to stop me as I ran, tears falling down my cheeks. I made it to my car before I broke down. I quickly started the engine and drove home, not knowing what I was going to tell Jacob or if I’d even tell him anything at all.
Chapter Nine
Abby
Three Years Ago
It had been a week since my picnic with Blake, and I’d gone back to my dark robotic self. Jacob wasn’t too pleased when I rang him after I’d gotten home that night. I told Melodi to cover for me, to say I was with her and that I’d forgotten my phone. She wanted to know why. When I wouldn’t give her the answer she wanted, she made me promise that I would open up to her, and soon. Otherwise, she was going to Mum and Dad. So I promised her I would when I could.
My phone call with Jacob that night when I got home was one I wished not to repeat. When I rang, he answered after the first ring.
“You better have a good reason for not answering me,” he spat out. Not even a hello.
“Hello, to you too, babe.” I decided to go for the subtle approach instead of the defensive one, or I’d pay for it when he got back home.
“Don’t play coy with me, girl.” There was so much anger in his voice it frightened me.
I released a sigh and gave him my made up story. “I went out with Melodi and I forgot my phone. We went out for a girls’ night and had pizza.”
“For some strange reason, I don’t believe you,” he sneered through the phone.
“You can ask her if you want.” I threw back at him.
