What Desire Demands, My Duke: A Steamy Historical Regency Romance Novel

by Olivia T. Bennet

  Now, it felt as if bile would rise in his throat if he dared to eat anymore. William set his bowl down and leaned back, taking in a deep shuddering breath. When he met Elizabeth’s pitying eyes, he felt himself fall apart when he’d been so desperately trying to hold himself together.

  “She was the one who brought me back to myself…somewhat. It took me a while to warm up to her, but she was always gentle with me, never pushing me to do or say anything I was not comfortable with. I soon realized she was far too angelic to be married to such a man, but she was blinded by her love. As I grew more comfortable with her, I told her all that happened, how it tore at me to have caused my grandfather’s tragic ending. I told her about the nightmares that plagued me for the previous two years, and how I could not outlive that night no matter how much I tried. She took pity on me, and suggested that I get away from this environment in order to properly heal. She told me she would send me to Africa, if I so wished. It never occurred to me until then that leaving England might help with my guilt and grief, and so I grabbed the opportunity, wanting to get away from my father just as badly.”

  Elizabeth licked her lips. With a slightly trembling hand, she rested her cup back onto the table. Her eyes shone with unshed tears when she returned her gaze to him. “Is that why you left me behind?” she asked softly.

  William felt a lump form in his throat, waves of emotions seizing him at once. Above them all was his remorse for his foolish actions of the past, for letting such weak yet overbearing emotions such as hatred take control of him. He hadn’t regretted it, had believed that it had formed him into the man he was today. But looking into Elizabeth’s eyes, he realized just how much he’d lost in the interim.

  He swallowed, trying to maintain his composure. “I couldn’t bear to see you any longer. From the day they put my mother in the earth, to when my grandfather passed away, I—I couldn’t bear to look you in the eye. I just…”

  Elizabeth blinked, the only indication that she was moved by his words. The rest of her body remained completely still, as if she was trying her hardest not to break. William felt himself doing the exact same and so he turned his gaze unseeingly towards the window.

  “You were the first woman I’ve ever loved,” he went on. “The only woman I’ve ever loved. You were so vivacious, so beautiful in every way. You loved life and everything it had to offer. But I’d become someone you wouldn’t have recognized. I was afraid of what you would see when you noticed all the demons I hide underneath.”

  “I understand, William,” she told him, a soft yet sad smile appearing on her lips. “Perhaps a bit cowardly but…”

  William looked sharply at her, his heart seizing in his chest when he heard the mixture of laughter and tears in her voice. Sure enough, they streamed unhindered down her face, but her gaze was fierce, not moving away from his face for a second. He didn’t know what to say in that moment but then he huffed a mirthless laugh.

  “An apt description of me then and now,” he agreed with a nod, wishing he had the strength to laugh. “I’d asked my step-mother to keep abreast of your wellbeing, but there was not much she could learn considering you’d already left for the countryside.”

  “Yes,” Elizabeth said softly. “Father knew how much I enjoyed the countryside manor and thought it would help improve my spirits after my mother’s passing. It certainly didn’t help much, however.”

  It was hard to see if she was upset with him or simply upset in general. William watched as she reached for her teacup again, her hands steady this time. She’d wiped her face free of her tears and now she looked oddly…calm. His guilt deepened.

  “I’m sorry, Beth,” he told her, the words falling from his lips before he could think. The emotions welling within threatened to consume him whole and he knew that if he didn’t clear the air between them, he would never be able to forgive himself. “For pushing you aside without saying a word, for failing to love you the way that I’d promised. I’m sorry.”

  Elizabeth paused—and the tears began again. William shot out of his chair, going to her side. He took her hand in his, sliding his other around her shoulder as sobs rocked her body. Elizabeth tapped him on his thigh, something he suspected was meant to be a hit.

  “You could have told me,” she sobbed. “You could have said something. Instead, you chose to suffer all on your own.”

  “That is what a man should do,” he tried to joke, but when she cut him a scathing glare, he clammed up. Swallowing, he pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her. “You’re absolutely right, as usual. So, please don’t cry. It rips me to shreds to see you cry.”

  “You should have thought of that before,” she murmured softly, taking the handkerchief and dabbing her eyes. The tip of her nose was now tinged red and there was a flush to her cheeks. The sight drew him in for a moment, chasing away all other thoughts. In the simple things she did, she was a vision that stole his breath away. How could he have turned away from her in the first place?

  He cursed his past self, the weakling who’d believed God was against him. But that couldn’t possibly be the case if he’d brought such a beautiful, kind, and spirited woman into his life—not once but twice. Despite all the struggles he’d gone through in the past years, William realized just how blessed he truly was.

  “Marry me, Beth.”

  Her gasp brought his thoughts to clarity and he realized what he’d just said without thinking. But he didn’t take them back, didn’t release her hand when she looked up at him with shock in her lovely brown eyes. He tightened his grip, hoping she could see his sincerity.

  “I love you,” he told her. “From the moment I saw you again, I realized that I’d never stopped loving you. And I want to spend the rest of my life showing you that, if you’d let me.”

  “William…”

  Her still-surprised state was beginning to make him nervous. He took her other hand in his, forcing her to face him with her body. Her lips parted gently as she stared up at him, appalled.

  “From the moment I brought you into my home, I knew I would be powerless to stop myself from falling even deeper in love with you,” he told her honestly. It felt as if he’d reached into his chest and put his heart on display and now he could only hope she wouldn’t crush it within her fist. “God knows I tried my best not to, because deep down, I felt I should save you from who I was, this person who was so unlike the boy you fell in love with during your youth. But though my lips said one thing, my actions said another, and for every moment you were with me, I knew I couldn’t let you go.”

  He sank to his knees, peering up into her eyes. His heart began to pound, not knowing if his words were making an impact at all.

  “But now that I’ve realized how foolish I’ve been, I want to spend the rest of our time together letting you know how much I love you and how grateful I am to have you in my life. I only ask, Beth, that you accept my proposal, because I do not want to spend another second away from you than I already have. Therefore,” William licked his lips, his nervousness shooting through the roof, “please, will you do me the pleasure of remaining by my side as my wife?”

  Elizabeth could easily reject him. In that tense moment that followed his question, William was only aware of that fact. After what he’d done, after how he’d hurt her and then continued to do so even when he’d brought her here, she would have every reason to. Every time she tried to step closer, he would push her away, would try to drive a wall between them that was fated to crumble. Now, he knew the fate of his heart was in her hands and she could easily give back to him what he’d dealt to her.

  But when the happy smile spread across her face, so bright that it dazzled him for a moment, William was hopeful that she might not.

  “I’ve waited so long to hear those words again,” she breathed. “Of course, William. Nothing would make me happier.”

  Chapter 19

  The happiness she felt in that moment threatened to consume her whole. Elizabeth couldn’t wipe the smile fro
m her face, nor could she stop herself from throwing her arms around him, embracing him tightly.

  “Yes!” she squealed. “Oh, William I’m so happy!”

  William wrapped his arms around her waist. As he stood, he pulled her from the chair, twirling her around as his chuckle echoed in her ear. “I was afraid for a moment that you would reject me.”

  “You would deserve it,” she giggled once her feet touched the floor again. “But there’s no use torturing myself as well.”

  Joy erupted on his features, so bright that she felt as if her heart would erupt at any moment. It had been so long since she’d last seen him smile, and to know that it was because of her, made it that much sweeter. A voice echoed in the back of her mind, a quiet one that wanted to remind her of something. Elizabeth tried not to focus on it, focusing instead on being in this moment—her hand in his, their hearts entwined, planning a life together.

  “I shall get you a ring,” he told her, as lost in the moment as she was. “No, I shall shower you with gifts. You shall have all that I can give you once I have restored the Dukedom’s wealth. You deserve every bit of it.”

  “You know I don’t care about such things.”

  “I know.” He slid his hand around to small of her back, pulling her into him. Within a second, her giddiness evolved into slow pleasure that whispered throughout the pit of her stomach and made her toes curl in her kid slippers.

  William’s eyes darkened with arousal, noticing when her eyes had darted to his lips. A single slow hand ran down the curve of her back, resting lightly on her backside as he dipped his head towards hers. Elizabeth tilted her head up to meet his kiss, smiling against his lips.

  “I love you,” he murmured again, before he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue past her lips. She could feel the pound of his heart echoing along with hers, as their souls now synchronized with each other. She slid a hand around his neck, lacing her fingers through the hair falling over his neck, letting him ravage her mouth with all the fervor of a man in need. Like a man who couldn’t get enough.

  After a few seconds, they pulled away, breathless. Elizabeth, not wanting to step away from him just yet, resting her hand against his racing heart, smiling up at him. He took her hand, returning the grin. “I’ll buy you hundreds of rings to replace the one that had been taken from you,” he said as he interlaced his fingers with hers.

  Elizabeth didn’t feel that expected stab of horror when he began to study her scarred fingers. She moved into his embrace, resting her ear against his broad chest. “You don’t have to. I have the handkerchief, after all, and I’ve grown content.”

  “The one I just gave you?” he asked.

  “No,” she said, shaking her slightly. “I found the one you’d tied to the tree at the park we would frequent in our youth.”

  Without even looking at him, Elizabeth could tell it was taking him a moment to recall what she was talking about. “Ah, yes, that handkerchief. I didn’t know why I’d tied it there back then. Perhaps it was to mark the end of the past, and move into the new future I’d been given.”

  “But…?” she probed.

  William’s deep chuckle shook her body. “But I know now I’d hoped that you would find it. I couldn’t truly bring myself to leave without saying a word to you, and so that was my farewell.”

  “I did not find it until a year later,” she told him.

  “You found it all the same, didn’t you?” humor tinged his voice.

  Elizabeth pulled away from him with a laugh. She could stand in his arms forever, but she didn’t think she’d have the strength to do so if she didn’t put some food in her stomach. She’d worked up an appetite last night after all.

  She reclaimed her seat and William went to sit across from her again He watched her every move with intent, as if he didn’t dare to miss a move, as if they were young again and in the throes of their budding love.

  But, as she should have begun to expect, the happiness didn’t last very long. Suddenly, that voice in the back of her mind grew blaring, bringing back the two obstacles standing between her and William—her father and Lord Horenwall.

  Elizabeth tried not to let it show on her face, but she was certain William had caught the slip of her smile. She reached for a crumpet to distract herself from the worry that was beginning to creep in. She decided to begin with the easier roadblock first.

  “What of Father?” she asked him in a light voice. “He will not be pleased with how we met again, and is unlikely to trust you after all the time you’ve been away.”

  William leaned back in his chair, crossing one leg perpendicular to the other. The power in his posture brought back her confidence, especially when he gave her an easy smirk and said, “You don’t have to worry about Lord Gillet. I only need to let him see that I’m still the charming youngster he knew back then.”

  She raised a brow at his assurance. “Do you think that is all it will take?”

  “Likely not,” he responded with a shrug. “But I don’t plan on letting your father’s disapproval come in the way of us. I’ll do whatever I can to convince him.”

  “He won’t be easily dissuaded,” Elizabeth pressed. “Especially considering…” She faltered for a moment, not wanting to speak the truth aloud, even though it was already known to the both of them.

  William’s smirk fell, his eyes darkening. “Especially since you are already betrothed to another.”

  “It won’t be easy,” she told him. And that overwhelming realization was growing stronger and stronger by the moment. She should have thought about it before. She should have considered how difficult it would be to worm her way out of this betrothal, especially in light of how much she’d offended the Earl of Horenwall by disappearing to be with another man in the first place. Her father—and William—would make sure the ton did not catch wind of it, but could they protect her against a humiliated gentleman?

  “Your betrothed won’t be foolish enough to reveal the truth to the public,” William said, his voice cut through the worries that had been forming fast in her mind. It was easy, and helped settled her nerves. “Even if he is insulted, his own reputation stands to be tarnished. He won’t risk it.”

  “You’re right,” she agreed, letting out a shuddering breath. “He is quite vain and pretentious. Last we spoke, he spent the entire time talking about himself and how great he was. I doubt he will want to jeopardize his social standing by bringing this to light. But…” She looked straight into his eyes, already tensing in light of the response she would receive. “What if he challenges you to a duel?”’

  William was silent for a moment, not breaking gaze for a second. Then he said, in a matter-of-fact voice, “As I said before, Beth, I’ll do whatever I have to, whatever is needed, to remain by your side. I won’t let you out of my life again.”

  The words should have made her feel better. And even though a tremor of excitement rushed through her, it didn’t quell the unease that was beginning to rise.

  Suddenly, William leaned forward again, resting his leg on the floor. He clasped his hands together. “Enough of this somber talk. I don’t plan on letting you return for a few days anyhow, so we don’t have to think about it.”

  “Oh?” Surprised for a moment, she blinked at him. “It seems as if you already have a few plans of your own.”

  The dark gleam in his eyes made her heart skip a beat. A slow grin stretched across his face. All he said in response was, “I hope you’re ready.”

  “Pardon me, Your Grace.”

  The moment William heard Samuel’s voice, he was hit with the urge to sigh. He just arrived to the foyer, hoping Elizabeth would arrive soon so that they could begin the plans he had for them—and here Samuel came with a somber and fearful tone, tampering William’s good mood.

  William slowed to a stop before his steward—who had just come in through the front doors—knowing very well that his expression was not pleasant and that the timid man would not be able to handle it. But when Samuel
winced slightly and took an indiscreet step back, William didn’t bother to fix it. “What is it?” he asked.

  “It is regarding the estate in Bedfordshire, Your Grace,” Samuel told him, after clearing his throat and pulling his shoulders back.

  “Yes.” William crossed his arms against his chest, his coat moving around him. “What of it? Do not tell me there are more issues arising?”

  “Unfortunately, Your Grace,” Samuel said with a jerking nod. “Within the past two days, we have lost half of the servants.”

  “Half?” William barked and the man before him jumped back two steps.

  Samuel clasped his trembling hands before him as he bowed his head. “Yes, Your Grace,” he pushed out. “I’m afraid we do not have much more time to waste. I believe it is imperative that you go to see them before the manor becomes a wasteland.”