by Lila Felix
“You going home.” I pulled off my gloves stuffing them into the back pocket of my jeans.
“What about feeding the hogs?”
“We don’t have any.”
“Why?”
I crossed my arms, raised one eyebrow and gave him a pointed look. He knew the answer. There was no need for me to say it out loud.
“Are you in financial trouble?” He looked deeply into my eyes. I could remember getting lost in those deep green eyes. Seeing them would make all my troubles disappear, just like being in his arms. I was safe.
“I’m sorry, do I look like someone who is just going to magically open up to you and show you my checkbook?”
He opened his mouth to say something but stopped. He stared at me for a few seconds before I broke our connection, spun on the heel of my boots and headed toward the back of the property.
Like the pond, I found solace in the vegetable garden. Grammy’s pride and joy was this garden. She and I would can up most of it, but nothing was as good as fresh vegetables right off the vine. I grabbed a wicker basket off the porch and continued to ignore Ranger, who followed behind me.
“Popping beans on the porch with Grammy used to be the highlight of my summer.” He began to pluck the beans. “And her fried green tomatoes.”
“She’s always feeding us.”
“She is.” He tossed a handful into the basket. “Want me to grab some corn or potatoes?”
“You better.” Grammy came up behind me. “I think we’re going to fire up the grill and enjoy a peaceful evening cookout.”
“I’m working tonight.” I reminded her.
“Why did you think I said peaceful?” She winked at me.
“Whatever.” I teased back.
“Ranger, you’re more than welcome to come back tonight.”
“Thank you, but I can’t tonight.”
“Hot date?” The ping of jealousy hit my heart from my question. I was certain he hadn’t had too many lonely nights. Unlike me.
I remembered when he first left for basic training, he would write to me as often as he could. I would rush to get the mail every day in hopes there was something from him. All his letters, no matter how long or short, were still tucked away in a shoebox deep in my closet. I still treasured them.
“Jacob and I are planning on hangin’ out tonight.”
“Buy a flea collar.” I grumbled and continued picking at the beans.
“Jacob isn’t a bad guy.” He quickly defended his friend.
I rolled my eyes and made my way back to the front porch without the basket of food. I didn’t want to be around him anymore if he was going to talk about Jacob. I hated him. He was scum. Actually, worse than scum. Ranger had been gone almost two years when I saw Jacob at the diner. The guy had always rubbed me the wrong way. I could never put a finger on it, but since he was Ranger’s best friend, I had to deal with him. He kept flirting with me and making advances toward me. It would make my stomach quiver and my skin crawl. The last straw came when he grabbed my arm a bit too roughly. I kicked him right in the shin and told him to never touch me again. Garrison said I had done the right thing, even though I didn’t need affirmation for my actions. Now, every time I saw Jacob, his evil glares and snarled lips make me want to throat punch him even more.
“We’ve not discussed our dates.” Ranger took a seat next to me on the porch swing.
“I don’t care. I just want to get it over with.”
Spending more time with him was going to be more difficult than I thought. I couldn’t honestly sit here and say the money wouldn’t be helpful for me right now. I could easily get the ranch back on its feet and I wanted that more than anything. Grammy and Gramps deserved to enjoy their golden years and not have to worry about the ranch. Garrison was my best friend. Being there for him when he made the decision not to tell Ranger or his parents about the life-ending cancer was hard, but I respected his decision and stood by his side. By the time Garrison moved into the house I cared for him full time, and the town was abuzz with rumors about the two of us. Again, it didn’t matter to me. Ranger had been long gone from my life and Garrison needed me.
“We used to have fun together.”
I closed my eyes to hide the welling of tears. There were many good times.
“I miss hearing your laugh and seeing your smile.”
I turned my head away from him.
“You still matter to me.”
There was a slight jolt as he stood up. The crunch of the gravel under his feet was loud at first and then faded until the closing of his truck door. The first tear fell as he drove down the driveway and out of sight.
“You’re as stubborn as a stripped screw.” Grammy sat down in Ranger’s unoccupied spot.
“I’m not.” I choked out with a whisper trying to hold back the tears.
“Hero, you’re a good girl and you love that boy. In fact, he loves you too. I can still see the shine in his eyes when you’re around him.”
I turned to her and gave her a look of disgust. “I believe our relationship is about as good as the manure I dumped earlier today.”
Grammy softly laughed and rocked back and forth, causing the swing to move with her. She stared off for a moment and the sound of the squeaky swing echoed around us. “Would you want Ranger to be happy if he was with someone who wasn’t you?”
A lump quickly formed in my throat. “I guess.”
“You’re still a bad liar.” She patted my knee before she slowly got up and headed into the house.
I hated when she was right. I hated thinking about him with a girlfriend. I’ve blocked those thoughts from my mind as often as possible. There were times they crept up and brought great sadness to me. There had been a few times a guy would ask me out, but I quickly shot them down. Admitting my heart still belonged to Ranger was hard but true. It was always his.
My legs lifted me up and carried me down to the pond. I sat on the bench, placing my head in my hands. The birds were loud around me, but the joyous songs they whistled aren’t bringing me the usual calmness. The tears fall heavier down my cheeks. After ten years of him being gone from my life, he still had a way to worm his way in and rip it to pieces.
“Hero.” Wallace my oldest brother wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “It’ll be okay.” He was the one who taught me how to throw a punch and ride a horse. When we first moved in with our grandparents, I would have bad dreams and he would come in and read stories to me. “Want me to kill Ranger?”
I sniffed, wiping away my tears. “No, you’d go to jail, and then I’ll have to drive up on the weekends, and it seems like such a bother.” I forced myself to laugh.
He kissed my forehead. “Now that you’re smiling again, we need to talk about something. It’s important.”
I turned and faced him. When Wallace says ‘it’s important’ then all my attention would be on him. “I’m all ears.”
“There’s a rumor and I need you to confirm it.”
I nodded.
“Did Garrison’s will say you have to date Ranger to get money?”
There was no reason to lie or hide the truth. “Pretty much. Garrison wants us to fall back in love.” I shrugged. “I don’t know what he was thinking.”
“Garrison loved you like his sister. You were there for him and in his last moments on this earth, you brought him great comfort. But you don’t need to do this. I’m going to talk to the bank and maybe they’ll give me a loan to catch up on the bills. If not, I’ll pick up more shifts at work. There’s no reason you have to put yourself in this position.” Wallace’s eyes were the same shade of blue as mine and Bryson’s. Just like our mother’s eye color. They stared at me with deep concern.
I knew Wallace would work himself into the grave if it meant helping out the family. “No, I can handle this. Being with Ranger is difficult, and for whatever reason, Garrison thought this to be a good idea. Although, I’m not too sure about it.”
He stared at me for a beat and shook his head. “Hero, y
ou’re a tough girl and I know you will put Ranger in his place if need be. However, I worry about you. Spending time with him is going to bring up all sorts of feelings and I’m not sure you can handle it.”
I scoffed. “First you say I’m tough, then you’re worried about my heart.”
“Probably because I just found you sobbing your eyes out alone by an empty pond.”
“Point taken.” I concurred. “But I’ll be okay this time. I only have to go on a few dates and then leave. Then Ranger will be out of my life forever.”
“Hero, he’s been gone for ten years and you’ve not moved on yet. What makes you possibly think you can handle it when he leaves you for the second time?”
I faced the pond and studied the still water. He might be right, but it just means I’ll have to build a stronger wall around my heart. I will survive this.
Chapter Four
Ranger
THERE WERE THINGS in life that were uncertain, but Grammy’s opinion on how things were wasn’t one of them – never had been.
She wanted us together.
Grammy wasn’t going to get her way this time. Hero wasn’t the girl I left behind. The girl I left and intended to come back home to was as loyal and true as the sun rising every day.
At least she had been loyal to my brother through his death.
A little after noon, I got back to the motel room in town. I knew Hero had a lot more to do on the farm but I didn’t want to stick around anymore. There were too many memories hanging around like cobwebs, just waiting to assault me when I was most off guard.
I had enough cobwebs around without getting tangled in hers.
What I had said earlier was true. Hero did still matter to me. There are some people that are so deeply cemented in your life that nothing can rip them from you, even if you have to stay away from them to remain sane.
Hero was one of those people for me. She was in my veins and no matter how much I tried to deny it, part of my heart still belonged to her. I had to think about something else.
After powering on my laptop, I noticed that one of my old Marine buddies was online. I pressed the button.
“Hey there, Silver.”
The boys called me Silver, saying Ranger was too easy. They told me The Lone Ranger used to say ‘Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!’ to his horse, so they nicknamed me after his horse.
Figures.
“Hey, Pop-Tart. What’s going on?”
“Not much. Just getting the last minute preps done for boot camp. Starts in four months. I can still count on you, right?”
Four months would be plenty of time to get the money from my brother’s will and get the hell out of this memory quicksand.
“Yeah, I’m in.”
“Where the hell are you? Looks like 1978 threw up on that wall behind you.” I looked at the wall and he was right. Glenda, the motel owner, hadn’t updated the place. The orange and lime green on the wallpaper fit 1978 just right.
“I’m home in Langston. Came back to settle some stuff with my brother.”
He leaned back in his chair. There was an old map of Afghanistan behind him, pockmarked with pictures of our platoon. ‘“Oh yeah? How is your brother?”
“Dead.”
“Oh man, I’m sorry. That’s gotta be tough. But you’re back home, right? Should I even ask?”
We all knew about each other’s relationship status when we were in combat. The fact of the matter was just the thought of Hero kept me alive some days, got me to wake up most mornings, and kept me company when I was alone.
That was until the truth started funneling to me in the form of letters.
“My brother left a stipulation in his will. We have to attempt to reconcile or at least stay friends or we don’t get his insurance money.”
Pop-Tart, named for all the cases of the breakfast food he used to get from his mom, stared at me in shock. “That can’t be easy trying to make nice with the girl who stomped on your heart.”
“Nope. It’s not going to be easy, but I have to try. It’s what he wanted, apparently.”
“Well, get done what you need to get done and then come back to Arizona. We’ve got some companies signing up for our boot camp. I can’t imagine why people would pay to get yelled at and tortured, but it’s money in the bank for us.”
“Yeah, I’ll do that. It won’t be an issue.”
“Later, Silver.”
I switched screens to look up Garrison’s obituary but there was none. The least she could’ve done was put an obituary in the paper.
A knock at the door startled me. Lots of things have startled me since getting home, but I’ve dealt with it the best I could.
“Yeah?”
“It’s Jacob. Let’s go grab some grub. I’m starving.”
I’d forgotten that I made plans with Jacob.
“I’m comin’,” I yelled back and grabbed my phone and my wallet.
I locked the door on my way out. This place still had the old-fashioned locks.
“Let’s go to the Burger Shack.”
I slapped him on the shoulder as we walked. “What? Mama don’t make you lunches anymore with the crusts cut off?”
“Come on, Ranger. I’m darn near thirty years old, just a few months younger than you, remember?”
“Yeah, but I spent a good many years eating sand for lunch. You’ve got it good around here.”
We walked in silence for a while. Jacob had never been much of a talker when we were kids, so the silence didn’t surprise me. He was great at writing to me though, which reminds me of a letter he wrote to me.
No letters from your girl in a while, Silver. What’s the deal?
With my head down, I kept reading the letter from Jacob. The letters from him increased with frequency and length while Hero’s got shorter and what was once a sweet note from her once a week was now like once a month.
“No. Not today. She must be a busy girl.”
I had no idea how busy and with whom.
“So how’s business? Seems like the feed store got a little makeover.”
“It did. Dad insisted on painting it John Deere green when I wanted it something more modern. Guess I can’t win with the old man.”
Jacob had always been sharp around the edges like he was ready to cut someone at any minute. He was on every team I was in high school, and our mothers ran the church nursery together. But he’d always kept a distance.
“What about the ladies? I can’t believe you and I are this old and not hitched. When I was a kid, I swore people couldn’t even finish school without being engaged or almost engaged.”
We reached the Burger Shack, a little red and yellow striped building that reminded me of a knock-off McDonald’s.
“Nah, the ladies around here are stale. I’ve been going to Rainesville to find some fresh meat but it’s the same old country girls – too smart for their own good.”
We walked in and took a seat. It was an off place. The floors were dingy and the tables were sticky, but I knew just from the smell that their burgers were out of sight.
“That’s a shame. Maybe I can take Hero here. The girl does like burgers.”
Jacob made a grunting noise and crossed his arms over his chest.
“I can’t believe you have to stoop that low.” There was anger in his tone.
I looked out the window, almost hoping to see her outside. I had to tamper that down. “She’s not that bad. Down deep she’s still the girl I knew, I suppose.”
He sneered at me while more customers filed in. “That’s not a girl. That’s a wh…”
Before he could finish that word, which had my fists balling at the thought, Beth, a cheerleader or once a cheerleader, who was friends with Hero approached the table.
“Well, Ranger Bronson, as I live and breathe. You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, soldier. Hero wasn’t the only one around here missing you.”
I ignored the comment.
“What have you been up to, Beth?”
S
he wasn’t looking at Jacob. Jacob had a thing for her in high school. Every time she went with Hero and me somewhere, he’d insisted on going.
“I’m married to Troy. You remember him? Two years behind us in school.”
I thought about it for a second but it didn’t ring a bell. “I’m sorry, I don’t. But if you married him, he must be first rate.”
Her cheeks reddened. I did remember her blushing at everything.
“Okay, what will it be? The menu has changed a bit since you left.”
Looking over the grease-stained paper menu, I saw that it had changed quite a bit. What was once your basic burger and fry joint was now city-worthy choices.
“I’ll take the Hawaiian burger. That sounds good, with onion rings.”
She scribbled down the order and then asked Jacob for his order, still without looking at him. He could’ve been a fly on the table for all the attention she gave him.
Jacob ordered a double with cheese. She hadn’t even written it down before he leaned on the table and asked, “So, you can see other women while you’ve got this thing going with Hero, right?”
Inside I cringed at the thought. For me, there had never been anyone other than Hero. I suspect that had never changed.
“Nah. I’m just here to settle the business and leave. I don’t want to cause any more trouble than necessary. Don’t want to leave any broken hearts behind.”
I hadn’t realized Beth was still standing close. “Too late for that, soldier.” She muttered under her breath.
We spent the rest of the meal talking about Jacob. He had a lot to say about him taking over the business for his father and all of his future plans. He had a lot of them.
“What about you? Any plans for when you get out of here? How long are you here for anyway?”
The question caught me off guard. Jacob seemed glad to see me but was a little too interested in how fast I would be gone. The whole conversation, if I was honest with myself, was forced and uncomfortable. This wasn’t the guy who I was best friends with.
“Yeah, I’ve got big plans. My friends and I are starting a boot camp. Apparently, people will pay for military men to lead them in grueling exercises before the crack of dawn. Not sure how long this thing with Hero will take.”
