by Lila Felix
“I bet it’s like punishment, huh?”
I wasn’t sure what Jacob was fishing for but his pole was broken and his bait was dried up. No matter what Hero did to me, I wouldn’t bash her, especially in public.
Not when I can tell her what I think of her straight to her face.
“No matter what she’s done, Jacob, spending time with Hero Danner is never punishment.”
AT THE BREAK of the sun, I was back at her house, dressed for work and armed with coffee – and this time cinnamon rolls. The day before, Beth had passed me a small piece of paper along with my receipt. It told me the cinnamon rolls at the diner were Hero’s favorite.
God bless, Beth.
I stood at the gate of her farm but didn’t dare let myself in. That woman was liable to tear out of the house and blow off my head or something else.
“It’s gonna take a whole lot more than cinnamon rolls to win my sister over. You about killed her when you didn’t come home and now you just show up and want to…”
“Wallace, shut up. He’s here on business, that’s it. Don’t start carrying on before I’ve had my coffee.”
Her brother had come up behind me like a pouncing lion and I was so taken aback. I didn’t know where in the heck Hero had sprung from.
“I have coffee and I heard in town that you’re a fan of these.” I hung the bag over the gate but higher up than I knew she could reach. She wasn’t that much shorter than me but short enough that I used to use my height to pick on her every chance I got.
Her eyebrow cocked. “You know I’m not playing that game anymore, right? You can give me your tickets to enter or you can carry your sorry butt home.”
It was worth a shot.
“I didn’t come to fuss, woman. I came to help out and to find out about our date. We need to get on this.”
With a good bit of attitude, she unlatched the gate and let both Wallace and me in. I sacrificed my coffee to her brother. He took it but there was no peace in his eyes.
“I can help my sister. We don’t need you here.”
His voice was stable and final.
“Wallace, come on, he’s just here to help. Anyway, you know what you and I talked about. Why don’t you go feed the chickens. That rooster was up earlier than the Lord this morning.”
Wallace kissed her on the cheek and did as she bidded but was not pleased with the situation.
“Look, I appreciate this and all, but it’s not necessary.”
Pulling out one of the still hot cinnamon rolls, I took a bite and chewed on what she’d said and the steaming sweet bread.
“Look, you took care of my brother and no matter the circumstances, I’d like to pay you back for some of that. Just let me help you, sweetheart.”
I’d said sweetheart out of habit. There was something about looking into those warm brown eyes that made me complete and total mush again and again. I forgot everything I was and everything she was at once.
She turned around and started walking as though the slip hadn’t meant anything to her.
“Fine. I have to exercise Donut and Boots today. You can help with that. You still know how to ride a horse, don’t you?”
“I do. It’s like riding a bike, right?”
“If you say so.”
Chapter Five
Hero
DONUT SLOWLY TROTTED toward the pond with me on his back. I hadn’t planned on Ranger coming back today, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. It was clear we were the talk of the town. Working last night proved it to me. Everyone was constantly asking me about our arrangement and what my plans were. I dodged the questions most of the night until Jacob came in. I tried to trade his table away, but no one wanted to deal with him either. I had to put up with his snide remarks about my attitude and his disgusting eyes roaming over my body. It caused me to take a longer shower than normal when I came home.
“I forgot how beautiful it was out here.” Ranger commented as he guided Boots up next to me. “A lot of memories here.”
My heart skipped a beat. He and I made a lot of memories here. Every one of them is burned deep inside me and hard to forget. “Yeah, I guess.” I shrugged, pretending as if it wasn’t a big deal.
“Did you and Garrison come out here a lot?”
I whipped around and looked at him. “Why do you ask?” It was an out in left field question.
“I guess…” He paused. “I guess I’m wondering why my big brother didn’t even bother to contact me before he died. I’m curious about his last days.”
Pulling on the reins Donut came to a stop, as did Boots. I couldn’t fault him for wanting to know about his brother and what happened up here. “I would bring him out here on occasion. He enjoyed sitting on the front porch a lot. He loved the sunsets.” He would talk about what he would do in the non-existent future. The places he would travel, the books he’d read, movies he wanted to see, or the people he wanted to meet. I craved for a cure to be found or a miracle to happen for him to have those dreams met.
“He loved being outside.”
I nodded.
“Did he suffer much?” His question was soft.
“Not really. The doctors gave him plenty of pain meds. He slept a lot.” My throat felt more constricted as I talked. “He missed you and your family.”
“Not enough to tell us or let us say goodbye.”
I sighed. “He didn’t want to be a burden to you guys. He wanted you to remember him as he was as the fun, loving, joking Garrison.”
“I should have been here.”
No words I could come up with would have helped him at the moment. The guilt was written on his face and I wouldn’t cause him any more pain. We continued around the pond in silence until we reached the back where the cattle were grazing lazily.
“Did you love him?”
His question wasn’t a shock to me. Obviously, the fact I cared for Garrison meant a lot to Ranger. “You know he meant a lot to me.” I thought I saw Ranger’s face turn to anger for a quick second.
“How many heads do you have now?” He changed the subject back to the ranch.
“Almost fifty. We had more but Gramps sold some off.” Again, the simple life wasn’t cheap.
“When we were kids he had, what, two or three hundred heads?”
“Yes.” Gramps loved his ranch and took pride in his livestock. Over the years, with his aging health and medical bills, the herd became smaller and smaller. “You know you’ve not told me where we’re going on this date?”
“Not too many places we can go around here. I figured we could have dinner somewhere.”
“Sounds thrilling.” I rolled my eyes.
“Hey, if you have a better idea jump in.”
I wished I did, but sadly that was the best idea. “Fine.” I dismount from Donut and walked beside him near the fence line. He did the same with Boots.
“Do you remember our dates back here?”
The blood rushed to my cheeks before I was able to slow it down. Our dates would consist of a lot of kissing and much more. The feel of his lips on mine still made my heart skip a beat. “Seems like a lifetime ago.” I turned away from him, hiding my reddened cheeks.
“A lot has changed since then, huh?” He stepped over to me.
“I guess.” I didn’t want him to know how many times I’ve thought about our intimate time together.
“You and my brother used this place for your dates too?”
My perplexed expression almost hurts my face. “What?”
“Never mind, I don’t want to know.” He spun around and jumped back onto Boots.
Our simple, almost sweet, conversation was now making my blood boil with hurt and anger. “You know what, Ranger, your brother was an amazing and thoughtful person. Maybe you should take a page out of his book and stop being such a donkey’s butt.”
“Oooh donkey butt, I’m shivering in my boots from your cutthroat words.” He sneered at me.
“Why are you being so mean to me? I’m the
one who should be kicking you in your big head,” I shouted.
He jumped off the horse and stepped up to me. His green eyes glared deeply into mine. “Do you really want to go there? Do you want to hash this out right here, right now?”
“Bring it on, army boy, because I can handle your crappy, burnt hash.” I put my hands on my hips and glowered at him. Neither of us said anything, but the anger crackled between us. “This isn’t going to work.” Finally, I broke our connection and moved back away from him. “I can’t even breathe the same air as you anymore.” The hot tears are beginning to burn my eyes as I hopped on Donut and raced back to the stalls.
I couldn’t be in his presence anymore. Being around him was bringing our past to the surface. I had already become content with my broken soul because of him leaving me. Now he was here right in front of me, with his gorgeous smile, rugged good looks and cinnamon rolls. The money wasn’t worth it. The pain in my heart couldn’t take this torture. I would have to come up with Plan B. Finding a job shouldn’t be difficult. Maybe I could have a set schedule to ensure I’d still be here for my grandparents.
I removed the saddle and brushed my horse as Ranger rides in with Boots. His eyes are staring at me. I didn’t have to see him to know they were. He moved around the stall, removed the saddle, washed Boots’ legs, and brushed him down. We didn’t utter a word to each other as we worked the horses.
“I’m leaving.” He announced.
“Don’t let the barn door hit you on the way out.” I snipped back.
He doesn’t move for a moment and finally, he was gone. I tried to hold back the tears but failed miserably at it.
“Crying in a barn seems a little melodramatic,” Bryson said leaning against the stall frame.
I didn’t look up. I kicked around the sawdust and hay on the ground. I wiped the tears from my cheeks.
“A tough girl like you shouldn’t be crying over some guy. Especially one like Ranger.”
I remained quiet. Bryson was the realistic one out of the three of us. He saw a situation from all angles and decided which was the best route to take. He never dove into a relationship or a commitment. Weighing the pros and cons seemed to be a highlight for him. He was a nerd.
“I know you care for him, but you need to move on. Garrison is gone. Grammy and Gramps are getting older, Wallace and I have lives outside this ranch, and we all believe it’s time for you go out on your own.”
I went over and hugged my brother. “Thanks for the advice, but you’re a dork and I can handle this on my own.”
“And how are you going to do that?”
I sighed and gave him a small smile. “I’m going to go out with Ranger.”
Saying the words out loud made it real. It was Ranger but more than that it was because Garrison wanted us to spend time together. Why? Falling in love or even being friends was an impossible task. But how could I, in good conscience, deny a dead man’s final wish. Especially one whom I hold dear to my heart.
I still remember the day Garrison received the news of cancer. The look of horror wasn’t something someone forgot overnight. He was such a good soul. He’d been there for me when Ranger’s letters began to slow down and then eventually stopped. Neither one of us had known why and part of me still doesn’t want to know. I did want to be there for him. When he told me of the plan not to tell anyone but my family, I was shocked. His parents had already retired and were traveling a lot more, and Ranger was being…well…Ranger. I know the town talked about him moving in with me. I heard the same rumors, but my family knew the truth.
I moved past him and went into the house to grab my cell phone. I pull up my contacts and send Ranger a text.
Me: You’re a jerk. You’re impossible to deal with. However, unlike you, I loved Garrison and I will follow through because he was important to me.
I opened my desk drawer and pulled out the small scrapbook I made when Ranger first left. There were pictures of us on the ranch, horseback riding, sitting on the porch, and being together. In each one we’re happy, smiling, and full of love. There was an excessive amount of pain seeing the photos of our younger selves. The memories, the good times, the joyous unknown of our future. I was interrupted by the sound of my phone alerting me of a text.
Ranger: How about we go to the steakhouse?
Of course, he wanted to go there. Well, our dates had to be public and it was a popular place to be.
Me: Fine. I’ll see you at seven.
Now, I had to get ready for a date. I hated to say that Ranger was my very last date. It was the night before he left for basic training. We spent the day riding the horses, had a picnic by the pond and as the sun fell below the horizon, we stayed in each other’s arms staring up at the stars. I never imagined ten years later I would hate him and be forced to go out on a date with him.
He once was the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. Chivalrous, kind-hearted, funny, loyal, loving, those would be the words to describe Ranger then. None of those would work for him now. Although I have changed as well. I didn’t laugh like I used to. I know I’ve become more withdrawn over the years. I didn’t have any friends since they all had lives and families of their own. On occasion, I would meet up with Beth but it had become fewer and fewer. Being alone made it easier to protect my heart from those who shattered it. Namely, Ranger.
I wouldn’t let him hurt me this time. This time I’ll keep the walls up tighter than ever before.
After showering, I stood in front of my closet trying to decide what to wear. I may not want to deal with Ranger but I wanted to look nice. I didn’t have many dresses short of the ones I wore to church and funerals. None of those seemed appropriate for tonight. I ended up choosing a pair of deep red leggings and a long black tunic. I slipped on my black saddle boots and began to work on my hair and makeup. Ranger used to love my hair down in its natural soft waves. I decided high ponytail would be best. I pinned my bangs to the side. I never was one to wear makeup every day. Waking up at the crack of dawn and working the ranch didn’t call for fake lashes and contouring. However, from time to time, I indulged in the cosmetic world. Tonight would be one of those nights. I did the entire package. Lashes, lips, even the torture of eyeliner. I triple checked it all making sure it was all perfect.
But why?
Why go through this for Ranger?
He doesn’t matter to me anymore.
The teenage girl inside me still yearned for his love and affection. But I was an adult now. Ranger stomped on my heart and my love for him. Now I wanted to show him what he lost. Was it mean-spirited? Sure, but no worse than all the nights I cried over him.
This is payback.
Chapter Six
Ranger
THE STEAKHOUSE WAS in the next town. It was the closest thing to high class that we had. Well they had. I wasn’t really a resident anymore. I had to remember that.
She knew I was coming this time, so I parked outside the gate and strolled up to the porch. There were no lights on outside, but there was plenty of activity in the house.
“Not so fast, cowboy. Or should I call you soldier?”
I stilled in my tracks, two steps up on my way to the porch, at the sound of Grammy’s voice. She didn’t scare me, just startled me to the point of almost needing a new pair of pants.
“Nowadays, I’m not sure which one you would call me. I’m a little bit of a has been soldier and a has been cowboy. Why don’t you just call me Has Been for short?”
Now that I knew she was there, the older woman was rocking back and forth in the chair her husband made for her as a present on their wedding day.
“Ain’t no name for a cowboy like you. I’ll stick with Ranger.”
“Sounds good. Is Hero ready?”
“She is. But I’m not quite ready to let you have her.”
I knew where this was headed, but for some reason, I sat down at her feet with my legs dangling over the edge of the porch.
There were so many things I could’ve said,
but I didn’t. All of them sounded downright sarcastic in my head and sarcasm didn’t go well with Grammy when she was in a serious talking mood.
“When I was your age, I thought I knew it all. There was a woman down the road who came and tried to teach me how to cook and clean just like she did. I was so stubborn. I did it my way for months just to show her that I knew best. This was my house and my new husband and I was going to run it how I saw fit. Then, one day, I found a recipe that she’d left under the phone in the hallway. It had her perfect script so I knew she’d done it on purpose. Just to spite her, I brought it into the kitchen and made it, following her recipe to the T. That night, Jerry said it was the best meal he’d ever had. Sometimes we can’t see our own faces because we let our noses get in the way.”
She had lost me somewhere after recipe. It was making me more hungry than anything.
“Grammy, if you’re making a point, I’m too tired and hungry to know what it is.”
She laughed but then quieted herself. I would bet my left boot that Hero was unaware of this little conversation.
“What I’m sayin’ is sometimes we think we know everything when really we don’t know cow manure from chocolate pie.”
Well, that put a damper on my appetite.
“You’re saying I don’t know anything about Hero? I know her – knew her – like the back of my own hand. There’s nobody that knew her better, except maybe you.”
She kicked me in the kidney as hard as she could, which was hard, considering…
“What I’m saying is that people like Hero don’t change much. They may grow up and get more mature but the core of who they are doesn’t change. You remember that when you’re up there at the Burger Basket listening to all of that foul gossip.”
“I thought it was the Burger Shack.”
“Basket, shack, cornucopia, whatever. You know what I mean, donkey butt.”
At least I knew where Hero got her almost cuss words.
“I’ve heard a lot of things over the years, Gram. It’s hard to refute something you’ve heard over and over and over.”
