Rock and A Hard Place (Cascade Brides Series)

by Blythe, Bonnie

  Chapter Fifteen

  Oh. That was the summation of her response to Shane—it was all her brain could come up with at the moment. If she really went deep, she could conjure an 'oh, my'.

  Faith peeked over at Shane as he drove her back to Bascombe's. His face was relaxed, a slight smile tipping his mouth as he kept his attention on the road.

  What a strange day. It had started with a phone call and was punctuated with a kiss. Not exactly what she'd expected when she'd awoken this morning. And if this was the track of the day, how would it end? Would she win the lottery without actually playing? It would make as much sense as being kissed by Shane.

  When they arrived at the office, Faith turned toward her car door, preparing to exit.

  “Faith,” Shane said, touching her arm.

  She twisted back toward him, hoping her expression didn't reveal with tumult of emotions within.

  “Is that okay? What I did?”

  Faith gazed at him, wishing her heart would stop its frantic drumbeat and let her think. But she knew she'd be lying to say she was disappointed. Faith nodded slowly. “You just took me by surprise, that's all.”

  He leaned over, close enough that she could sense the warmth from his skin. “Are you wishing you'd tried for your GED sooner if you'd known you would've got a kiss?”

  His words disarmed her and made her laugh. “Most likely.” Then her levity dissolved. She still didn't know where she really stood with him. Had he just reacted in the moment? Or was he serious? Would he kiss her again? Soon?

  In order to get control of her fragmented thoughts, she retreated to courtesy. “Thank you for taking me to the plateau. I'm sure you need to get back to work.”

  Shane sat up and pointed to his clothes. “I'm not in uniform because I have the day off.”

  And we're back to 'oh' again. She hadn't noticed. Faith smiled to cover her discomfiture. “So why the trip?”

  He regarded her for a moment. “Do you want me to demonstrate again?”

  So she was to believe he'd taken her there for a quick smooching session? It didn't compute. “Ah, well, I do need to get back to work. Thanks again.”

  His gaze caught and held hers for a moment. “Can I take you out Friday night?”

  Faith panicked. She wasn't ready for this. She'd barely had a moment to process a few kisses, and the idea of surviving two days of stressing about a date might do her in. She may have just climbed a mountain but when it came to relationships, she was still baby-stepping. “I...I don't think so, Shane.”

  The light dimmed in his eyes, making her feel terrible. But she just wasn't ready to start a serious relationship when she could barely manage to do the simplest things.

  Like graduate high school.

  She gripped the inside door handle, wanting to soften the blow. “Maybe another time.” Before she could see his reaction, she opened the door and slid from the Jeep.

  ***

  Ouch.

  Shane watched Faith head into Bascombe's before backing out of the parking area and heading home.

  His plan had worked out so perfectly in his head. Take a beautiful girl to a beautiful spot. Share an awed-by-nature moment. Share a kiss. Then let the games begin on a real relationship. Only when it came to Faith he was starting to realize things were never going to be that simple.

  But he couldn't forget her reaction to her kiss. And she had reacted, if only for the space of a heartbeat. He hoped that meant she wasn't indifferent to him—hoped that she was just skittish. That he could handle. Outright rejection, not so much.

  After he pulled into his driveway, he went into his house, looked around and sighed. His walls were still untreated, his Crockpot unused, and his grand scheme had gone kaput. Shane decided it was time to take it to the next level.

  It was time to go to Lowes.

  ***

  Faith walked over to her desk and sank onto her chair in a daze. A photo of a sunset on her monitor from a random screensaver rotation stared back at her. The photo was from several years ago, and coincidentally taken on the plateau.

  Where Shane had kissed her.

  She moistened her lips and stared at the image, waiting for her heart to calm down. The plateau had been the destination of her first hike in Eastern Oregon. She'd sat on the bluff and relished the quiet, the lack of squabbling voices and phone calls from creditors. Now Shane had forever taken control of that site in her mind. What had once been a pinnacle of her freedom, now mocked her by its identification. It was a plateau, not a peak, and she'd been inwardly stuck on the bluff for a long time. Too long maybe. But did she want to take it to the next level with Shane?

  Or without him?

  Faith put her head in her hands, the beginnings of a headache gripping the back of her skull.

  “Are you all right, dear?”

  Faith looked up at the sound of Merle's concerned voice. She nodded. “Just a headache.”

  His bright blue eyes assessed her. “How did your excursion go with Shane? Any good shots?”

  “I think so.” She looked away for a moment. “We...turned in the photo entry to the contest.”

  He smiled. “That's good to hear. I'm sure you'll do well. I'm glad you're pursuing a friendship with him.”

  Yes, we've had this conversation before. Faith stifled a groan. Nothing was making sense at the moment. A hot bath and Chinese food might clear her head. Then she remembered having Chinese with Shane. Argh! He was taking over her landmarks and favorite foods!

  “Well, I'll need you to lock up tonight. I have something to attend to away from the office.”

  “No problem.” She smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring way. “See you tomorrow.”

  When Merle had left, she turned toward her computer and pulled her camera from its bag to begin the upload process.

  Too bad I can't upload some straight thinking into my brain on an SD card. Faith shook her head. Maybe it was possible after all. Closing her eyes, she sent up a prayer. God, help me to figure out what I can't. I don't know where Shane belongs in my life, if at all. So, yeah.

  She opened her eyes and saw the plateau screen saver again.

  Amen.

  ***

  Faith made it through the next couple of days. Barely. Memories of Shane's kiss vexed her beyond belief, making it difficult to focus on her work. By Sunday, she was of two minds about whether to attend church. She didn't really want to face him yet, but she also needed to gain some peace from time spent in worship. When she finally decided to go, it brought on a whole new problem.

  What to wear.

  After digging through her meager closet, she finally settled on a soft rose tunic paired with slim black pants. It was the best she could do with what time remained. After a quick dusting of make-up, she jumped in her truck and headed to church, trying to pretend her gut wasn't churning like whitewater rapids.

  Timing her arrival to the moment the service began, she slipped into a back pew. A quick scan of the congregation revealed Shane had arrived before her. He sat about ten rows up. Easing out a wobbly breath, she closed her eyes and focused on the songs.

  Okay, God, I get that You want me out of my comfort zone. And apparently Shane has something to do with that. Just let me hurry up and figure this out so I can go back to normal.

  But what was normal? Life without Shane? She opened her eyes and looked at the back of his head. Her heart twisted within her chest. But acknowledging that Shane was anything more than a goad made her knees knock together. Once she got on the right track, he'd either move away or they'd merely be nodding acquaintances.

  Right?

  She sat, lost in thought, agonizing over his every word and gesture of the past several weeks. It was with a start she realized the service had come to
an end and she'd missed the message. Oops. Sorry, God. People filled the aisles, slowly making their way to the lobby, chatting and hugging and shaking hands. Yet, here she sat like a rock in a stream. With no one to blame but herself.

  “Hey.”

  Faith looked up and saw Shane standing at the edge of the pew. She attempted a smile but wasn't sure how successful she was. “Hey.”

  His usually smiling face looked somber, which saddened her. “Have you seen Merle this morning?”

  Faith's eyes darted across the emptying sanctuary. “No, I haven't.”

  Shane nodded in acknowledgement. “Well, I'll see you around.”

  She watched him move up the aisle out the sanctuary doors, feeling like a dark cloud had taken up residence in her heart. Faith got to her feet and and after a trip to the restroom to give Shane time to head home, she headed home herself. Fuming all the way.

  Why was she so turned inside out? God, I'm trying here. I got my GED. I even climbed the Sisters mountains. What is there left for me to do? Her stomach sank at an obvious answer. It was time to choose substance over symbol. But she feared this challenge more than the others.

  Once she arrived home, Faith looked toward the bookcase she'd studiously ignored for the past few years. She walked over and pulled out Mountain Climbing For Dummies and found an old, dog-eared photo. She stared down at the faded image of three rag-tag girls standing in the front yard of the tumble-down rental they'd called home.

  Faith couldn't remember how she'd come by this photograph originally. Was it from a photo album? There had been a few in the old house, wedged into a bookshelf in the living room. What had happened to those albums? She looked toward her kitchen door that went into the garage. When her mother died, Faith been the one to go through the homestead and clean it up before the new owners took it over. Right after the funeral, her sisters had left town, leaving her to the monumental and emotional task of tying up all the loose ends.

  It had stung at the time—and if she was honest, it still did. But Faith reminded herself the twins had been barely eighteen and immature. Still, going through her mother's effects, deciding what to toss and what to keep...had hollowed out her grief-stricken heart. For two weeks, she'd worked alone on the task, for two weeks, she felt the weight of her failures and the echoes of her loss.

  Inside the musty space, she looked over the boxes stacked on the metal shelving. She saw one marked 'personal' and pulled it down. Faith discovered three photo albums when she opened the box flaps. She pulled them out and went back into the living room where she settled on the couch. How long had it been since she'd looked inside? Fifteen years? She had to admit some surprise that her mother gone to the effort of assembling the albums after becoming ill.

  Opening the first album, she stared down at a grainy, sepia-toned photo of herself. The baby beamed, with sparkling eyes and rosy cheeks. The first album contained only photos of her, from infancy to middle school. Perhaps it was her imagination but each subsequent photo showed a girl whose smile began to dim. The last photo showed her at around thirteen, hugging a ragged tabby cat she'd found and wanted to keep—but she hadn't been allowed.

  Faith opened the next album, finally realizing her mother had made one for each daughter instead of a chronological mishmash. This was Hope's album, older than her twin by a few minutes. But those minutes might have well been years where attitude was involved. Hope, with her wild curls and green eyes had been the most quietly rebellious of the three. Although her rebellion had been small potatoes compared to what was possible, she'd defied Faith at every turn, challenging even the most basic requests—not with rages or screaming, but with seething looks and cold shoulders. She'd been the most determined one about getting out of Dodge the moment she graduated from high school.

  And she had...within hours of the ceremony. A peck on the cheek for her mother, a pat on the head for Charity, and a hard glare for Faith. Faith could still see her defiant chin tilting, daring her to say one word. Of course Faith had remained silent. And while she was hurt by her sister's unfeeling attitude, a part of her was relieved the troublesome female would be causing headaches somewhere else. Even during the funeral, Hope had been taciturn and unhelpful.

  As Faith flipped past the pages, she had to admit her sister had grown into a beautiful young woman—despite the look of mutiny shining in her eyes. Faith couldn't imagine what path Hope had taken. She'd verbalized no other ambition apart from leaving home. She could be doing anything, anywhere in the country. Or out of it, for that matter.

  The next album featured Charity, or as people had referred to her—the runt of the litter. Poor thing had been born with a hole in her heart. Several childhood surgeries had depleted whatever money there was. Faith wondered if financial stress was what had driven her father away. She'd been barely five years old when he left, and her memories of him were hazy at best.

  Charity's album had the fewest photos, but her high school senior portrait was included. A wide-eyed and fragile girl, with thin brown hair and pale skin, looked back at Faith. Charity had possibly suffered the most—obviously wanting the structure Faith brought, but captivated by Hope's stronger personality. In the end, she'd left town a week after graduation. At the funeral, her solemn expression and red-rimmed eyes had touched Faith's heart. But both Charity and Hope showed no interest in staying behind to visit or help with the house.

  Actions that left a bitter taste in her mouth to this day.

  Faith closed the last album and shook her head. Was there any point in trying to reconnect with siblings who'd made it clear they wanted nothing to do with her? Shane and all his rose-colored words about family couldn't change the past.

  She went to her laptop and opened a search engine. I've gone this far down memory lane—might as well finish the trip. Faith typed in her youngest sister's name first, Charity Conrad, and found a few Facebook, Myspace, as well as general, listings. She spent half an hour chasing down each one with the same result—nothing. Next she tried Hope. Once again, several social networking sites came up with her name, none of which proved to be her sister. Why don't they at least have Facebook accounts? She grimaced. Then again, I don't either.

  One listing jumped out at her. Prospect Bay Ocean Excursion Charters, Prospect Bay Oregon. Faith clicked on the link and explored a whale-watching boat charter site. A Hope Conrad was mentioned as the proprietor. There were no pictures of the Conrad mentioned, but no way was this Hope. Her sister had hated the water. Faith looked at the phone number. And yet, if I don't call, I will continue to feel this anguish.

  With trembling fingers, she retrieved her cellphone and punched in the number. Her overwhelming relief at getting an answering machine was followed by a feeling of shame. A man's recorded voice suddenly came over the line. “You've reached Prospect Bay Ocean Excursions, home of whale-watching trips on the Oregon coast. Please leave your name and number and we'll return your call.”

  Her finger hovered over the red button on the phone as the machine on the other end beeped. She cleared her throat. “Yes, this is Faith Conrad. I'm looking for Hope Conrad. If I reached this number in error, please ignore this message. Otherwise...” She bit her lip, then quickly left her phone number.

  Just in case.

  Faith disconnected the call and tipped her head against the back of the couch. That was tougher than she'd imagined. But she'd done it. She'd made the effort. The outcome was out of her hands.

  And wasn't that the crux of it? To do what she could and leave the rest of God? Once something was out of her control, she didn't have to let it eat her alive. It suddenly made her fears seem so foolish. Each of the things Shane had challenged her to do ended being more doable than she'd ever imagined. What other experiences or issues had she avoided for similar reasons?

  Faith closed her eyes, embar
rassed at her slow understanding, yet sensing a rising hope that she no longer had to be limited by irrational fear. Dear Lord, thank You for Your continual patience and not giving up to me. Help me apply this understanding to my life and to put my trust in You not just for my salvation, but for my life.

  When she ended the prayer, her thoughts drifted to Shane. Would her reasoning hold true for him as well? Was she willing to give them a chance and see what developed? A hectic feeling expanded within her at the notion. Did God have a plan for the two of them?

  Maybe it was time to entrust the issue to Him and see what the outcome would be.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The next two weeks passed by without incident. No calls or visits from Shane. Merle was in and out more than usual, running errands or leaving early. And Faith sat in front of her monitor working on layouts and captions. Basically life had returned to normal just like she'd wanted.

  Only she didn't like it so much.

  Was Shane upset with her? Why wouldn't he be? She'd given him no real encouragement or positive feedback. Maybe even Merle was tired of her usual attitude. But business was hopping and she'd plenty of work to keep her thoughts occupied.

  Mostly.

  She reminded herself of her prayer, entrusting the situation with Shane to God. But it was hard to be comforted when the man in question was absent from her life. Still, Faith tried to keep things encapsulated in her newfound perspective.

  And when she wasn't thinking about Shane, she was wondering why she'd never received a response on her phone call from the man at Prospect Bay Charters—if just to tell her she had the wrong person. Faith looked at the clock. Nearly five. Almost time to head into the weekend. She didn't bother repressing a gusty sigh.

  The bell above the door tinkled. Faith looked up and her heart stuttered to a stop. Shane walked in, giving her a smile so sweet, she wondered how she'd existed without it.

  “Hello, Faith.”