A Daughter's Dream

by Cathy Sharp

  Matthew didn’t talk about things like that often, but I knew he felt fortunate to have a job that paid well, and it made me realize that I must try harder to understand his point of view. I had to be patient and wait for things to come to me, instead of expecting them immediately.

  ‘If I can earn promotion it means a decent home and a good life for our children. A little patience now could make all the difference to our future, Amy. I don’t want you to struggle to make ends meet like so many women have to all their lives. I want to give you everything you need.’

  I didn’t tell him that my father would see we never went short, because it would only have made him angry. Matthew was determined to do things his way, and if I wanted him I had to go along with his wishes.

  Besides, for the moment I was having fun staying with my aunt, and my friendship with Mary was exciting. I had enjoyed her party after my initial nervousness, and I was looking forward to staying with her in the country the following weekend.

  I told Matthew she had invited me to stay, but I didn’t mention the party I’d been to at her house. Somehow I didn’t think he would be pleased to hear that I had been dancing with other young men, some of whom had been outrageous flirts.

  He wasn’t too keen on the idea of my going to her country house, but accepted it when I said it was really a working trip.

  ‘I’m going to be showing her designs and working on a few patterns,’ I said, not looking him in the eyes. I felt a bit deceitful for not telling him everything, but he would have been annoyed and I didn’t want to spoil the short time we had together. After all, I hadn’t known Mary’s party would turn out to be a dance. ‘Don’t be cross with me, Matt. I have to do something with my time while you are away.’

  His eyes were serious as he looked at me, vaguely disappointed, as if he was hurt that I could just go off and enjoy myself while he was working all hours for our future.

  ‘Just don’t get too involved with this girl, Amy,’ he said. ‘I don’t want to stop you having fun, but I’m not sure she is the right sort for you. Some of these rich girls can be very spoiled. You see pictures of them at Ascot in the paper, and coming out of nightclubs at all hours in the morning. Some of them seem to have forgotten how to behave like decent young ladies. You don’t want to get mixed up with that crowd.’

  ‘And you called me a snob!’ I cried. ‘You haven’t even met her, Matt. Mum and Lainie both hinted that she might drop me when she’s tired of my company, but Mary isn’t like that. She’s really nice, and a bit shy sometimes – and I like her. I don’t think Mary goes to nightclubs, her aunt wouldn’t allow it – and if she did I shouldn’t go with her.’

  ‘And I’m being selfish,’ he said. ‘I can’t expect you to sit alone all the time – and as you say, it is work. So I don’t really have a leg to stand on, do I?’

  ‘Don’t let’s quarrel,’ I begged. ‘I’ve looked forward to this for so long.’

  ‘So have I,’ he said and put his arms about me, kissing me softly on the lips. ‘I apologize for doubting your friend. Go to the country with her and have a good time.’

  Later, when I was alone, I thought about my own behaviour and felt the shame wash over me. Matt was working all hours so that we could be married sooner and I was keeping things from him. He wouldn’t have liked me to visit Mary if he’d known about the party and some of her friends, who I was quite sure did all the things he thought unladylike. I’d seen some of them smoking in public, and at Mary’s party a few of the guests had been drinking more than they ought to. And then there was Paul, whose lean, rather haunted features were beginning to play on my mind, making me think of him all too often.

  Perhaps I should draw back now, before I got in too deep.

  But Mary’s other friends wouldn’t be there at the weekend. She had said it was going to be just her and me.

  ‘I’ve persuaded Paul to come down with us,’ Mary told me when she called for me in her father’s car that Saturday morning. It was a large, luxurious saloon with leather upholstery. ‘I was sure you would be pleased. Paul is no trouble. He will just mooch about on his own most of the time, and he’ll be there if we want him to take us on the river in a boat.’

  ‘I don’t mind Paul coming,’ I said immediately. ‘Will there be anyone else, Mary?’

  ‘Oh, I shouldn’t think so for a moment,’ she said a trifle airily. ‘Jane and Millie know we are going down, but I doubt they will want to leave town. It depends on the weather of course.’

  I wasn’t sure how to take Mary’s remarks. She had been certain we were going to be alone in the country at the start, and now she wasn’t so sure. And the dinner party had turned out to be more of a dance than a dinner. I hoped the weekend wouldn’t turn out to be something similar.

  Paul had driven himself down to Grayling, which was the name of Mr Maitland’s house. He was waiting for us when we arrived and looked very attractive in his pale fawn slacks, open-necked shirt and striped blazer.

  We had lunch in the conservatory, which was rather grand with lots of long arched windows, greenery, fancy wrought-iron tables and basketwork chairs. Afterwards, we debated whether to go on the river or sit in chairs out on the lawn.

  ‘It will be cooler on the river,’ Mary said. ‘It’s so hot in the gardens today.’

  ‘Cooler for you, perhaps,’ Paul replied with a wry smile. ‘You don’t have to row.’

  ‘I’ll help with the rowing,’ I offered. ‘At college some of the girls used to take a boat on the river and I went with them. We all had to share the rowing. Mary is right, it will be nicer on the river.’

  ‘It looks as if I’m outnumbered,’ Paul said. ‘I may as well give in or Mary will sulk for hours.’

  ‘Sometimes I hate you, Paul.’

  ‘I know you do, my darling – but I still love you.’

  Paul was only teasing. He didn’t really mind taking us out on the river, which passed the house just beyond the garden wall. A wooden gate led to a jetty with a rowing boat moored ready for use.

  Mary’s suggestion proved a success. It was much cooler on the river and a pleasant way to spend the afternoon. We talked and laughed, Paul going out of his way to entertain us. I could see why Mary loved him when he was in this mood, and I rather liked him too.

  I was sorry when it was decided that we should go back to the house for tea. I had enjoyed myself a lot and was glad that Paul had come down for the weekend.

  However, when we returned to the house we discovered that several others had arrived. Jane Adams, her brother Harry, who was several years older than her, Millicent Fairchild and Alan Bell were sitting on the lawn, and tea was already being served to them. Jane greeted Mary with an exaggerated cry of relief.

  ‘We were beginning to think you’d got lost,’ Jane said and I could see she wasn’t pleased that no one had been here to greet her when she arrived.

  ‘Sorry,’ Mary apologized. ‘I wasn’t sure you and Millie were coming.’

  She flopped down into one of the chairs. Paul, who had said he was dying for a cup of tea, stood looking at the others in a brooding manner for a few moments before walking into the house. I thought he was not best pleased by the unexpected arrival of Mary’s friends.

  After a slight hesitation, I sat down and allowed the maid to serve me tea and a jam scone with thick cream on top.

  ‘I don’t know how you dare eat that,’ Jane cried. ‘If I ate even half I should put on a pound in weight.’

  ‘I never do, whatever I eat.’

  ‘Lucky thing,’ Millie said. ‘I have to watch my weight too.’

  I thought of all the hours I spent on my feet at the shop. These girls had probably never worked in their lives, but instead of telling them they needed to exercise more I smiled and sympathized. I couldn’t afford to antagonize either of them.

  Millicent Fairchild seemed happy to accept me as one of the group, but I didn’t think Jane liked me much. She made a couple of remarks that might have been meant to put me
in my place, but I ignored them and kept on smiling. This was Mary’s house, not Jane’s, and I had been invited.

  The afternoon did not end as perfectly as it had begun because Jane had a tiff with her brother, who went storming into the house.

  ‘Harry is such a bore,’ Jane muttered. ‘He didn’t want to come at all. He never leaves town unless forced.’

  I wondered why she had bothered to persuade her brother to leave his beloved London. She looked bored and directed several sulky looks towards the house. It was only later that evening that I discovered the reason for her moodiness.

  As I was leaving my bedroom to go downstairs I happened to meet Paul coming along the landing. He smiled as I waited for him to catch up to me.

  ‘You look pretty, Amy.’

  ‘Thank you.’ I blushed. ‘You look nice too.’

  ‘Do I?’ He laughed. ‘Not many girls would tell me that, Amy. You’re very different from most of Mary’s friends.’

  ‘That’s because I work in a shop and my parents live near the docks.’

  ‘Perhaps that is why I like you, because you’re so honest and open. And you don’t make eyes at me all the time – like some I could name. I would never have come this weekend if I’d known Jane Adams and her prig of a brother would be here!’

  ‘You’re scowling,’ I said. ‘Don’t you like Jane? She’s rather pretty.’

  ‘And she knows it! I’m not interested. Between us, I’m not looking for a wife, and it certainly wouldn’t be Jane if I were.’

  ‘Perhaps you ought not to have told me that.’

  ‘Probably not, but I can’t take it back, can I? Besides, I think you can keep a secret, Amy.’

  ‘Oh yes, close as the grave, that’s me.’

  We were laughing as we walked down the wide, very grand staircase together. It was a beautiful house, old and graceful, furnished with exquisite antiques, which I guessed were valuable.

  Jane, her brother and Alan Bell were already gathered in the large drawing room, which was gracious in crimson and dusty gold. The look Jane flashed at me as I walked in with Paul was so full of malice that I caught my breath. Why had she suddenly turned against me?

  As the evening progressed I realized that Jane was jealous because I’d been laughing with Paul. She followed him like a shadow all night and I understood why he had told me he wasn’t interested. Her smiles were so false, her manner so shallow, her laugh so irritating. I could see that it was taking him all his time to be civil to her.

  I felt sympathy for her despite her growing hostility towards me. It must be awful to want someone that badly and know he was indifferent. She must sense his rejection, I thought. Why didn’t she just ignore him and talk to someone else? Why pursue him when he simply didn’t want to know?

  After dinner, Jane played the piano for us. Paul walked out instantly, a pained expression in his eyes.

  ‘Let’s put a record on,’ Millie said when Jane had finished her piece. ‘You’ve got some new jazz records, Mary. I just love Bessie Smith singing the blues, don’t you? We could dance if Paul came back.’

  ‘You and Mary can dance,’ Jane said sulkily. ‘I’m going for a walk in the garden.’

  I thought she was probably going in search of Paul so I didn’t offer to go with her. Feeling that I was a little in the way, I walked through the long dining room and into the conservatory.

  Paul was standing at the far end, the door open. He was smoking a cigarette and something warned me he had come here to be alone. I hesitated, about to turn away when he spoke, his back still towards me.

  ‘Don’t go, Amy.’

  ‘Are you sure? I didn’t know you were here or I wouldn’t have intruded. I thought you might have gone into the garden.’

  ‘That’s how I knew it was you; the others wouldn’t have hesitated to make themselves known. I was going to rejoin you all in a moment.’ He looked round and grinned wickedly. ‘I just couldn’t stand to hear that particular piece of music being murdered. It used to be a favourite.’

  I couldn’t help laughing, though I knew he was being very unkind.

  ‘I expect Jane was doing her best.’

  ‘If that is her best she should stay well away from a piano.’

  ‘You are very cruel, Paul.’

  ‘Am I?’ He was silent for a moment. ‘I suppose I am, but Jane makes me angry. I can’t stand women who run after me. She is so thick-skinned. She just doesn’t seem to realize that I’m not interested in her and never will be.’

  Looking beyond Paul to the garden I noticed someone in the shadows just outside and knew instantly who it must be. Jane must have seen Paul standing there and been on her way to join him. For a moment the shadowy figure stood as if turned to stone, then suddenly whirled around and ran away into the shrubbery.

  She must have heard what Paul was saying! I felt dreadful. If I’d realized she was there earlier I would have stopped him.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, eyes narrowing.

  ‘I think Jane heard what you were saying just now.’

  ‘Damn!’ He stubbed his cigarette out in a plant pot. ‘I had no idea she was there.’

  ‘Nor had I until she ran away. I’m almost sure she heard.’

  ‘Well, if she did it may stop her making a nuisance of herself in future.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s very nice.’

  ‘That’s because I’m not nice,’ he said and walked towards me.

  ‘I don’t think I like you much when you’re in this mood.’

  ‘That’s a pity, because I like you.’

  As I turned to leave, he caught my arm, swinging me back to face him. I noticed his hands then. His fingers were long and sensitive, the hands of an artist just as Mary had told me. Fascinated, I didn’t immediately try to move away, and then, before I guessed what he meant to do, he caught me to him and kissed me. It wasn’t gentle and sweet the way Matthew’s kisses were, but hard and demanding. Suddenly brought to my senses, I struggled to break free and after a moment he let me go.

  ‘How dare you?’

  ‘I dare many things,’ Paul muttered. ‘But I probably shouldn’t have done it. You are such a bright, clever little thing. You go to a man’s head, Amy – but as I told you earlier, I’m not interested in marriage.’

  He walked past me and into the dining room. For a moment I stood without moving, my cheeks warm. Then as I turned, about to join the others, a man entered the conservatory through the garden door.

  ‘You should have struck him, Miss Robinson. Would you like me to make him come back and apologize?’

  ‘Mr Maitland …’ I was shocked as I saw Mary’s father. He was dressed in a black evening suit and looked as if he had just come from a formal occasion. ‘I–I didn’t know you were here.’

  ‘I wasn’t expecting to be here. It was so hot in London that I decided on the spur of the moment to drive down and join you all.’

  ‘Did you know Mary had friends staying?’

  ‘Others besides you and Paul?’

  ‘Yes.’ I named them and he swore softly, apparently no more pleased to discover they were here than Paul had been.

  ‘I was hoping for a quiet weekend.’

  ‘Mary didn’t think you ever came here.’

  ‘I never do as a rule. I knew you were coming with her. I was hoping for a quiet chat with you, Miss Robinson. Mrs Holland told me that Mary insists on having several of her dresses designed by you and made by your aunt’s workrooms.’

  ‘I … Yes,’ I said, my breathing a little faster than usual. ‘Mary has talked of ordering more gowns if she likes my designs.’

  ‘Have you many to show her? Mary can be very difficult to please. My wife was just the same.’

  ‘We shall probably look through what I’ve done in the morning. At least, that is what we had planned to do before the others arrived.’

  ‘Miss Adams and Miss Fairchild will not appear much before noon,’ he said with a faint smile. ‘I should be interested to
see your designs, Miss Robinson. Will Miss O’Rourke’s workroom be able to cope if Mary orders several gowns from you?’

  ‘Oh, yes. My aunt said that she would take on an extra seamstress if need be.’

  ‘How very obliging of her.’ His mouth curved in an odd smile and I could see that he was amused by something, though I did not know what it could be. ‘I should be pleased if every effort could be made to accommodate Mary.’

  ‘Of course. My aunt always tries to please her clients.’

  ‘And you, Miss Robinson – do you always try to please? My daughter can be very demanding.’

  ‘I like Mary.’ I blushed as his gaze narrowed intently, sensing something hidden behind his words, as if they had a second meaning I did not understand. ‘She has been nice to me, inviting me to her home and down here.’

  ‘Ah yes,’ he murmured. ‘Please remember that I would like to see your portfolio, Miss Robinson.’

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  I felt I had been dismissed and was a little disappointed. He was not an easy person to understand. I wasn’t sure whether he approved of me or not.

  Returning to the drawing room, where Mary was dancing with Paul, I soon forgot my brief conversation with her father. Harry Adams was dancing with Millie and Alan Bell came up to me as I entered.

  ‘I wondered where you had got to, Amy. Jane disappeared ages ago.’

  ‘I think she went for a walk.’

  ‘She’s probably sulking,’ he said. ‘I think she is rather keen on Paul, but he has other ideas.’

  ‘What do you mean – other ideas?’

  ‘Paul has expensive tastes. He’ll settle for money when he gets round to finding a wife.’

  ‘That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes, but it’s perfectly true.’

  ‘He told me he wasn’t interested in getting married for a while.’

  ‘Moody chap. Forget him and dance with me, Amy.’ He smiled at me. ‘I must say you look awfully pretty this evening. That dress suits you.’