A Daughter's Dream

by Cathy Sharp

  I looked at him without appearing to be concerned, but I could see he had shadows beneath his eyes. He was probably tired if he wasn’t sleeping well, but if he had any pain he was hiding it well.

  ‘So how are you getting on with Mary’s dresses?’ my mother asked. ‘Lainie told me she had taken on a new girl to help her out in the workroom.’

  ‘Yes. Peggy is very good at plain sewing but Margaret is the one who helps me most. I wouldn’t be able to manage without her.’

  ‘You look after her then,’ my father advised. ‘Good workers are worth their weight in gold.’

  ‘Terry said you had given him a job for his holiday break.’

  ‘He wanted to earn some extra money. I’d have given it to him, but he says I’ve given him enough and he wants to earn it – stubborn lad.’

  ‘Just like his father then,’ my mother said.

  ‘Now who’s calling the kettle black?’ He arched his brows at her and grinned.

  ‘Haven’t you got something better to do than sit around here, Joe Robinson?’

  ‘Got my marching orders.’ He winked at me. ‘Your mother means she wants to talk to you – but you’ll stay for supper, Amy? I can run you back in the car afterwards.’

  ‘Yes, of course I’ll stay, though I can get a cab.’

  ‘I shall take you myself.’ He smiled at me and went out.

  ‘Your father isn’t too well,’ my mother said as soon as she was sure he couldn’t hear her. ‘I’ve wondered for a while, but he never complains. I caught him rubbing his chest last night and he said he had a bit of indigestion. I want him to see a doctor. Terry thinks it may be a problem with his heart.’

  ‘Oh, Mum …’ I looked at her in dismay. ‘I hope it isn’t serious. You must persuade him to see someone.’

  ‘He might let Terry have a look at him for a start, but he thinks I’m making a fuss.’

  ‘And of course he hates that.’

  ‘Don’t worry, Amy. I’ll make him see sense eventually.’ She smiled at me. ‘So have you been anywhere exciting this week?’

  ‘I’ve been working hard to finish one of Mary’s dresses. But I’m going to her house tomorrow afternoon.’

  ‘Terry told me your friend had invited him to go with you. That was nice of her, Amy.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose it was. As long as he doesn’t fall for her.’

  ‘What do you mean? I thought you liked Mary.’

  ‘Yes, I do, but she isn’t always nice. I don’t think Terry would be the kind of husband her family is looking for.’

  ‘Are you saying he isn’t good enough?’ My mother bristled with indignation and I laughed.

  ‘I think I am saying he’s too good for her, Mum. She can be a bit odd at times – moody might be a better word to describe it. I just don’t want him to be hurt.’

  ‘I warned you not to expect too much from her.’

  ‘I know, and I don’t. I’m more sensible than you think, Mum. I’m having fun at the moment and there are lots of new customers coming to the shop because of Mary. It’s good for business.’

  ‘No, I don’t underestimate you, Amy. You are like Joe – a deep thinker, except when you act on impulse, and you’ll grow out of that.’ She looked thoughtful. ‘You are probably more able to take care of yourself than Terry is – so just keep an eye on him. He has another year at medical school before he can think about girls.’

  ‘I’m sure he thinks about them, but as long as he doesn’t get serious, it doesn’t matter so much.’

  My mother decided to change the subject. ‘Do you listen to the wireless much in the evenings, Amy? The service has improved since they opened the new station in London, and I like some of the programmes they have on these days. There’s one every afternoon I try not to miss called Woman’s Hour – but that might not interest you.’

  ‘I like to listen to the dance bands, but Lainie has a lot of good records and I’ve bought several jazz and blues recordings myself lately. We listen to them more than the wireless.’

  We smiled at each other and I realized that we understood each other better these days. I also knew that she was as worried about my father as I was, though you would never guess it from the way she spoke to him. Her manner towards him was just as always, and I recognized the love beneath their sometimes sharp banter. A stranger might think they were having an argument, but it was just their way.

  My father was laughing and joking throughout supper. He seemed to be as fit as he claimed, so perhaps his pain was merely indigestion and we were all worrying for nothing.

  Lainie thought it was probably a storm in a teacup. ‘Joe Robinson is as strong as a horse,’ she said confidently. ‘He will outlast us all.’

  ‘I do hope you are right!’

  ‘Bridget always fusses over us all.’

  I nodded, knowing that was true. My mother had looked after her family all her life. She’d had to care for her difficult mother and her younger brother, and she’d been there for Joe Robinson when his sister was killed in a fire, before they were married.

  I had never understood about the fire. I thought there was something more to it than an accident, something hidden that I had never been told.

  ‘Have you thought any more about getting married?’ I asked Lainie.

  She shook her head, then hesitated. ‘I’ve had a reply to my letter. John says he wants to meet me. I’ve spoken to him on the telephone and he’s coming to tea tomorrow afternoon.’

  ‘I shall be at Mary’s. You will have him to yourself, Lainie.’

  ‘Yes, for this first time, I think that’s best.’

  ‘It will be easier.’ I got up and went over to kiss her cheek. ‘I’m so pleased for you, Lainie.’

  ‘He sounds nice, not angry or bitter at all.’

  ‘Why should he be? Harold said he was brought up in a nice home.’

  ‘His adoptive parents are very ordinary people, not rich but not as poor as we were at the time. They gave him a better life than I could have done.’

  ‘There you are then.’

  Lainie was excited at the prospect of meeting her son. I knew she must also be nervous. They would be strangers, but that did not mean they could not be friends. I hoped for her sake that she would not be disappointed when they met at last.

  ‘I’m glad you could come, Amy,’ Mary said and kissed my cheek when we arrived. ‘And it’s lovely to see you, Terry. You must come and meet my friends. Amy knows everyone already.’

  She slipped her arm through his, leaving me to mingle. It was only a moment or so before Paul came up to me.

  ‘Who is the handsome stranger? Mary seems interested.’

  ‘Terry is my brother. He’s at college, training to be a doctor.’

  ‘You have an uncle who is a specialist in treating burns I understand.’

  ‘How did you know?’ I looked at him in surprise, sure that I had never mentioned Tom O’Rourke to him.

  ‘My sister was friendly with Doctor O’Rourke during the war. I’m not sure who told me you were related, but someone did. You know that Eleanor was killed, of course?’

  ‘Yes, Mary told me. You were very fond of your sister I believe.’

  ‘I adored her. My father forced her to become a nurse. I blame him for her death.’

  ‘Surely not? She was killed by the Germans.’

  ‘Exactly. She should have been at home having fun. I hate my father for what he did to us. We seldom see each other. I won’t touch his money. If he dies before me I’ll give the lot to charity.’

  ‘You sound bitter, Paul.’

  ‘I am about him.’ A smile of malice touched his mouth. ‘He’s terrified I shall marry Mary. I might just do it to spite him.’

  ‘Why shouldn’t you, if you want to?’

  ‘That is another matter.’ Paul laughed suddenly. ‘What a grouch I must sound. This is supposed to be a party. Are you going to play tennis? We’re hoping to make up a couple of mixed doubles matches.’

  I’m not d
ressed for it and I didn’t bring a racket.’

  ‘Mary didn’t mention it, of course. That girl is so thoughtless!’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. I like to watch and I’m no Suzanne Lenglen.’

  ‘None of us are!’ Paul laughed. ‘She just won Wimbledon again for the fifth time in a row. Besides, Mary isn’t much good either. I’ll have to ask Jane. One thing she can do is play tennis.’

  Eight players were found to make up a little round robin, the winners of one match playing the winners of the other for the trophy. I was surprised to learn that there actually was a small silver photograph frame for the eventual winner. It was obvious that they intended to take the matches quite seriously.

  Mary had chosen Terry, who apparently had his tennis things in the boot of his car. I hadn’t even known he played, but it was something he had taken up at college. He was rather good and he partnered Mary to an easy win over Millie and Alan Bell.

  Paul and Jane Adams played against a girl called Susan Hall and Jane’s brother, Harry. The rest of us sat in chairs on the lawn and watched as Paul and Jane won their match.

  They all came to sit down and have a cool drink before the final match of one single set.

  ‘It’s a knockout,’ Millie explained as she sipped her iced lemon barley. ‘Otherwise we would be here all night.’

  ‘Amy’s brother plays well,’ Alan said. ‘I think we might have a new victor this time.’

  ‘How often do they play this tournament?’

  ‘We have three tennis afternoons during June and into July – and we’ve been playing for the trophy for three years. It’s the culmination of our little tennis season, when Wimbledon is over. Did you get there this year, Amy?’

  ‘Amy has to work.’ Millie shook her head at him. ‘She can’t be idle all the time as we are.’

  ‘I like working. My mother would rather I stayed home with her, but I enjoy what I do,’ I said.

  ‘Good for you,’ Alan said approvingly.

  ‘Jane showed me the embroidery on that dress she bought from your aunt’s shop. I should love something like that. Would you do a design for me if I bought a dress from you?’ Millie asked.

  ‘I don’t see why not,’ I said. ‘But I can’t promise to make you a dress until Mary’s are finished.’

  ‘I’ll come and see you next week.’

  The final tennis match had begun. It was immediately clear that Mary wasn’t a particularly strong player, but my brother was much better than I had expected. He and Paul were evenly matched, and they fiercely contested each other’s serve. Both of them were too considerate to do the same on the ladies’ serve, because that would have been considered bad form.

  All four won their first service game, so it was two all. To everyone’s surprise Jane then dropped hers because of a series of double faults. Even more surprising perhaps was that Mary held her nerve and won hers. So it was four games to two. The men then served again and it was five three. Tension was high as Jane served and managed to hang on to hers this time. Five games to four. Mary promptly dropped hers and it was level pegging. We all held our breath as Paul served again. It was a closely fought game and a collective sigh went round as he double-faulted at advantage against and dropped for the first time.

  It was six games to five to Terry and Mary. It all depended on whether Terry could serve out for the match. The last game was hotly contested on both sides, all gallantry forgotten as the balls sung over the net and it went to several deuces, but in the end Terry managed to win and the trophy belonged to him and Mary.

  Paul shook hands, seeming to accept defeat gracefully, but afterwards he disappeared into the house as tea was served to everyone else.

  When he didn’t reappear after a few minutes, I went inside. He was standing by the piano in the drawing room, running a finger over the keys, a moody expression in his eyes.

  ‘What do you want, Amy?’

  ‘Are you angry because you lost?’

  ‘Yes – does that shock you?’ He turned to face me. ‘I like to win. Is there something wrong with that?’

  ‘No, of course not. But you’re not supposed to sulk when you lose.’

  ‘Am I not? Thank you for telling me.’

  ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’

  ‘No, of course you didn’t. You see everything in black and white, don’t you? I warned you I wasn’t nice. Why did you bother to come looking for me?’

  ‘I don’t know. Obviously I shouldn’t have bothered.’ I turned to leave but he came after me, catching my arm.

  The look in his eyes then was so tortured that I couldn’t move away as he bent his head to kiss me. His kiss surprised me, because I had expected it to be hard and angry. Instead it was gentle and sweet, and it shook me.

  I wasn’t supposed to like Paul too much. He belonged to Mary, and I was going to marry Matthew.’

  ‘I am a rotten cad,’ he said and smiled oddly. ‘I shouldn’t torment you. You are lovely, Amy. Inside and out. You’re not like me – or Mary. It would have been better for you if you had never known us.’

  ‘Why? I like being Mary’s friend – and yours too, Paul.’

  ‘You know we’ll hurt you in the end, don’t you? Mary is thoughtless and I’m cruel. It’s our nature. We’re both selfish and we deserve each other. You shouldn’t have let me kiss you, Amy. I’m going to want to do it again. If you let me, I’ll break your heart.’

  ‘No, you won’t. I like you, Paul. I’m fond of you as a friend, but I’m in love with Matthew.’

  Even as I spoke I knew it was only partially true. The feelings I had for Paul were unlike those I had for Matthew, but they were too strong, too strange to be merely friendship.

  Paul looked at me for a moment and I thought he was angry, but then he suddenly laughed. ‘Bravo! Well done, Amy. I’m glad you have your Matthew – but you should still stay away from us. We are mad, bad, and dangerous to know.’

  I ran my fingers over the keys, ignoring his remark.

  ‘Do you ever play, Paul? I should love to hear you.’

  ‘Would you? Perhaps I shall play for you one day, but not while the others are here. We had better go and have our tea or they will think I am sulking.’

  ‘Or that we have run off together.’

  ‘Then I had better protect your reputation, my girl.’

  We were laughing as we went out into the evening sunshine. Jane glanced at us, a flicker of pain in her eyes, before she turned to her fiancé.

  Paul had warned me to be careful of him. I wondered if he cared that he had inflicted so much pain on Jane. But he disliked her, and somehow I didn’t think that Paul bothered much with people he disliked – which must mean that he liked me.

  It gave me a warm feeling inside to know that Paul liked me more than most of the other girls he knew, and yet something in my head told me that I would be foolish to care one way or the other.

  ‘I liked Mary and her friends,’ Terry said as he drove me back to Lainie’s that evening. ‘But Paul Ross is a bit of a moody devil, isn’t he?’

  ‘Yes, I suppose he is. I can’t help liking him though.’

  ‘You’re not being silly about him, are you?’

  ‘No, of course not. I love Matthew.’

  ‘That’s all right then.’ He grinned at me. ‘I might as well tell you that the reason I came today was that Mum asked me to look your friends over for her. As long as you’re not hiding anything I can tell her it’s OK for you to keep visiting.’

  ‘Cheeky devil! You just watch yourself with Mary.’

  ‘Oh, I know she’s a tease,’ he said and grinned. ‘I said I like her, Amy. I like a lot of girls. As far as I’m concerned, marriage – or even a serious relationship – is light years away. I’ve got exams and then intensive hospital training.’

  ‘Well, I am sure Mum will be pleased to know that. I’m not the only one she worries about, our Terry!’

  We laughed together, parting on the best of terms outside the shop. I’
d asked if he wanted to come in and say hello to Lainie but he refused.

  ‘I’d rather just get home. I know you get on well with her, Amy, and that’s fine – but she’s not my favourite person.’

  ‘Why?’ I stared at him in surprise.

  ‘Dad told me something once. Lainie was very selfish when she was young. She behaved badly, got into trouble – and that led to trouble for Mum and Dad.’

  ‘What kind of trouble?’

  ‘It really isn’t up to me to say. I only know that some people wouldn’t have been as forgiving as Mum has been towards her sister.’

  Terry wasn’t going to tell me any more if he knew, and I didn’t feel like telling him about Lainie and her son.

  I wondered if John would still be there and what he had been like. But I found Lainie in the kitchen alone washing the tea things. She was humming to herself, so I guessed that the afternoon must have gone well for her.

  ‘Everything was all right then?’

  ‘Yes, I think so. John was a bit quiet at first, but after a while he started to talk about himself and his job. He wanted to know about my family and says he would like to meet you before any of the others.’

  ‘I shall look forward to it. He doesn’t hate you then?’

  ‘He said he did when he was young. I think his parents were quite strict with him. He resented it and used to feel bitter about being adopted.’

  ‘But now he doesn’t?’

  ‘He has grown up, Amy. He’s older than you by several years, of course, and doing well working in a solicitor’s office as a clerk. I think you will like him.’

  ‘I’m sure I shall.’

  ‘So how was your afternoon?’

  ‘Oh, lots of fun. Terry and Mary played tennis together. They won the trophy. Mary kept it because they play for it each year.’

  ‘And was there anyone else you knew at the party?’

  ‘Yes. Millie and Alan and Jane – and Paul Ross, of course.’

  ‘Well, I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.’

  We parted and I went to my own room. I knew at once that someone had been in, touching things on the dressing-table, because the silver-topped pots my father had once given me as a birthday gift had been moved, the lid not replaced quite straight on one of them.