Instigations

by Kiki Archer

  Kat controlled her breathing, desperate to stay calm. “Well I wasn’t asleep ... and I heard you two come in.”

  “What, and then you listened to us shagging all night?!”

  Kat raised her eyebrows and lifted herself backwards, creating some space with her chair. “No, but I looked in on you this morning as I was about to leave and ... and I saw Renee in your bed ... with her arm over your stomach.”

  “Are you being serious?” Freya was not sure if it was the raging hangover or the absurdity of the situation that was making her cross, but whatever it was she knew she had to keep hold of her fiery temper. The last thing Kat needed to see was her childish side ... but she couldn’t help it. “And was she naked? Were her hands down my pants?”

  “No, but you were in bed together.” Kat lifted her hands in exasperation. “Can you not understand that I’m a bit upset?”

  Freya watched as a watery glaze started to show in Kat’s emotion filled eyes. She pulled her seat closer and took her hands. “Of course I can. Look, I’m an idiot. I got it wrong. I got so drunk last night that I needed to be carried home. I am a pathetic, lightweight student and I didn’t want my mature, professional, perfect girlfriend seeing me in that state.” She bent her head to kiss the hands and lifted her eyes in apology. “I’m so sorry Kat. She had gone this morning and I won’t let her stay again.”

  Kat was the one who now felt childish. How lucky of Freya to have someone who would bring her home. “It’s not about that.”

  “What’s it about then?”

  She shrugged her shoulders and smiled gently. “I don’t know. I guess I read too much into it, seeing her in our bed.”

  Freya raised her eyebrows. “In our bed?”

  “Well, no. On our bed.”

  “Oh right, now we’re getting to it.” She grinned. “And did you see the state of me?”

  Kat had not really taken her time to study the situation, but now as she thought about it with fresh perspective, Freya had looked rather stained. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I have been sitting in here fretting.” She rose to her feet and lifted Freya for a heartfelt hug. “I just love you so much and I guess I was worried that I had lost you.”

  Freya shook her head against Kat’s warm neck. “You are my one. How many times do I have to tell you?”

  Kat felt ridiculous, how much time had she wasted today worrying over her own stupid insecurity. She felt the buzz in Freya’s back pocket and reaching down, pulled the phone out of its warm nesting. She passed it to Freya and sat back down on the edge of her wooden desk, feeling as if an enormous weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

  Freya read the text and chuckled. “It’s Renee.” She lifted the phone to Kat, “She says -Wasn’t last night a blast ... We are the girls from the Tampax Factory! Dreading seeing Martin, please forget about the snog, hope your hangover isn’t too bad! - Can you believe she got on a table full of footballers and snogged Martin from our course, who was completely naked and looking absolutely terrified.”

  Kat could see the twinkle in her eye, the one that she herself used to get after every uni night out when visions of the raucous events finally came back to her the next morning. “Yes I can!” Kat grimaced. “You didn’t learn that awful Tampax Factory song did you?”

  “Yes! It’s hilarious.” She took hold of Kat’s slender waist. “I have got so much to tell you, it was such a funny evening. Shall we go out for dinner after my lecture?”

  Kat smiled, “I would like that a lot .... and I’m sorry. I don’t want you thinking that I doubt you.”

  “But you did though, didn’t you?” She gently pushed a layer of blonde hair back behind Kat’s ear.

  “No, I doubted myself. I constantly doubt myself. I doubt whether I’ll be enough for you.”

  Freya rolled her eyes. “Look at yourself ... you are perfect and I don’t want anyone else ... ever.” She kissed her gently on the lips and playfully spanked her bottom before turning to leave. “I’ll text you later and I’m sorry for being such a drunken mess.”

  Kat watched the wavy chestnut hair swaying from side to side as Freya fiddled with the door lock. “As long as it’s not you she is kissing, then I don’t care how drunk and messy you get.”

  Freya felt the lock finally ping open as a horrific vision of remembrance flashed into her mind. She could not manage a response so she nodded and stepped out into the empty corridor, wide eyed and full of dread.

  ****

  Sitting alone at the table for two, Freya once again rehearsed her speech. She would explain, justify and then reassure. Tearing a strip off the red and white striped napkins she gasped. Kat would never understand. Trying to compose herself she thought about it logically - Kat would understand, but she would question; question her word, her motives, her version of the story. She would think she wanted it, enjoyed it ... preferred it. She would ask why she hadn’t mentioned it at school. How ridiculous to think she would believe it only occurred to her as she left the classroom. Oh shit! Renee’s reference to the snog in the text was meant for her. It was obvious now. Freya rested her elbows on the red and white striped table cloth and supported her head in her hands. The excruciatingly loud music had started again. She looked up and watched as the waiter, who appeared to be dressed as a red and white jester, danced around with a flaming pink birthday cake, in time with the modern happy birthday song. The whole restaurant was once again encouraged to shout hip hip hoorah! She rubbed her eyes, trying not to smudge her mascara, having applied more make up than usual in an effort to look slightly less dead than she had for most of the day.

  “Howdy Ma’am, can I get you any drinks yet?” The waitress had the best American accent and widest smile of the crew; thus earning her the four striped stars on her shoulder.

  Freya looked up at the thirty-something woman with bouncing short pig tails and rosy red cheeks. She managed to shake her head. “No, not yet, thanks.”

  “Hold your horses Ma’am, here we go again!” The waitress grabbed Freya’s hand and waved it in time above her head as her colleague, who only had two stripy stars due to his atrocious American accent, attempted to rouse the room into song.

  Freya looked up at her excitable waitress with bouncing pig tails who was singing loudly, squeezing her hand and nodding for her to join in. “Happy birthday dear...”

  The male jester holding the blue sparkling cake tried really hard to put an authentic American twang on it, “Beeeeenny!”

  “Happy birthday to you!” finished off the rest of the room.

  Freya watched in embarrassment as the stripy jester disappeared around the corner with the flaming blue cake. She looked up at her own stripy, seemingly new best friend, and shook her hand free.

  The smile was permanent. “Just give a holler when y’all need me darling!”

  Kat suddenly appeared through a cluster of people, carefully avoiding a bunch of balloons that had been knocked in her direction. She edged into the padded stripy seat at Freya’s table and leaned over to kiss her girlfriend. “You look like you’re having fun. Thanks for waiting.” She dropped her bag onto the table. “Kirsty kept me behind. She wants me to run the school’s LGBT history month next year in February. She thinks I’ll be perfect for the role!”

  Freya smiled. “Wow! I read about that the other day. It’s the one started by Sue Sanders and the School’s Out Project right?”

  Kat nodded as she adjusted herself in her seat.

  “That’s amazing! From what I read it seems to be a huge thing in most schools.”

  “It is.” Kat lifted herself up and started to unbutton her coat. “We’re going to follow the Educate and Celebrate programme devised by Elly Barnes.”

  Freya moved the workbag from the table and placed it on the floor. “I remember her name from the article. She’s the teacher who trains schools on how to be LGBT friendly.”

  “That’s right. She is making a huge difference.”

  “And so will you,” said Freya, smiling at Kat, “
you’ll be great.” She suddenly rolled her eyes at the new party of twelve that had just entered the popular restaurant. “Sorry, I didn’t realise it would be this busy. There have been three birthdays already! How was the rest of your day?”

  Kat finally hung her black coat on the back of her chair and took a deep smiling breath. “It was great after I saw you.” She took Freya’s hand across the table and looked straight into her pretty green eyes. “I’m so sorry for being all dramatic. I realise how silly I must have looked.”

  Freya took back her hand and picked up the torn stripy napkin. “You weren’t being dramatic and you had every right to be annoyed, but listen,” she paused, “something happened ... and I only just remembered it ... and I need you to understand-”

  “What the fuck?!” Kat stood out of her seat.

  Freya looked up for the first time. Kat never swore and she had not expected the reaction to be this bad.

  “That’s Ben!” Kat edged quickly out from the table and made her way through the group of people taking it in turns to hit the multicoloured piñata. Ben was standing at the restaurant’s exit holding the hand of a small boy and the hand of a very thin blonde woman. Kat was fuming. She pushed a cluster of red and white balloons out of her way and reached him before he made his exit. She tapped him hard on the shoulder. “Ben, hi!”

  Ben looked around and immediately released both grips. “Kat!”

  She ignored him and crouched down, smiling at the little boy. “Hello, I guess you must be Benny.”

  “Mmm Hmm,” he said with a mouthful of complimentary jelly beans. “I’m four.” He proudly tapped the large badge on his chest.

  “Well happy birthday then, Benny who’s four.” She smiled, gently rising to her feet and glaring at Ben. She stretched her hand towards the petite blonde lady. “You must be Lisa.”

  “Mmm Hmm,” was the nodded response, eyes darting from side to side.

  Kat was not sure who looked the most shocked, Lisa or Ben. “Ben, could I have a quick word please?”

  “Sure, sure,” he was frantically rubbing his messy blonde hair. “Lisa, Benny mate, I’ll meet you guys in the car.”

  “Okay Seed Daddy,” the voice was angelic.

  Freya peered over the crowd of piñata bashing adults and spotted Kat who was now stood hand on hip giving Ben, what looked like, an ear-bashing. Kat was so loyal and so principled that her own inevitable admission was sure to cause hurt. She took a sip of water and watched as the silent show unfolded.

  Kat paused for breath. “All I care about is Lucy.”

  Ben knew how awful the set up looked, but he was telling the truth. “I promise you Kat! Benny asked us to hold hands on his birthday. Crikey, she was more embarrassed than I was. She is happily married!”

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, how long has this been going on for?”

  Ben shrugged his shoulders. “I couldn’t. It’s all happened so fast and it’s completely mind blowing. Kat, I’m a dad. Me, of all people!” He smiled with surprised pride.

  “And what about Lucy?” Kat could not get her head around what was going on.

  “Lucy is the love of my life ... I was going to tell her.”

  “When?” She realised that it was not her place to judge or bark orders but the poor night’s sleep was making her unusually short tempered.

  “I wanted to get Jess’s wedding out of the way first. You guys are bridesmaids and Lucy has never been a bridesmaid and she is so excited and-”

  Kat shook her head. “Oh, so you’re doing her a favour by not telling her? Ben, this is huge! You need to speak to her as soon as you can,” she paused, “and by that I mean right now. Get home and tell her.” She was actually pointing at the door whilst making the order.

  “But Jess’s wedding, she is so excited.”

  “You can’t seriously be using that as an excuse?! This has nothing to do with Jess’s wedding. What if Lucy was here now? I was going to invite her, it’s a good job I didn’t. Can you imagine how upset and humiliated she would feel?”

  Ben shrugged his shoulders. “Shit, I’m a knob, I know I am ... I just don’t know how to handle this. For fucks sake Kat, I’ve got a son! Me, with a kid!”

  “Yes, and you also have a girlfriend who thinks the world of you. I don’t care what you do but don’t show her up,” she was eye to eye with Ben and wanted him to feel her full force, “and don’t make me lie for you. You know I won’t do that for anybody.”

  “Please Kat, don’t tell her, not yet.”

  Kat rubbed her forehead. The boisterous noises from the lively restaurant were really starting to grate. “I’m sorry, but my loyalties lie with Lucy. Go home and tell her.” She had never said it before and realised it sounded wholeheartedly dramatic, but she had no other choice. “You tell her tonight or I will.”

  “Come on Kat! Be fair!”

  “No, you play fair. Lucy is my friend.”

  Ben shifted his weight uneasily, thinking about his response. “Lucy’s lucky to have you ... and I’m sure you’re probably right.”

  “Aren’t I always?” she smiled, bashing him lightly on the chest, hoping he wouldn’t hate her.

  “I just don’t know how to say it.”

  “Well you better get thinking on the way home then matey!”

  “You think I should tell her tonight?”

  “Yes Ben! You tell her at the first possible moment and you pray that she understands.”

  “That I’ve got a son?”

  “No, that you were confused and that’s why you took so long to tell her. Lucy is the most loving, genuine person you could ever hope to meet and you need to give her some more credit. You really should have told her.”

  He shook his head in realisation. “Oh shit, I’m a knob aren’t I?” Pulling her in for a full bodied hug he laughed in defeat, “You bloody women, you’re all so perfect!”

  Kat pulled away and waved across at Freya who was studying them intently. “Well I know mine is.” She smiled and pushed him gently towards the doors. “Off you go then. We won’t rush home.”

  “Good,” he said, raising his bushy blonde eyebrows and reaching for another handful of complimentary jelly beans, confident that Benny would have finished his pile already.

  Kat watched him edge his way out of the weighted doors and made her way back through the balloon filled area to her table where Freya was sitting rather anxiously. “I need a drink,” she sighed, pulling herself back into the stripy table.

  “Eugh, don’t! The smell will be enough to push me over the edge.” Freya pulled a face, the thought making her physically retch. She nodded towards the exit. “What’s going on? Who was the blonde lady?”

  “That’s Lisa. The mother of Ben’s child.”

  “What?”

  “Exactly. It’s a long story. Let me get the drinks in.” She signalled the stripy waitress. “Can I get you a wine or are you okay with that water.”

  Freya took another slow sip and nodded. “This is all I can manage thank you!”

  Kat smiled at the rosy cheeked lady, ordered their drinks and proceeded to tell Freya the full story.

  Ten minutes later and Freya was still shaking her head. The revelations had been mind blowing and she was struggling to take stock of the incredible situation. “So you knew he thought he had a son and you didn’t tell me?”

  Kat put her glass of dry white wine down, slightly puzzled. “It was not my place to tell you.”

  “But I’m your girlfriend.”

  Both could sense an air of touchiness in the other and understood it was solely from the previous nights escapades, but neither wanted to back down. “I know, and I love that you’re my girlfriend, but there are some things that I will not tell you. For example, if something happens at school that is of a sensitive nature, then I will stick by my professional code of conduct, and I won’t tell you.”

  “What because I am just some Tom, Dick or Harry?”

  Kat pushed the large shiny menu back i
nto the centre of the table. Embarking on a large three course American diner type feast was the last thing she now felt like doing. “Come on, we are both tired. Let’s just forget about everything that has happened today and talk about something else.” Kat paused then clicked her fingers, “Like what outfit you are wearing to Jess’s wedding.” She smiled. “It has to match my peach bridesmaid’s gown!”

  Freya crossed her arms. “Really? You really don’t think it’s a big deal that you didn’t tell me?”

  Kat sighed and twisted in her chair, making her crossed legs momentarily more comfortable. “No, I don’t. It wasn’t a piece of gossip ... it wasn’t a fact ... it was a personal worry that Ben told me about, in the strictest of confidence!” She reached once again for the shiny menu and scanned the choices, still nothing jumped out. She looked up at Freya and remembered. “Sorry, you were going to tell me something before I saw Ben.”

  Freya reached across the table for her own menu. “Well, if we don’t tell each other everything, then I guess that’s not important now.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Lucy heard the apartment door close and raced out of her bedroom before she forgot the words. She jumped up and wrapped her strong legs around Ben’s torso, not even giving him time to take off his bomber jacket. “Hiya!” She thought carefully and started to wag her finger. “Can you please stop leaving your lower decker pecker checker on the floor!”

  Ben kissed her passionately on the mouth, pausing to think it through. “Okay, do I really do it or are you just saying I do it so that you can drop it into the conversation?”

  Lucy kissed him back. “No, you don’t leave it on the floor. I just wanted to drop it in somehow. My Auntie’s tongue twisters get better and better! Have you noticed the difference?” She winked and gave his back a giddy up kick with her bare heels. “Come on, will you stop leaving your lower decker pecker checker on the floor!”

  He waded into the lounge with Lucy still gripped to his waist. “Lower decker pecker checker? Hmmm,” he grinned, “my jockstrap?”