The Broken Hearts' Society of Suite 17C

by LeighAnn Kopans

  “I like you,” Arielle murmured as Lauren pulled her to standing. “And only you.”

  Lauren scoffed, but stepped in even closer so their hips pressed together.

  “It’s true,” Arielle said, standing on tiptoes to brush a light kiss against her lips. “I don’t like anyone else in the entire world. Not like you. But you know what I’ll do because I like you so much?”

  “What?” Lauren whispered, returning Arielle’s brush of the lips with one of her own.

  “I’ll do sorority recruitment. We both will, so that then the question over whether we—you—are missing out on anything wasting your weekends in bed with me and a pizza will finally be answered for you. Because you’re important to me, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m making you miss out on anything.”

  The absence of the ‘I love you’ Arielle so badly wanted to say felt tangible to her, like a blanket folded at the ready. She had to pick the right moment, between when the blanket would smother Lauren and when Lauren couldn’t live without it. Without her.

  Unfortunately, Arielle had the strong sense that that moment was buried deep somewhere in these four rounds of recruitment. And the only way to find it was to go along for the ride.

  It was freaking freezing outside, but Lauren had insisted that Arielle’s legs were too gorgeous to hide inside the fleece-lined leggings she really wanted to wear to the first recruitment round—the open house. Standing in front of the cheap full-length mirror bolted to the inside of her closet, Arielle turned to the side and surveyed the damage of trying to squeeze her butt into this stretchy black skirt that hugged every curve.

  Her concentration was interrupted, happily, by Lauren’s manicured hand running down her hip and squeezing her butt for a brief second.

  “Hey,” Arielle said as she turned into Lauren’s arms, tipping her chin up to beg her for a kiss. Arielle was such a whore for Lauren’s kisses. Lauren’s lips could send her head spinning and make her forget where she was or why she was doing whatever she was in the middle of.

  Tonight, Arielle could use the distraction.

  “Hey, gorgeous. Have you seen my girlfriend? She’s really hot and I’m pretty sure she lives here but she promised me she wouldn’t be caught dead in a skirt under any circumstances.”

  “Very funny,” Arielle said, standing on her tiptoes to grab a kiss for herself. Lauren responded by squeezing Arielle’s hips and pulling them tight to her own, sending pleasure through every inch of her.

  “Now, about the shoes…” Lauren said as she rummaged through Ari’s closet.

  “What’s wrong with my shoes?” Arielle had stepped into black leather ballet flats, because they were cute, broken-in, and hopefully would deal with the walk from house to house to house pretty well.

  “There’s no point in wearing that skirt if you’re not going to maximize those calves. Get in heels.”

  Arielle laughed. “Yeah, right. Not happening, baby. Maybe later tonight.”

  Lauren’s eyebrow flicked up. “Is that a promise?”

  “I don’t know. We’ll see how much I loathe walking to sixteen different sorority houses in two and a half hours, and being enthusiastic for all of them. Without you there with me, which, by the way, I’m still mad about. You owe me four weekend nights of just you and me to make up for the ones that were robbed from us by the evil sorority overlords. Overladies. Whatever.”

  “Oh, they’re not that bad,” Lauren said, smiling absently as she checked her small purse for her cell phone and keys. “The worst part will be not being able to mention you.”

  Her soft smile told Arielle those words made sense to Lauren, but they bounced around in Arielle’s ears, disjointed and senseless. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you know. They said we shouldn’t talk about our boyfriends, and I assume that’s even more true when you have a girlfriend that you absolutely adore, and if you talk about her it could make everyone lose their focus on, you know, you.”

  “But hold on. Don’t you think they should know? What if it bothered them that you were gay? Wouldn’t you want to know that before you got yourself into a really bad situation?”

  Lauren approached Arielle again, holding out her arms. Even worried and stressed and totally amped up as Arielle was, she couldn’t resist melting into Lauren’s arms. “Baby. I would know that, okay? All the houses are so nice. Times are different. You heard them—they talk to every chapter about discrimination based on all sorts of things. And nobody even cares anymore.”

  “I just don’t see how you would know without telling them,” Arielle whispered, keeping her voice quiet so the tears pricking at her eyelids wouldn’t be able to escape. Not with all the time she spent making her mascara perfect.

  Lauren pressed a light kiss to Arielle’s forehead. “I will figure it out. I promise you, I will love you just as much after this whole thing is over as I do right now. The only difference is that my new sisters will love you too.”

  Something caught in Arielle’s throat and she raised her head, slowly, to look into Lauren’s eyes. She begged her heart to stay steady, not to get too excited at what she thought she just heard. At what she didn’t even trust herself to confirm with words. So she just stared at Lauren like an idiot and bit her lower lip.

  Lauren leaned down and planted a lingering kiss right where Ari’s teeth had pulled in her lip. Pulling back just enough so that she could get the words out, she said, “You heard me. I love you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I’ve never been happier. My mom even loves you.”

  Arielle’s eyes fluttered closed, remembering the Skype call just a few days ago where Lauren had put her arm around Ari, kissed her cheek, told her mom and dad how they’d met outside of women’s studies class. Lauren was so calm, collected, and she told the story just like Arielle had heard straight couples tell similar stories dozens of times. The relief and reassurance that had come from that had kept Arielle’s hopes up every moment since then.

  Maybe this was something real. Maybe this was something that wouldn’t be destroyed by worrying about what other people would think.

  “You know I love you too,” Arielle’s voice ground out, still fighting valiantly to keep back tears.

  “I know,” Lauren said, cupping Ari’s jaw and making her look into her eyes again. “We both know, and the sororities will know too, as soon as we get through recruitment.”

  “You don’t know what I know about these girls. I think we have to tell them. If they know that you and I are together, we’ll be able to see how they really feel. Lesbians are just fine with these Greek girls in theory, until they have to see girl-on-girl romance every day. Then, things are different.”

  “Ari, why are you making this into such a big deal?”

  Arielle’s stomach twisted, sour and sick. Why did such a beautiful declaration have to be framed by so much worry? But she had to say her piece. “How can you NOT make this into a big deal? This is who we are.”

  “This is who you are.”

  “What are you saying?” Arielle recoiled, pulling back like Lauren had stabbed her in the gut.

  Lauren sighed heavily and tried to close the gap Arielle had put between them. Arielle pulled back more. “That sounded bad. I didn’t mean that I’m not gay, or whatever. Just that being a lesbian is such a big part of your identity, Ari. I’m different. I’m so happy we’re together, but there are so many things that the girls need to know about me, that say more about me, just me, than the fact that I’m head over heels with a girl. Another girl who’s going through recruitment, I should add.”

  “God, who cares if I’m going through recruitment? I don’t even care about this sorority bullshit!”

  Lauren’s mouth twisted. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. I just wanted someone to give me the push to do it, to come along with me. Because I really do care about it, a lot. And I think if you check out the houses, you might too. But if you don’t, there are two options. Go tonight, and when you
don’t like any of the houses, drop. Or drop now. I’ll be okay.”

  The look in Lauren’s eyes said something different, though. There was also the sinking feeling that if Arielle put an end to her involvement in sorority recruitment, it would be the beginning of the end of much more than that. She simply wasn’t ready to think about giving Lauren up. She couldn’t bear two heartbreaks in one year.

  “Okay,” Arielle said softly. “I’ll come. No girlfriend talk,” she added begrudgingly. The gut punch stayed inside, twisting and forming a ball that seemed to get tighter by the minute. She didn’t like this, not at all. It felt like lying.

  It felt like the beginning of Rachel leaving her all over again.

  “Baby, listen,” Lauren said. “We’re going to be late, which will ruin this whole thing whether you decide to stay in or not. And I really really want to stay in. I know you’re upset, but please, for me—just go through this round and we’ll talk about it tonight. I promise. We’ll work everything out.” Lauren tipped Arielle’s chin up again. “You are too important to me not to work everything out. I promise you that. Do you trust me?”

  Keep it together, Ari. “I…yeah, okay.” She knew what Lauren wanted her to say—that she trusted her, that she knew everything would be just fine.

  But saying ‘I trust you’ was too big of a leap for Ari when she didn’t even trust herself.

  The second block of Benedict Avenue, affectionately referred to as sorority row, was a tree-lined street just off Francis, and it looked festive in the frost-covered twilight. Banners of welcome hung on the front of each house, and there were folding tables along the sidewalks where smiling, pretty, dolled-up girls handed out paper cups of steaming hot chocolate. When Ari and Lauren passed the first one, a girl with bouncing blond curls handed them each a pink one with green polka dots and “Kappa Kappa Beta” in big swirl-tipped letters. “Hope you’ll consider KKB!” she chirped, more to Lauren then to Arielle. Lauren grinned back at her. “Thanks!” Ari mumbled something into her cup.

  They walked a couple steps farther, then Lauren stopped. “I think we need to head to our first houses. Do you know where yours is?”

  Arielle didn’t. She nodded anyway, and watched the slight frothing swirl around the surface of her hot cocoa. The paper telling everyone from Harrison Tower where to go was folded in quarters in her pocket. She knew studying it while she was actually on Benedict Street would make her look like a loser. She didn’t really care.

  “Listen, Ari. It’s just one night. We’ll talk when we get home.”

  Home. God, How did Lauren know exactly how to twist her heart around when she was trying to keep it still. “Your place?”

  “Whatever you want.” She touched Ari’s elbow. “We’re going to be talking to a lot of girls tonight.”

  “Yeah, what did that Rho Gam say? Five hundred something?”

  “Something like that. But listen. You are the only one I’m even remotely interested in coming home with. Okay?”

  Arielle’s eyes shifted to all the banners and cheerful girls. What had Rachel thought about when she was standing in this exact position one year ago? Did she know that what her sisters thought of her would become more important than the girl waiting for her back home, who she said she loved?

  Rion’s words from earlier that day rang clear in her memory. “Lauren is not Rachel. You might be hurt, but you still have to be fair.”

  So Arielle took a deep breath, looked into Lauren’s eyes, and said, “Okay.”

  Then Lauren squeezed her hand, kissed her on the cheek, and started walking, calling over her shoulder, “Text me. See you soon.”

  Arielle sighed and checked her list. “Gamma Delta Chi?” she groused in an undertone. “Yep! You’ve made it to the right place!” Another bouncy girl, this one with several layers of makeup, flashed her a million-watt smile. She wasn’t even wearing gloves, or a scarf. Jesus, was she made of plastic?

  “Well, come on in! You’re going to love GDC!”

  Arielle’s cheeks felt stiff as she tried to match the girl’s smile, not even coming close.

  Open house round of recruitment was a special circle of hell that only the dumbest girls at Indiana Northern subjected themselves to, Arielle quickly learned over the following two and a half hours.

  One house looked like a tea party at a retirement home with cardigan-shell sets on all the girls and a slideshow of their philanthropy events playing to classical music in the background. Others included a trivia game and an impressive selection of hot tea—maybe their mothers were sponsoring this event. Another house blared music through dimmed lights and the rank smell of overpriced teen cologne. Yet another house was workout-obsessed, with the girls’ various gym and weight training schedules hung on the wall of the dining room. Another emphasized the fellowship and Bible study opportunities they offered at every turn. In Beta Gamma Psi, the sisters greeted the freshmen visitors while dancing to disco music, all wearing identical silver platform heels. The main point of that sorority seemed to be getting as drunk as possible for as many weekends in a row as possible.

  An hour and a half in, Arielle had begun to despair of humanity. Or at least female humanity at Indiana Northern. The upside was that she realized how lucky she’d been to find Lauren, not to mention her roommates—bastions of female semi-sanity in a sea of girl idiots.

  The saving grace of tonight was that at least, when she got home with Lauren, they could laugh about how stupid sorority recruitment had been and go on with their lives. Arielle actually started to get kind of excited—she’d be proven right, everything would go back to normal, maybe they’d start discussing plans for Spring break.

  The only thing worse than the first ten houses she had to drag herself to was Arielle’s second to last, Alpha Rho Omega. Those three Greek letters were burned into the back of Arielle’s mind. She’d memorized them as she stared at the back of Rachel’s t-shirt when she walked away from her for the last time. She hadn’t realized they were emblazoned on the door of the house, however, until she stood right in front of it. Too late to run away. Arielle cursed herself for not making a plan to deal with Rachel’s house before then, and pulled in a deep breath when the door swung open.

  The house was bright and warm, spotless, smelling only the slightest bit of fresh, clean perfume. Dozens of the sisters milled around the first floor, and they were easy to spot. They all wore the same height of boots, the same fit of jeans, and they all had long hair that they’d straightened to shining perfection. Of course they weren’t all the same—nobody was—but it was so very clear that they all wanted to be. Yes, Arielle could see why Rachel had chosen this place.

  Just as she thought Rachel’s name, Arielle spotted her on the other side of the room. Her hair wasn’t perfectly straight—that was impossible, with Rachel’s curls. The slightly puffy hair framing the perfectly glossed roundness of her lips and the hearty belly laugh Rachel tried to tone down but never could…they were all still there.

  Only one thing was missing. When Arielle used to see Rachel across the room and feel like she was in the presence of a goddess, someone she couldn’t wait to be near, to touch, to speak to, now she just saw a girl. A normal girl in a sea of other normal girls, so indistinct that Arielle didn’t really feel anything when she saw her. Being in the same room didn’t feel scary or traumatic, like Arielle assumed it would—it felt like nothing.

  Walking to the last house felt like the longest slog of Arielle’s life. Just like half the others, it had an immaculately kept lawn, white pillars, and in the early winter twilight, the Christmas lights were still up and twinkling, despite the holiday being three weeks gone.

  Great. Not only was this house a cookie cutter Greek house probably filled with the same giggling girls and the same superficial, meandering conversations, but it was obviously not so Jew-friendly either.

  Arielle walked in, shivering, and took a second to roll her ankle against the ache of the balls of her feet in her flats, which had become
surprisingly painful somewhere between houses six and seven. On the inside, the house looked…normal. No blaring lights, no gimmicky signs, no picture slideshows or pop music-singing girls in heels. Just a warm, inviting house with a fire roaring in the common room. One girl came out to greet Arielle and the half dozen girls who had trickled in after her, trying to blow some warmth into their fingertips.

  “Oh, geez,” she said, looking Arielle up and down.

  What the hell did she say that for? Arielle didn’t even care what these girls thought of her—in theory. But every conversation that included a semi-judgmental reply to a question, or talked way too much about their frat “brothers” despite the girls going through recruitment being forbidden from talking about boys, or were dressed in clothes more trendy than Arielle had ever considered wearing, had worn her down to feeling not really confident in herself, or who she was, at all. This “oh, geez” was the last straw.

  “We’ve got a shoe situation,” the girl continued, and Arielle blushed and started to stammer. “I know they’re not heels, but I knew we’d be doing a lot of walking, and flats just made more sense to me.”

  “Of course they did,” said another girl who came in to join the first. The first one came behind her and tugged Arielle’s coat from her arms as she shrugged out of it. “Honestly, I’m in awe of you girls who wore anything with a heel. I never even attempted it. Which is how I ended up at Alpha Chi.”

  The second girl smiled at Arielle, and for the first time that night, her smile in response felt genuine. “So what’ll it be? Socks or slippers? Both fresh out of the dryer, you can keep either.”

  “Seriously?” Arielle’s mouth dropped open, and by the murmurings of the girls around her, they were just as surprised as she was. She scanned the room. Each and every member of Alpha Chi was wearing some form of stretchy, soft pants, and a warm, comfortable top.