A Simple Charity

by Rosalind Lauer

  A dim light flickered from the window of the carriage house; someone was inside. Of course, it would be Zed. She hadn’t noticed him in the house for a while. Having been away from the community for so long, Zed sometimes felt uncomfortable at big gatherings. And with so many tasks still to be completed in the center, he would have retreated from the gathering to tinker a bit.

  She had half expected that. This morning, when she had come across the gift she had wrapped for him, she had decided to leave it in the carriage house. That way they would avoid the eyes of folks who didn’t understand that Zed had become a part of their family.

  The cold night, the relief of a gathering that had gone well, and the excitement of Zed finding his gift made her giddy as she hurried to the birthing center and pushed open the door. “Merry Christmas,” she called.

  “So you found me.” He held up his hands, revealing the kid leather gloves. “And I found these. A perfect fit. Denki.”

  Somehow she’d known they would fit. She had watched him work for so long that she carried the image of his hands in her memory. “I thought of you when I saw them. They might come in handy for some of the rough jobs.”

  “These gloves will get plenty of use.” He slid one of them off. “But I’m not doing any heavy work tonight. Would you hand me the tape measure from the workbench?”

  She found the yellow case and brought it to him.

  “I need to measure the stairs. There’s an old newel post that Jimmy Lapp is giving away, and I think it would fit fine right here. We need something to anchor our handrail, but we can’t afford much more than a wood post.”

  “Jimmy mentioned that. He was hoping we could use it.”

  Zed retracted the yellow metal tape with a nod. “It would be the right height. I’ll pick it up from the orchard tomorrow.”

  “A newel post.” Fanny rubbed her cold hands together as she stepped back from the stairs. “I didn’t think we’d have anything so nice.” She held her arms out, encompassing the floors, the walls, the kitchen. “It’s all so wonderful good, Zed. From floor to ceiling, the place is neat and tidy, but cozy, too. And we have you to thank for making it so.”

  “I’m just the handyman,” he said, leaning back on the sawhorse. “You came up with the notion of making the building a birthing center. A very good idea, but I hope the other mothers wait until I’m done with the renovations before they come in here to use it.”

  The light laughter came easily between them. “The mothers need this place,” she said as she perched beside him on the sawhorse. “And it’s really going to happen. It does my heart good to know that something wonderful will come of this building, thanks to you.”

  The kerosene lamp sizzled for a moment, and when they both turned to look at it, she caught his profile: square chin, bold cheekbones, and dark ridges of shadow around his eyes. Zed had thoughtful eyes. Her mamm used to say that eyes were the window to the soul. If that was true, Zed was a man who cared for others, a man who chose his words carefully so they didn’t hurt anyone. He was such a part of her life, such a part of each and every day. How could she let him go?

  “The work is almost done here,” she said, giving voice to her fears. “You must be eager to move on. Take a real job on a crew. A job with good pay.”

  He rose to check the lamp, then turned back to face her. “I haven’t thought that far ahead.”

  “I’m sure you’ll get some offers soon.” It was harder to say these things when she was facing him; he was sure to recognize the truth behind her words. He would know she didn’t want him to leave. “Now that you’re baptized and folks have begun to bring you back into the flock. It takes time for some folks to warm up, but they’ll come around. And once they get a look at the quality of work on this place …” The thickness in her throat was making her hoarse. “After this, the best builders will want to hire you.”

  “There are good jobs out there,” he admitted, “but I’ll never find a job as good as this, working for you. Your house has been a good fit for me, like those gloves.”

  “Oh, Zed …” Sorrow was a bitter, flat taste on the back of the tongue. It welled up inside her and she pressed her hands to his broad chest, as if she could stop him from leaving. “I don’t want you to go.”

  His eyes, the color of dark, sweet molasses, held her rapt. “If I had a say in the matter, I would never leave.” He slid his hands down along her arms, then encircled her waist and drew her against his warm body. “I can’t leave you, Fanny. What can we do?”

  “You have to stay,” she whispered.

  His dark eyes told her that the answer was not quite so simple, but when he tipped his head down and pressed his lips to hers, all her worries dissolved in a magnificent kiss. She closed her eyes and reveled in the touch of his mouth on hers, the secure feeling of his arms around her.

  The click of a door latch seemed loud as a shotgun blast. The noise jarred them, and the kiss ended as they turned to the source of the sound.

  The door was open and there were voices.

  Before they could move apart, Elsie’s voice penetrated Fanny’s daze. She was describing the way the building had been set up to care for mothers and babies. Oh, no! Not now!

  Embarrassment splashed over Fanny like a pan of cold water as she and Zed faced Elsie, Ruben, and a very shocked Joan Fisher.

  Ruben and Elsie shared a look of concern, but Joan snorted and glared at Fanny and Zed. “I knew it,” she said. “I always knew you were this way. Such a disgrace.”

  “I’m sorry.” Fanny pressed a hand to her flushed face, which seemed to be on fire.

  But Joan was not accepting apologies. With her lips pursed in disgust, she swung around and strode out the door.

  “I’m sorry,” Fanny repeated, feeling stranded on the work bench. Zed had stepped back, quiet and distant.

  “No need to apologize when you did nothing wrong,” Elsie said.

  Oh, but I did. I let my emotions run wild, without a lick of common sense for time and place, Fanny thought in despair. And now, everyone will know my mistake.

  Ruben apologized for bringing Joan back. He wouldn’t have thought of it, but it was one of the few things Joan seemed interested in.

  “You couldn’t have known,” Zed told him.

  Fanny curled up with her head in her hands, silently praying for Gott’s mercy. It would have been shameful to have a private moment interrupted by anyone, but for Joan Fisher to see her in Zed’s arms … She didn’t want to think about the number of people who would hear of this mistake. When she felt a touch on her shoulder and looked up, it was Elsie, asking if she was all right.

  She nodded, saying that she would be back at the house in a minute. There were guests to send off, leftovers to put away, and a kitchen to tidy. But as the door latched behind Elsie, Fanny heard a soft rustle beside her. Zed stood just beyond her reach. He rubbed his chin, his mouth a taut line of tension.

  “Fanny, we can weather this storm.”

  She turned away from him, even more embarrassed by the tears that stung her eyes. His soft voice and quiet strength were soothing as a whispering snowfall, but she could not let him comfort her anymore.

  “Please go,” she said. “Leave me be. We don’t need anyone else finding us together, adding wood to the fire.”

  “But I’m not afraid of what Joan might say.”

  “Please … I can’t talk about this. Just go.”

  “All right. We’ll talk in the morning. Everything looks better in the light of day.”

  She spared him a nod, then buried her head in her hands when the door closed behind him.

  She imagined that most of the guests were leaving, but all the animated laughter and joy of the Christmas gathering faded in the wake of fear. What would Joan Fisher do?

  To be caught in the arms of another man while still mourning her husband … Fanny was sickened by her own actions. This terrible shame would cast a pall over her relationship with Zed. People would think less of them both. An
d poor Caleb. How would he gain the trust and approval of the Fisher clan when his stepmother showed no respect for the dead?

  It was as if this mistake would prove to the Fishers that Fanny never had been quite worthy of dear David. And that was not fair, because Fanny had loved David Fisher with all her heart.

  She bit back her fragile emotions and turned down the kerosene lamp until the room grew dark. She never meant to be disrespectful to the memory of Thomas … or David. Gott knew she had barely made eye contact with a man until a year after David was gone, even if she was working in Tom Lapp’s house then.

  Oh, what a mistake she had made tonight! She prayed, for Caleb’s sake, that Joan would be charitable and keep this to herself. Perhaps she would forgive Fanny and welcome Caleb into her family.

  No matter what Joan decided, Fanny would keep a safe distance from Zed for the next two months—well into February, when the grieving period would be over. It was the least she could do out of respect for her dear Tom.

  25

  “Thanks for squeezing me in between the holidays,” Meg told Dr. Trueherz. “I know it’s hard for you to get time off to spend with your family.”

  “That’s the life of a country doctor.” With his silver-streaked hair and twinkling eyes, Henry Trueherz exuded a mixture of warmth and authority. “You’ll learn that lesson soon enough once you take on clients around here. Be sure to carve out some personal time for your family and stick to it. You’ll need to have another midwife to cover for you, but believe me, it’s well worth it. Everyone needs a break now and then. Just ask my wife.”

  She laughed … a forced, nervous sound. The impending test results loomed over her like a bundle of black clouds. After years of dealing with cramping and heavy periods, she wasn’t concerned about the discomfort of endometriosis. But when the tissue that normally lined the uterus began to grow outside the uterus, it often scarred and swelled, blocking the fallopian tubes and preventing pregnancy. And for Meg, that was the scary part.

  “So let’s see how the CT scan went.” He lowered his glasses to the tip of his nose so that he could read over them. “Good. They didn’t see any sign of a cyst on the ovaries.”

  “That’s good news, though I never worried about developing a cyst. The disease runs in my family. My mom and aunt. My sister, Zoey, has it, too. And no one has ever developed cysts or cancer.”

  “You’ve researched this, so there probably isn’t anything new I can tell you about the science of it.” The doctor closed her folder. “And you’re right; family history can be a strong indicator. So how’s the pain? Do over-the-counter medications give you enough relief?”

  “I’m usually good with ibuprofen. But I’m concerned about the possibility of infertility. I know that these imaging tests don’t tell us much about the growth of the endometriosis implants.”

  “That’s right. Are you trying to get pregnant?”

  “Well, not right now. But … I’m seeing someone and it’s getting serious. Looks like we might be talking about marriage soon.” She felt herself blushing. “Wow. It feels funny to say that.”

  “Congratulations. Do I know the lucky guy?”

  “Jack Woods.”

  “Halfway’s deputy? Well, good for you. He’s a fine man, an asset to the community. So you two are planning a family. Have you discussed your situation with him?”

  “Well … no. Not yet.”

  The doctor rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Don’t you think you should be honest with him?”

  “I do. Of course. I’m going to tell him.” She pressed the palm of one hand to her forehead and sighed. “I should have told him already. Usually I’m a very honest, down-to-earth person. In my occupation, you can’t be squeamish when it comes time to talk about the female reproductive system. But whenever there’s been a window of opportunity with Jack, I’ve choked. I’m so afraid of disappointing him.”

  “Because he wants children, and you’re afraid that won’t be possible?”

  “It’s a worry,” she admitted. “The thing is, I’ve kind of let it go too long with Jack. But really, when is the socially correct time to tell a guy you might have reproductive issues?”

  There was a hint of a smile on the doctor’s face. “I’m afraid that question is beyond my realm of experience. Have you encountered this dilemma before?”

  She told him about Lloyd Corrigan, a guy she had dated a few years ago. Once, when she’d suffered crippling cramps while they’d been attending a Pirates game, she had mentioned the endometriosis. “From the look on his face, you would have thought I had bubonic plague. That ended that relationship.”

  He chuckled. “I’m glad you’ve come to terms with this, but it’s too bad about the boyfriend.”

  “Trust me; it was a blessing in disguise.” Zoey used to say Lloyd could have been the poster child for the “me” generation. Unlike Jack, who could win an award for compassion. The other night she had learned more of the details of Jack’s wayward relationship with Lisa, who was a very troubled soul. He’d been reluctant to tell Meg about it, but the way she interpreted the story, Jack had given up his home and his good friends for Lisa.

  “I’d rather that you heard this all from me,” Jack had confessed. “I didn’t come out to Halfway just to be close to my sister. I had to get out of the department in Philly, fast and furious. Halfway had a job opening, and I figured this town is far enough from the city to buffer me from the bad drama there.”

  “Drama involving Lisa?”

  He’d nodded. “She was off her meds, having some episodes. We had broken up, not even seeing each other, and she shows up at my precinct and freaks out. Says she wants to press charges against me for assault.”

  “Oh, no.”

  “Oh, yes. It got pretty ugly. The police department takes that stuff seriously these days. Lisa managed to swing the assistant district attorney around to her side. She’s an amazingly convincing storyteller. Landed me in jail.”

  “You are kidding me!”

  “Nope. They took away my gun and badge for a while. Those were dark days.”

  Kind, gentle Jack … how could anyone accuse him of violence? “How did you get your name cleared?”

  “My coworkers had my back. Turned out I was working a double shift at the time of the alleged attack. The charges were dropped, and I was taken off administrative leave. Even Lisa’s family apologized and told me they would get her back on her meds. My minister got the congregation to rally around me. That helped me feel human again, but the damage had been done. Lisa made things end so badly between us. I wasn’t feeling good about my job anymore. It was like a shadow was following me around, a bad rep. I knew I had to make a change.”

  “So you came here.”

  “I came to visit Kat and Brendan one weekend, and Kat shanghaied me into the sheriff’s office to meet Hank. And here I am.”

  Meg knew that Jack had suffered over sharing that story. His honesty made her feel wimpy by comparison; she would have to tell him about her condition. Soon.

  “Well …” Doc Trueherz’s voice brought Meg back to the moment as he leaned back in his chair. “If you want to get pregnant in the near future, I would recommend laparoscopic surgery. And considering your age, time is of the essence.”

  Meg’s thumbs pressed into the leather arms of the visitor’s chair. “I was thinking along those lines. I mean, I’ve been told I have moderate endometriosis, but the extent of the blockage is a guessing game unless you can get a look through the scope.”

  “Exactly, and as procedures go, it’s not too invasive. It’s usually done under general anesthesia, but you can opt for a local or a spinal. I don’t do it, but I can refer you to a gynecologist or surgeon in Lancaster. Or east of here, toward Philadelphia. It’s up to you. The laparoscope requires a small incision. If they find any visible endometriosis implants or scar tissue, they’ll remove it. But then, you know all this.”

  She nodded. “I’ve worked with clients who’ve had the procedure.
I also know that it can take a week to fully recover, so I’ll need to schedule it after my sister has her baby.”

  “February or March, even April would be fine. It’s no rush, but the surgery will give us a definitive diagnosis, and if you have moderate endometriosis, the procedure will improve your chances of pregnancy.”

  Her grip on the armrests relaxed. “The sooner the better. If you give me some referrals, I’ll get the ball rolling.” It was a relief, having a plan. “That’s one problem down. Now I just have to figure out how I’m going to dump this all on Jack.”

  “Knowing Jack, I don’t think he’ll be too fazed by this. Worried about you, yes, but not daunted.” He mentioned how Jack had championed Halfway’s Christmas food drive, and how he continued to push to set up a year-round food bank. “Jack’s not the kind of guy to turn around when he comes to a roadblock.”

  That was the Jack she knew. It was foolish to think that he would abandon her because of her medical issues, but sometimes there was no logic to human emotions.

  “Have you talked to Fanny lately?” he asked. “I’m wondering when the birthing center will be ready to open.”

  “I saw her just before Christmas Eve, and it sounds like they’re doing the finishing touches. The major construction is complete. I’d say you’ll be doing deliveries there in the next few weeks.”

  “Wonderful.” The doctor’s demeanor changed, his professional reserve giving way to delight. “That’s quite an accomplishment, opening a place like that in your own backyard. I’m confident that it will serve the community well, and I’m glad Fanny has you involved. Takes some of the pressure off me.”

  “I’m itching to get back to work. As soon as Zoey has her baby, I’ll begin doing prenatal care and helping Fanny with deliveries. Do you think Anna will want to midwife again after she’s recovered?”

  “That I don’t know. She’s been devoted to helping women give birth, but she’s older, and her family has left Halfway. I’m thinking she might want to follow her daughter to Ohio.”