Dark Cognitions

by Kimberlee R. Mendoza

  “But Dad, if you’d just talk to her, then maybe things would change.”

  He didn’t have the energy to fight her about this again. “I need to get to work.”

  Lara stepped forward with her arms out. “I love you, Daddy.”

  Brian hugged her and kissed the top of her head. “And I love you, too, sweetheart.”

  “The bus will be here soon, so I’d better get ready.” She pulled away and walked down the hallway, but spun back. “Dad, just to let you know, we’re having Parents’ Night at school next Friday. I hope you’ll go.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it.” He finished off the last drop of coffee, walked to the master bedroom and nudged the door open.

  Across the room lay his wife. Her eyes were open, but distant. Her hair was matted to her head, and her once rosy cheeks were now hollow and gray.

  How he missed her. “I’ll be home late.”

  She didn’t stir.

  “Goodbye.” Brian closed the door and walked toward the entryway. He glanced back at his room and shook his head. He would go to work. That would be enough for now.

  ****

  Danielle spent weeks washing any feelings of Brian out of her head. The whole idea of her crunching on a married man gave her the willies. But now someone else held her interest. And this time, she confirmed that he was single from several sources.

  Peeking around a computer monitor, Danielle watched Dr. Ray Jensen as he talked to one of the residents. He is so gorgeous. Tall, dark messy hair, high cheekbones, and the most gorgeous gray-blue eyes. Every time he looked at her, she melted in her ugly white shoes.

  But she was nothing more than an assistant. Though he’d always been nice, he kept a healthy distance. Or maybe the rumors about her were too much for him. Chasing after Dr. Brian Manifold did little for her reputation. How was she supposed to know he was married? No one seemed to notice that she put on the brakes the minute she found out. Now the rumors were rampant, the damage done. And it didn’t help that Brian still flirted with her in front of everyone.

  “Danielle?”

  She blinked.

  Merle waved a hand in front of her face.

  “Sorry. I guess I zoned out for a second. These double shifts are killers.” Danielle yawned.

  “Well, medical school is terrible compared to double shifts, I’ve heard. Being a resident is worse than anything.” Merle handed over a stack of files and rubbed her swollen torso. “If you’ll take these up to the seventh floor that would be great. I need to get off my feet and feed the little one a piece of that chocolate ice cream cake left from Dr. Benton’s birthday party.”

  “Wouldn’t you be better eating prenatal vitamins and spinach instead?”

  Merle laughed. “I wouldn’t eat spinach even if I wasn’t pregnant. But I’ll be sure to sprinkle some vitamins, and maybe some carrots, on top.”

  Danielle wrinkled her nose. “And I bet ice cream manufacturers will be knocking down your door to get that recipe. Sounds yummy.” She settled the files in the crook of her elbow. “I’d be happy to take these up.”

  Merle lumbered toward the break room.

  Danielle checked Ray’s current location. He stood poised at the elevator, waiting for the door to open.

  She walked next to him but didn’t say anything.

  The elevator dinged and the door slid open.

  Ray walked in first and turned to face the numbered buttons. He punched seven, glanced at her, and then grinned. “Floor?”

  “The same, please.”

  He nodded.

  The door closed and only the melodic tune of a country-western cheatin’ song played in the space. Her heart fluttered. She took a deep breath and prayed Ray didn’t know this song.

  He shifted his weight from one foot to another. His spicy aftershave tickled her nose, and her stomach flipped. Why couldn’t she just tell him how she felt? Because I can’t take the thought of him rejecting me.

  The elevator reached its floor and opened.

  He motioned for her to go first.

  “Thanks.” She stepped out, disappointed.

  “Have a good day,” he said, his gray eyes twinkling at her as he walked toward the counseling offices.

  Her voice caught, leaving her without a response. You, too. Hope you have a nice day. You’re beautiful. Marry me. She pinched her eyes closed. If her hands weren’t filled with files, she’d probably slap herself.

  “Are you OK?” Ray’s voice startled her.

  Her eyes shot wide open.

  He stood close enough for her to smell his spicy cologne again. It made her heart flutter.

  She gulped. “Um, yeah. Double shift. Just tired.”

  He lightly touched her shoulder. “Maybe you should take a break. I’d hate to see you pass out in the hall.”

  She nodded dumbly.

  “Where are you going with those?”

  “These?” Snap out of it. “Oh, the files. Right. Um, just here.” She walked to the counter and handed them to the receptionist. “Merle said you needed these.”

  The woman nodded, took them, and turned away.

  “You sure you’re OK? Maybe you should lie down.” Ray stepped to her side.

  “I’m just hungry, I missed my lunch.” And before she could stop herself, “You could join me.” Her heart leapt into her throat.

  He stared at her, and then checked his watch. “Yeah, I suppose. It’s almost dinner time.”

  “I hear the cafeteria is serving potato cheese soup today.”

  “Oh?” His cell phone rang. He held up a finger as he checked the display. “Um, just give me a second. I need to take this call.”

  “Sure.”

  He stepped a few feet away.

  She watched him with fascination. Would he really go to lunch with her? Her stomach flipped. She needed someone like him in her life. Everything she’d heard about him said he was worth knowing—a Christian man with strong morals and a good sense of humor; the kind of man she had been praying for since she was young enough to care.

  A second later, he snapped his phone closed and walked back to her. “I’m sorry, but I can’t today. How about tomorrow?”

  “That would be great.” She offered a grin and nodded. Anything more and she’d give herself away.

  “OK, then.” He waved and walked toward his office.

  She crossed to the elevator and stepped inside. When the door closed, she clapped a hand over her mouth to hold in a triumphant scream.

  Remembering the cameras, she looked up into the glass dome in the corner and mouthed, “I have a date with Dr. Ray, Bernie!” She pumped her fist in victory.

  3

  Dr. Brian Manifold squealed his expensive silver sedan into the parking space that bore his name and braked hard. He threw open the door, slammed it, and then braced himself to enter the four-story hospital that he called “home.”

  An all-too-familiar pain shot through the pit of his stomach and he took a deep breath, willing it to stop. Thinking about personal issues was something he didn’t do. He couldn’t do. Not and stay sane.

  The elevator door opened and his pain subsided when he caught sight of Danielle. Her smile remained the only drug that numbed him from reality.

  A blonde curl escaped from her hair clip, and cornflower blue eyes pulled him in like a pool on a summer day. He started towards her.

  Ray stepped out of the other elevator and walked up to him.

  Brian sighed. “What do you need, Ray?”

  “Remember we have a meeting tomorrow morning.” Ray’s expression and tone were serious. “I advise you not miss it this time. I can’t keep covering for you.”

  “Nice to see you, too.”

  Brian glanced over Ray’s shoulder and winked at Danielle.

  She dropped her gaze to some charts on the counter.

  Ray followed his gaze. “Look, I know things aren’t good at home. Maybe you need to take a break. Spend some time with Rhonda.”

  Brian’s gaze snapp
ed to Ray’s. Home? He couldn’t do that. “No, I’m fine. I’d rather work.”

  “We’re friends, right?”

  No. Not really. Once his best friend, Ray had managed to “apple-polish” his way to the top, and Brian despised him for it. “Sure. Once upon a time. Well, until you moved into management.” And climbed over my back to get there.

  “I don’t think that’s what ruined our friendship, Brian.” Ray took a step forward. “I think it was the accident. And the sooner we talk—”

  Brian pressed his lips together and pushed past Ray in the direction of his office. They weren’t going to talk about this. Not here. Not anywhere. Never. It was none of Ray’s business. They weren’t friends anymore. They had nothing to say.

  Ray matched his pace. “I may be management, but I’m still a psychiatrist. We both know the importance of talking things out. And trust me, friend, you need it.”

  “I’m fine.” Brian reached into his pocket and took out his keys.

  “Are you?”

  Brian glared at him and shoved the key in the lock.

  Ray grabbed his arm. “Look man, I know things are different for you. Rhonda used to be your world and now you’re lost.”

  Brian shook his arm free and stepped into the dark room. He felt along the wall, looking for the switch. “It’s hard to love a vegetable,” Brian mumbled, snapping the light on. “I’m not saying I don’t love her, but we’re growing apart.” He swung his briefcase on the desk and snapped it open.

  Ray stepped behind a high backed chair and fingered the top. “Don’t blow it, man. You need to talk to her.”

  “What am I blowing?”

  Ray came around the chair and rested on the edge of the couch with his arms crossed. “It’s obvious you’re trying to start something with Danielle.”

  “Danielle?” Brian’s stomach flipped at the mention of her name, but he managed to sound surprised. He couldn’t deny the way she made him feel.

  Ray eyed him.

  Brian tried to stare him down.

  His boss didn’t budge.

  “Yeah, so? What’s a little flirting? It’s harmless. I promise.” Brian busied himself with the files in his briefcase. Go away, I beg you.

  Ray stepped forward. “Is it?”

  Brian rolled his eyes and met Ray’s stare. “Listen, Ray. Our friendship isn’t like it used to be. You don’t know me anymore. I don’t owe you an explanation.” He closed the briefcase and set it on the floor. “There are things in my life...look, you couldn’t possibly understand what I’m dealing with.”

  “That’s why I’m here. To help you sort a few things out. I’m worried about you.” He walked to the edge of the desk. “I really am sorry about taking the management job. I know it caught you off guard. Maybe if I’d known it would ruin our friendship, I would have reconsidered.”

  Brian looked up, but didn’t respond. Though he hated to admit it, pride would not allow their friendship to continue and that made him angry.

  “Come on, man. Let’s get past this and let me help you,” Ray said. “So what if things are different. It’s all material. I’m still here for you.”

  Brian heard the words, but they were meaningless, ringing hollow to his ears. Brian rolled his shoulders back, unable to accept Ray’s offering. “You’re my boss, Ray, not my friend.”

  Ray pressed his lips together and nodded. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

  “Yeah, like you said, things are different.” Brian turned his attention to his cell phone. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a client coming soon, and I need to return some calls first.”

  “Very well, I’ll go. But whether it’s me or someone else you talk to, you need to get help.” Ray crossed to the door and turned back. “I know you a lot better than you’re willing to admit. You’re losing the battle with your marriage, and with God.”

  Brian blinked. “God? I’m not at war with God, because I don’t believe there is a God.”

  The impact of that statement was clear on Ray’s face. A verbal punch to his old friend’s psyche, for sure. Brian tried not to gloat.

  “I’m praying for you, Brian.”

  “You can go now.” If he let Ray in even a little bit, he’d never leave.

  Ray sighed, and finally left.

  Brian glowered at the empty doorway. The pain in his gut returned. Holding his stomach, he slumped in his seat. I should cancel my next appointment. He started to push the intercom, when a gorgeous brunette sauntered in. Something about the way she looked at him made Brian think that they’d met before.

  The woman smiled. “I’m Kristina Stephens. My friends call me Krissy. I’m your two o’clock.”

  Brian glanced down at his calendar and cleared his throat. “Yes, of course. Come in and have a seat.”

  She glided across the brown Berber carpet like a fashion model on a runway. She eased onto the couch.

  Brian swallowed and reached for a pad of paper. His hand trembled. He pushed it against the desktop. Get hold of yourself. This is absurd. I’m a professional. He took a deep breath, grabbed the paper and moved to sit across from her.

  He smiled and waited for her to speak. When she remained silent, he said, “So tell me, Ms. Stephens, why have you sought counseling?”

  A small tear slid down her cheek and made a line in her makeup. “I’m scared for my life. A man’s been calling my cell phone, almost daily, threatening to kill me.”

  Brian frowned. “Have you contacted the police?”

  She shook her head. “I’ve tried, but it hasn’t done any good.”

  “I see.” Brian couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d seen this woman before. Her presence triggered emotions he couldn’t explain. Sympathy. Sorrow. Passion. “Take your time.” He handed her a tissue.

  “No one believes me. They all think I’m crazy.” She dabbed at her face.

  He’d had many cases like hers before, young girls seeking attention because they weren’t getting it from someone else. One teenage girl even went to the point of sending herself black roses and a dead animal carcass just to get her parents to notice her.

  The woman before him couldn’t be more than twenty years old. It was beyond him why she’d have to work to get anyone’s attention. She was gorgeous. “And why do you think no one believes you?”

  “Because I have no evidence.” She sniffed.

  “But you’re sure someone is stalking you?”

  “Positive.”

  “I see.” Brian wrote some comments on his pad.

  Her almond eyes seemingly searched his face. “You don’t believe me?”

  He met her gaze. “I didn’t say that. I simply want to hear your side of it.”

  “I told you all there is to tell.”

  “Why do you think someone is stalking you?”

  She shrugged. “I just feel someone with me all the time.”

  “Have you seen anyone?”

  She shook her head. “No, just a feeling.”

  Brian cocked his head and grinned. “Let me ask you something, Ms. Stephens. Are you married?”

  A playful smiled crossed her face. “No, are you?”

  “Boyfriend?” he asked.

  “Not anymore.”

  She reached inside her taffy-colored handbag and pulled out a red tin. While keeping her eyes focused on Brian, she slowly opened the case, placed a white candy on her tongue, and methodically brought it into her mouth.

  Brian loosed his tie a bit. “How do you feel about him now?”

  “I still love him.”

  “And did he leave you?”

  She laughed.

  “Did I say something amusing?”

  She tossed her hair back over her on shoulder, leaned forward, and stared at him through her eyelashes. “Men don’t leave me, doctor. I leave them.”

  Brian nodded once. “I see.” He scribbled this remark. “So, you loved him, but felt a need to leave him?”

  Krissy snapped the tin closed and tossed it in her purse.
“Can we get off this and back to the reason I came here?”

  “No.” Brian shook his head. “I think your ex-boyfriend could be a part of why you’re here. I think it would be good for you to talk about it.”

  “Look, I assure you, my ex has nothing to do with that.”

  “Have you ever considered that he could be the one harassing you?”

  She cocked her head to the side. “Not likely.”

  “And why’s that?”

  Krissy rolled her eyes and sighed. “Because he’s locked up.”

  Brian raised an eyebrow. “Really? Could he have called you from jail?”

  She relaxed her elbow against the arm of the couch. “He doesn’t have access. Besides, I know his voice.”

  Brian swallowed, willing himself to stay focused. “What is he in jail for?”

  “Killing someone.”

  “If it isn’t him, who do you think might be stalking you?”

  “I don’t know. Could be anyone.”

  “Are you worried about your safety?”

  Her finger interlocked a strand of hair, as she seemed to consider that question. “I just want the feeling to go away.”

  Brian studied his legal pad. “Ms. Stephens, I think it might be a good idea if we talk about all of your past relationships.”

  She laughed. “We don’t have that long.”

  “Then we’ll schedule another appointment. But I think it’s important.”

  “Why?”

  He folded his hands and looked at her. “Because it’s possible that one of the men from your past is still holding a grudge.”

  Krissy licked her lips, keeping her gaze locked on his. “Fine. I’ll talk about them if you answer my one question.”

  “What’s that?”

  She leaned forward. “Are you married?”

  “I think we need to stick to talking about you.” He shifted in his chair.

  Krissy slowly rose from the couch, dropped a hotel key card in his lap, and whispered. “I don’t really care either way.” She murmured the room number as she walked out the door.

  4

  Brian clicked off his light and locked up his office.

  Danielle sat at the desk as he passed by. He smiled, but she didn’t return it. Instead, she pursed her lips and turned away. That was odd. Maybe she had a bad day.