by Autumn Birt
“What do you do on those weekends away then?” he asked, voice harsh. He stared at her, not reaching to erase the tears leaving cold lines on her cheeks.
“Talk. He tells me about growing up here and life in Spain.”
Michael snorted. “You expect me to believe that?”
Hearing it, Arinna didn’t believe it. She fumbled to explain the truth, while the strategic part of her mind caught the people staring at them, giving a wide berth as they walked by. Perfect, her mind hummed, this will make the affair seem that much more real!
“You agreed to this,” she hissed, not wanting her words to carry. “I’ve told you everything!”
“Do you know how many people have come to warn me about you and Byran? I have seen you together, you know. You are more than friends. I think you forgot to mention that.”
Standing in front of Michael while trembling so that her hands shook, Arinna wanted to scream. I haven’t done anything wrong! The other side of her counted every weekend away and the times she hadn’t given Michael her attention, but had given it to Byran. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d kissed Michael. Her mind repeated that thought over and over. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d really kissed the man she married. Now, he was staring at her like she was a stranger. And she was. She didn’t know who she’d become. Almost become?
Michael waited for her answer, expression a storm of anger and separation. As if to add the final insult, her phone rang. Fumbling it out of her pocket, she could barely read the number. It was Byran. Of course. Michael laughed a cold rasp as who was calling registered on her face.
“Go on. Answer it.”
“No.” She flicked it off and shoved it back in her pocket before she threw it against a wall. Anger cleared her mind, erasing the trembling in one rush. “I can’t do this. Not anymore.”
Michael paled, swallowing hard. A bit of the anger was replaced with an expression she recognized at last. He was afraid.
She managed the next words with warmth fueled by emotions other than a desire to lash out. “Michael, nothing is worth losing you. We can go home, if that is what you want. If that is what it takes. Things seem less crazy back there. But either way, I’m not doing this anymore.”
His phone rang in answer. He tensed when he saw the number on the screen. “Call him back.”
“What?”
“Something has happened. Call him back and see what he knows. I’ve got to go in. But,” he turned back to her, hazel eyes dark again. “This isn’t over. Be home tonight. God dammit, come home tonight or it is over.”
He left her standing in the boulevard, people glancing at her as they walked by. She was trembling again when she hit redial.
“Arinna, why didn’t you answer? There has been ...”
“Byran, we need to talk,” she managed to choke out before she started crying.
Orders
September 2055
A touch traced the hollow of her temple. Arinna flexed her fingers as she woke, surprised to feel the smooth nap of the couch. The reminder of the night shot her into consciousness. She opened her eyes to see Michael’s tired face cast in the blue light of predawn.
“It was a depot,” she said, sitting up. Michael shifted from kneeling to sitting next to her. That small act sent her heart into flips. “Are you just getting home?”
A dark emotion flickered in his eyes but didn’t stick. “Yes. There was a lot of relaying info and responding to questions for help. They wanted eyes on all potential routes from the area.”
“Did they say who did it?”
“Nothing more than rebels or terrorists. No names. I can’t guess what they imagine they’ll gain blowing a full weapons depot?”
“It wasn’t full. It was empty,” Arinna said.
They stared at each other.
“You are certain? Byran is sure?”
“Yes. I saw the data. The blast signature is too small. It was empty except for the bomb that took it down.”
“Shit. He didn’t tell me that.”
“Who? Byran?” Arinna asked, confused. “You talked to Byran?”
Michael gave in to a bashful smile. “After you left, he called me to give me an earful. Said you had been crying and that ... well, it ended with I didn’t deserve you if that was all the faith I had in you.”
“You believed him?” Arinna asked, hardly daring to dream anyone could make this work out, much less Byran.
“I don’t think he was going to let me off the phone till I did. I hope you see why I thought that?”
“I do. I’m so sorry. No more weekends, no more Byran at all if you want.” She was crying again. This time Michael smudged the tears away.
“We need his information. More than ever. But this weekend you are mine. And no more nights away.”
Arinna answered by making up for her earlier realization. She kissed him and made certain they’d both remember it.
—
“Are you going to Ambassador Eldridge’s farewell party?” Byran asked, his breath visible on a rare chilly day of January.
“Yes. With Michael. My husband, remember?” she teased.
“Right, him. I still don’t think he likes me that much.”
“I can’t imagine why.”
“Well, there is so much ...”
Arinna laughed. The compromise she’d found in her life was to not need Byran’s information. She’d developed resources of her own, though most were a result of Byran’s introductions such as Marco. And it took time. Months passed during which the news from the USA grew darker, at least what she learned. What they were told remained unchanged. Now the time she spent with Byran was less intense and more social. And it was enjoyable, becoming a refuge from uncertainty and bad news. That was something she never would have expected.
“Well, you must promise me at least a dance.”
“Perhaps, if you behave yourself,” she replied.
“Ah, well that is a lost cause then.” She shook her head, amused. “Come with me on a drive. We’ll go to this little café ...”
“I have work to do, Byran. I actually need to get paid. I can’t run off and drive around with you.” Arinna waved her hand at him, which he caught and annoyingly kissed.
“Of course, that is why you are still here. You are busy. Your hands are freezing!” He said, breathing on where he’d tucked both of her hands between his. The warmth of his breath moving over her skin captured within the heat of his hands unleashed a shudder through her. Heat rose to her cheeks without her meaning it to. “Come on, no one will question if you are with me. They have wonderful soup.”
“I ...”
“Do you have any appointments the rest of the day?”
“No. But I also swore I’d never go to lunch with you,” Arinna replied, pulling her hands back in an effort to regain control.
“Or dinner, if I remember correctly. Do you realize how many times you’ve broken that?” He grinned. “Not that I mind. You can break any promise to me that you like. Especially that one. I’ll even have you home in time for a nice quiet dinner with Michael,” he added.
She really couldn’t come up with an argument against that.
Byran dropped her off half an hour later than promised. A light sweat swept her forehead as she hurried through her front door, attempting to decide if an explanation or an apology was needed first. Michael paced the living room, guilt over time with Byran dropping into her stomach before she saw the phone held to his ear. Guilty relief sent her to the kitchen to make coffee. Wondering how she could allow Byran to again flood her with anxiety, Arinna didn’t hear Michael walk up behind her. He pulled her against his chest as he swiped her cheek with a kiss. Gratefully, she let the turmoil Byran caused go.
“Something happened?”
“Yes. You didn’t hear anything?” he asked.
“No. Not today. You beat me this time.” Michael laughed a breath against her neck. “So what happened?”
“Good new
s for once. They caught a terrorist cell with most of the weapons from the depot raided a month ago.”
“Oh, the one they claimed was a small depot with only a minor break in? And not one of the three largest and the whole thing was emptied?” Arinna sighed with exasperation. “Still, that is good ne—”
“What is it?” Michael asked, turning her to face him when she froze.
“I didn’t learn of anything. You did. What if there wasn’t anything to hear?”
He rested his forehead against hers, the happiness draining from him. “They made it up. It didn’t happen.”
“It might have,” she suggested. He gave her a disbelieving stare. “What is going on back home?” she murmured.
“There are some days I wonder.”
“Hah. Some days, really? I know you.”
“No,” Michael said. Her heart constricted as he paused. “Maybe when we first got here. But now ... I’ve got a different perspective. They’ve lied and keep lying. At first, I was angry. Now, I wonder how far back the lies go.”
Arinna took a long look at her husband, finally seeing his hair that had outgrown any resemblance to a buzz cut months ago. He was wearing a T-shirt, one that wasn’t white, black, or brown. On the street, she might not take him for a former soldier at all.
“Why didn’t you say something before?” she asked.
“I didn’t want to think it, much less say it.”
“What are we going to do?”
“Try to stay here as long as we can and when we go home, be as smart as we can.”
The unease growing in her felt like it had taken permanent root. To fight it, she found herself spending more time with Byran. He became her refuge. She didn’t want him to be. But he was so good at making her fears disappear. Instead of luring her with information, he became her balm from too much. They’d grown accustomed to lunches together by the time Ambassador Eldridge’s farewell gala finally unfurled.
When she entered the ballroom of the UK’s embassy, Arinna swept her eyes over the assemblage of ladies in sleek gowns and tuxedoed men, seeking a head of dark curls and a suit that would be a cut above most present.
“Looking for Byran?” Michael asked.
Arinna blushed. “Yes, I ... promised him a dance. We’ve been having lunches,” Arinna said in a rush.
“Yes. I know,” Michael scanned the crowd before focusing again on her. “When your wife spends time with a person everyone firmly believes she had an affair with, the word gets back to you. Quickly.”
“I should have said something.”
“Yes. You should have. But ... I know the truth. I do trust you. We’re both aware we won’t be here much longer. Have fun ... not too much fun! And save me a few dances,” Michael instructed.
“And what will you be up to?” she asked.
“The RAF boys like to brag. Once you get them going, it is amazing what they’ll say.” He winked at her before heading away.
Planes were Michael’s way to unwind. Especially fast planes. The transfer to the embassy had taken aircraft from his duty but not his life, not when he snuck in every chance to make friends with other airmen.
“Abandoned?” Byran whispered in her ear.
“No. Left to a sad fate of a night spent in your company,” she answered, taking his arm.
“Tsk. He should be more careful to whom he leaves you unattended. I would certainly never leave you to a night spent in the arms of another man.” Byran swept her onto the dance floor, his dark eyes serious in their teasing.
“Oh, especially someone like you?”
He gave her his wolf’s grin. “Most definitely.”
It was a night of polite charades. Arinna moved through the ball and toasts with Byran, fellow diplomats kindly offering snide sympathies for the difficulties Arinna’s home country faced: famine, fighting, rumors of a new disease, riots, storms, and drought. Away from the insulation of her embassy, Arinna found the conversation overwhelming. She was relieved when Eldridge stood for his farewell speech, Byran pulling them to the side of the throng.
Eldridge droned on, laughter falling at perfectly timed intervals as he paused. Not listening, she rubbed her temple, glancing up to find Byran’s attention on her and not the speech.
“I hadn’t realized things had gotten so bad. I haven’t looked for information ... we haven’t talked about your home in months.”
His hand was warm on her arm. Standing a fraction too close, Byran’s presence blocked out the rest of the room.
“It is worse than what they’ve said here tonight. Everyone knows it, Byran. Well, everyone but you apparently. A little more fighting and they’ll call it civil war. They’ll call us home.”
Anger flickered in his eyes, tensing the lines of his jaw. It was not a reaction she expected. “You don’t need to go.”
“Yes. I do,” she said with a laugh, surprised he didn’t understand.
Laughter and clapping interrupted Byran from speaking. He glared at the surrounding crowd, before tugging her the few paces to a doorway and out into the gardens. It was a warm night for February, which really wasn’t that unusual. She just still thought it was. Byran pulled her to the quiet in the shade between the lights softly illuminating the paths.
“Do you want to go back there? You said before you did not,” he asked while standing close enough that she took a step back. His gaze caught her.
“No,” Arinna answered after a moment. “No. They’ve made too many bad decisions, lied to us. No. I don’t really want to go back. But it is my duty, which is more than a job. I am military. There is no real choice.”
“Yes there is. There is always a choice. Arinna, I care about you. I don’t want to see you go back there. You are too good for them. Too good for Michael. Stay here. There is a place for you. I have a place for you. Stay with me.”
He stepped closer again. His hands sliding up her arms left trails of warmth behind. For all of their teasing and flirting, this was the most intimate embrace he had ever dared. Her only thought was that it didn’t feel as wrong as she imagined it should.
“Byran, I ...”
She caught herself just before their lips touched. She could barely hear the applause over the sound of her pulse thudding in her ears. She had leaned in to kiss him. She knew it. He did too. But he let her step back, her hands held loosely in his once again.
“Thank you. I just ... not tonight.”
“You’ll think about it?” he asked, swiping her cheek with a small caress.
“Yes. I will.”
She couldn’t believe she promised him that. But she did. And she meant it. Which left her in shock as she walked away, rejoining the crowd that gathered around Eldridge. She wanted to find Michael, but also didn’t desire to find out what he would read in her eyes and stiff motions. Instead, the crowd carried her along until she found herself in front of Ambassador Eldridge. Her place and role pushed aside the cloud blocking her thoughts.
“Congratulations, Ambassador. We will miss you here in Madrid.”
“That is very kind of you, Ms. Prescot. No, I haven’t forgotten your name,” he said in recognition of her surprise. “Actually, I’d hoped to speak to you before I left, if you have a moment?”
He led her to the quiet of a doorway leading into the inner halls of the embassy. “I’ve been impressed with how well you’ve ... established sources, shall we say, since your arrival. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone create such a solid network so quickly.”
“I’m not sure what you are referring to,” Arinna hedged. Eldridge waved it away.
“We are both aware what I’m referring to. I think you’ve found better information on your home country than I. Which is saying something. Look, I could use someone with your skills in Brussels. A post with NATO is something I’ve been seeking for a long time, and I know what assets I’ll need to succeed. One of them is people like you.”
“Are you offering me a job?”
“Yes. I’m certain you might need
to ponder this, which is fine. The offer is open anytime. Call me. I’ll make the arrangements.”
Eldridge handed her a card fished from his pockets, squeezed her arm, and walked off. Arinna leaned against the doorjamb until Michael found her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Eldridge,” she answered, happy to have one thing she could tell him. “He offered me a job.”
“You can’t take it,” Michael said, quickly. He watched her closely.
“Yes. I know. I’m not even sure if he was serious.”
“With NATO?” he asked after a moment.
“Yes. I think so. We didn’t really get into details.”
Michael frowned. “We’ll talk about it later. What happened to Byran?”
“He is being ... Byran. Are you ready to go?”
“No. I told you I wanted a dance.”
For all the pretensions of embassy life, Michael had rarely danced with her. But for the remainder of the night, he gave Byran a run for attention and chivalry. The year in Spain had changed him, both of them, more than she had imagined. When Michael was called in for some surely manufactured emergency at dawn, Arinna got up too, woozy on three hours of sleep. And she didn’t head to the embassy.
She told herself it was to ask Byran about Eldridge’s offer. It had nothing to do with the fact that no matter how much Michael had changed into someone far more carefree than she had conceived he could be, there were underlying traits in him that would never be altered. His patriotism was as deep as his bones. She’d once loved him for it. Now, she was afraid of where it would lead her.
It had nothing to do with the kiss she’d stopped out of instinct more than lack of desire. Her mind was a chaos of scattered thoughts, roiling in time to the fluttering of her heart. She couldn’t ignore what she was doing when she turned the corner and faced Byran’s townhouse across the street. But it wasn’t the realization of her intentions that stopped her.
Byran stood at the door of his townhouse with a dainty brunette who wore a wrinkled evening gown. Reality took all the giddiness from her in one breath. Arinna leaned against the building, grateful for the morning shadows as Byran kissed the woman slowly. She laughed against his mouth before walking away. Arinna waited until Byran walked inside before heading home.
