by Megan Smith
I straighten her up so that her back is flush against my chest and bite down on her shoulder and it sends her over the edge.
“Oh God,” she cries out over and over again.
That familiar tingling feeling starts and my balls tighten as she clenches down on me.
“Fuck,” I grunt pumping into her slower now as my release hits.
Amy falls forward again bracing herself on the wall beside the door as she catches her breath. I pull out, yank the condom off, tie it and toss it in the trash. I feel fucking sick to my stomach. What the fuck did I just do?
Amy’s turned now; I can feel her eyes on me. I like that it’s dark so that she can’t see that I’m about to lose my shit. The pull of my zipper sounds like it’s echoing in the room. This is the part that I’ve always hated, the awkwardness of being finished and having nothing to say. I feel like a dick, I should probably say thanks but that’s not me. I made it clear that this was a one-time thing. She can’t expect to make conversation. What’s the point? I’ll never speak to her again no matter how many times she comes back.
Amy clears her throat and I can hear the sound of fabric rustling. “I’m gonna go.” She says with a shaky voice.
She stands there for a minute before turning and leaving.
I don’t even acknowledge her, just dismiss her and treat this woman no differently than I’ve treated all the other women I’ve done this with. I used her for my own release, on my terms, held my power over her for my own pleasure and she let me do it knowing the outcome. Brian controls Layla, uses her for whatever sick and twisted reasons he has, and she is allowing it. Yeah, I don’t physically hurt women but what I just did is honestly not much different. Fuck!
I sit down in the chair behind my desk, reach for the trash can before throwing up. I seriously fucked up.
Layla
It’s been almost two weeks and the bruises are finally gone. I haven’t returned to work because after I threw Eli out of my apartment I’m not really sure I even still have a job. Jaylinn has been calling me every day. I want to answer and every time I get up the courage to, I miss the phone call.
I haven’t heard from Brian, not a peep. I’m relieved and scared at the same time. This isn’t over, not by a long shot.
“Fallon,” I yell out. “We’re going to be late.” She peeks her head out of the bathroom door with a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. “Hurry.”
I finish making her a piece of toast, the last piece of bread we have. I put a little bit of jelly on it and wrap it in a napkin so she can eat it on the way to school.
Fallon has put her shoes on but they are on the wrong feet. I laugh, pick her up and set her on the couch. “Nice try.” I slip them off, put them on the right feet and double knot them. When I pull the last knot tight, the lace breaks off in my hand.
I look up to the sky and pray that I can catch a break soon. I sit and think for a second. I can’t send her to school like this, the girl needs her shoes tied. A thought occurs; I walk in mom’s room and grab a sneaker from her room to take the lace out of it. I swap it out with Fallon’s old one then put it back on and tie it up again.
“There, good as new.” She giggles as I tickle her. “Alright, let’s go.”
I walk Fallon to school a few blocks away in the rain. It’s holding true what they say, April showers bring May flowers. I feel like it’s been raining every day of this month so far.
“Alright, squirt, I’ll see you after school.” I say leaning down to her eye level.
“Bye.” She says leaning in to give me a hug.
On the way home a chill runs down my back much like it always does when Brian is around. The whole way I kept looking over my shoulder, afraid he was waiting for me to finish up on his promise but I never saw him.
When I get back home there is a letter sticking out of the mailbox. It’s too early for the mailman so I wonder what it could be. I grab it, head back upstairs, set my stuff down and then open the envelope that has nothing written on it.
I growl in the middle of this empty fucking apartment. It’s a notice from Jax that if he doesn’t have his money by the end of the week that he is going to the courts to get us evicted. “Just great.”
I rip up the letter and throw it in the damn trash can. I don’t have the money to pay him. I haven’t worked in almost two weeks so I have no money that I could even offer to him. I have no one to watch Fallon at night so that I can work. And no one to even ask for the money except for one person.
Mom hasn’t resurfaced either and in a way I’m thankful for that because if she hasn’t killed herself with drugs and alcohol I may do it with my bare hands.
Looks like I have one of two choices.
Accept Eli’s offer if it even still stands or go find Brian and tell him I’ll do whatever he wants but I need money to pay for the bills.
It’s kind of a no brainer; I know what I need to do. It’s time to step out of my comfort zone.
Eli
Pounding on my office door jars me awake, the sound is radiating through my head. I’ve had a constant buzz going for about a week. It’s wearing heavy on me but it’s the only way I can shut my mind off at the end of the night. I’ve slept with three other girls since Amy. I’m an asshole, a whore, whatever; It’s something I’ve always done but afterwards I always feel like shit. It’s wrong, I know it is, but I just want the connection with someone. That someone happens to be the first girl who approaches but all I see is Layla’s face. No matter how many times I try just to push her to the back of my mind I can’t do it.
“Wake your ass up, Eli!’
I drop my feet to the floor as the pins and needles take over my legs. They’re sore as hell from being elevated all night up on my desk. I stretch, my whole body sore from sleeping in my office chair. It used to be comfortable, now not so much.
“Eli!” Jaylinn yells again.
Groaning, I stand, walk over to the door, unlock it and pull it open. “What?” I grumble.
She waltzes in shoving a cup of coffee in my hand and a bag in the other. The smell coming from the bag has my stomach turning over. “Good God,” she sniffs. “You need a shower, a long hot one with lots of soap.” Turning, she assesses me. “And more sleep. You look like shit.”
I flip open the lid of the steaming coffee. “You’re annoying.”
“Aww,” Jaylinn slides into a chair. “Are we having a sibling spat?”
I cock an eyebrow at her. “I’d shoot myself if I were your brother.”
“You’re cute when you’re cranky.”
“I’m not cranky.”
She rolls her eyes. “No, you’re hung over.”
I take a seat back in my chair still sipping on the coffee and pushing whatever the hell is in that bag away from me. I feel like throwing up.
“So,” she rubs her hands together. “You need to fill me in on what the hell happened with Layla and I’m not leaving here until you do. I’m tired of you not answering me.”
“I’m—”
“You are.” She states matter of fact with a knowing smile on her face. “I’m not leaving here until you spill it.” Jaylinn leans back in the chair. “I’m tired of being ignored by you and her.” The smile slides off her face and her eyes tear up. “I’m all alone and I hate that. You won’t talk to me, one of my best friends has gone off the radar, and my boyfriend is God knows where in the United States playing with balls and bats.”
I set the coffee down, lean back in my seat and rest my eyes. I’m not up for talking; it’s the last thing I want to do. I understand that she’s starting to worry about what happened but it’s not my business to tell her. I wasn’t even supposed to know myself.
Jaylinn huffs. “You’re really not going to tell me?”
I open my eyes and fix them on her. I know she’s safe to confide in but I don’t know if I should. It makes my stomach twist thinking about the bruises on the side of her face and neck. I picture her sister, so young, listening to Brian and
Layla fight. I wonder if she saw him hit her. God, I hope not.
“Eli,” I shake those thoughts from my head. “If you grind your teeth any harder you’re going to break them.”
I grab the coffee, turn in my chair, and stare out the window. It’s a rainy April day, everyone is hiding out in their houses, the beach is empty and the life guard stands are turned over. The only movement is the passing cars and the crashing waves.
“Okay,” Jaylinn starts. “We’re going to play a game. I’m going to guess and you can say, hot, cold, yes, or no.”
I don’t respond but she goes on anyway.
“Is Layla really sick?”
Again, I don’t respond.
“Christ, you’re not making this any fun. Okay, rule change. If you don’t talk I’ll take that as a no, if you make noises or answer I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Finally, we’re getting somewhere.”
She’s quiet for a second and I hope she’s grown tired of this game and wants to give up already. The pounding in my head would be thankful for it.
“So, Layla isn’t sick.”
I grunt.
Jaylinn claps. “Now, you’re getting it. Okay, so Layla isn’t sick. Is she dead?”
Silence.
“Okay so she’s living and isn’t sick. Great. Okay. Did you have a fight?”
I groan.
“Was Brian involved?”
I growl.
“Well, okay then. So you’re fighting with Layla about Brian.”
I don’t respond.
“Fighting with Layla because of Brian?”
This game is getting old. I take a sip of my coffee and turn back around. “You want the truth.” My anger starts boiling over, not at Jaylinn, but over everything I know now. “Here it is. Layla doesn’t live at the damn house you drop her off at. She lives in a fucking shit hole above a bar. She has a little sister and a mom, who bailed on them a few weeks ago, and that piece of shit Brian is beating on her because he thinks he has the right to because he’s paying her bills when she can’t.”
Finally meeting Jaylinn’s eyes I see all the same emotions I felt when I first found out wash over her. She stands and paces back and forth mumbling to herself.
“Okay, okay. Well, we have to go get her.” She stops walking and scratches her head. “Wait, she has a sister you said?”
I nod. “Yeah, she’s probably only about five or six.”
“Shit. Okay, we need to go get her and her sister out of there first.” She shakes her head. “How could she not tell me about her little sister?”
“I don’t know.” I open my drawer and grab some pain reliever. “We aren’t going anywhere.”
Her head snaps in my direction.
“I offered my house. She threw me out, told me she wasn’t a charity case.” I bang the bottle on my desk.
Jaylinn sits again tapping her fingers on her legs. “She never wanted us to find out.”
“Obliviously.” I snap. “How could she throw me out? I was only trying to fucking help her.”
“I know you’re pissed but calm down.”
“Calm down? Really? I’m teetering on losing my fucking mind. That fucking asshole laid a finger on her and you want me to calm down?”
Jaylinn narrows her eyes at me. “I’m sure she’s scared shitless but damn it Eli look at what she’s dealing with. You can’t just expect her to jump up, pack their stuff and leave with you.”
“And why the fuck not?”
Jaylinn takes a deep breath. “Look, put yourself in her shoes for just a minute.” She is back up pacing again. “She’s embarrassed, scared and on her own, Eli. I’m sure Layla is doing the best that she can do given the circumstances. Throw you, someone I know she has feelings for, into the mix to uncover what has been hiding and bam, she’s defensive.” She huffs. “You meant well, Eli, I know this and deep down so does Layla.”
I scrub my face with my hands. “So what do I do?”
Jaylinn gives me a little smile. “You wait until she’s ready for help.”
I reach for the coffee again so that I can take these pills. I feel just slightly better now that I got that off my chest. At least now someone else knows what is going on.
Jaylinn’s phone beeps; she pulls it out of her purse. “Speaking of the devil, she just asked if I could talk.”
I feel like I was kicked in the gut. I wish she would call me and not Jaylinn. I know she’ll help her regardless but still, I want to be the one she needs, someone she depends on. Then a thought occurs to me, she really does need to handle this on her own just like Jaylinn said. She’s too independent, too prideful to ask for help or take it. It’s only a matter of time until she realizes that she doesn’t need to be that way. Layla has her friends that will always be willing to step up when she needs them.
“You won’t say anything about what I told you, right?”
“Of course not.” Jaylinn shoves her phone back in her purse then searches around for her keys. “I’m going to go and give her a call. I’ll fill you in later on what happens.”
I nod satisfied that she’s keeping me in the loop.
Jaylinn gets to the door and turns, “Do me a favor?”
I glance up at her. “What’s that?”
“Stop with the bar bimbos, it’s gross.” She shudders. “Go home, take a shower and an STD test, and call me in the morning.” Jaylinn winks on the way out.
I’m left sitting alone in my office and for the first time in a week I take a long deep breath and let it all out. I just need to sit back and have my arms open for her when she needs them. I just hope it gets to that point sooner rather than later.
Layla
I pick up my phone for the tenth time in a half hour. I keep tapping out a text to Jaylinn and then deleting it. She’s going to hate me for keeping all of this from her. I just hope she doesn’t hate me that much where she’ll turn away when I’m stepping out on a limb.
It’s Friday morning, doom’s day. I still haven’t paid Jax his rent money and I know he’ll be taking a ride up to the court house to start the eviction. He’s an asshole like that otherwise I’d go and explain my situation to him.
I’ve got twenty dollars left from the one little stash in an old shoe that mom never found. Fallon and I need food but we have nothing to use except the microwave to cook. The gas company shut us off since we were so far behind. I’m really surprised we even have electric at this point because we owe them hundreds, too. The only reason my cell hasn’t been shut off is because Brian pays for it.
I pick up the phone once more and actually send a text to Jaylinn.
Me 12:06pm: Can you talk?
Jaylinn 12:07pm: Yup, give me a few.
About ten minutes go by before Jaylinn calls. I almost don’t answer out of fear of losing her. “Hey.”
“I’m glad to see you’re still alive. I was getting worried.” She doesn’t sound pissed she just sounds worried and I instantly feel like an asshole. “How are you feeling?”
I sigh loudly. “Can you come over?”
She doesn’t answer right away but I hear her start up her car. “Sure. I can stop over in about a half hour.”
“Okay.” I take a deep breath. “Please don’t hate me. Just give me a chance to explain everything before you tell me to take a hike.”
“I’d never do that. Well, unless of course you tell me you having feelings for Cooper.” She kids around lightening the mood.
I laugh, really laugh, and it feels good. “He’s all yours. So you remember that bar I told you I used to work at?”
“Kind of, Joe’s or something like that?”
“Jax’s,” I go on to give Jaylinn instructions to the bar and tell her I’ll meet her in the parking lot. I don’t want to explain anything on the phone with her. I need to show her, I need to finally let someone see the real me on my own terms.
Right on time Jaylinn pulls into the parking lot. She parks in an empty space, t
urns the car off, climbs out and looks all around.
When her eyes land on me I can see the concern in her eyes. “Is it safe to be here?”
I look around the parking lot. Broken glass scattered all over the parking lot, boxes upon boxes fill a corner in the back and a broken window which I just happen to know is the men’s bathroom.
I shrug because honestly it’s probably not the safest but this is all I know. I tilt my head towards my apartment door. “You want to come in?”
She’s hesitant at first but nods and follows behind me. We make our way upstairs and into the living room. Jaylinn looks around, the same way Eli did, but then she gives me a small smile and takes a seat.
“You live here?”
I shake my head. “Yup,” I blow out a breath. “I’m sorry I lied to you about where I lived.” My eyes start to water and my heart is racing. “I’m sorry about never opening up and telling you anything about me. God, this is so messed up.” I say as I wipe away a tear.
Jaylinn scoots closer and puts a hand on my arm comforting me. “I should have told you about this a long time ago but I didn’t want you to judge me. I didn’t want you to pity me.”
“Layla, I would never.”
“So let me start from the beginning…” I explain to Jaylinn everything I explained to Eli as well. By the time I’m done I’m shaking, sweating, crying and barely breathing. Jaylinn being the best friend that she is, is crying right alongside of me.
“I’ve got twenty dollars to grab us food for a few days, barely any way to cook it and soon we’ll be living out on the streets if I don’t ask for help.” I nod a few times biting my bottom lip. “Here I am asking for help.”
Jaylinn who is still holding on to my arm pulls me in for a hug and we cry for another few minutes before we both calm down.
