Blackout (Lewiston Blues Series/Black Family Saga Book 2)

by Scully, Felicia X.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you Dave. I swear.”

  “When you say devastated…”

  “It changed her. She became this different person. For the first few weeks she barely spoke. She just kind of hung around the house. Skipped all the post grad parties. Ditched her friends every day. Then when she started college she started dressing like a grandma in those turtle necks and slacks. She didn’t date…like, at all. Until Luke. She loved you Dave and when you left, after what you two did, it really hurt her.”

  He covers his face with his hands and I clamp my mouth shut. When his shoulders begin to shake I bite my lip. “Dave?”

  He takes a deep shuddering breath, shrugs his shoulders and rubs his eyes. “I’m okay. I’m sorry. I’m fine.”

  “I just wanted you to know…I mean, I know she chose Luke in the end. But she loved you once. She really did. I know it.”

  He clears his throat again. “Thanks.”

  For several minutes we sit there, watching the others in the room. Some laughing, some swooning, some crying.

  “What about you?” I ask. “There must be something she told her high school sweetheart that she refused to tell her baby sister.”

  Dave laughs. “I don’t think so.”

  “What about when I was away. With the band. She didn’t tell you anything then? For a while there we weren’t speaking. You were her go-to guy. What did she come to you with?”

  “Nothing really.”

  “You expect me to believe that?”

  “Well, there is…something I’ve been meaning to share. Your parents already know, so it’s not really a secret. But—”

  “What?” I move to the edge of my chair.

  “It’s big. And to be honest I’m not even sure I should say anything…yet.”

  “What? What is it?”

  “It’s about Shannon.”

  “Well, isn’t that the point of all this? Of course it’s about her. What is it Dave?”

  He reaches into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulls out an envelope. It’s got my name scrawled across it and I immediately know who it’s from.

  “Where did you get that?” My stomach twists and I grip the edge of my chair.

  “Before she died, your sister told me something. And even though I don’t think you’re ready, Sheila…I think you should know.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  Ross

  People in comas don’t usual wake up. Especially drunken people who crash Harley’s into oncoming traffic. Idiots like that usual die horrific deaths. But my baby brother’s no idiot. He’s just got a serious case of the blues, and it’s my own damn fault. I pulled him into this mess. I dragged him into this life. I handed him that stupid bike on a silver platter. How was I to know that night, the night before he turned twenty-three he would lose the love of his life and make the biggest mistake of his existence?

  People in comas don’t usually wake up. But when drunken people who crash Harley’s into oncoming traffic do wake up, they get made into walking breathing examples and their asses get carted off to jail. This is definitely my fault. And I’m never living it down.

  I look straight ahead of me, through the thick glass and into those god damned puppy eyes. When he was little, he melted me with those eyes. If he broke something that belonged to me, all he’d have to do is blink and he’d be forgiven. If he ratted me out to Mom, one look is all it took for me to laugh it off and take my punishment. That day I saw my parents being taken away in handcuffs it was the look on Luke’s face, the wide, sad eyes in the courtroom that made me give up my life for his. That and sheer guilt. This damn kid has always had me wrapped around his little finger. And nothing’s changed.

  That’s the only way you could get me out here. I’ve avoided this place like the plague for the years. Now here I sit, about to face the one person who shouldn’t even be here. Shit. I fucked things up bad. I’ve spent all this time trying to make up for it only to land right here. The last place in the world I ever wanted either of us to be.

  “How’s Ray? Is Mariah doing okay?”

  He hasn’t talked about much else since he woke up. He refuses to discuss his future. Would rather just sit there feeling sorry for himself.

  “If you’d let me hire you another lawyer, you’d be able to see for yourself.”

  He shakes his head and leans forward a little further, dropping his voice. “I can’t, Ross. That money is for them. They’ve got nothing. Their mom is…it’s the least I can do. I never thought Dad’s money would come in handy for anything but, well, this is it. Every cent of that Trust Fund is for my kids. I’m not going to touch it.”

  “You know what would come in handy, man? You being on the outside. Getting a good lawyer, appealing this thing.”

  “I crashed my bike into a station wagon. That man has three broken ribs. He could have died, Ross. And those kids.” His jaw tighten. “If I’d hurt those kids…”

  “But you didn’t. You were drunk, but you were in pain. Your wife had just died. You’ve got no priors. You just got a shitty lawyer. You can appeal. Beat this thing. We can get on with our lives like none of this ever happened.”

  “It happened, Ross.” He rubs his forehead. “It’s fucked up but it happened. No priors? Have you forgotten about the Disturbing the Peace charges in Palouse? The ink barely dried on those papers before I pulled this stunt. They gave it to me hard at the sentencing, just like I knew they would.” He looks up at me again, his gray eyes so wide and watery it hurts. “Look how fast they wrapped up my case. After everything our family’s done in this town, they couldn’t wait to watch me burn. Everyone one of them.”

  “Not everyone.”

  “Might as well be. And if you don’t get the hell out of here they’ll make you burn too.”

  “Hey.” I slap the glass between us. “What Mom and Dad did has nothing to do with you. Nothing. You hear me? It happened when you were a kid. They can’t pin that on you too.”

  “Oh no?” Luke laughs. “That’s just it. They can Ross. They hate Dad for what he did. I appeal and it’ll all go down the same way. They won’t think twice about punishing the son of a drug dealer.”

  At those words, the fear and guilt resurface on instinct. I clear my throat and shake my head. “We can fight it, Luke. We can. You can use everything that happened as a defense. That idiot shouldn’t have made you plead guilty. You were distraught. You’d just lost your wife.”

  “I was guilty. I am. I got on that bike and I don’t want to fight anymore. I just want to make sure they’re okay. If I use that money for a new lawyer and it all backfires, then what? I’ve got nothing for my kids? No way.” He shakes his head. “Just do me a favor okay?”

  I sigh. “Anything you want, little bro.”

  “I need you to contact someone about my Trust. I want to sign it over to Ray.”

  “Luke—”

  “You said anything. This is it, Ross. All I want right now is to make sure they’re okay. I promised Shannon I’d be the best dad I can. This is the only way I know how right now.”

  “Fine.” I shrug, leaning away from the glass, before I get the urge to punch it. He’s just giving up. On himself. On me. On everything. This isn’t like him. This isn’t the kid I know.

  “And something else. Before I…” He rubs his eyes and for several seconds he doesn’t say anything. When his gaze meets mine again, my chest squeezes. It’s like I can see everything he’s felt over the past six weeks right there in his eyes.

  “What?” I ask. “What is it?”

  “Do you think you could find away to bring him here? Just once. I need to see him.”

  “Who?”

  “My son. I haven’t seen him in months. You know how kids are at that age. They forget. I don’t want him to forget.”

  “You want me to bring the kid here?”

  Luke nods. “Please. Just once. I need to see him.”

  “Bro, I don’t know if—”

  “Sheila can help you. She’d do it. I know s
he would. Just ask her.”

  I let out a sharp breath and rest my forehead in my hand. “Luke…she hasn’t been home since… I doubt she can get them to agree to anything right now.”

  He frowns, leaning forward. “What do you mean?”

  “After everything…she didn’t go home. She’s been staying with me. She hasn’t talked to her parents or seen those kids since the funeral.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  I shake my head. “She left. She couldn’t stay…with her sister gone she just…she couldn’t.”

  “But she can go back.”

  “Well, yes, but—”

  “So convince her to go back. If she does, she can talk to them. Maybe take Ray for the day and—”

  “Luke, it’s not that easy. She’s pretty messed up. I can’t just ask her to—”

  “Please, Ross.” His voice rises and stare back at glistening eyes. “I need to see him.”

  Those damn eyes again. Shit.

  “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. Please. Just talk to her. Get her to go home.”

  “Fine, yeah. I’ll talk to her. But I can’t promise anything.”

  “Thanks.” He smiles. And for the first time in a long time it actually seems genuine. “Sometimes I think all this is Karma,” he says.

  “All what?”

  “Me behind bars. Unable to see my kids. We never visited Mom and Dad. Not once. And now…”

  “It’s not the same thing,” I say. “What they did. What you’ve been through. It’s not the same at all.”

  “But we’re all the same boat aren’t we?”

  Some of us luckier than others. It should be me in there, not him. After they way things ended up he might have been better off without me in the first place.

  “I’m going to get you out of here. You hear me? It’s going to be okay.”

  “Just bring my son. Just once. And everything will be fine.”

  I’ve never really been good with kids. Actually, other than when Luke was young, I’ve never really been around them. Every time I visit him he asks the same two questions. How’s Ray? Is Mariah doing okay? I doubt he’ll be able to see Ray anytime soon, but there’s nothing stopping me from going to that hospital.

  The moment I pull into the parking lot, the memory of that night, all those weeks ago, suffocates me. Sheila’s frantic cries when she came busting into the garage, the way Luke looked—awkward, desperate and completely lost in the face of the greatest disaster of his life. The way Sheila held onto me so tight as we sat in the waiting room. I’ll never forget the sound of the her voice fading away, the pay phone hitting the side of the wall and the screams and wails on the other end.

  I also can’t forget the way her parents looked at my brother and me, treating us like riffraff instead of family. But we are family, like it or not and with him away—as dark and distant as he is, I need to pick up the slack. Not only do I intend on proving to those people that we’re not the trash they think we are, I plan to get my brother out of this funk and back into reality, as soon as possible.

  I’m nervous as hell walking in here. And not because of the memories. It’s the reality. In the chaos following Shannon’s death and Luke’s accident, I didn’t even think about it—about her. That baby was the last thing on my mind. I’d never even met her brother. But the more I lost the more I realized I’d gained. My entire family may be behind bars, but I’m an uncle. What I say and everything I do still matters. As the weeks passed, I itched to see her more and more, but with Sheila around, I didn’t dare say anything. Talk of her sister or her family seemed to send her over the edge. So I avoided it, put the thought out of my mind.

  But I can’t anymore. As little and clueless as she is, Mariah’s also helpless. And she deserves as much attention as she can get.

  I step off the elevator, my palms slick and my breathing slightly erratic. I have no idea what to expect. Is she going to be sick and dying? Skeletal and pale? I’ve had more than enough of hospitals for a lifetime. Maybe I should just wait until she gets out. But who knows when that will be? Or where she’ll end up? I can’t take the risk. She’s family and family matters.

  I wipe my hands on my jeans, as I approach reception and clear my throat to get the nurse’s attention. “Hi. I’m here to see Mariah Black.”

  The woman barely looks at me. She’s older, short with a gray streak at the front of her brown hair. After several moments, she glances up at the board behind her. She scans it for a second then frowns. She picks up a clipboard from the counter and flips through the pages. Her gaze flits back up to me and lingers for a moment, raking me from head to toe. I swear her eyes even narrow a bit. But I’m used to it. With two stretched ears, a couple of lip rings, a barbell through the nose and a ring in my eyebrow, I’ve come to expect it. Most of my tattoos are covered but there’s nothing I can do about the ones on my wrists and hands except, shove them in my pocket. So I do.

  I offer her a small smile but it does little to appease her. Her voice is sharp and cold when she answers. “We don’t have a patient by that name here. Sorry, sir.”

  “What? Of course you do. She was born on December 28th. I was here. Well, I wasn’t here. But I was here afterward. Her mother…she, uh, she passed away. She had food poisoning and my brother—Carlson. “ I snap my fingers. “Try Mariah Carlson.” I take a step forward and she backs up a bit.

  The nurse places the clipboard back down on the counter her steady gaze never leaving mine. “Are you the child’s father?”

  “No,” I reply, my heart racing as I peer through the window behind her. “Uncle. I’m her uncle.”

  “Are you on the list?”

  “List?”

  “There’s a pre-approved visitors list for minors. The parents usually have to accompany guests as well but—”

  “My brother’s not—he can’t.”

  She purses her lips. “I’m aware.”

  “I’d really like to see her. Maybe I should have called first, but I didn’t know it’d be this complicated. I—I have ID. I can prove who I am. I’m Roscoe Black. Luke Black, her dad, is my brother. Her mother was Shannon Carlson. I…I’d just like to see her if that’s okay. I’ve never seen her.”

  Her gaze softens and she glances behind me. “I’m sorry. It’s policy. I can’t allow you to enter the room without a parent or guardian. The baby’s temporary guardians are Sharon and Robert Carlson. They haven’t put you on the list and neither of them are here. I can’t—”

  “Please. I won’t be long. Just a peek. You can even come in with me. Make sure I behave myself.” I smile a little wider this time, hoping it’ll do more to break the ice.

  “I can’t leave my post,” she says. “But…” She lets out a heavy sigh and chews her bottom lip before beckoning for me to follow her.

  My heart feels like it’s about to burst as we make our way into the room behind the desk. There’s a large double paned window in there and it over looks a room filled with monitors and little plastic boxes. Each one of them contains one of the tiniest little human beings I’ve ever seen.

  “Right there,” she whispers and points to the box closest to the window.

  “That’s her?” I ask, my chest thumping. “Mariah?”

  The nurse nods. “We alternate sides every few hours since they can’t roll themselves—you know, just to even things out. You’re in luck. She’s turned this way. I swear she’s the cutest one in here. But don’t tell anyone I said that.” She places a palm on her chest and sighs. “Those eyes melt me every time.” She pats me on the arm and adds with a wink. “You’ve got five minutes.”

  When the nurse leaves, I press as close to the window as possible, staring down at the baby wishing with everything inside me that I could be on the other side of this damn glass. I can’t help but be struck by the irony of it all. Everyone I want to touch—really touch—is locked away. Luke behind bars, Ray off in Palouse with Sheila’s protective parents and Sheila in her own little world. N
ow this little one.

  “Holy shit,” I whisper. “You’re so fucking small.” I press my lips together. “Shit—I mean…your uncle really needs to stop cursing. That wouldn’t be a very good influence now would it?”

  Except for the slight rise and fall of her little chest, she doesn’t move a muscle. She’s sound asleep, a tube stuck in her nose and taped to the side of her face and various wires sprouting from beneath her tiny pink shirt. I wish to god she’d open her eyes.

  “I’m going to do right by you,” I say. “Just like I did your daddy. I’m going to make sure you’re just fine. You and your brother. Just hang in there, little girl. Everything’s going to be perfect. I promise.”

  And I know exactly how I’m going to start.

  Five minutes go by way to fast and when the nurse steps into the office, quickly gesturing for me to get out, I cast my niece one last longing look and follow her into the hallway.

  “She’s a cutie. Isn’t she?”

  “Adorable,” I say. “I can’t believe I’m an uncle. I mean, I have been for almost a year—she’s got an older brother, but I’ve never seen him. I think it’s all just settling in now…you know?”

  She nods, her curly brown hair bobbing around her head. “And having nieces and nephews is the best. You get to spoil them, then send them home to their parents. Plus, they’ll always think you’re the coolest—no matter what you say or do. It’s one of the greatest pleasures you’ll ever know.

  “Can I come back?”

  Her smile fades and she looks away.

  “Please?” I lower my voice as a few more women in scrubs walk past the desk. “I know about the policy, but I don’t think I’ll ever be on that list. I don’t really know the other side of the family well. But I’d like to keep visiting her. Even if I can’t actually touch her, it’s nice just to see her. I’m okay with that.”

  The nurse places her palm on her chest again and shakes her head slightly. “You seem like such a sweet man.” She glances behind me, then says in a lower murmur. “I’ll tell you what. If you can promise to be here the same time every time, I might be able to help you out. But I can’t promise you more than five minutes. You going to be okay with that?”