Blackout (Lewiston Blues Series/Black Family Saga Book 2)

by Scully, Felicia X.

  “How’s it going?”

  I frown, rubbing my ice-cold hands in front of me. “Are you serious?”

  “Hey, you’re the one who came all the way over here. Just making small talk.”

  “To talk to Sheila. I came here to talk to her, not you.”

  “How’s Luke doing?”

  I scoff. “Like you care.”

  “I was doing my job, Ross. I never meant to—”

  “I don’t remember asking you to explain,” I snap. “And I sure as hell don’t even remember us being friends anymore. So I can’t quite figure out why the hell you’re asking any of these questions in the first place.”

  Cole laughs and I’m about ready to turn around and slam the door behind me when he asks, “Isn’t this thing between us getting old already? It’s been ten years, dude. Let it go. If anyone should be holding a grudge it’s me. I’m just trying to—”

  “Well, don’t. Okay? Don’t try anything. You’ve made it perfectly clear over the last few years what you really think about my family. I came here to talk to Sheila. So if you’re not going to get her—”

  “What my dad does has nothing to do with me. You of all people should know that.”

  I clench my teeth. Why’d he have to go there? I do my best to never compare myself to my father. Because in that game, we pretty much match up. “Have a good day, Cole.”

  “Wait. I want to talk about Sheila.”

  I narrow my eyes. “What about her?”

  He pats the seat next to him and I reluctantly sit down, leaning forward and bracing my forearms on my thighs.

  “She called me yesterday morning. Apparently things didn’t go well back home so she took off again.”

  Shit. All this girl does is runaway. Especially from the people who care about her.

  “Wait she called you?” I can feel my blood begin to boil but I try not to let it show on my face. Based on his reaction, I’m not very successful.

  “We’re just friends.” Cole puts up his hands in defense. “It’s nothing. She’s staying here with Coco and me until Dad gets back.”

  “And what then?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe she’ll have things figured out by then.”

  “You expect me to believe you didn’t just tell me that to rub my face in it?” I scoff a laugh. “You asshole.”

  He sighs. “I swear that’s all this is, Ross. I just wanted to tell you before you found out some other way.”

  “Right.”

  “Okay, so maybe it’s kind of nice being on the other side of things for once,” Cole grins and I shake my head, clenching my fists. “But we are just friends. Hey, I understand. I just went through a break up myself. They’re not easy.”

  “We didn’t break up,” I say. “We’re not even…” I shake my head. “Can you just go get her? We need to talk.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  “Dude, are you serious? What’s the big deal?”

  “After what she just saw and everything she’s been through? I don’t think she needs that right now.”

  “Can you give me a break here, Cole?” I throw my hands up.

  “Why should I?”

  Because we’re—we were friends once.”

  He laughs. “Really, Ross? That’s what you’re coming at me with?”

  “Yes,“ I growl. “And you said it yourself—you’re the one who should be holding a grudge not me. So if you’re not holding a grudge anymore, then give me a fucking break. Like you said, break ups are hard.”

  Cole smirks and I get the sickening feeling he’s fucking with me, dragging me in here just to watch me squirm. To finally get his revenge. But I’ll play his game. If it gets me to Sheila faster. “Look, I get that things ended badly between us but that was along time ago.”

  “You slept with my girlfriend.”

  “I was drunk.”

  “And you dated her for how many years after that?”

  “You dumped her!” I lower my voice. “And I thought you weren’t holding a grudge.”

  “I’m not.” He shrugs. “But it doesn’t make what you did okay”

  “So what? Now you want to sleep with mine? Is that it? You’re trying to get even?”

  “Sheila’s like a sister to me. So no, I’m not trying to get even. And she’s not your girlfriend. You said it yourself.”

  That was the excuse I gave my brother, back when he was dating her. And it sure as hell wasn’t true. I’ve never seen that girl as sister. I don’t see how anyone could.

  “And Maya wasn’t yours,” I reply with a frustrated sigh. “You went out a few times. It’s not like it was serious.”

  “You were my best friend. You knew I liked her.” I can see the hurt reflected in his gaze and, for the life of me, I can’t understand why it still matters. After all this time he’s still trying to make me pay?

  “Are we never going to live this down? You can’t just go messing around with someone I care about because you’re still mad.”

  “I’m not messing with Sheila. I’ve known her most of my life. I’m just trying to protect her. Somebody has to.”

  “What do you think I’ve been doing all this time?”

  Cole leans forward, turning his head to face me. “I think you’ve been coddling her along with everyone else.”

  I frown. “What—?”

  “Hey, I get it. You feel bad for her. Maybe you’re even in love with her. But what you all are doing—refusing to talk about what happened, sweeping it all under the rug, watching her self-destruct while you stand by idly—it’s not cool. And frankly, it’s surprising coming from you.” He leans back again, kicking his legs out in front of him. “If you want to help someone heal, you need to bring them back to Earth not help them hide away.” He nudges me. “You of all people should know that.”

  “Me? Why me?”

  He laughs softly. “You don’t remember?”

  I shrug one shoulder.

  “What you did when my mom died.”

  I’m still drawing a blank so I ask, “What did I do?”

  “I just wanted to be sad. Sad and alone. But you weren’t having it. You wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

  I place my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees. Cole’s mom died on his tenth birthday. That’s a day I could never forget. But…I close my eyes and after a few minutes the memories of those years slowly start coming back. Even though she’d been sick for months, it was quick and unexpected. He’d been devastated. We all were. And for an entire month he wouldn’t come out to play. He wouldn’t even leave his room. Until. I smile. Until I lured him out with the Get Happy Project. What a stupid-ass name. I laugh.

  “There you go,” Cole says. “Now it’s all coming back.”

  “Holy shit. I don’t even know how I forgot about that.” I shake my head.

  “It’s been a long time, Ross.”

  I nod. “Hell, yeah it has.”

  We sit there in silence for a few minutes until he finally speaks again.

  “Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you and Sheila, but I know one thing—she’s not in a good place right now. She’s still grieving but she’s not dealing with it well. She’s screwing up her life, her relationships. She needs to come down to Earth. She may not be locking herself in a room, but she’s locking a piece of herself away every day and it’s not going to end well. She’s always been kind of a brat,” he laughs. “But she’s not a kid anymore and she’s running out of excuses.”

  “I know,” I say. “But her sister was her best friend. She’s fucked up.”

  “And living there in that house with you for the past two months didn’t help.”

  “Why do you say that?” As far as I’m concerned it helped a lot. I was there to pick the pieces. Just like I promised.

  “Because she never leaves. She spends days inside. She argues with my sister and that never happens. She won’t talk to her parents. She won’t go back to grief counseling. She’s dying insid
e and like I said, when all is said and done, it’s not going to be pretty. And if you think you’re not on her list of people to alienate, think again.”

  He’s right. And I’m pretty sure she’s already crossed me off.

  “I don’t think she’d come back here, to this town, next door to you if she wasn’t reaching out. She may not have called you, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t need you. You just have to be there the right way.”

  “And how’s that?”

  “Tell her to go home, Ross.” He chuckles. “Okay, this is Sheila we’re dealing with so maybe don’t outright tell her. But you sure as hell need to convince her.”

  “To deal with reality. Like how I convinced you.”

  “Is there any better way?” He pats me on the back as he rises to his feet. “It’s the best thing anyone could have done for me at the time. And seeing as you were my best friend it just sweetened the pot. You were a smart kid, man. Don’t know what the hell happened,” he adds.

  “Whatever man.”

  “I’ll go get her.” He places a hand on the door handle. “Dad’ll be home in a few days, so she can’t stay here long. I’m going to extend an olive branch here. I tell her she needs to go, you help her. Your project. Your way. Just don’t mess it up.”

  I nod. “All right. Thanks, man.”

  As he closes the door behind him, I can’t help but wonder what I’ve gotten myself into. The impossible that’s what. It’s the beginning of a dangerous game. A day ago I was devastated she’d left me. This morning I was ready to concoct a plan to bring her back, to get her on my side. I have her right where I want her, back in Lewiston and now I’m back to playing a hand in pushing her out the door again. All because I’ve yet to sort out my feelings.

  If I let her back into my home, I let her back into my life. And if she’s back in my life, she’ll never leave my heart. And even if it all works out—she heals from her sister’s death, I get access to the kids—what happens once she’s herself again? Will she wake up one morning and decide I’m not worth it? And if she does, where does that leave me? At this point, I’m not sure my heart can take anymore.

  I don’t know how long I stand here waiting. Long enough that I consider leaving twice but when she finally opens the door, wearing that thin black sweater, I perk up and offer her a smile. It’s genuine, but weak.

  God, I love the way she looks in that thing. It’s practically painted on her. And her hair’s all wavy and messy looking the way I like it too. I can’t figure out why she’s so dressed up but I don’t much care. All I want to do in this moment is—

  “What do you want, Ross?”

  “Huh?” I force my gaze from her chest to her mouth to her ice blue eyes. “I—I wanted to see how you are.”

  “How do you think?”

  I sigh and take a step forward. She’s stopped a few feet away, like getting any closer is the worst thing in the world. “I’m sorry.” In hindsight, I probably should have prepared some kind of speech. I’m so flustered, I can barely think straight. “You should come home,” I blurt out.

  She crosses her arms. “And that’s where? Over there? With you?”

  “I’m sorry. I really am. You left and I…I got stupid. But it doesn’t mean I stopped…”

  She raises her eyebrows and I swallow hard, my gaze dropping to the floor.

  “What?” she presses. “It doesn’t mean you stopped what?”

  “Look, I made you a promise. To be there for you. And I meant it. For as long as you need me I’m there. And based on the fact that you’re back from wherever it is you ran off to, I’m guessing you still do. Need me that is.”

  She stares back at me for a moment and I can tell, by the look in her eyes, I’m wearing her down but she’s quick to throw her defenses up again. She lifts her chin. “I don’t need anyone, Ross. I’m perfectly fine. With my living situation and with whatever it is you have going on with Maya.”

  “Nothing. There’s nothing going on. I didn’t sleep with her. I swear I didn’t. She was drunk. So was I. But nothing happened. You can ask her your—”

  Her sharp laugh cuts me off. “I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.”

  I notice Cole lingering in the kitchen, so I take a few steps to close the space between us and lower my voice. “Please, Blue. Just come back over to the house with me. We can talk about this there.”

  “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  “You don’t believe me?”

  She gazes past me.

  “So you’re going to stay here. At the Roses? You really think that’s going to sit well? Mr. Rose’ll be back in a few days, then what? You know as well as I do he’ll call your parents, do his best to talk you into going back.” I chuckle. “Drag you to that church.”

  She glares back at me but there’s a hint of a smile in there somewhere. She doesn’t let on though. “I didn’t say this was permanent. Who knows? Maybe by then I’ll be ready to go back to Washington.”

  I hope not. Fuck if it makes me a selfish bastard but I hope she never goes back. But I can’t hope that. Not after what Cole said. It’d make things easier on my part if she stayed. Not just for the court case either. The way my heart is thumping right now, I know it’s more than that.

  “If you need me,” I say again, “I’m here. Don’t forget that. I don’t expect things to go back to the way they were but anytime you’re ready come back, the door’s open. And aside from this,” I reach out and twist a lock of her hair around my fingers. It’s so soft I’ve got balls enough to admit it almost fucking melts me. “I promise not to touch you.” I lock my gaze with hers. “Hard as that might be.”

  I leave a soft kiss on her cheek and I’m pleased she doesn’t pull away or haul off and slap me. “I’ll see you later, Blue.” Then I walk out the door, satisfied I’ve at least said my piece. But terrified by what her response will be.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Sheila

  I flip the switch to the garbage disposal and watch with regret as it swallows the remainder of my weed. But it’s quickly followed by a sense of hope. After what happened with Grandma and then Ross, I’ve decided I need to make some changes. This is the first one. It’s small—maybe even insignificant—but necessary. But a change like this has to mean something.

  I should have learned my lesson by now. This isn’t the first time I’ve done something stupid because I was drunk or high. Back when my heart was set on being with Luke, I threw myself at him. Walked in his room and stripped down only to be rejected. In his defense, he was just being a good guy. But, at the time, it didn’t feel that way. Then there was the night I played I Never with the band and pretty much admitted I’d been fantasizing about Roscoe for years.

  I know how I get when I’m fucked up; stupid and completely transparent. And up until today, being vulnerable around Ross was okay. Now I just feel like the biggest idiot that ever lived.

  The truth is I should have done this long ago. Long before I threw myself at the guy my sister was in love with, long before I convinced Roscoe to hire me. Luke always said he stayed on the road so long because of me. When we were together he said it made it easier. But what if we’d never gotten together? Would he have gone home and finally been with Shannon like he wanted all along? If they’d gotten together sooner rather than later, would she have gotten pregnant? Maybe not. And maybe if I hadn’t let my feelings get the better of me that day in New York, he wouldn’t have tried so hard to make it up to her. He wouldn’t have moved her to Woodinville. She’d never have gone to that farmers market and she wouldn’t have eaten whatever made her sick in the first place. She wouldn’t be dead. If I could go back. If I could change this one thing, everything would be different.

  I release a shuddering breath and reluctantly allow my gaze to travel to the window across the way.

  Why the hell did he have to come over here acting all sweet and kind? Ross Black isn’t soft and caring. He does what he wants when he wants and doesn’t give a shit
what anyone thinks. I left him and he apologizes? Even though it’s what I wanted it’s not what I expected. I should be happy, but instead my emotions are all over the place. I don’t know what to think Not only were his actions completely out of character, they were incredibly unfair. I’m supposed to be mad at him. I want to be pissed. He fooled around with Maya for crying out loud. He can’t get off that easy. But did he really do anything wrong? He kissed her, he didn’t fuck her.

  Besides, not only did I walk out on him, we’re weren’t even together. We’re not an actual couple, despite how I think I feel about him. The truth is I have no idea. But the best way to find out is to be myself and the best way to be myself is to eliminate anything that’ll alter my state of mind. Even if it does mean I have to process all the pain that’s been rushing back since I woke up this morning.

  I can’t believe I let him see me like that. I can’t believe I just assumed, the same way he did with me. But at least I understand where he was coming from. Dave gave me money. Maya was sprawled out naked in his bed. We’re evenly matched now and I’ve never been more jealous in my life. Not even when I found about Shannon and Luke. This is way different. It feels like my heart is on fire, like my head is about to explode. I hate Maya and even though he didn’t actually sleep with her, I hate Ross too. Whatever happened to a little bit of will power?

  If Coco’s right and Ross is just a coping mechanism, then I need to know. I have to sort out my feelings. There’s barely been any movement since I saw him walk through the kitchen earlier. There are no lights on, but the blinds are still wide open. I’ve been like a regular Nancy Drew since the other day. Spending most of my time casually leaning up against the kitchen counter or perched at the foot of Coco’s bed. Both with convenient views of next door. Okay, so maybe more Nikita than Nancy but I can’t help myself. It’s become a freaking obsession. And no matter how upset I am about what I saw, ever since he left that soft but searing kiss on my cheek, I can’t get Ross off my mind.

  I let out a little groan and lean my forehead up against the windowpane. It’s cool against my skin and I have a brief moment of clarity.