Blackout (Lewiston Blues Series/Black Family Saga Book 2)

by Scully, Felicia X.

  Her rambling and random sentences are suddenly starting to string together, making the slightest amount of sense. “You think I’m wrong for him. You think I’m the wrong girl. Like your husband was the wrong man. You think—“

  “No. Absolutely not. You’re probably perfect. You’re Sharon Carlson’s daughter after all. I’m pretty sure perfect is in your blood.”

  “You know my mother?”

  “I used to. A long time ago.” She gulps her coffee and runs a hand through her long dark hair. Then she pulls out a cigarette, pops it in her mouth, holding a shaky hand in front of her to light it. When she inhales, she closes her eyes as though it’s the only sense of calm she knows. When she finally opens them again, she immediately trains her eyes on me. “I went to Berklee,” she says. “The moment I got out, I went there. I’ve been writing them for years with no response. I guess they don’t care much about what a criminal has to say about anything. But I went to Boston anyhow. I got the go ahead from my parole officer and flew out there with a friend.” She laughs. “I don’t have many of those anymore. Friends.” She shakes her head. “I begged them to take him back. To give him another chance. I swallowed my pride. I told them everything.” Her eyes gloss over and she blinks hard, sucking on her cigarette until the tip glows a bright orange. “It was humiliating,” she adds, her voice cracking. “But I did it for him. I’d do anything to show him how sorry I am.” She takes a step forward standing directly in front of me. “Guess they take pity on people in my condition. Which is nice. Tragic, but still nice. Lucky, too. I guess.” Her face tightens as she burns me down with a sudden glare. “But what good is it, if you’re still here. Or if Luke still needs him. If everybody always needs him. He won’t go. He won’t do any of it, if he thinks his family needs him. He’s like me that way. He’ll give it all up. For them.”

  I swallow hard, gripping the coffee cup unsure of how to respond. What did she just tell me? Her words are all over the place. I can’t tell if she’s desperate, drunk or just plain nuts.

  “Ten years,” she says. “That’s how long I sat behind bars regretting every little thing I ever did. Every kiss and every promise I gave away to the wrong boy.” She chuckles. “I have to remind myself sometimes that it wasn’t all bad. He gave me two…” she laughs again. “Now I’d say precious because that’s what most people say, but my boys were little brats most of the time. I loved them anyhow and I’d…I’d do anything,” her voice breaks.

  “What are you saying?”

  “Haven’t you been listening?” she snaps. “Go! Go home and let the man live the life he left behind. It’s the least any of us can do right now.”

  “It’s not that simple,” I say. “I—I love him. I need to show him how I feel. I’ve tried. But I screwed up. I just—I need him to know. If I just walk away again—”

  “Love’s not always about sticking around.” She scoops up the bottle of rum and turns abruptly toward the back door. “Sometimes it’s about letting it all go.”

  I watch as Ellie steps over the threshold, closing the door behind her. Ten minutes later, I’m still standing in the kitchen. Stunned. And more conflicted than ever.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  Ross

  She’s standing in the middle of the kitchen when I walk in and I’ve never been more relieved.

  “You’re still here.”

  She doesn’t respond, just watches me frozen in place clutching a coffee cup in her hand.

  “Sheila…” I don’t even know where to begin. How to explain myself. How to apologize.

  “Where’ve you been?” she finally asks. “It’s been two days.”

  I walk further into the kitchen to stand in front of her. “I stayed the night at the club. By myself. In my office. And then I went to see Luke. He explained…everything. I know everything. I’m sorry. I should have given you the chance to explain.”

  She places the cup on top of the counter and hugs herself.

  “I was in Woodinville. Dealing with the paperwork for the ranch. He wants them to have it. The kids, I mean. His Trust Fund too. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset with you. I read your sister’s Will. That’s why you didn’t want to leave, isn’t it?”

  She nods, her eyes glistening. “I…I have to do this for her, Ross.”

  She starts silently sobbing and I pull her close, rubbing her back and rocking her in my arms. “I know. I get it now. I’m sorry, Blue. I’m so sorry.”

  Without warning she stands on her tiptoes and kisses me. Her mouth pressed so hard against mine, I have no choice but to give in to her advance. And it feels just like it used to. Her seeking comfort and me willing giving it.

  I kiss her hard, my fingers moving to her hair as she grips the front of my shirt. I close my eyes, breathing her scent in deeply as her tears dampen my own cheeks. Sheila pulls back unexpectedly. With a final hungry glance back at me, she makes her way toward the stairs and I follow along. Powerless.

  The moment we’re inside my room she’s on me again, tugging at the hem of my shirt. I pull it over my head and she converges on me covering my bare chest with warm kisses. I back her up toward my bed and loosen her robe, allowing it to flutter to the floor. She’s in nothing but a tank top and panties, her usual bedtime attire and I realize she’s probably only just woken up.

  I lay her gently on the bed, pulling away, rolling us onto our sides. “Are you okay?”

  She shakes her head, her cheeks still damp and I kiss the tears away, my stomach knotting as I consider the imminent conversation. But I try not to. I try not to think about anything but the way her skin feels against mine. The way she always smells like my soap and how the mix between it and her natural scent creates an aroma so intoxicating I fucking dream about it. Her hair is so silky against my finger tips I can’t help but twirl it around as my mouth moves roughly against hers.

  Sheila breaks our connection for a brief moment, pulling her tank top over her head, revealing her bare chest. Her nipples are hard and ready, like she’s been yearning for me all this time. I slide my hand down her leg, between her thighs and the heat radiating from there makes me groan. She arches toward me in response and I grab her by the ass with both hands thrusting her forward. Grinding her hips against me, Sheila moans breathlessly as I latch onto a nipple. The harder I pull it to my mouth, the faster she moves her hips. She’s coming completely undone and we’ve barely gotten started. When I pull away, she sighs. Her eyes fly open and she clutches the waist of my pants, pulling me back to her.

  As I fall into another deep kiss, she unfastens my jeans and I kick them off, climbing on top of her this time.

  “Sheila,” I say, our lips barely touching. “I’m sorry. Do you know how sorry I am?”

  She sniffs, closing her eyes as she pulls me toward her. “So am I.” Her nails bite into my lower back as she eases us closer together.

  “Wait.” I kiss her forehead, her nose, her chin. “Let’s just slow down a little, okay? I want this to last.” I don’t bother to voice the remainder of my thoughts.

  I don’t bother to tell her why. But all I can think is it’s the first time we’ve been together like this in a long time. And the last time I’ll touch her like this. Maybe ever.

  Sheila nods, blinking more tears away. “Me too.”

  “Close your eyes, Blue,” I whisper. “Just close ‘em and don’t think of anything else. Right now we’re together and it’s all that matters.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  Sheila

  I can’t close my eyes. I can’t look at anything else but him, because I don’t want to miss a thing. It’s been far too long. He rises up off the bed and reaches for the nightstand. He slips a condom out of the drawer and while I’d normally seize it from him, eager to do the honors, all I do is watch, staring at the maze of tattoos on his back as he readies himself.

  When he’s finished, he draws the thick black curtain and joins me in the bed again. Lying next to me he trails his fingers up and down the length of m
y body, lingering in the most sensitive areas, his gaze always locked with mine. “You’re not gonna close your eyes?” He smiles and I shake my head, my breath hitching as he fingers make their home between my thighs.

  Roscoe strokes a finger across my seam and I bite my lip. I’m so wet it’s almost embarrassing but he doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, it seems to turn him on more than ever. He continues to watch me, his gaze flickering with hunger as it drops to the lip I’m sucking. He dips his finger inside and as it slides effortlessly between my folds, he groans as I cry out his name.

  “Shit.” His voice is deep with desire and he leans forward brushing the tip of his nose along my jawline. “I like going slow with you. You feel incredible. So hot.”

  The sole of one foot slides against the comforter as I bend my knee and I allow my leg to lull to the side. Ross inches closer, burying his face into my neck. Every time he nips my skin between his teeth, I whimper. And every time I whimper, he dips his finger deeper.

  “God, I’ve missed the way you smell, being this close to you. And the way you taste.” He adds another finger, sliding deeper inside me as his thumb swirls around my clit. “How much do you want me, Blue? Have you been thinking about me too?”

  “Yes.” I want to scream it, but I force myself to stay calm, answering breathlessly. “You know I have, Ross. Ever since that night at the cabin.”

  “Did you like that, Blue?” He thrusts his fingers forward, twitching them back and forth, as he bites into my shoulder.

  I practically bolt up off the bed, grasping for him. “Yes,” I call out. “I loved it,” I gasp, fisting his hair and pressing my body as close to his as possible.

  But Ross pushes my hand away, holding it above my head. “You’re always in control,” he says with a chuckle. “It’s my turn.”

  He pulls his hand away and when he brings his fingers to his mouth, licking them slowly, I move to touch him with the opposite hand but he quickly captures it securing them both in place, leaving me vulnerable.

  “What do you want me to do?” he asks.

  I smirk. “I thought you were in charge.”

  He trails his tongue from my belly button, all the way to my neck, just beneath my ear. “I am. But it’s all about you, Blue. What do you want? I want you to tell me.”

  Goosebumps break out over my entire body and I try to wriggle my hands free, but he refuses, gripping them tighter.

  “What do you want?” he asks again, breathing into my ear. “I’ll do anything.”

  “Kiss me.”

  His lips find mine again and he does. He pulls my bottom lip into his mouth, sucking it softly, then clamping down on it until I squirm. His tongue dives in, tangling with mine as he moans into my mouth. The barbell feels cold against my hot skin and I can’t resist darting out my tongue to lick it. When Roscoe groans I pull away. “Not there, Ross.”

  He releases my hands, eagerly making his way to the opposite end of the bed. In one swift movement, he picks me up, pushing me closer to the center, then he gets back on his knees and moves his hands slowly up the outsides of my calves. He stops at my knees. Dusting his fingers up my inner thighs, he eases them further apart, my body trembling as I anticipate his touch.

  The moment the warmth of his tongue meets the heat between my legs, I call out his name again. My hips buck forward as his fingers dig deeper into my sides and I grab at the sheets beneath me. My eyes are squeezed so tight I see stars and my breaths are coming so fast, sweat pricks on my brow.

  Ross reaches up, his hands massaging my breasts and squeezing my nipples, until every sensation reaches a boiling point and I let out a raucous scream. I’m convulsing beneath him, my legs kicking out, my fingers tangling in his hair, but he doesn’t stop. He keeps sucking and licking until I’m all out of voice and fight, left limp, sighing and whimpering.

  He picks me up again, places me back in the center of the bed and moves in behind me. Stroking my hair to the side, he kisses the back of my neck sighing as his arms encircle my waist.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers. “I love taking you like that. I wish I could do it every day. I wish everything was that simple.”

  My stomach drops and I have to fight the tears from coming again. I don’t want to be a baby about it. For the past three months, I’ve been a blubbering mess he has to pick up off the floor every other day. Today, I just want to enjoy this moment. Enjoy him.

  I push my ass back, until I feel his length teasing the backs of my thighs. I lean down and kiss his forearm then crane my neck to look back and up at him. He kisses me again and I’m a puddle of emotions, tasting myself on his tongue. I pull back to catch my breath and look him directly in the eye.

  “Take me, Ross. Take me how you want me.”

  He lets out a salacious growl and gives me one last kiss before, gripping my waist. Ross turns me over onto my belly and hovers above me. He drags his tongue up the length my spine and with his knees, he pries my legs apart and pulls my hips toward him. As he slowly pushes his way inside me, he slides his hands upwards, linking our fingers. Everything feels more intense this way. The heat of his skin on mine, his breath, hot on my neck, the way he rocks slowly back and forth, holding me tight against him.

  He’s kissing every inch of me, whispering my name, stroking my skin and my hair. Every time he calls me Blue, my stomach flutters and each time he pumps deeper inside me, another tear falls.

  “I want you to be mine,” he says. His voice breaks and my throat constricts. “I want you all to myself. I know it isn’t fair, but I do. I need you, Blue. But—” I push my hips back, hard and fast. “Shit,” he cries out. “Goddamn.”

  He rolls onto his side, taking me with him and we move in a synchronized rhythm, grasping desperately at each other’s bare, slick skin. Moaning and panting until we release together. I come apart, completely, in his arms, burying my head in the pillow as he shudders against me.

  We lie there for several minutes, his heart rate slowing against my back, our breaths evening out. Ross finally releases me, pulling the blanket over my body. He’s only gone for a moment, before he’s back in bed next to me, nuzzling the back of my neck and holding me close.

  I turn over, wrap my arms around his waist and close my eyes. Resting my cheek against his chest, I listen to the sound of his heart as I drift off to sleep.

  CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

  Ross

  I tiptoe back into the room, doing my best not to wake her. But the moment, I slip back into the bed, she stirs.

  Sheila stretches, then snuggles into my side, a satisfied smile on her face.

  “Hey,” I say.

  “Hi.”

  I sigh, planting a kiss on her nose. “I’m sorry I took off the way I did.” I don’t know why I bring it up. Maybe because I can’t stop thinking about all the hours I wasted being pissed off at her, instead of hearing her out. All the hours I’ll never get back. The time that’s worth so much now that I know how this all ends.

  “I saw your mother,” she says.

  “What?” I sit up. “Where?”

  “She’s out of jail. She was here, in the house when I woke up this morning. I thought it was you. I came downstairs and she was here.”

  “Ellie was here? What did she say? I—I didn’t even know she was out. Are you okay?”

  She nods. “She wanted to give me some friendly advice, I guess.”

  I clench my jaw. “What kind of advice?”

  Sheila sighs. “Like everyone else, she thinks I should go home. Apparently, she got out six weeks ago. I—I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know, but I saw her hanging around in town. By the restaurant. She made me think she wasn’t from around here and she was asking all these questions.”

  “What did she say to you?” I know it can’t be the worst of what she knows about me, otherwise I doubt Sheila would still be here.

  Sheila skates her fingers across my chest and reaches up to kiss my cheek. “Nothing important.” She’s tracing the t
attoo on my ribs and I can tell by the lilt of her voice, she’s lying. Trying to protect me from something. And I suddenly feel sick about it. For the first time, I feel worse keeping this from someone than letting them in.

  “What did she say to you, Blue?”

  She glances up at me. “That you’re not who I think you are. That your father made you do things. What did he make you do? What happened to you?” She brushes her fingers against my cheek. “Why does she feel so bad about it?”

  “I’m not at all who you think I am. I have secrets.” The words leave my mouth before I can stop them. Sheila’s hand freezes, so I continue quickly before I lose my nerve. “I knew about him—my dad. I knew everything and I didn’t say anything.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I knew what he was up to. Why we had so much money. But I kept quiet, then everything blew up.”

  “You mean you knew he was a drug dealer?”

  I nod. “And I kept it to myself. I could have called the cops, ended it all years earlier, but I didn’t.”

  “Ross, you were a kid. What were you supposed to say?”

  “I was a teenager with a dream of living life outside of Lewiston. I wasn’t a kid, Sheila. I knew exactly what I was doing when I…” I sigh and take her hand. “I know you think I’m a good guy. For the most part, my friends, the people close to me do. They see this guy who gave up his dream to be there for his kid brother. But what you all don’t see is who I really am. How selfish I can be.”

  “You’re not selfish.”

  “I am.” I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath. “I always knew I’d go to Berklee. I was positive. I was good, considered one of the best musicians in the Northwest. But when I got in, based on my family’s financial situation, I wasn’t eligible for a scholarship. We made too much money. The government figured my dad had the dough to pay for it all. He had the restaurant, this house, his cars, his bikes. What they didn’t know is all his money was tied up in a major drug deal. I wasn’t getting a cent of it. My grades weren’t good enough for a merit scholarship so I was out of options. Berklee wasn’t going to be one. So my dad, as caring as he is, gave me a choice. Apply to school in state or get a part time job. I chose the job—obviously. Only it wasn’t exactly what I expected, but also not easy to say no to.”